We confess to crimes we have committed

We confess to crimes we have committed

>it's late no one will see this

I killed a man

I have pictures of cheese pizza on my computer.

I tore a "Do not tear" tag off a shirt once.

I went in the 10 item or less express till at the supermarket... but I had 11 items.

i removed the "do not remove" tag on my mattress

Drove over 100 mph on the highway once

sick fuck

I enjoyed an Ewe Boll movie...

I talked during nap time

I killed a man in Reno just to watch him die

I thought Postal was worth a laugh.

Finally figure out a way to make a million dollars. Try to share my knowledge but no one will believe me. Now I throw shit all over in public restrooms to release my anger.

I tore a "do not remove except by owner" tag off my neighbors mattress.

did you stab him?

I used to actually fuck some of my relatives. Considered incest in the states. There's not a lot to do between KCMO and Omaha. I started at it when I was 14. Although it's water under the bridge, I'm sure still quite close to my sister in particular.

borrowed a housemates egg when i didnt have one

he borrowed one back the other day

9/11

I jerked off to the movie Philadelphia.

Mods

I enjoyed John Carter

Broke into a country gas station and stole beer and smokes. We came from a cornfield across the street from the store, hit the glass door with a brick and went in, we were wasted so we ended up with a garbage bag full of Virginia Slims 120's Menthal. Also, spilled all the beer we got in the corn field running like hell.

I ate a twig

Back when the internet as we know it was new (early nineties) and much more like the wild west, I saw quite a lot of shit that would get one in very hot water.

Arson, made my local paper

01000110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 01110011 01100101 01101100 01100110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100100 01110101 01101101 01100010 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 01110100 01100001 01110010 01100100 00100000 00001010 01011001 01101111 01110101 00100111 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101100 01101001 01110100 01100101 01110010 01100001 01101100 01101100 01111001 00100000 01110010 01100101 01110100 01100001 01110010 01100100 01100101 01100100

Years ago I burnt a bum's house by accident with some kid from my block.
Want me to tell the story? I will if you're interested Sup Forums

Slashed a girl's tire.

Nice, I did some of that in my time. Long ago

I indirectly killed my own father after I found out tht he was merely using me. (got sent back to marocco because his only reason to stay here lawfully was having a son who needs him, and I denied any relations between me and him, he got stoned in his home-village for leaving his family for a christian woman)

I acquire and redistribute a certain white substance.

semen

Email phishing scheme at my university. Stole almost a thousand passwords. A lot of people used the same password for their Facebook and personal email.

>01100100
Nice work

I raped and beat my ex gf because she cheated on me. We were teenagers....

Nice try coppers i aint tellin you shit

you guzzle cum?

Shot a hiker on purpose, claimed it was an accident because she wasnt wearing an orange vest.

How would he redistribute the cum after guzzling?

By separating it from his shit with his teeth.

Holocaust, not sure if you can consider this a crime but yeah been there done that.

Date raped ex because she cheated on me. Got her passed out drunk and fucked her in the ass in the front yard and left her on the ground with an anal cream pie. Her girl friend told me she could barely walk the next day. Her landlady may have seen her. Still feels right 10 years later.

I kill marta del castillo

I put a Wendy's burger in a Burger King bag at sea once.

I'm technically a pirate...

I kill cats and dogs i find in my neighborhood.

What was he using you for? There's got to be a pretty good reason for wanting him deported

#687764339
I've told a penny off the ground, I knew I should have just gave it to the police.

i stole some guy from my schools car when i was drunk and drove to another party from the one we were at
he doesnt like me much

YOU CANT FOOL ME FBI.

Onviously to stay in the US you dumb fuck. Ever heard of anchor babies?

I leave my cum on children's playgrounds.

I don't find that as a likely reason to want your father deported. If that's the reason, then it's a fucking dumb one

Fraud: I've saved and made thousands using fake loyalty cards for shops. I modified a travel ticket app to get free travel.

Theft: I've stolen countless things from work, laptops, phones, money.

Assault: I pushed a man clean off his feet for no reason whatsoever. It was a dark street and he was on his own and drunk.

I dick flash random women as a fun hobby.

I told a girl that bullied me in class (note: i was the silent kid with superior grades)
that she looked ugly as fuck and i told her every bit of detail she was insecure about, also the ones she can't change, like her big penis-shaped nose. Class went silent. Teacher was laughing his ass off, girl cried, i made friends. It gave me confidence and the girl i just rekt has no friends anymore

my god... you

PUSHED

a drunk man??

How are you even living with yourself right now? People like you are the scum of the earth.

I raped a virgin girl while on leave from the navy

YOU SICK FUCK

Kek

...

i stole an ash tray.
also like...a walnut from wallmart..just 1 tho

I shitpost random pictures that i get from facebook

I downloaded a movie.

I didn't tip my waitress tonight even tho the service was excellent.

GG mate

You're in the Navy... no one is surprised that you raped someone.

R@y?

I'm sure this is breaking some law.

...

Rich kid crime

Was in the navy not anymore

bet you think you're edgy af you lonely neckbeard.

>b8 af

Tbf she was super asking for it.

I didn´t even know I had a father until i turned 16, when he called me and told me he wanted to meet up n shit, I was extremely excited and didn´t tink anything bad could come out of it. he gave me some presents, money, was really nice to me, and then out of the blue asked me to do a favor for him, I was supposed to tell some civil servants that I needed him and all that. When I asked him why I never got to see him before, it was clear he was making up bullshit so i wouldn´t get mad and all my excitement turned to anger. Told him I´d do it, and when I got asked about my father in the office later, I told them he was just a stranger who wanted to pay me in order to say good things about him.

I accidently all the pizza

nice cash

Hahahahahahahahahaha you piece of shit

I derail threads i dont like

I am the angle fish. Aka manglerfish

Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ.

Edge lord

who didn't?

What?

I'm not posting in here as a regret...

Sorry that I didn't rape him

Holy get for jesus

How did you know

how the fuck does the travel ticket thing work

Surprise is that it was not a man

>Jesus Christ
>lucky 7's
Check'd

Because you grew like a mushroom out of a sandnigger

with this thumb

I shot the sheriff.

Bush? Is that you?

scared the shit out of these 5 19 year olds for smoking pot behind my garage. Asked them to leave and they told me ok and came back 5 mins later. me and 3 of ny friends went ahead and put on these masks and confronted them. They were scared shitless. We forced them to get on their knees and pretended we were gonna beat one with a metal bat. Did the whole "enie meenie minee mo" thing and they were legit trembling and crying. Then we just wacked the fence next to them to scare them and yelled at them to run. Still havent had a problem with them since

It's pronounced "Hey-Zeus"
And I don't know you

Hot

I fucked a table if that counts

I thought you shot the deputy?

I downloaded music from thepiratebay