Autist moments thread Sup Forums, i'll start

Autist moments thread Sup Forums, i'll start
>be me
>hanging out with a friend
>"hey man, you got a charger?"
>"yeah"
>get the charger for him
>meant to say "knock yourself out"
>brain shuts down
>"kill yourself with it"
>mfw

>be me
>be junior
>in history
>teacher asks "Who know what a harlem is?"
>I blurt out "A WHORE!" loudly
> friend behind me "user, that's a harlot.."

>be me
>in some class, it was a testing day
>looks like a history class
>gets bored
>looks around at all posters
> wait wtf think to myself why is there a Morgan Freeman poster in here
>turn to my friends and ask
>they give me this retarded ass look
>i point
>"user... that's Nelson Mandela."

Bump while thinking of stupid shit I've said

i cant even choose from the stupidest shit ive said

Post it all

then post all of it

post

post it fag

Played hungman in my english class nobody guessed, the word was plot. Yay for me, teacher asks what it means. Think back, seen it only on pics from /mlp/.
"It means horses' ass I think."

>hot cashier
"Enjoy the movie"
>"You too"

...

Ouch baby. Very ouch

>682989972
autism indeed

>be me when I was 9
>my little sister had gained a ton of weight
>we go to hippos
>look at hippos
>yell out "hey look sister, it's your real family!"
>she starts crying
>everyone around looks at me
>sister became landwhale feminist.

FUCK

Bump

"Happy Birthday!"
"You too.."

During an interview
>Be me supposed serial killer
>Intervier asking stupid questions
>Get pissed
>Want to mock him
>"Do you feel blame? Are you mad? Uh, do you feel like wolf kabob Roth vantage? Gefrannis booj pooch boo jujube; bear-ramage. Jigiji geeji geeja geeble Google. Begep flagaggle vaggle veditch-waggle bagga?"

>be me
>be 13
>best friend has bf
>sadandlonely.gif
>goes into random sports store
>see hot cashier
>maybe22 or something
>says to friend "ay lmao aint he cute"
>best friend answers "omg yeah user ask for his number;D"
>goes back and forth into store 5 times before i grow some balls
>starts out with "hey im not good at flirting you look cute why dont we exchange numbers"
>new autism level reached.jpg
>looks at me like im the pedophile in this scenario
>run out of store
>finds out my cousins dating him
>sees him at every family event
>fuckface.mp4.fuckmeintheass

My biggest autist moment was laughing way too fuckin hard at this

I like this

>during job interview
>about 2 years ago
>"So what can you tell me about yourself"
>"well I'm fast at math"
>"Alright what's 13x73"
>"27"
>"That's wrong, user"
>dumbass me "but it was fast."

>Got job.

nice meme

thats not autistic, just really fast, unintentional humor

(you)

>be me
>read greentext story
>thinking in going to read about user's autism
>actually read about his sister's

It was fucking autistic, I mean I was stuttering like a Neet.

fuck off faggot or post tits or gtfo

>sadly i too have done this when i was younger
>2 tickets for so and so movie
>"here ya go, enjoy your movie"
>"you too"
fuck me

I feel you on that
>2nd grade
>teacher is reading about Santy Claws
>book describes Santy as heavyset and jolly
>jolly=fat because 8 year old brain
>turn to overweight female classmate
>call her jolly in reaction to the news I had then received
>she's bawling
>get put inna corner
The fuck man

Triple double trouble.

>be me at movie theater
>Star Wars The Force Awakens.
>leaving theater, and line for the next show
>tell gf "I can't believe they killed Han Solo"
>did not realize I spoiled the movie for the people
>banned from theater.

>banned from theater

The only autism here is thinking people will believe this.

Tits or fuck off

holy fucking kek

How did he react? What did he say?

>be me in history one time
>not paying attention
>teacher calls on me
>didnt hear what he even said
>friend whispers to just say "9/11"
>figure the question was about terrorism or something
>blurt out 9/11 in an extremely autistic, overly loud voice because the teacher was waiting on me
>see horrified face on teacher
>whole class staring
>the raviolis in my pocket start to fall out gently
>teacher had asked "what was the date that Hitler invaded poland"
>teacher had a distant relative in 9/11
>mfw he glares at me everytime we see eachother
>mfw the whole class stared and whispered for the rest of the school year

>asking gay guy for tits

To post 682991550,
Very funny.
Regards,
user

oh lmao i would have hired you if you weren't all nervous and shit

why do you care so much, that type of shit happens 10 times a day when you're selling tickets.

pic related

>hey, how are you
>good how are you
>good, how are you

It was on that day that I realized normies came up with greetings to weed out the aspies, such as myself.

>mfw you're full of shit and literally none of this happened, especially the part about everyone staring and whispering about you

Trips confirm tits

Of course not me. Did u read it?

Not sure if sarcasm.

>To post 682991550
This is bait.

>met a girl at a business dinner.
>one of those retarded "we completed the contract lets go buy $100 steaks" bullshit.
>we notice each other looking bored and she comes over.
>hey user, you want to go to a bar I know across town?
>sure.
>we hit it off pretty well, get together regularly for a few months only for drinks and occasionally dinner.
>new years eve
>we had made plans to do a pub crawl.
>we get to the first place, it's like 4PM so I just order beer, pacing and all that.
>she gets a double wild turkey, no ice
>slams it, orders another
>she starts talking about how long it has been since she has slept with anyone.
>up to this point I had assumed our
relationship was purely platonic so I start trying to change the subject.
>no luck.
>several hours later she's tanked and asks me to take her back to her place.
>we get to the door and she stumbles inside, leaves the door wide open and goes into another room.
>I stand at the door and said something like "Had a great time, happy new year!" and left.
>never heard from her again.

idk when i was younger i really cared too much about acting austistic like that.. just one of those memories that you look back on and cringe

>be me in history class
>start whispering "date rape is 8/8 m8, gr8 b8"
>teacher heard me, while returning assignments
>"user what the hell, go to the hall"
>FuckFuckFuck.jpg.

>be 6 or 7 year old me
>having a birthday party
>treating guests as they walk in
>they say "happy birthday"
>I respond with "happy birthday to you too"
>to every single person.

wow you are a fucking beta dude..
>possibly reached an omega status

I thought it was so I didn't make a big deal about it. Hope it is, no one can be this much of a newfag

Greeting*

The lesson here is: Don't meme in person like a fucking mong. Internet jokes should stay on the internet.

I've been calling them autismos for years and just realized why...

Thank you Sup Forums

>i work with autismos

>be me
>hold open the door for a girl
>try to say "you're welcome" or "no problem"
>"your problem"
>tfw

I wasn't conscious for this, but family tells me about it all the time.

>be me at 1st ever birthday
>when they sing happy birthday i get down
>go around and beat up every other kid

>mfw i was autistic before i was conscious

Yeah looking back on it I royally fucked that one up. I got too caught up with worrying about how it might affect work.

L M A O

I had autistic stoner friends a few years back

>give friend money to buy cigarettes
>We're like idk, 16yrs old
>I move to the back of store, prepared to dash if she does something stupid
>She approaches counter
>"How old are you"
>"....28..."
>FuckingSeriously.jpeg
> Manager walks up
>"hmmm, k, she said she's 28, sell 'em to her"
>Confused cashier asks what she wants
>She's pointing at a random pack
>"...the, uh, that one."
>I walk up to counter with a Snapple and step in front of her
>"I think she wants a camel crush"
>Pay for drink and leave store

Or maybe user has standards. Girls who are sloppy drunk when you're not are usually terrible lays. Plus, desperation is not even kind of attractive. Not but I've been there.

First, checked. Second, honestly dude there was a chance she would of regretted it in the morning and said you raped her. So while you did beta out, it just might have saved your life.

happened to me the other day at mcdonalds

>enjoy your meal
>you too

cringeee

>go to the hall

Yeah that was another factor to. Dealt with a sloppy drunk girl once and it was like trying to have sex with ballistic jelly.

>be me ordering at Burger King drive thru
>waiting for like 10 minutes
>I say "And they want $15hr? fuck them tho"
>girl says "the mic is on sir
>oh.exe.

I'd find you pretty cool for saying shit like that. Zozzled, my rozzle.

it was high school.

riddle me what was going through your head when u were at the door? i mean how could u have talked yourself out of getting pussy while you were (i assume) at least tipsy from drinking? i know i would have sprinted in there and hopped on the bed if that happened to me after drinking

You want mexican jizz in your food? Because thats how you get mexican jizz in your food hahaha.

wow I was thinking middle school but thats even worse

>be me
>in highschool at the time
>at a party with a bunch of friends
>me and like 5 or 6 others throwing it
>i wanna bone one of the 3 girls out of the 5
>partys over and us 5 are crashing in the house
>2 in one bed, 2 on a big couch, 2 on a smaller couch
>on the smaller couch is me and the girl I want
>hardly enough room for me, much less the both of us
>we are in spooning position
>she starts grinding her ass on me
>I ignore it and lie there like the drunk/high autismo I was
>my "move" was me putting my arm around her and holding her/cuddling
>after 30 or so mins gets up
>comes back, im guessing went to the bathroo
>but now we are head to toe, shes facing away from me
>I lie there realizing my missed opportunity
>after about an hour when she was asleep, is started playing with her feet cuz footfag

>mfw come to find out she really liked me but thought I wasn't interested
>mfw she wanted to fuck and im just a dumbass
>mfw all 3 girls had a bet at the beginning of the year as to who'd fuck me first
>mfw I fucked none, and am still a virgin
>also not the first autismo missed sex opportunity.

>accidentally call arabs "sandniggers" in a class presentation in HS.

Very true. I got a lot of shit from my regular bar keep because of her though so maybe it's a good thing. She couldn't speak Korean, or at least pretended to not understand, but every time we were in his bar he was always saying shit like "Watch your wallet around her." or "If you're poking that, you better wash your hands before touching anything in here."

>friend introduces her 10/10 friend to our group of friends
>makes her way to me to shake my hand
>getting ready to tell her my name
>"I'm gorgeous"

Embarrassing as fuck

yeah cause they Know you aren't just being a shit, got 2 day suspension.

How the fuck do you know any of that?

>first
I kind of made it personal policy to not fuck around with co-workers. Too much drama if things go south.
>second
As I said, I had thought things were purely platonic up to that point. Business partners chatting from time to time and having a few drinks is pretty normal. We had never gone to each others house before and I never had the intention of sleeping with her in the first place.

>be me
>doing english paper in uni
>friend who also uses this site is talking to me about the whole boxxy situation (this was when the whole thing was blowing up)
>he's doing impressions of her like an autist, bad impressions
>going 'queen of Sup Forums' over and over, pronouncing the slashes
>keeps doing it

fast forward a week, we get our papers graded

>never thought to check it since i'm like 19, i didn't give a shit
>halfway through, i wrote 3 lines of 'queen of slash-b-slash-
>prof looked at me funny the rest of the year.

TRUE ALPHA

I was thinking elementary school.

>at a bar
>trynna use a pick up line
>go up to a 10/10
>tell her "you got the hair of a girl who likes anal"

nice pic, lighting the way was a wonderful day. Did op ever show us the actual shirts? i know they beat red lion, had to.

This thread is a cancer, you're cancer

>drive thru at mcdonalds
>gets to mic
>dude "hey what do u want"
>me "hey its user"
>dude "...hey user what do u want"
>me "i want xx and anon2 wants yy"
>"...okay user"
>gets to payment
>gets food and says thx dude
>dude "have a nice day user"

why do i act like i am talking on phone. autism.org

>be born

What do you mean?

another bar pick up.

>hey I just shit my pants, can I get in yours?

Nah, haven't seen shit about the shirts yet.

Similar situation happened to me.
>I was at a friends house with this girl i liked
>she liked me back
>we were going someone in the morning to we slept over in my friends extra room.
>She's topless and facing away from me
>i start kissing her neck
>she kind of scrunches up as if she didn't like it.
> she's really quite
>I assume she wasn't feeling like the sex
>next day tells me she would of slept with me but i stopped
>said it just tickled when i kissed he neck
>died a little

It woke out though because i fucked her a few weeks later while her boyfriend was taking a shower. But I still make myself cringe thinking about it.

>run into dude I know
>him: "whats going on user?"
>me: "good"

>mfw 27

How?

>wat.jpg

Kekd

The fact that they had a bet on who'll fuck you first and that she liked you

my spelling was atrocious please forgive me

that sucks. I hope if OP does return, he puts one of the shirts on ebay or something.

exactly

also nice tripple dubs

>be me driving home at night
>see girl I work with driving in front of me
>want her to know it's me behind her
>start to tailgate her really close
>she speeds up
>I think to myself she must not know it's me
>turn on high beams and start blowing the horn keeping pace with her as she accelerates
>really thought this was a good idea
>basically car chase terrified girl down the street thinking it couldn't possibly be interpreted as anything other than friendly
>only stop when the turn to my house came up
>found out later she wrecked her car fleeing some "psycho" who was chasing her
>I really thought it was a good idea

Not forgiven. Post gave me grammar cancer