/brit/

spooky edition

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Every year a bunch of louts with a cricket bat prowl my street on Halloween around midnight, smashing any pumpkins that have been left outside

On display outside my house is the biggest, juiciest-looking pumpkin I could find at the market, carved beautifully and generally looking like an irresistible target

What the lads won't realise this year, however, is that I've hollowed out a section of the wall the pumpkin is sitting on, with enough space for me to crouch within it. I will be sitting there, my bollocks stuffed through a tiny aperture just under the pumpkin. Despite looking like an ordinary pumpkin, I will of course have stretched my poor ballbag around the entire thing

Can't begin to describe how I feel right now. Having my bollocks smashed to smithereens and kicked and smeared down the pavement will feel like ecstasy. Let me tell you, my ballsack is ready to meet its maker tonight lads

lads

Is my gatto a Manx?

He's really big and beefy and has a nub of a tail.

creasing

ah yes, glasgow

this girl just told me she's free but I'm not sure if she's keen because she took like 3 hours after my text to reply.

should I invite her over or just leave it?

I mean, she did say she's free so that suggests she can come over but I can't be arsed doing any elaborate chasing and I'm feeling lazy a/f right now.

why on earth would you do that? that would seriously damage your testicles

Engaged in conversation with the university principal, the trick is to reply as soon as they reply to your message

Currently discussing a complaint against the head of the school who conducted my misconduct hearing and expelled me

>The head of school who conducted my misconduct hearing and made the decision to terminate my enrolment at the school had no familiarity with my misconduct, she was only aware that I had a conviction under stalking legislation, she had no idea what I actually did, she was also uninterested in hearing the details. Due to her lack of knowledge she misapplied the criteria for determining the appropriate penalty.

>In my letter of expulsion one of the two reasons cited for the decision taken were "the nature of the offense", the head of school clarified via email that this meant nothing specific just that I had a conviction for stalking. It was implied that in her mind all crimes of stalking were equal despite the fact that the maximum sentence ranges up to 5 years, my crime was extremely minor considering I had no jail time and only a 300 quid fine.

Any of you lads want to watch a scary film?
thinking Alien or something with aliens like the thing

you should start by killing yourself

absolutely screeching

...

Best post of this gimmick yet

Ask her to come over if she likes horror films, it is halloween after all

I'll consider that if she doesn't come round

wish there were actual real buildings like this
modernist architecture didn't go far enough

this building offends me

post the good choons

youtube.com/watch?v=kZrNHq0NmRk

splendid post

Assuming this is bass boosted

I bet for a certain angle it looks like the number 4

youtube.com/watch?v=iJ7F7HQI0BQ

How much did my fellow wagies get paid today?

Got a mediocre £1526 deposited in my account

i understand that reference

having a poo

doing a wank

£1958.61

t. poorfag in London

I get paid £1505 a month and I can barely keep the leccy card topped up

youtube.com/watch?v=Bp_6HLUQno0

£2591.22

t. machine operator

ah yes this isn't anti-white propaganda

the RUNT will scoff at this building "I would never live there!" he declares, denying himself a life in concrete strength
the TOP LAD takes his place in the tower, confident in his unshakable place in this hand of the earth gesturing the heavens

$415/week

i can build a more aesthetic building in minecraft

Some fucking machine that must be

Wew the ASMRfu has just gone WAAAY down in my estimation, flat out begging for money

>hello everybody! so as you may know, two months ago i quit my full time job to pursue youtube and art full time. i now have the free time to create as much as i wish to, but my macbook is really old and needs to be fixed up in order for me to export the amount of videos that i would like to be exporting for you guys. asmr videos are lengthy and take a huge toll on my baby laptop's lifespan so i have to fix that up ASAP.

Shalom goyim
Is a somewhat elaborate prelude in order or shall we begin immediately?

>so as you may know, two months ago i quit my full time job to pursue youtube and art full time.

Your ASMRfu is a whore

sup lads
just came back from a Halloween party filled to the brim with normies
my best friend Chad managed to shag the best looking girl at the party, wew
feeling kinda down because I think I went a bit heavy on alcohol and that in combination with a couple lines of speed probably didn't do any good to my body, still feeling kinda foggy
although it was bloody fun, should I really regret?
This is what our collective consciousness managed to paint, I guess we're all Christians at the end of the day

Lads I earn £32k a year and struggle to pay the bills

don't know what the fuck to do, I'm already £50k in student debt and tied down to a barret house for 25 years.

Might just off meself

gf's kissing is far too aggressive

she basically rams her tongue in my mouth and pushes her face into mine with all her might

how do I tell her to ease up a bit?

big choon

youtube.com/watch?v=_TgVALvy00Y

Prelude, Shlomo

HOW DO I GO BACK TO YOTSUBA B

THIS FUCKING SHIT IS HURTING MY FUCKING EYES

doubt it mate

love it

shag her mouth with ur cock

Tell her you want her to kiss another girl ass it's Halloween. Girls are more honest about this stuff, so the slag she snogs will tell her for you

ermmm yeh by living in a tall building you are implicitly trusting all the random yahoos (let me underline that, YAH FUCKIN HOOS) who live beneath you to not set the building on fire. do you want to be faced with the choice of burning or jumping to your death with your family? tall buildings are death traps. i don't have that much faith in strangers. people are stupid beyond belief and cannot be trusted with basic concepts like not dying and taking everyone with them.

Your supposed to match her force or shove her against a wall.

might just go out to the bars meself haha

Stuck at tesco, tried going home earlier and my cul-de-sac was swarming with kids and the parents. Don't think I could've got from my car to the front door without being assaulted.

Guten tag, änglische untermenschen

fucking dykes are the worst

I mean, it really was great, the event took a place at a big house, there was even a fucking pool in the basement

havent wanted a cigarette today thats a turn up for the books

that's a spoopy theme

smacked the oneitis in the mouth after I saw that she was ignoring me to text her bf

>not living with an abstracted form of the danger we evolved to thrive in
>not risking your life for aesthetic sentiment
hmmmmm
captcha: apartment buildings

getting a velure suit made lads

>be an ally
how mental is it that we tell young men now not to go out and conquer, to succeed and be leaders, but rather to be "sidekicks"

I recognize a lot of these places pictured by Laurent Kronental
most of them are proper endz

>tfw to intelligent for ASMR

how do I change this theme

Are they?

Day old prawn crackers

Yay or nay?

stole my housemates expensive moisturiser

still got shaving rash, fuck my wife

Use your TARDIS to travel forward in time to 1am EST

Or phonepost

you bent or what? that sounds perfect to me

girls are always so damn timid with the tongue

proper endz as in dangerous?

You lads ever randomly start thinking about the nothingness after death and to comprehend the lack of existence once you die, and how the world will go on once you're gone and you get that horrifying feeling in the pit of your stomach and almost start to cry and the pure terror and fear of your one and only life?

werid ugly fucker

MADMAN

Get a job, loser

wew

I like the look of that tank

on the edge of my seat, what will happen next

not really
but like inhabited by poor people and like a british end I guess?
I guess it could be "dangerous"

eating a tuna sammich lads

don't really care 2bh

>You lads ever randomly start thinking about the nothingness after death and to comprehend the lack of existence once you die, and how the world will go on once you're gone and you get that horrifying feeling in the pit of your stomach and almost start to cry and the pure terror and fear of your one and only life?

what is this bent meme orange shit

fuck off hideo, give me desu back desu

dolmio twat

DW order hasn't arrived a week after "first class" shipping. vendor has 500 positive ratings in the past month ffs.

nah

I have been thinking about a chicken bacon stuffing sarnie from tescos, haven't seen one in a while. Hope they still do it

just got blown off like the bent cunt I am

>the watermark

business idea: describe /brit/, /britfeel/ and brit/pol/ using IRL social settings as comparisons

Anyone living in Northumberland?
Is it comfy today?

Made a £18,000 error at work today lads, got to have a meeting with my boss and HR tomorrow.

newcunt bugger off

do you think there's a lot of tension in lesbian couples over whose boobs are bigger?

>on the edge of my seat, what will happen next
What do you think the future holds for these two charming ladies

The pedophile ring is going to be E X P O S E D

there are no social settings which serve as analogues though
I guess /brit/ feels a bit like a sixth form common room

why do people keep calling me this?

makes no sense

>What do you think the future holds for these two charming ladies

haha what happened lad

did the other night
let my cat lick the can. he was a very happy boy

something degenerate i imagine

cleansman has arrived

I've noticed that we haven't had a new /brit/ meme for ages. We never even get featured on reddit any more. What went wrong?