Its that time Sup Forums. Share your secrets!

Its that time Sup Forums. Share your secrets!

>I was born with phimosis (tight foreskin)
>not bad enough to be detected
>but bad enough that my glans would barely get exposed during an erection
>because of this, masturbating with the normal technique was pretty much impossible
>so i started masturbating differently
>i literally humped an ottoman cube while watching porn
>like i'd get on my knees and start humping until cumming
>with my pants on
>all my boxers got stained
>eventually developed jock itch because of it.
>one day at 16 yo wonder why isnt my glans exposed during erections
>research
>realize i have phimosis
>start pulling my foreskin back little by little in the shower
>in a few weeks, i can already expose my glans
>one day while shitting, I pull it all the way back
>thefuckinghorror.jpg
>i had huge, white buildup of some shit all around my glans
>it fucking smelled terrible
>like 500 rotten fish and a million shit stained corpses
>get scared af and think i have penis cancer
>research, turns out its smegma, dried cum mixed with piss and sweat
>spend the next month cleaning it
>some of it was so fucking embedded it took like 3 "sessions" to scrub it off
>really smelled terrible

Always clean your dick well boys

bump

bump by sharing a secret you fag

My girlfriend broke up with me because I failed to fuck her

failed or didnt even try?

I tried but I wouldnt get hard so my dick wouldnt get in and we wasted all the condoms.

My car's mom tried to finger me in the back of my friend

>condoms
found your problem

I burned millions of republican primary ballots to ensure a trump victory

I am laughing so hard at this post and I don't know why

protected sex?

...ok.

The only reason I'm with my gf is so I can groom her 12 yo daughter

i fap to CP on tor occasionally

12yo girls dont need grooming...they are all dtf

God speed user

Ha. Cause it's rather pathetic, that's why

enjoy prison

is she ugly or are you just gay?

I guess it was...

im still a virgin btw and she's now married.

...

>12yo girls dont need grooming...they are all dtf
They are curious as fuck, but have no idea what fucking actually is. They understand the mechanics, but that's about it.

>God speed user
Ty

dayum

She was actually very hot like 8.5/10 in fact I always wondered why the hell she was with me because I see myself as a 5 at most.

I think I might be asexual, or at the moment I was just consumed by nerves

no, they know.

With this in mind, how do you feel about your parents deciding not to cut your foreskin off?

I'm actually grateful tbh and most girls from my country hate cut dicks, circumsicion here really isnt common

i bump dying threads

This one doesn't

You fucking monster

around 2006 I started breaking into email accounts as a hobby. was bored, got nudes, etc.

Over time the major provides started to put in more and more security countermeasures making my job harder. The hardest to work around was geographic restrictions, I had to rent VPS/servers in the target countries to work from.

After a while this got expensive, so I opened it up as a service for others to use - pay a monthly fee, get access to the network, break into accounts. A few dozen people involved, so I could expand it.

Eventually fucks like google got really localised and the VPS method wasn't enough. One of the 'customers' came to me and offered use of a botnet he ran if we'd split the profit. So now instead of 50 or so VPS's, we had a network with thousands of endpoints covering pretty much each city.

After a while my new partner convinced me we should start taking on private contracts for tricky cases. He covered the background work (exploits and payloads), I covered the customer UI and support, and we started getting some good money for targeting individuals.

I still work part time but most of my money comes via that service. I never planned for this, each step just came after the one before. I don't know if I should take this as far as it can go or quit now before it goes wrong.

tl;dr accidental cybercriminal

is she retarded or something?

Glad to know. I am having a kid early next year and if it's a boy I'm won't have him cut.

No, Russian.

When my nephews stay with me I let them shower with me and my gf. Their parents are conservative godfags so they are pretty sheltered. It's fine with just me and them but they would flip the fuck out if they knew gf also joined us. They are staying with me this week but we showered at the pool earlier today though

uncutfag here.

I'm sure it's fine whatever you choose. small risks either way, but long term it'd work out.

I just don't see the point of chopping off body parts without a solid medical reason.

Can blackmail guy reporting

when i was 10 i put my tongue in my dogs asshole

i was caught by my dad tongue kissing my dog

i used to stick TinkerToys up my ass to check for worms

i had sex with my 11 yr old cousin

>i was a fucked up kid

I interview and get good job offers just to turn them down and feel better about myself

usually an anxiety thing. i've had to work through this with two diff virgins
greentext

i smell my sisters used panties, lick her dildos and fap into her lube.

Are you a girl or a dick?

got any pics of her?

>I just don't see the point of chopping off body parts without a solid medical reason

this. different user here, I live in the US and cutfags were the majority when I was growing up, i was one of the few uncutfags, never wished i was cut, glad I wasnt. Much less common herei live in same area still) now, 20+ years later, was probably 85% cut when I was a kid, pretty much 50/50 now.

gril

My girlfriend is a miserable selfish piece of shit that made shitty life choices and blames it on anxiety.

Financially without a husband she will never be able to afford her own car (a new one) or a house.

I am very successful, but I still have to go through one more year of on the job training before making top wage, then I can accept a permanent full time position if any jobs are available.

Currently she looks after my pets while I work, and I make her pay for half the rent. She also cleans because she has OCD which is useful to me.

Currently I have a lot of credit card debt, but when I have a permanent position that will be easy to pay off due to my salary.

Right now I am currently hiding money away, and when I get a full time position I plan on leaving her. I may wait until the debt is paid down if she is tolerable.

Currently have $8000 in a seperate bank account she has no idea about, the cash I will use for a lump sum down payment once she is gone and my credit card debt is paid. Until then I will continue saving money while paying down my debt.

Some people may say why don't I just leave her now if she's so horrible?

Well my rent will double, I may have to give up my pets due to long working hours, and if I become single I'll start partying regularly and spending a lot of money on cocaine. As long as she's around I don't party and do drugs.

Short term misery for long term gain.

sometime you have to bite the bullet and look for what's best in the future. is the sex good? post pics of pets also ffs

>be me, 20 yo, just broke up with long-term gf (about two years)
>hadn't been single since high school, so was beta af
>get invited to party and fail at flirting all night
>after a few hours, this horridly ugly grill starts talking to me
>she was seriously -1/10
>fucked up teeth that were turning yellow
>saggy, acne-covered skin all over body
>at least 300 lbs
>stretch marks everywhere (even on neck)
>smelled like dirty garbage
>I politely blow her off and go to bed alone
>fast forward two weeks
>ugly bitch adds me on fb
>surewhythefucknot.png
>she starts messaging me
>turns out she's an imbecile, too
>can hardly understand what she's typing
>ignore her for the most part (message back occasionally if bored)
>fast forward another few weeks
>still no hawt secks since broke up with gf
>fapping three or four times a day
>standards have tanked completely
>while fapping, hear ping noise from fb
>check without finishing (that's how low I was at that point)
>it's ugly bitch
>start messaging her while fapping
>lose all self-control - ask for nudes
>she obliges almost instantly
>ohthehorror.jpg
>even worse without clothes
>go soft immidiately, go to sleep
>days go by
>she keeps sending me nudes almost every day
>one night I'm already asleep, she messages me
>open one eye, check my phone
>she is asking if she wants me to come over
>it's like 3 in the morning
>roll over, get ready to go back to sleep
>then I think of how vagina feels
>can't overcome urge to fuck something
>text back yes
cont?

Are you me?

My wife came home from "work". Went upstairs and took a shower. I went up and asked her why she was getting a shower so early. She told me she had a sinus headache and that the shower would make it go away. She turned around and on her ass was a perfect handprint. That's my secret.. I know she's fucking around and soon I'm going to do something about it.

what

Borderline addicted to cam chat sites, can't get enough of it, especially during school holidays

>going to do something about it.
3some?

When I was 5 I went full penetration on my femboy neighborhood(same age)

I convinced a couple kids to take nude photos of their parents when I was 8
One kid said his health teacher told him to so they had a huge investigation

I'm the kinky superhorny quiet type

>greentext
Not a lot to greentext yet. I tell her she's pretty/sexy when she's wearing tight or revealing clothes, give her shoulder massages, small things like that. Going to take it slow, she'll be ready in a year or two.

the plot thickens...0.o

is she weird about it? does she seem to purposefully wear that stuff around you?
does she have siblings that you show preference over?

I hope you honestly get arrested and thrown into jail

she was ready 2 years ago

cancerous

What if he gets dishonestly arrested?

I dont care how if he's actually grooming a 12 years old he should be thrown into jail

he can sit in jail with the rest of the dindus and hope justice system works(lol)

Maybe she slapped her own ass user

Pls cont user

...

Dating a garbage single mom to fuck her daughter. Men are superior, they say.

(lol)

Yes nigger

Funny story.

I think I signed up for realitykings? I don't remember exactly. But I bought a year membership to just porn, whatever site I bought into had a cam section I never used.

I only watched porn on my iPad and didn't save the password, nothing else. My girlfriend didn't even know the password, but she knew I paid for porn and didn't care.

Somehow, someone got my login info, which my email was linked too, I was at work and checked my email, and had a password change request, confirmation of a lifetime membership, and they blew $300 on tokens to give to the cam models.

Think of the argument I had when I tried to get that money back from the bank and porn company.

YES I ORDERED A YEAR SUBSCRIPTION THE PORN IS MINE, BUT NO I DID NOT BUY A LIFETIME MEMBERSHIP OR TOKENS FOR CAM WHORES.

NO I WAS NOT DRUNK IN THE LAST 24 HOURS

NO MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER IS NOT WATCHING CAM GIRLS

NO, I DONT HAVE ANY CHILDREN SO THEY ARENT WATCHING CAM GIRLS

Was it you who did this to me user?

Me and my boyfriend are really into bondage, and the first time we tried it we did it in his house (he lives with his mother), he locked the door of his room and tied me up, we fucked and all was great untill we realized he couldn't untie me (the fucking knot was impossible to undo, apparently he messed it up at some point while tying me) he looked for scizors or something to cut the rope but he couldn't find anything. So we spent like 3 hours sitting there, waiting for her mother to leave.


needless to say after all those hours tied up my hands, legs and chest sore like hell. Still do bondage thou.

Deluded fool. She's been ridden more than her mom!

ALEX is a Fucken NIGGER

when my uncle brought his girlfriend to visit when i was 13 they got really drunk and passed out on the couch when tehy were supposed to be watching me
long story short i ended up taking pictures of her tits and pussy with my little cheap polaroid camera. i even got up enough courage to rub my cock on her pussy lips for minute. almost put it in but she kind of moved and i chickened out. i kind of think my uncle was watching me, swear his eyes were open at one point then when i double checked they were clsoed really tight

even my 8yo niece owns a pocket knife. fucking shit your bf is useless

i'm in a 5 year relationship and i think i'm falling in love with a friend of mine who happens to be in a 5 year relationship too.. man i'm so fuck'd..

I've helped my exgf fuck a dog and she loved it

storytime?

I don't know weather to play it safe with the girl I am with atm or cut loose and be free for my last two years of college, she's amazing in every way (apart from having a slightly upper class/snobbish way of looking at things) but for some reason I don't feel like I love her as much as she loves me, any advice Sup Forums...?

Think like a woman! Use her to maximum advantage!

that's what i thought atm lol

Same shit

I'm a pussy. I always see cute girls, some which even look at me, and I SEE them look at me. Just this morning I went to breakfast with my sister and this cute as fuck girl was checking me out, so what did I do? fucking nothing. I'm such a fucking faggot, and I'm going to die alone.

Yes please!

I'm the normiest of normies, socially active, charismatic and friendly but one of these I'm afraid I'll kill myself.
I was raped 18 months ago by a man, and since then I've been having several awful anxiety attacks. And it gets a little worst every time.

then time stamped tits or GTFO

That was 20 minutes ago, you can forget about that cont

cont'd from >turns out she lived like fifteen minutes away from me
>as soon as she's there, there was this weird tension in the air
>like we both knew what this was
>I start taking off my clothes, so she starts taking off hers
>we both just stand naked
>I try not to look
>I ask if she has a preference for positions
>she gets kind of sad/awkward
>"don't you want to make out some, first?"
>hahaha, nope. But it's already fucking weird enough, so I start kissing her
>her breath was terrible, smelled like tuna salad and onions
>she keeps shoving her tongue in my mouth
>we're laying down now, and I start to rub her pussy
>It was like putting my hand in pond water
>after about 90 seconds of this, I finally reach over for the condom drawer
>"I'm on the pill"
>I debate for a few seconds, but decide she was way too fugly to have had much sex
>Go in bareback
>She's sopping wet, and not in a good way
>I think it was mostly sweat
>I close my eyes and picture Gianna Michaels
>I come buckets in about 30 seconds
>Tell her to get on all fours
>Ram it back in her
>Fuck her doggy for a couple minutes
>come buckets again
>still hard
>mightaswellkeepgoingatthispoint.webm
>plow her for about five more minutes, come a third time
>much less epic
>finally have quenched my thirst
>and that's when I realize what I'd done
>nearly puke
>suddenly smell her swamp vag
>the smell has filled the room like tear gas
>pull out and go to the bathroom
>lock the door behind me, leaving her filled with my loads
>Scrub myself for nearly thirty minutes
>When I come out of the shower, she's gone
>Left a scribbled note saying "call me"
>throw it away
>delete number from phone
>unload entire can of febreeze in room
>wash all bedding twice
>delete her from facebook
>"never again, user"
side note: as far as I know, she didn't have any STDs (thank fuck), but did give me crabs. Now, to finish the story

Once walked into the office at work unannounced to see my female boss sat at her desk looking a bit cross eyed. She recoils and says don't you knock user?

Whole room smelled of pussy juices and she was blushed.

I might ask if I can fuck her, she's always flirting, I'll put her on the spot see what she does.

I eat at McDonald's and I live in Europe

>is she weird about it? does she seem to purposefully wear that stuff around you?
She wears it more after I complimented her on it
>does she have siblings that you show preference over?
No, she's an only child

Nah, I prefer them around 14/15 and willing, 10 is too rapey in my eyes

Humans are garbage in general, gender doesn't matter

Nope. She had to get hpv vaccination recently, two shots since she's still a virgin.

Feels bad man, the thing I hate about this shit most is that if the gender roles were reversed you'd be called out for being a fucking misogynistic nazi bastard for dumping her

QG are you here?

I want to cuck my girlfriend

This is my weiner

it could be beter to dump her now
because depending on the country you will get fucked over when you dump her while you make top money
so beter to live half a year with a debt than to live the rest of your live paying for everything for her

hahaha holy shit user

>get blatantly asked if im boy or girl
>say girl
how is this attention seeking

tits or GTFO