Hello fellow Sup Forumsastards. I've reached a point where I no longer perceive a purpose in my life...

Hello fellow Sup Forumsastards. I've reached a point where I no longer perceive a purpose in my life, and feel no motivation to live other than guilt and obligation toward my family. Joy is short lived, and usually provided by a handful of vices like alcohol, leaving me with a sick, empty, low feeling after the short-lived high. I am sick of trying and failing constantly, and I have lost interest in pushing on in a pointless existence when the handful of people who care about me are usually hurt by me.
I am an asshole, and I want to take the asshole's way out. I want to stop hurting. I want to kill myself, and have, on and off, for about a decade.
Give me a good reason to live.
>inb4 do it faggot
>inb4 lebouf memes

Maybe I'll dump stuff while I wait. Suggestions?

Bump

Bump for interest

Depends of the person

travel. try new drugs. meet new people.
grow beyond yourself -its possible.
dont forget that you may be alone, but in the end of the day youre a Type, there are a lot of guys like you -like me.
Read. Watch movies. Learn.

I know any word can save you if you are really going for it. But dont. Just dont. Have the courage of living the life that you have been given (which is extremely different of the life of the majority of people). I will try to do the same -easy to say.
Suicide is the recognizement of a failure: your failure in living the life youve been given.

>bad English, I know.

...

I wish I could help you but your post described how I feel with pinpoint accuracy.

I have traveled. I now live abroad, in a country where it has been exceedingly difficult to get psychiatric help in English.
I spend most of my time drinking and watching movies, and I've watched everything from Fassbinder to Kurosawa to Spielberg to Hitchcock.
And as a white, lower middle class American, my life is VERY similar to countless others. The difference is my love life has been somewhat unique. And I got married to the second person I ever fucked.

The idea of suicide can push you to live.
Read Cioran and Pessoa. Also Nietzsche

Honestly you don't sound like you need a reason to live... you sound like a very, very short-sighted hedonist who would do just fine if you could think a few weeks in advance about how to get your worthless pleasures.

Exercising makes you feel better.
You can also try reading The book of secrets, by Osho -renounce everything, shut the fuck up and just be in the moment.
There are spiritual paths, drugs, etc, to explore
I know you dont feel like it, but fuck how you feel. You will feel it when the moment comes. You gotta Force Yourself.

Idealist spotted.
Let me guess: he should work for the improvement of Humanity, right?
Sure thing user

>humanity, society, whatever the fuck you call it

Oh and I love drugs. Tried plenty, would like to try plenty more. But I have a substance abuse problem, and a wife who would rather take a vacation than buy drugs with our money.

>pointless existence

this is up to you faggot. you could wake up just so you could smoke a bowl and burn ants with your magnifying glass. you created this guilt trip. all your misery is self induced.

>become MGTOW
>take drugs
>????
>you will die anyways, who cares about her opinion on the subject -shes a woman, if you know what I mean

Really? I mean yes, I created my situation myself, but my guilt is not merely a state of mind, I assure you. I have hit my wife. I have ignored my family. I have embarrassed myself and my wife. I have wasted a lot of money. I amassed a ton of student debt and am not likely to get a good job because I fucked around in school.

She is my closest and in many ways my only friend. I do want her in my life. Being with her is comfortable, and she loves me desperately. She would have left me before if she didn't.

>bla bla bla

yes really. so you have a shitty personality and behave like an asshole. that's just you dude. accept yourself and continue on. you choose to feel guilty and wallow in the messes you create. either change or accept yourself. right?

I've wasted countless hours seekig distraction in shit like this site as well when I should have been working, but chose not to because I don't see the reward in my work

Yes, except I've tried to change before and I keep making the same mistakes. Seriously. I can't keep anything in mind for very long and excelling or succeding at things in any way that isn't completely mediocre isn't something I can do. I don't want to continue, it's that simple. I'd rather sit around and do nothing for the rest of my life on a desert island than try to continue my life.
And accept myself as the almost-certainly alcoholic that I am? Sure, but it will destroy me and drag me even lower

I simply don't believe I can live my life in a way that doesn't fulfill a purpose other than selfish gratification and repaying my debt to others, considering contributing knowledge or ideas that will have an impact is mathematically nearly impossible.