Alright little nigglets settle in it's green text time. This happened to me 3 years ago to the day so it's time to share.
>be me 16 and virgin >get invited to some chicks house to play video games >she's a solid 6 >notintothatshit.png >go into her room >play games for a few hours >she tells me she's a lesbian >hellyeah.jpg >suddenly were spooning >i'm slightly confused >fastforward 10 mins we making out >firstkiss.jpg >not knowing what to do i go along for 10 minutes >she grabs my dick >ohshit.gif >i leave fast as fuck >go home >rinse out mouth with listerine >get in the shower and start scrubbing >they don't make water hot enough to remove the feeling >lay in bed and try to forget
Jackson Young
OP is a literal faggot
Jacob Russell
bump
Christopher Johnson
...
Cameron Brooks
I hope you die OP.
Jordan Fisher
Bump
Caleb Scott
wait i'm new here was that supposed to be a joke or was that like a really bad attempt at a funny story or something
Josiah Ward
>be me in 7th grade and virgin >at boyfriend's house to hang out over christmas >his mother supplies us with alcohol, milkshakes and smirnoff >hanging out or whatever >we bake christmas cookies >we burn them >we share the least-burnt one and play baseball with the rest >hang out, he loves to cook so teaching me about couscous. constantly reminding me that his friends think he's gay >get tired later, just kind of chill in his room >has me sit on his lap because 'boyfriends and girlfriends are supposed to do that' >he feels uncomfortable >I feel uncomfortable >my mom comes to pick me up >he kisses me >feelsgoodman.jpg >drunk first kiss in the parking lot >dumps me a few weeks later because there's a girl in his band class cuter than me >dumps me over a shared poptart, tells me they've already kissed >calls me like two years later while I'm drunk at midnight to tell me he's still with her and that he wants to hang out >why.jpg
Justin Foster
Check Mate. nice dubs
Owen Perez
bumping because still typing
Easton Reed
bump
Colton Kelly
That shit was in 7th grade?
I was still watching Spongebob and learning to play with myself.
Lucas Brooks
>be me, just into high school >at friend's birthday party >hottub party >guy, we'll call him 'jake' being super nice to me >hang out with him during entire party >other guy 'jim' following me around once he sees the first guy hanging out with me >who is this guy >jim keeps bugging us the whole night >jim tries to pull me into his lap when the other guy isn't around >stand up uncomfortably >jim starts crying >"I know it's because I'm short" >wut.jpg >don't care about his height >have never seen this guy in my life >he claims to have a crush on me at school >he has never said a word to me, I've never seen ihm before at all >jim creeps me out, avoid jim >hang out at party house until the next day >still hanging out with dude I've been crushing on >notice him whispering into phone >he has a girlfriend >tell him to fuck off >jim sees >see jim at school some days later >jim is pursuing the guy's actual girlfriend >discuss it with friends >apparently jim has been stalking this guy for several years, pursuing girls that he likes >mfw it's 6 years later and I realize that both jim and jake have been married to the same girl >jake is still married to her >jim got fat >jim can't win >jim still blames his shortness for lack of girlfriends
Blake Ward
He wants more, obviously. Don't give it, bro.
Gavin Perez
thanks
I thought it was weird at the time that his mom was willing to give us booze. My mom was cool with me having a bf because she was worried I'd be attracted to women, like my sister is
Easton Cooper
10/10, good read.
Joseph Green
>be me >72 years old >not much happening
Lucas Clark
I want to take care of/hang out with older people as a career. I know what loneliness feels like. Old people have seen some shit. Old people are great.
Lucas Hughes
You're a complete liar, you got dubs. Now you can have a cake.
Isaac Campbell
Idk why but I find this Fucking hilarious
Justin Myers
This thread ae small, but the dubs are strong here. This thread has potential. I'm gonna type my story of my first old person.
Nathan Davis
>complete liar Wish I was
Angel Sullivan
Good luck with the dubs, maybe even trips if you put a finger in your bum.
Ryan Gonzalez
I meant that you were lying that nothing much was happening since you did just get dubs...
Chase Gomez
what you do here granpa?
Christopher Evans
Shake my head
Adam Brooks
>be me >junior year of high school >smoke every day after school >dealer buys from deep web >offers a free quarter if he can ship the weed to my house >hellyeahnig.jpg >finally get the weed >open the box and find syringes filled with brown liquid >mfw >isthisheroine.webm >dealer says they're actually CO2 dabs >medical grade shit fam >proceed to dab and get mega blazed And that was the day I thought I received a package of heroine
Nolan Thompson
What that booty do grandpa??
Jack Wright
>be me >homeless, paying for room with cleaning/keeping a lady with dimensia company >get second job at shitty postal company >start improving life thanks to being able to care for woman >call her nana, just like her grandkids do >dimensia is strong in her >she can't remember my name because dimensia >starts calling me 'salt' >I find it endearing >thinks I'm her mother on her bad days >don't tell her she's wrong, just take care of her and keep her happy and comfortable >make her macaroni and cheese with ketchup every day >her daughter is a hoarder, the grandkids don't clean, house absolutely atrocious >do 3 loads of laundry per day >fix the upstairs toilet, clear trash, unclog sinks, clean dog piss/crap and black mold off walls, get maggots out of weeks-old dirty dishes in sink, get it looking like a house over the course of months >love the hell out of nana, she's completely bedridden >we discuss "I love Lucy" every day >watch it together whenever we can >her shit granddaughter steals her bank card regularly to buy cocaine >"she's not gonna use it anyway" >hoarder daughter at work all day as a dispatcher supporting grandkids/paying house needs/buying and hoarding brand new clothes and then throwing them on the floor and never wearing them >do my best every day >they don't make sure nana eats >they don't bathe her ever >I'm literally just someone they picked up off the street, I don't know how to actually take care of her body but I keep her as happy as possible >her family just runs her over with a spone once a week >worse care than a nursing home >they kick me out >nana dies within a month after I'm out of the house >nana was my best friend >graduated medical school so i could take care of more nanas >best job I've found so far is working in a warehouse >someday.jpg
Ryder Lee
That would've scared me, I wouldn't have taken whatever it was.
>be 8 years old >be a pussy slayer >get invited over to friends house to play with legos >get there >start playing with the legos >ass starts to itch.gif >I then stick a lego up my bum >feelsbadman >still itching >stick another one up my bum >pants go from white to red >friend tells me that the legos are his, and that I should not steal >don't care, my ass itches. I say >I stick one more up my bum hoping that it will relieve the itch >did not help, I begin hemorrhaging >friend out of no where rips my pants off with the anger of a feminist who just saw a man get a pay raise. >he then sticks his fingers up my bum fishing for the legos >does not succeed.webm >he crys >his mom comes to investigate >notices me half naked with blood stains on the carpet >calls parents to come pick me up >parents arrive and take me home >we had a steak dinner >yum.jpg >I then poop legos
Also check'em.
Colton Gray
This post is a mess
Robert Johnson
Why?
Cameron Thompson
Don't email them with your own email address, and beware of scams. Don't give your name or an email you use.
Parker Bennett
Thanks for the well-intentioned tip but, as you can imagine, I wasn't born yesterday.
Xavier Perez
My 59-year old roommate got his first computer a few weeks ago. He had his first virus within 4 minutes. I refuse to underestimate the gullibility of the older folk on the internet.
Justin Morgan
Well you may be right but I got my first computer when they used rotating drums for memory.