ITT: Awkward moments

ITT: Awkward moments
Boy, do I have a million
>Get on airplane
>middle seat between two respectable businessmen
>Already feel awkward because I reek of gin from the night before.
>Didn't have time to shower, disheveled as fuck
>"Guess I'll watch a movie"
>Open up laptop to paused, fullscreen shot of a blonde girl with an enormous cock in her mouth
>Both men clearly see this
>Slowly scroll over and exit out.
>6 hour flight ahead of me.

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Moar!

>Be me
>7th grade
>My parents had put parental controls on my computer so I wouldn't look at porn
>Used the flashdrive they gave me for school to transfer porn to my computer
>imacraftymotherfucker.png
>Put the powerpoint I worked so hard on onto flashdrive
>Forget to remove porn
>Whole room sees porn when I put the flashdrive into the projector
>Pretend nothing happened and present
>I got an A+, guess the teacher liked my porn

What kind of porn was it?

I'd kek so hard if it was furry or some weird shit like that

Just a bunch of hentai

Sure.
>Go to Mexican restaurant with a few of my friends.
>Start drinking, getting a little loud.
>Begin recounting my trip to Mexico the prior year
>"Yeah, it was just a dirty country. The mainland looks like a fucking wasteland. They try to sell you a watered-down, racist version of their own culture."
>Friends start making subtle gestures at me to shut up.
>Don't notice because cheap margaritas
>"It would have been nice to walk down the beach without some crusty Mexican trying to sell me dirt-weed or a fucking sombrero."
>Friends look shocked.
> I start to catch on.
>Look around and see a table of crusty Mexicans looking right at me.
>They are all big, beefy construction workers and I'm some lean 23 year old shit.
>Eat in silence for the next 20 minutes and leave.
I'm basically a fucking asshole.

kys

>mexican being this buttblasted on Sup Forums

get the fuck out you subhuman shit

>be me
>this christmas
>whole family comes over
>littlest cousin is 13
>after breakfast, she says she wants to show us all a video she made for her school project or something
>takes her laptop out
>connects it to the tv first
>then turns it on second (classic mistake)
>IMMEDIATELY the tv turns to this youtube video of these two hot lesbians making out and autoplays
>entire extended family knows my 13 year old cousin was watching lesbian porn
>try to keep straight face
>she alt f4's kind-of-quickly, but not quick enough
>everyone pretends nothing happens.
>great grandma is 101.

does that make you feel better OP? could have been worse...

not gonna greentext cause it happens to me all the time and there isn't really a story to it but..

my brother always walks into my room when im jacking off, often right when im cumming, and i have to pull the blanket over myself real quick and wait for him to leave. its so obvious what im doing, too. god i hate that guy

how old are you and your brother?

You should assert your dominance over him by making him suck your dick.

Top kek

Faggots at it again

nigger pls. i was just wondering why his brother walks in while he's jerkin it.

if his brother was younger and not sexually active, i could understand the candidness of it.

but if his brother is old enough to know better, that shit is fucking fucked, and his brother probably really is gay as fuck.

i'm 18 and he's 19

it's not like he purposely comes in to catch me beating off, he just happens to come in whenever im doing it

How many times has this happened?

two or three times a day for 7 years

so in light of being informed of this, i can reasonably deduce that either, you jerk off entirely too often or your brother is in fact gay as fuck and deliberately trying to catch you blowing your load.

>be me
>sat in library at uni reading this thread
>laugh so hard at op that I let rip
>had to go to loo and clean arse

Top kek op. Thank fuck I'm leaving in a few weeks.

I think you're trolling or just very stupid.

Hmm if you start counting from when i first started jacking off (5-6 years ago), i would say somewhere around 70 times lol

happens like maybe twice a month these days, but i used to jack off much less frequently as a kid

Just gay vegan stuff

Ok, I don't think that's a coincidence. I think he wants your dick.

>Be 20
>Virgin
>Never had a girlfriend before
>Going on a date
>Take her to Mexican restaurant
>Walk in
>Tables, tables everywhere
>We sit at a table close to where a group of girls are sitting
>Oh well, they seem to be ignoring us
>Sit down and order food
>Nervous as luck
>Not sure what to say
>Sweating a little
>Food comes and it's going ok
>I panic a little when she asks about other dates I've been on but I cover it up pretty well
>It's going ok.
>Group of girls at the other table are getting loud
>Laughing loudly making jokes
>One of them knocks her plate with her elbow and a potato falls from her plate
>It lands on the floor next to me
>I pick it up
>Put it back on her plate
>She just stares at me
>Whole table bursts out laughing
>My girlfriend has this look like "er..wtf are you doing"
>I don't know what to do
>Take the potato from her plate and put it on my plate instead
>Her table laughs more, far more loudly
>Sit in silence whilst their table whispers to each other laughing at intervals

Fuck I don't even know what happened. It just happened so fast.

Feels bad man.

My god, were do I even start?

Between the TSA thinking I have a nuke, my high school science teacher strangling a stuffed animal because it wasn't nice to her, ...

Oh this is for award moments, should have read more carefully. I thought is was odd moments. Don't have any award moments, because the concept of embarrassment eludes me.

Wat

holy fuck how the fuck were you not mocked the rest of the year?

kek

off by one

off by 3 fucking dumbass. Can you not count newfag?

You should have owned it, called them dirty mexican cunts and started brandishing a knife

how about how awkward it is that you cannot spell awkward?

Good one. I laughed. A whole potato?

Why would that be award? I have always had problems with spelling and grammar since my grandpa tried to kill me with an ax. But don't worry he didn't succeed, my skull stopped the blade. Everyone seriously over reacts about things like family feud.

>Be me
>Freshman
>For some reason my school district integrates the 8th and 9th graders
>In disgustin ass guys bathroom taking a piss
>regularday.jpeg
>This 8th grade tranny kid leaves the stall behind me right as I turn around
>I shit you not, I though this fucker was a chick the whole fucking school year.
>Looks at me like a deer in the headlights.
>Think, "Wait, what the fuck?"
>Realize I actually said it out loud.
>Ohshit.png
>Tranny GTFOs without even washing his hands.
>Avoid each other at all costs for the rest of the school year

I get that but its still annoying. I'm 19 and two of my brothers walk in on me jerking/showering all the fucking time. They are 5 and 8 so its /understandable/ but not really.

>Never been to a Subway before
>Decide to bend it like Jared
>Go to the counter and order the meatball sub
>They ask what bread I'd like with it
>Start sweating
>Tell them original
>They don't know what I mean
>Keep repeating "original bread" over and over
>They just grab a loaf and ask if I want six inches
>Get flustered but try to reign in my anxiety
>"Heh heh nah I'm seven and a half so lets to that"
>The silence killed me
>See they have guacamole
>Tell them I want guacamole on it too
>They say they don't have guacamole
>Think they're just messing with me
>Sweat harder
>Tell them I think they do
>They tell me they don't make guacamole but they could put avocado on it if I prefer
>Scoff at them and say sure
>Tells me it'll be an upcharge
>Scoff again and tell them to load it up then
>Finally reach the till
>They ring me up and ask for the total
>I hand them my card
>They swipe it
>Then swipe it again
>Once more
>My card was declined all three times
>Stutter out an apology and hand them my other card
>This one is bent and cracking due to leaving it in the wash
>They look at it and shake their heads
>Swipe
>Swipe it a few more times
>Keeps getting an error
>Inform me that payment isn't going through
>By this point three people behind me are waiting to pay
>Tell them to give me my card back and I'll do it myself
>They hand it to me
>Swipe
>Swipe once more
>It works
>Laugh and say it just needed a bit of love
>Bob head when saying this
>They straight-face tell me to have a nice day
>By this point visible pit-stains and a damp spot on belly
>Walk out and eat in car
>Employees capable of seeing me from counter
>Catch them glancing over every now and then
>The sub wasn't that good either

lock the door?

>Have to stay at grandma's for a few days while I'm moving in to a new place.
>Don't mind because she is cool as fuck.
>Have to sleep on living room floor on an air mattress because my aunt and uncle are also visiting.
>Come home hammered as fuck one night.
>Dig my fleshlight out of my travel bag.
>Pull my pants down around my ass and fuck the shit out of it.
>Cum and immediately pass out.
>Wake up the next morning and realize all of this.
>The covers were pulled up over my ass.
>My grandmother must have woke up to go to church and found her grandson passed out with his pants around his ankles, smelling of beer.

>on phone with customer service
>order i placed didn't arrive, CS rep asks me for my address
>i tell her my address
>get to postal code
>do the "C as in cat" thing to avoid any confusion
>get to D
>"D as in Dildo"

hey it's not your fault you thought someone of the opposite sex was in YOUR bathroom. Drives me nuts when ppl wanna get mad at you when you've done nothing wrong

No locks, sadly. My parents and other brother have the decency to knock at least.

i feel u man, those letter things are hard to come up with on the spot like that

Well tell him to fuck off then

youtube.com/watch?v=g_zA-R_-jhc

Well why in your dumbfuck brain would you think putting avocado on a meatball sub is a good idea? Jesus christ.

My sides

My social life is nonexistent because I have kids, but I still get an uncomfortable amount of awkward moments because I'm a pediatrician and kids don't have filters. With younger kids, there are a lot of comments about how mommy or daddy has a different body. That alone is fine, but the parents always feel awkward enough for it to rub off on me.

>be me
>just heard about blowjobs
>really wanted to try this
>no gf
>fuckit.jpg
>i always was a creative fucker
>find vaccum cleaner
>it furiously sucks my dick
>feelsgoodman.jpg
At this point i lived in a apartment under my cousin
>vaccum cleaner makes fucked noice
>my cousin hears this and runs to the apartment
>finds me, getting my dick furiously sucked by a vaccum cleaner
>mfw
We still talk though

how does getting your dick sucked by a vacoom cleaner feel good? I thaught it's just something from the movies

Well, he has a dick and was in the men's room, just looks exactly like a woman. He's probably taking hormones or some shit like that. Still really awkward

It had options from low sucking to hard sucking, lowsucking was great tho

Shit dude. Does this happen a lot?

Should've raped his ass in the stall then

I see. well fuck em. THEY'RE the one's changing genders; confusing the rest of us. Looks female, I'm going to assume it's a female, it's not like I can grab their crotch to be certain! HA

Wat. This cant be real i leld so hard

You sound like a good dude. Don't sweat it.

That's some intense anxiety.

Hey look a beaner faggot. Go back to your dirty dumb ass country. You wouldn't be offended if your country or people were worth anything at all.

>bob head when saying this
sides

lol you autist.

Dirty Mexican faggot. Your country sucks and so does your people. Stop coming to America and stop trying to turn it into your worthless country that you ran from.

I love you user.

Go backto Mexico bitch.

Done this too.lol

"Let it rip!" -beyblade, and user

Kys

You think ur sick but ur not

Keke. Vote trump bigly

Well this made my day
>thanks user
Not that big of a deal as well but it is funny

What are you talking about? Avocado is great in all breads. I use it sometimes to substitute butter b/c fuck butter / margarine

what the fuck were you doing man

>sitting in math class in 7th grade
>all taking some test we are supposed to be quiet for
>I see Teacher leave room thinking about jumping up and making noise
>I think it over
>fuck it
>Jump up and yell "Lets make margaritas!"
>Didn't realize Teacher walked back into room
>Says my name
>You're goddamned right.
>Sat back down in complete shame
another?
>Say the word cute in 10th grade ironically.
>Some 9/10 cute bitch asked if I just said cute
>Im like uhh yeah so?
> She just turns around
>What she doesn't know I would do to that ass.
>Friend just laughs at me like I should be so embarrassed.
>Shut the fuck up.

it would be kind of awkward to just pretend like nothing happened if the potato fell and landed next to you, but you didn't have to pick it up and put it on her plate..

Fucking what

>Get to the restaurant
>all tables are taken, except for the one for 30 people
>there is one guy seating there
>Hello sir may I sit at your table shit
>he has tablet in front of him and laughs from time to time
>his laugh sound like he's choking
>"are you okay"
>"Yes, this is the way I laugh"
>our meals arrive simultaneously
>halfway through he strats making choke sounds again
>ignore him, he's just laughing
he was actually choking on fish bone, screetching for my help
>aftter several minutes turn my head on him
>realiseheisactuallychoking.png
>called staff, man taken to the hospital
>I couldn't finish my fish
>hfw I sat and calmly ate my lunch when he was struggling for life

should have made some comment about her cute ass and been alpha as fuck about it

>long time ago
> take six mg of Xanax
>staying w parents during smash
>go home see gin on counter, drink juice glass full
>find a porn dvd I hid in high school
>put in on move chair close to tv get out sock
>wake up to loud "WHAT THE FUCK!?" From mother
>passed out dick in sock, porn dvd looping
Fml

Im fucken dead hahahaha

damn did you really just pass right out?

i took 4mg once but didn't feel anything other than a loss of balance, idk why

Someone should invent some kind of, i don't know, Phonetic Alphabet? That way things like this wouldn't happen,

U would have died, bullshit story

holy fuck this is the most autistic story I have ever heard

god truly made a mistake when he created your poor soul

Haha, no. You're going to get kicked back to your own country soon. Trump is going to give you the boot.

No it took my a while to pass out, I figured since I was out of state and couldn't fuck my gf I would jack it.
I had taken the Xanax way earlier and smoke a ton off weed. I probably passed out when the 5-6 shots of gin hit me all at once.

Sorry man I have a huge tolerance, I took 6 2mg Xanax just two weeks ago. Although I did black out and spend $200 on Coke I definitely did not die. I don't know why I'm like this, once I took 320mg of methadone, but I had a pretty good tolerance at the point

At least you tried to be helpful, most wouldn't bother to get out of there seat, let alone attempt to clean it up. Still pretty awkward though.

Haven't seen this pasta in a long time

Not sure if you're retarded or I am? It already exists. Military Alphabet

>be 23
>go to shitty restaurant mothers works at for free nachos
>eat whole plate of family nachos by myself
>shit was free nigger
>walking home
>bubble guts
>shart trying to hold it in
>itaintover.webm
>only place to shit was under overpass near bus stop
>someone at the bus stop
>fuck it im poopin
>they watch me take one of the most fucked up poops ever
>go home and clean myself then play some TF2

10/1 would have just laughed and went to sleep if the guy next to me did that.

spagetti falling out of your pockets could feed an east african country for months

you went to a tourist area of mexico didn't you? just got back from a couple weeks there, was fun as fuck.

If they're trying to become female then they probably took it as a compliment.

Sarcasm...?

youtube.com/watch?v=2TbbvXK5QS8

> Be 15, I'm 27 now
> I have extremely protective, Christian, health nut, crazy strict parents.
>I love music, it's the one thing I have, collected tons of cds and write music.
>Parents take all my music cds and every song I ever wrote because they found I was listening to metal and Korn.
>Feel completely lost, dad takes off for business trip, just older sister and mom.
>Find parents hidden brandy at night after sis and mom asleep.
>Bring brandy in room and start drinking as much as I can... like half the bottle in a couple minutes.
>Get horny as getting wasted, get completely naked and lube up my entire body.
>Start jerking it to bra catalogue
>Not working cause getting slobery drunk.
>Think I'm quiet, but walk naked singing down hallway next to sister's and parent's bedroom.
>Get in bathroom to take a dump while completely naked
>Keep falling off toilet seat while singing Korn. Mom walks in...
>wake up showered on cot in parents room.
>Remember being naked throwing up all over the place while telling my mom that "it's a dream"...
>Damnit.

my dad has autism, you sound like him.

>excuse me im in a hurry i have to go to the front of the line
>IM ON BREAK FROM WORK, I ONLY HAVE HALF AN HOUR LET ME IN THE FRONT
>i want a foot long sweet onion chicken
>what do you want on it
>everything that comes on it.
>....no i mean do you want lettuce?
>I WANT EVERYTHING IN THE PICTURE.
>rage
>worker guesses? then timidly asks if he wants oil vinegar salt pepper
>IS IT IN THE PICTURE?
>well you can't see salt and pepper
>THEN NO

so embarrassed\\. glad i didn't inherit that.