Tard Thread?

Tard Thread?
>in middle school
>there's this aspy kid
>let's call him billy
>billy is obsessed with england
>all he ever fucking talks about is how great the british empire was and will be again

Aspergers kids can't make eye contact. Was that ever a problem for him?

>in orchestra one day
>mentions how much he loves great britains legal system
>smartass me to the rescue
>tell him that great britain isn't a country
>anger in his eyes
>try and explain that it's an island, and the Uk is the country
>doesn't want to hear it
>steam building up in ears
>try and explain the geography of british isles
>he is visibly angry now for some reason

>shit starts going down
>billy grabs nearest music stand and hurls it at projector screen
>one of the chains comes undone, screen swings and smashes into violin on wall
>am upset, was beautiful violin
>teacher trying to calm billy down but to no avail
>billy uses bow as fencing foil
>stabs teacher in gut and runs out of the room
>sro tackles him in hallway
>i never try and explain the uk ever again

he didn't like to make eye contact with anyone. then again, no one tried to make eye contact with him either

>grade 9
>cafeteria is upstairs and the entrance shares a hallway to the tard sanctuary
>one of the tards is pretty much the alpha of the sanctuary
>we call him stomin morman because he loses his shit on the smallest things
>taco day for lunch, so we're all pumped
>we can over hear stormin norman complaining because he doesn't like tacos, and ground beef tastes like caca
>the tard wrangler tries to calm him down, brings him a tray with his lunch and say "if you don't try them, you won't know if you like them"
>stormin norman grabs a taco in each hand and crushes the tortilla shells with rage
>tard wrangler gets up to go get napkins to clean up the mess
>norman starts rubbing the taco meat all over another tard
>tard starts screaming
>norman gets even more angry from the screaming and starts hitting himself in the head with his meat hands
>tard wrangler swoops in at the knick of time and takes norman away
>that day we learned norman hated tacos

Fucking kekd thanks bro

I have a couple more if you're interested

Definitely

moar daddy

>middle school some time between 02 and 05
>get a class that consists of me being an aid to the classroom of the cripplingly painfully retarded
>2 teachers, both nice as fuck ladies, like uncomfortably so. think pre-k teacher
>the "students" are mouth breathing drooling unable to speak or even sit up right, some bigger than me
>get A's for chilling with them, putting in movies for them, telling the teach when one of them shit themselves
>exit the classroom to go get a drink or some shit
>at the very end of the tard hallway
>giant, black, slightly higher-functioning tard twice my size in the way
>lock eyes, i fucking freeze
>he makes to charge me
>PANIC IN PLACE
>a man i'd never seen before bolts out of a door
>dwarfed by the tard in full rage mode
>thousand yard stare, couldn't care less, grapples with him a bit
>wrangles him into the door he came out of
>hear lock
>the window on the door is covered in black paper

transferred the fuck out of that service class that same week

god save the tard guard

...

oops, forgot to paste

>same year right before christmas
>our school does this christmas assembly every year where the jazz band/concert band plays
>potato crew is singing a carol this year
>ohboyherewego.jpg
>I hear through the grapevine that they're singing "Noel"
>we're all dying of anticipation
>stormin norman walks in the middle of the gymnasium floor accompanied by a mini red potato, and a russet
>fucking guy is dressed up like a reindeer
>trying incredibly hard not to burst out laughing in the middle of the assembly
>norman starts belting out noel before the music starts in a forced retarded operatic voice
>other tards are confused and start quietly humming along
>norman gets frustrated and decides it's a good idea to remove his antlers and start beating the shit out of the smaller tard with them
>he goes full fucking raptor scream and runs out of the gym super fast
>tard wranglers gaining on him
>apparently he got tackled and his mom tried to sue the school
>that was the best assembly ever

that reminds me
>mildly aspy/derpy guy in HS
>would break out into song without noticing
>it was ALWAYS banana phone

Moar of Stormin Norman!

RING RING RING RING RING
BANANA PHONE

pre-typing now

>beginning of grade 12
>norman has started to attend regular classes
>I decided to take drama class as an easy credit, because why not
>walk into drama room
>there's norman sitting on a bean bag chair drinking an energy drink
>as if this guy needs an energy drink
>have this super stoner drama teacher who tells all of us to lay down on the carpet for the first 15 minutes of class for "warm up"
>this is canada by the way, so this kinda shit isn't rare
>the entire time norman is making these wretched growling and high pitched noises
>stoner teacher keeps politely telling him to stop
>norman only gets louder with these warnings
>stoner teacher is getting visibly frustrated, since this is obviously killing his buzz
>he puts his hand gently on normans shoulder and is about to say something
>norman swats his hand away, pushes the teacher down then starts the make raptor screaming noises
>says in his deep booming retard voice "FOOLISH"
>then bolts out of the room
>the councillor found him masturbating violently in the washroom about half an hour later

Something about retard stories kill me

Holy hell bless his heart.

>some kid has moderate autism
>no concept of people even having friends, much less wanting them
>turns to high school, he's there yet again
>still doesn't do anything
>cc
>says hi to me in class im in with him
>'oh hi'
>starts following me around randomly one day
>look at him like hes crazy which he is
>reacts by hugging me
>punch him in the face
>"i thought he was attacking me im sorry"
>they tell me he is no longer allowed on campus and wont be bothering me anymore

...

Dynamic exit into fap? thats weird.

Also, how the fuck are tards so strong and fast? They are like untrained Brock Lesnars, i never had to deal with them, but holy fuck, the stories of them makes me think of them as berserkers.

>had a few pals tell me tales of a summer-school tard
>made paper masks and wore them around like a luchador
>fatass called himself the hurricain
>'step aside citizens the hurricain is coming'
>someone draws a penis on his shirt
>too fat to reach it

...

dude, i dunno. it's legitimately frightening.

I don't mind her body. I think she's kind of cute. it's her personality, politics, and activism that I hate. also I wish she had bigger tits. E cups would look great on her.

It's like when Caesar in the planet of the apes movie shouts "NO"

...

punchable face for sure

i feel like if i met her in a sewer in nicaragua i couldnt stop that until she was motionless

does every thread on Sup Forums turn to porn?

This one is hilarious, thanks! Do you know what's become of him after he's graduated? No college of course, but I've always wondered where do such guys go?

especially if she started talking.

Since of Mericans of living of an exigency/emergency of a technology so I am of communication of spiel of technology of text of:_"-------\_
Three/3 communications/explanations/informations/texts of a technology:
1/One: body muscle movement caused/since of energies at human caused/since of energies sent from machines far of miles/kilometers;
and/or/an-other-communication of 2/Two: human of technology of machines...machines transmit/send energy...energy at/striked/hitting metals in human...metals moved/arranged...so/causing/thus...electricity of in of body so...body muscle flexing of human of living of tensing/slackening of muscle;
and/or/an-other-communication of 3/Three: STIMULATION OF BODY-MOVING/LIKE-SENSE SINCE OF ELECTRICITY OF CAUSED OF IN OF BODY SINCE 1. tiny metals in human 2. metals moved since of energies striked/hitting metals 3. energies sent/from machine far/distant/not-close/no-nearness of miles.
_/-------"_:-_
I got/received a text of communication/question/ask of technology of body muscle flexing caused of energies of machines far of miles:_"\_ Everyone knows this already. How do you fix it. _/"_:-_ . I am of communication/answer/reply of letter of word of language of text of:_"\_ Humans of policing/military live of:_[\_ slackening/tensing of muscles of earlier and later of slackening/tensing of muscles since of brain of body of since of human of living of brain of body of since of sense/sensation of communication/text/speech of computer program software of language of words of anything/everything/eachthing/allthings of human of living of _{-\_[-\_ slackening/tensing of muscles of earlier and later of slackening/tensing of muscles _/-]_{--\_[--\_ and _/--]_ and _[--\_ or _/--]_/--}_[-\_ flexing of muscles so of living of muscle of nearer and and or farther of muscle _/-]_/-}_/]_:-_/"_:-_ .

who dat?

never heard her voice but im sure

The UK isn't a country either you dolt

this down's syndrome chick that hbo gave a tv show to. they have her naked a lot, it's pretty exploitive, actually

it's a sovereign state, and therefor a country, you tardy fag

I likey norman :^)

lena dunham

Checked

Tard strength. They have no inhibitors built into the brain that prevents people from causing permanent damage to their bodies. They are glass cannons. Berserkers is correct

>this is a town of about 10,000 people, so it's not rare to run into people you know everywhere
>I work at the grocery store in the produce department at the time, and who walks in with his mom
>stormin fucking norman
>he looks like he's in a good mood from what I can see, but from what you've all already read, he's a bit of a loose cannon
>his mom looks tired as fuck, bags under her eyes, messy hair, and she just threw on clothes
>norman runs over to the cakes in the bakery and starts laughing and yelling at his mom to get one
>she ain't havin' this shit
>she keeps saying "norman", over and over, and louder and louder each time
>norman seems like he's getting frustrated with his mother's tone towards him
>he starts to yell "MOM MOM MOM MOM" in his booming voice
>his mom finally gives up, and starts to ignore him
>produce is right beside the bakery section, so I get a front row seat for this whole ordeal
>norman picks up a cake, and starts walking it towards the cart
>his mom does not want this cake
>norman gets frustrated, and eventually just straight up drops the cake on the floor
>cleanupinaisletard.png
>his mom looks extremely embarassed, grabs him by the hand, leaves the cart there and walks out of the store

looking back on that, I really felt bad for that woman. that's a lot of shit to deal with

Wales, Scotland, England, Northern Ireland make up the UK. Tell hiw the UK is 'a' country again.

Generally people have some form of restraint. you could rip an arm out of socket or flip some really heavy shit, you might fuck your back up but you have a little thing in the back of your head that says doing this will fuck us up too. Retards don't have restraint. they go from 0 to Turbo-Tard in an instant.

I voted Obama because, YES, WE CAN!

>At VMA
>Accepting Award
>Sperglord comes up on the stage and grabs the fucking mic
>Oh my god what the fu-
>Starts yelling out ass burgers shit about Beyonce
>What a cuck

>pair of brothers transferring to school
>came from a school that closed down due to having 15 students in total
>both are charmingly retarded
>sitting in class with either at my side
>kind of a rigorous class so im really concentrating
>loo mah bell bell
>turn to see the larger, older brother john standing up with his shirt lifted up maybe 5 or so inches from my face
>jiggles it all over the place, making me instinctively lurch backwards in the process of realizing what hes doing as i look at him
>t-that's great john wtf are you doing..
>sit down
>realize teacher has stopped explaining the material and look in front of me
>everyone is giving dead stares
>JOHNATHAAAAN STOP THIS INSTANTANEOUSLY
>the younger brother gets up from his chair, flinging it onto its side
>they grapple to the floor like two hippos making love
>disciplinary officer runs in, the teacher must have used the 2 way speaker on the wall that all class rooms have
>class continues, and i am presented with them the next morning
>i am explained that that is the way that john makes friends

See
I said the same thing. But you worded it a little better

he graduated, I think, but I'm not sure what he did after highschool. I'm pretty curious now, too.

Oh i see, i wish i could use tard strength too.

it's almost as if they have an adrenaline rush ability, like a redguard

Damn that's more sad than funny.

its called pcp

...

>L.A high-school around 2012
>In class
>Gang-banger types, "baby lungs" sits in front of me
>People affiliated with bloods, missing class because they have to show up to court
>Obviously autistic savant kid maybe 10 years old comes in
>White boy version of Urkel
>Old depressed teacher moaning over stock images
>Urkel yells out random shit all the time
>In the middle of a test, totally silent
>Baby lungs and some other cholo guy 5x his size are glaring at each-other
>Room gets tense
>Urkel yells as loudly as he can: "PAPER AND PENCILS!!!!"
I love aspies

>loo mah bell bell

kek

Does anyone have Timmy the Destroyer story?

Do i just get a limit break or i get crazy like Iori from Kof.

>Knew a Black Retard. Had Fetal Alcohol poisoning and bunch of other shit wrong with him. Violent as all hell. tried fighting everybody.
>Walking home and I see him hanging out on a hill. as I walk by he ask me for a sip of my drink as he was prone to do. Tell him no and keep walking.
>At the moment he decides he is going to jump me. Hear him coming amd turn around and see he took the jump part literally since he leaped right over me, did a front flip and landed right on the curb and fucked is already fucked up back up even more.
>keep walking home while retard screams linger on in the background.

That sounds just amazing

...

Is this real?

oh man i love this one

And we shall rule again!
Britannia rules the waves!

What was thw name of the show with the down syndrome chick

Hannah montana

The UK is a union of countries - England is the country.

What show is she from

lol I wrote about timmy years ago, he's works for a grocery store now as a night security guard.

If you actually wrote it you're a legend sir

Awesome. I bet he's great at it.

Any one with more stories?

I have a halloween stormin norman one, but it's pretty sad. and the rest are just him doing weird shit, like keeping a can of alphaghettis in his fanny pack, and putting mayonaise on pizza

New timmy story

Timmy joins the wrestling team.

>Junior year
>Playing soccer a lot and constantly go to school's weightlifting room after school
>Timmy is always there lifting weights because his parents can't pick him up until the school gym closes.
>Timmy is obsessed with leg and arm exercises, never does core, looks like a beast man with a gut shaped like a potatoe
>eventually most people that are not in sports teams can't use the gym for a certain part of the year, because of wrestling coach mostly
>timmy has nowhere to go, so as a joke i suggest he joins wrestling
>he likes WWE and started waving his hand saying 'YOOO CAN'T SEEEE MEEE"
>apparently this meant that it was on
>coach initially denies him into the team.
>timmy's parents get involved and they say they need to know he can do 3 things
>control his anger, don't do anything unhygienic, and that he actually knows how to wrestle.
>coach says he has to win one match from the team and then pairs him with the best wrestler there to get timmy out of his business
>coach made mistake giving timmy a change
>big wrestler has timmy pinned face first to the ground, trying to roll him to pin, arms wrapped around timmy
>Timmy finally gets some leverage and plants his feet
>Timmy's leg muscles are at maximum power as he stands straight up holding the arms of his opponent with equal strength
>in one sudden move, timmy powerslams the guy and is sitting on his chest pinning him
>coach can't believe it
>timmy was a wrestler
>almost went to state but quit when his mom freaked out at a match seeing her sons freakish strength

It is a country. That's like saying the US isn't a country because of their fifty states or Russia isn't because it's a federation

Thank you master

Wrong thread you retard

I forgot to mention a few things

>When timmy was on the wrestling team he's do really funny things in school
>he got a new ringtone and entered classrooms to john cena's enterence music, wearing sunglasses, with a ridiculous strut walk
>any time his name was called he'd scream, "the champ is here!"
> also after he won matches he brought a WWE toy belt to wear instead of his winners medal

Stupid nigger drawing lines in the sand.You can seperate and devide land as much as you want but at the end of the day it's still just land mass.

Do Americans siphon off their white aspie students to the minority districts to raise grades or something?

Does aspie counter the effect of niggardry? Like they're too awkward to fear the chimps and the chimps/cholos know if they assault the white tard they'll get raped in holding

I'm actualy crying from laughing so hard

So you're butthurt because you're wrong?

about what? I'm not replying to anything as this is my first post in this thread. I just noticed how stupid you are to concern yourself with such futile efforts

oh fuck me, I went to school with this kid.