My mom found out I've been using paint brushes in my ass to masturbate and removed them all from my room/around the...

My mom found out I've been using paint brushes in my ass to masturbate and removed them all from my room/around the house. All I have left are ballpoint pens. Not sure what to do /b. Please help.

you've been using paint brushes in your ass to masturbate?

What's wrong with pens.

Use ballpoint pens
> Answering your own question

Yes?

She took the lids.

She took the lids and said if she sees a single mark of pen on my anus she's gonna lose it.

Kill your mom. She obviously hates you.

Jalapeños work surprisingly well as long as you make sure they remain intact. Trust me.

Nice get's.

This thread has a lot of gay autism.

I like to use exacto knives.

stop putting things up your pooper.

vapour rub all over ass its soooo good doing it right now

Jars with thin glass are surprisingly effective.

Wait wait whoa... Is she actually going to check your anus???

It doesn't matter that your ass clenches around it, just hold it open because it only cuts if you slide it.

But what if I like the way it feels when I cum with a massive rod up my ass.

Just use a carrot

Yes, of course. She doesn't want me to do it anymore she says that's why my ass always bleeds and why I have hemmoroids.

Hold the pen by the writing end and insert the top part. And why is she checking your ass?

Nice trips bruh

Carrot with saracha sauce lube. MMMMM so good. And a tastey treat when you're finished! Happy dying of aids!

this is bait bro

This thread makes me want to punch a kitten

Wow, your ass bleeds from using fucking pens? How rough are you with them?

draw with pen and ink

Take the light bulbs in your house out of the sockets and stick them in wide end first. Great anal pleasure from that.

I just use my fingers. Started with my pinkie. Almost up to two fists and an elbow.

Let's just say I fuck my ass pretty good with a decent paintbrush. The handle has to be right though. Don't want to poke my insides too much.

Cucumber with saracha mmm

What part of your ass bleeds when you do that? The inside or the rim?

Use the handle of a hammer and try to put in nails with using just your ass! If you are succesfful your mother will realize the potential of your gift.

This op. Use olive oil. Or whatever oil.

Use a pencil

The inside.

Motor oil?

Also OP how old are you?

Trips don't lie

use the broom end

I just use a goat's horn/hoof/beard/dick.

35

hi layne

I am 18. I've been doing this since I was about 17. It's part of my life. I wake up, have a smoke. Paint brush in anus. You know, just the normal stuff.

holy fucking shit dude, kill yourself.

I've used my wife's makeup brushes b4. But I like to insert them in urethra

Holy shit OP are you me? I never went through with it instead I used a cheap pen and then threw it out of the window when finished lol

Hey. No one said you could use my beard. Thats gross.

I used to put a carrot in a condom and throw it up my ass. Then I'd clench really hard and then I'd pull on the condorrot. One time I did this and the condom broke. I shat bits of carrot and condom for about two weeks before I realized I should've used a paint brush. So then I upgraded.

Buy a dildo or some shit you cheap fag
>inb4 too poor
>inb4 mum will find it
If there's a will, there's a way.

I'm trying to finish high school first for credit in heaven, I'm a Jehovah's Witness.

Out the window? For any unsespecting bird to pick up in it's snout and get a good wiff of your poop shoot?

Damn you make me want to bust out the old one way pens OP lol

Mental image of your wife applying eyeshadow with your dick

That could become a thing

I had a dildo but I didn't like it because it had that fake cum stuff and it'd just fill me up in the ass so much that I'd throw up.

Oh your parents are JWs? Ok, definitely kill them now.

Kill yourself my man.

My parents are jewish mormons born on the upper east side of newyork to two faggots named brois and brewisky.

No for my neighbour to deal with if he ever cleans his garden

Timestamp with pen in anus? prefferably the pen should be red.

Never change Sup Forums

>bird
>snout

Forget punching a kitten. This thread now makes me want to burn a kitten to death

Show anus OP

He just wants to paint the town brown.

But I don't know how to use any weapons, or get them. Anyways, what do I use? I've tried someone else's dick already, didn't work. I even tried it a few times after to make sure. Then I went back to sucking them.

Then get one without fake cum shit, Jesus.

Can't blame her, those are the family's brushes.

Save up a hundred bucks, buy yourself a buttplug trainer set and a big ol' vibrator, and stop using the communal art supplies for ass pleasure, you selfish dickhead.

This is cancer

But then I can't pretend it's a real dick.

buy a dildo, every time your ass bleeds you risk infection, its very dangerous

For the record she hasn't painted in over 6 months and she said I could use them if I ever wanted to get into it.

Would it be weird for a grown 35 year old man to just wear butt plugs all day everyday until he was say, 36?

I'm opening up a paypal account and will give the password to everyone. If you could please donate money for me to purchase an anal trainer kit that'd be great, thanks.

Yes, but some people are in to that and it's really noone's business what your asshole is doing.

I suggest using a T-bar-stopper plug instead of a flat- or ring-end. Best balance between staying-put and being able to sit.

ROCKS.

I really doubt that she meant, "stick 'em up yer poopchute and jab your p-spot repeatedly."

Stop being a rude douche and get a dildo.

Use a llama, there naturally gayer in attitude, and gentler lovers.

I thought it the two weren't mutually exclusive.

sharpie in pooper

Why haven't you shown your anus yet, OP?

Thanks for trying to answer and help me out. I've already decide to use the banister head as the alternative.

Thanks to all who contributed. Happy Mother's Day.

You thought wrong.

If I were your mom, I'd have aerosol-sprayed your butthole with crazy glue and epoxy by now.

PENIS BOOK

You seem like the type of kid who tried to fold his own dick into his ass when he was a kid. So let me teach you a thing or two about the world we live in.

There's only two types of objects.

Those that can be shoved in ones anus.

And those which are too large to be shoved in ones anus.

That's it.

well it would clearly be better than paintbrushes you fucking mongoloid