ITT:Weird places you've jacked off

ITT:Weird places you've jacked off

Grandmother's attic while wearing some of her old dresses.

bump
on the bus

It wasn't jacking off, but fucking in the back yard of the church.

...

same

In a lake with a 12 yo girl in my lap

at a fallen police officers memorial

i was homeless for nine months and after the first few months i jacked off in the backseat of my car most nights

huh

church, catholic school (both in class and at daycare; not religious anymore hehe), and in a moving truck with my family around. I was a stupid kid hehe

My grandparent's bathroom, by humping the rug cause I didn't know how to masturbate properly yet.

Been there.

Why homeless?

In a bed next to my mom

after college, i moved away and ran out of money. i posted on Sup Forums for advice on going homeless, decided to go that route, and posted periodic threads while homeless - usually from my laptop at mcdonalds

Back of school bus one day.
In third row of car while on a trip with family.

in the bed of a friend(female) while she bathing

In class jizzed inside my pants, nasty experience

Every bathroom I've ever been in, public and otherwise. On the roof of my house, university buildings, random buildings in new Orleans. Several rooms in friend's houses... Oh, and on airplanes

I kinda wish I had no obligations so I could just go do that for a couple months.

this biggest issues are:
1. you have to have a place for your stuff
>i used a storage shed for like $30 a month
2. you have to have a place to sleep
>the backseat of my car was uncomfortable at first, but i got used to it
>and had a walmart parking lot i usually slept in
3. you have to have something to do
>we often don't appreciate sitting around the house/apartment and doing nothing all day - if you don't have a place to physically occupy, you end up spending lots of time at the library (for internet), at fast food joints on a laptop, etc. it can get pretty boring

as long as you have that, you're pretty much all set. it's harder to keep clean, but you can just use baby wipes. meeting chicks was, in some ways easier, because you had motivatio - and just had to go to their place for sex instead of yours (or do it in public)

by the end, i was ready to have a place again, but it wasn't as bad as i'd expected. just gotta stay clean, safe at night, and have somewhere to sleep

In the ocean at the beach.
>mm, this water's salty

Under a train in a rail yard. I was trespassing

The roof of my house.

The stairway of the ramada inn in lethbridge alberta holding an icebucket of ice acidently came in the ice and had to go get new ice they call me mr freeze

i've polished the old knob everywhere.

jerked off in my mothers old bosses conference room it was a Saturday so nobody would know the lights were off and i was on the floor i was probably around 14 at the time

...

>be hungover/still drunk
>wife drops me off at work
>'hey swing by mcdonald's first'
>order egg mcmuffin
>poop while eating egg mcmuffin
>jerk off
>fall asleep
>late for work

train tracks

While driving my car

In a church bathroom

Your mom's face.

Hilarious & original

in the classroom in highschool

On security duty during a strike, between two delivery trailers, likely in full view of the picket line.

Ejaculated into a gallon of 1% milk to get back at my belittling father.
> Mfw I watched him take my baby gravy down with his Honey Nut Cheerios
> Son-ny Nut Cheerios

poland

>weird places
>his mom's face
Pick one.

Oh Lord.
Do you not notice the crust?
Would you not catch that in the final review in the bathroom before you leave?
Why did nobody inform him?
Why didn't he put that dirty shirt in the dirty clothes hamper.
So many questions.

Church parking lot then again on the side. Used their WiFi to supply the fap material

>How in the fuck would chicks be easier to get if you live in your car exactly?

Fuckin' saved

on a commercial flight when I was maybe 15... the flight was about half full so I had the aisle to myself. Threw a blanket over my crotch and had a nice fap at 39,000'

Once jacked off in an old teachers office to get back at him for being a cunt.

got jerked off at high school biology class at the last row while class was talking about immune system

All answered by the likelihood he just got some shit on his shirt on the way to class.

Oh shit! didn't you have a website where you did journal entries? "The homeless graduate" or some shit?

No sir I've masturbated on black shirts he released his semen onto the shirt and scrunched it up causing the semen to get that spread it has. I am 100% confident that is semen.

kek

When i was young I Fapped while i was visiting my Grandmother at her retirement home... She fell asleep and I was watching that episode of Buffy , where Cordelia and willow makeout... shameful bathroom wank

In a classroom when we were watching a movie but we had huge black double seat tables so it hid me pretty well and the school library during lunch on the couch facing the entire open library

The girls restroom at my school

I've fapped in a lot of churches. I'm an organist, and nobody's around usually when you practice.

I stuck a load in a friends coffee once. Fucking still get hard thinking of her drinking it.

you have to have a place for your stuff
>i used a storage shed for like $30 a month

Why not just sleep in a storage shed? air mattress and bucket for waste

Since my cunt of a gf decided to continue her cunty ways; I have started using her yoga pants as a depository for my seed.
> But it gets better
I position them ever so carefully, aiming my ejaculate towards the crotch area JUUUUUUST between the anus and vagoo.
> Mfw all her yoga pants have cum stains on her asshole
> Mfw she will go out to bars and guys will see jizz prints on her fat ass

School bus, 9th grade. To the covered tits of a girl in the seat over and up one row from me.

toilets at a public swimming pool when i was 14 after swimming with a bunch of girls.

No shit I did the same thing when I was 14.
>be me
>mom pays for me to swim laps at pool
>drops me off with sister who goes to different area
>coldasfuck.png
>camp in the bathroom fapping for an hour

mine was when i was on holiday, the girls were close family friends of my parents daughters.

My father's a pastor, so quite a few church functions. I left my seat in the back row during a service once and did it in the bathroom.

Disney World, that one felt odd.

In my car in the middle of the night because my girlfriend and I were fighting, my computer was in plain view from our bed and the rest of the people in the house had bedrooms right next to the bathroom upstairs.

I always wonder why the hell I can't just wait for a better/more private opportunity.

>I always wonder why the hell I can't just wait for a better/more private opportunity.
me too

got half naked in the theater during star wars and jacked off right behind some like 15ish year old looking girls, they noticed I was going at it about halfway through and one of them got on her knees in the seat to watch me instead till I came, got her number, good shit

>im an 8th grade boy at the time.
>neighbor kid is in 6th grade.
>he has single milf mother.
>hang out with him one day. Playing vidya. His mom isn't there.
>friend falls asleep.
>go to his mom's room. Rummage drawers.
>find her dildo.
>Never held one before. Suck it and fap. Cum on it. Clean it off under sink. Leave a bit of cum on it. Rub it in.
>repeat at least 10 times over next year.

Kids are sick I tell ya

summer too hot
winter too cold
no power to balance either conditions with heat/cool units
not that user but I've done that before

thingsthatneverhappened.jpg

>regularly use gf's clothes as a cum rag when she leaves them on my side of room.
>she's actually complained to the laundromat thinking that they're stains from washing powder
>her coworkers give her shit about cum stains on her shirt (works in a bar, all black uniform)
>still complains to laundromat
>top kek

doctors office

kek

One retarded whore for that one and to still be dating a dirtball like you on top of that.

A jerk once occurred before the jerk began. The old one tells stories of a great shame before shadow jerk. The tumor of curiosity spreads to the roots of the foundation.

not really that weird

>library

>had work experience
>start at 6AM
> building wall at a school
>randomuncontrollableboner.jpg
>no one around so find a nice quiet corner
>jackoff and jizz on wall

broke into a day care and fapped into african american doll
i had pulled it's pants down and shit and came all over it and just left it like that and left
it was quite a lot of cum as I was high as fuck
i wonder the reaction when people found it

On the school bus, on the way to school. Does that count?

in a glass, sucked it up with a syringe and squirted my cum in a banana in a store.

lmao

I once injected 2 whole cums

not a fapping story... but just thought I'd mention that when I worked at McDonalds when I was 16 the initiation for new employees was to piss in the big 5 gallon pickle jar buckets... To this day will refuse to eat any fast food with pickles kek

where did you get a syringe

I used a captive bolt pistol, just put the cums on the end

>be this afternoon
>grandfather calls
>him: "hey, i need you to watch grandma, i have to go into town"
>me: "k"
>grandma's old as fuck
>sleeps like 20 hours a day, only wakes up to piss/shit or when she's forced to
>has alzheimer's
>stand at head of bed
>furiously masturbating
>grandma wakes up
>"wtf you doing?"
>"we do this all the time grandma, calm down"
>pokerface.png
>she buys it
>cum all over her face
>she falls back asleep
>watch The Avengers until grandpa comes back
>go home

later that night...

>have to walk back to grandparents' and visit for a bit
>pop suspects nothing
>grandma remembers nothing
>aw yeah

might do it again sometime

In a hotel bathroom after finding some girls underwear under the bed.

It's obviously just snot.

When I was 12 riding my bike down the street

>Sup Forums

Where the cuck do u think u are?

in my grannys outdoor toilet

>the final review in the bathroom before you leave
Damn, normalfags are weird

Oh shit I remember you man
How are you doing these days?

Hit it on the head with the ho eless comments
Currently looking for advice,s!eepig in car now.

2 computer labs, uni library, 7 uni lecture halls, 3 uni bathrooms, dorm room with roomate sleeping, cousin's room (fem), mom's room, dad's room, 3 cousin's rooms (male), couch, kitchen, grandpappy's room

Neckbeard is at it again

i've heard your story before many an aeon ago. You thought she was in the kitchen cooking breakfast and it turned out she was right next to you the whole time.

hot

I jerked off in the back seat of an suv with my Great grandma, grandma, my mom, and my younger brother in the car on a 12 hour drive.

In my neighbors hedge

at my friends house infront of his pc. he was watching some football on the tv. I came on the floor and wiped it with his pillow.

I swear on my mothers life

One time when I was at Walmart I hear a squishy jackin off sound coming from inside one of those circular shirt racks. So I walked up and spread apart the shirts and sure enough there was some down syndromer guy in there jackin off. Tried to find himself a secret clubhouse or some shit.