Alright little nigglets settle in it's green text time

Alright little nigglets settle in it's green text time.
This happened to me 3 years ago to the day so it's time to share.

>be me 16 and virgin
>get invited to some chicks house to play video games
>she's a solid 6
>notintothatshit.png
>go into her room
>play games for a few hours
>she tells me she's a lesbian
>hellyeah.jpg
>suddenly were spooning
>i'm slightly confused
>fastforward 10 mins we making out
>firstkiss.jpg
>not knowing what to do i go along for 10 minutes
>she grabs my dick
>ohshit.gif
>i leave fast as fuck
>go home
>rinse out mouth with listerine
>get in the shower and start scrubbing
>they don't make water hot enough to remove the feeling
>lay in bed and try to forget

OP is a literal faggot

bump

...

I hope you die OP.

Bump

wait i'm new here was that supposed to be a joke or was that like a really bad attempt at a funny story or something

>be me in 7th grade and virgin
>at boyfriend's house to hang out over christmas
>his mother supplies us with alcohol, milkshakes and smirnoff
>hanging out or whatever
>we bake christmas cookies
>we burn them
>we share the least-burnt one and play baseball with the rest
>hang out, he loves to cook so teaching me about couscous. constantly reminding me that his friends think he's gay
>get tired later, just kind of chill in his room
>has me sit on his lap because 'boyfriends and girlfriends are supposed to do that'
>he feels uncomfortable
>I feel uncomfortable
>my mom comes to pick me up
>he kisses me
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>drunk first kiss in the parking lot
>dumps me a few weeks later because there's a girl in his band class cuter than me
>dumps me over a shared poptart, tells me they've already kissed
>calls me like two years later while I'm drunk at midnight to tell me he's still with her and that he wants to hang out
>why.jpg

Check Mate. nice dubs

bumping because still typing

bump

That shit was in 7th grade?

I was still watching Spongebob and learning to play with myself.

>be me, just into high school
>at friend's birthday party
>hottub party
>guy, we'll call him 'jake' being super nice to me
>hang out with him during entire party
>other guy 'jim' following me around once he sees the first guy hanging out with me
>who is this guy
>jim keeps bugging us the whole night
>jim tries to pull me into his lap when the other guy isn't around
>stand up uncomfortably
>jim starts crying
>"I know it's because I'm short"
>wut.jpg
>don't care about his height
>have never seen this guy in my life
>he claims to have a crush on me at school
>he has never said a word to me, I've never seen ihm before at all
>jim creeps me out, avoid jim
>hang out at party house until the next day
>still hanging out with dude I've been crushing on
>notice him whispering into phone
>he has a girlfriend
>tell him to fuck off
>jim sees
>see jim at school some days later
>jim is pursuing the guy's actual girlfriend
>discuss it with friends
>apparently jim has been stalking this guy for several years, pursuing girls that he likes
>mfw it's 6 years later and I realize that both jim and jake have been married to the same girl
>jake is still married to her
>jim got fat
>jim can't win
>jim still blames his shortness for lack of girlfriends

He wants more, obviously.
Don't give it, bro.

thanks

I thought it was weird at the time that his mom was willing to give us booze. My mom was cool with me having a bf because she was worried I'd be attracted to women, like my sister is

10/10, good read.

>be me
>72 years old
>not much happening

I want to take care of/hang out with older people as a career.
I know what loneliness feels like. Old people have seen some shit. Old people are great.

You're a complete liar, you got dubs. Now you can have a cake.

Idk why but I find this Fucking hilarious

This thread ae small, but the dubs are strong here. This thread has potential. I'm gonna type my story of my first old person.

>complete liar
Wish I was

Good luck with the dubs, maybe even trips if you put a finger in your bum.

I meant that you were lying that nothing much was happening since you did just get dubs...

what you do here granpa?

Shake my head

>be me
>junior year of high school
>smoke every day after school
>dealer buys from deep web
>offers a free quarter if he can ship the weed to my house
>hellyeahnig.jpg
>finally get the weed
>open the box and find syringes filled with brown liquid
>mfw
>isthisheroine.webm
>dealer says they're actually CO2 dabs
>medical grade shit fam
>proceed to dab and get mega blazed
And that was the day I thought I received a package of heroine

What that booty do grandpa??

>be me
>homeless, paying for room with cleaning/keeping a lady with dimensia company
>get second job at shitty postal company
>start improving life thanks to being able to care for woman
>call her nana, just like her grandkids do
>dimensia is strong in her
>she can't remember my name because dimensia
>starts calling me 'salt'
>I find it endearing
>thinks I'm her mother on her bad days
>don't tell her she's wrong, just take care of her and keep her happy and comfortable
>make her macaroni and cheese with ketchup every day
>her daughter is a hoarder, the grandkids don't clean, house absolutely atrocious
>do 3 loads of laundry per day
>fix the upstairs toilet, clear trash, unclog sinks, clean dog piss/crap and black mold off walls, get maggots out of weeks-old dirty dishes in sink, get it looking like a house over the course of months
>love the hell out of nana, she's completely bedridden
>we discuss "I love Lucy" every day
>watch it together whenever we can
>her shit granddaughter steals her bank card regularly to buy cocaine
>"she's not gonna use it anyway"
>hoarder daughter at work all day as a dispatcher supporting grandkids/paying house needs/buying and hoarding brand new clothes and then throwing them on the floor and never wearing them
>do my best every day
>they don't make sure nana eats
>they don't bathe her ever
>I'm literally just someone they picked up off the street, I don't know how to actually take care of her body but I keep her as happy as possible
>her family just runs her over with a spone once a week
>worse care than a nursing home
>they kick me out
>nana dies within a month after I'm out of the house
>nana was my best friend
>graduated medical school so i could take care of more nanas
>best job I've found so far is working in a warehouse
>someday.jpg

That would've scared me, I wouldn't have taken whatever it was.

Please mail me
[email protected]

>be 8 years old
>be a pussy slayer
>get invited over to friends house to play with legos
>get there
>start playing with the legos
>ass starts to itch.gif
>I then stick a lego up my bum
>feelsbadman
>still itching
>stick another one up my bum
>pants go from white to red
>friend tells me that the legos are his, and that I should not steal
>don't care, my ass itches. I say
>I stick one more up my bum hoping that it will relieve the itch
>did not help, I begin hemorrhaging
>friend out of no where rips my pants off with the anger of a feminist who just saw a man get a pay raise.
>he then sticks his fingers up my bum fishing for the legos
>does not succeed.webm
>he crys
>his mom comes to investigate
>notices me half naked with blood stains on the carpet
>calls parents to come pick me up
>parents arrive and take me home
>we had a steak dinner
>yum.jpg
>I then poop legos

Also check'em.

This post is a mess

Why?

Don't email them with your own email address, and beware of scams. Don't give your name or an email you use.

Thanks for the well-intentioned tip but, as you can imagine, I wasn't born yesterday.

My 59-year old roommate got his first computer a few weeks ago. He had his first virus within 4 minutes. I refuse to underestimate the gullibility of the older folk on the internet.

Well you may be right but I got my first computer when they used rotating drums for memory.