Does anybody here have a history of self harm?

Does anybody here have a history of self harm?

> What did you do?

> How did you get into it?

> How / Why did you quit?

Other urls found in this thread:

image2.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=83001103
beta.deadbydaylight.com/saveme/ee70b0c816ab1bcaa541b7852789042f
twitter.com/AnonBabble

No because I wasn't an edgy faggot

I would smack my head whenever got angry. It calmed my nerves down. To this day I still do it but not at an extreme rate. Self-harming doesn't mean you're edgy or just want attention (unless you boast about on Facebook like one bitch I know). You do it because you hate yourself and want to punish yourself for things that you can't be held accountable. OP if you hurt yourself, please get some help. There are people who love and care about you.

Thanks mate, I don't self harm anymore, but it's been on my mind a lot lately.

Yeah well I am.

I used to bash my head onto things when I was a teen. I tell myself and others that I did it for laughs, since doing so would make the people around me laugh. In truth, I hated myself and still do to a degree. I just don't hit things anymore because I don't see a point.

Two head injury people? Is this more common than I figured? Was there any long term damage?

Why did you hate yourself?

Cut, starting with my thighs. Scar tissue built up there to the point I couldn't really feel the paid, moved to my left arm. Heated up the blade once to really fucking feel it, and it left a decent scar.

I got into it when one of old exs cut. She was severely depressed and over time it fucking wore me down. And at this point I was predisposed to depression because I hang on to shit emotionally that doesn't matter. It's like having 1000 pounds of baggage on your back that you can't put down.

I tried to quit for another girl, actually.. That same girl sent me into such a deep depression that I actually decided that self harm wasn't even worth my time and I didn't get out of bed for at least two weeks.

cut on upper arms so it could b hidden by a tshirt. eventually just started to feel better about things. everythings catching up again but im not letting myself start self mutilation again. i wear a rubber band and smack the shit outta it whenever i think about it

>prevented myself from reaching my potential in life
>have poor self esteem
>see no hope

I still do. I don't enjoy pain or anything, I just have an inferiority complex

I'm sorry to hear that mate, It's really, really easy to cut your thighs to the point of near-mutilation.

Girls aren't worth it though, you can do better than that.

I used to pull hair out of my head
In public
I couldnt stop, shaved my head

Thank you, someone else.

I have a terrible inferiority complex combined with just seeing way too many people die.

There's nothing worse than being unable to look at another person without hating yourself and your weakness.

I punch concrete and brick walls to turn the sadness into pain, I've broken two knuckles on my right hand and I just keep punching instead of going to the doctor

I've started wearing a rubber band as well, has it worked for you?

It's not too late, it's never too late.

She was not the soul reason for cutting by any means, it was a culmination of every tiny thing in my life, a terrible self esteem, and rather extreme self-criticism. My father was diagnosed with depression, as well, so I honestly think I'm somewhat at a disadvantage with that. I found out his depression well after mine.
Also, I was a stupid fucking teenager with no job.

i cut myself

just started doing it, no reason that i can remember

stopped cus ran out of space to cut

Sideways for attention, longways for results.

I usually bite my arms whenever I feel angry or when I want to cry.

I didn't feel like cutting myself cuz it would be too obvious so i did that instead

It seems to me that an acute sense of self is a huge factor in self harm, very often exasperated by genetic factors. Do you still think about it?

Cutting distal to proximal has a high mortality rate, most people who cut aren't suicidal. Lateral to medial cuts work just fine.

the rubber band helps a little but writing the shit down helps to cause you dont feel like anyone is judging you and you can write exactly how you feel or dont. as gay as that sounds

I used to self harm, probably got my issues worse
I would hold my jugulars until i felt fuzzy and lost control of myself
i used to do it so much that people saw red marks and asked questions

ok heres my story oof cutting myself >got a new pocketknife >for some reason i cut my thumb on purpose >i quit because it hurt

Nah, that's not "gay" at all. I spent two weeks Baker acted back in 2010 and that was a daily event, dairy writing. It helped a lot. I'm glad for your recovery.

Very high risk of infection with that, be careful mate.

Did that and biting my hand when I was a kid/early teens, stopped all self harm for a few years, then I started cutting myself in the fall. I stopped in the spring, but it was a coping mechanism for when I was suicidial, so I wound up eating 2 bottles of tylenol one day in april and landed my ass in emerg when I came clean to my gf what I did. Wound up diagnosed bipolar and put on latuda.

self induced hypoxia is dangerous, many people have died accidentally from it. Do you still do it?

Good man

That amount of patients i've seen with acetaminophen overdose is astronomical. Why do people think that it will kill them? It just ruins your liver/kidneys.

Does the medication help?

To be fair, it would be fatal, albiet excrutiating, if left untreated.

The meds keep me level, although my midday dose has me needing a daily siesta. Will have to ask the psychiatrist about just taking one large dose before bed. Also makes it take forever to cum and don't get as hungry.

>I often burn myself. I stuck a lighter to my arm 2 years back I still have a scar from it
>I can't really feel anything, as edgy as that sounds. Heat makes me feel, not exatcly love or compassion but it's something.
>I haven't

Oh yes, I do. I look at my scars and realize I have little to no regrets in the matter. I feel like it helped me at certain points. I didn't cut to relieve myself of pain or sadness, I cut to feel fucking something, anything.
I'm 21, working a dead end job, and haven't done a damned thing with his life. Flunked out of college.
When I first flunked out I felt so much better. I thought this was time for a change, I thought everything would be awesome again. I got a job, I felt on top of the world. Recently I began thinking about it.
Not a goddamned thing has changed. I'm still wasting time for the soul purpose of being able to live another day. What really is the point?

I "joke" with my friends that I won't live to 30, but it is a legitimate belief. I probably won't.

Realistically, I need help. I need help that I cannot afford, and cannot ask for. When I was young I cried a lot. I was an emotional kid, to the extent my father would yell at me to suck it up. Over time I stopped crying, I ignored sadness, I held in anger, and stayed neutral as possible towards any situation. The last time I cried was actually two years ago when I did flunk out of college.
This is easily one of the biggest contributing factors to my depression. 100%. But because of this, I have no legitimate factors in my life to say that yes, I should be depressed.
No, I was raised in a middle class Christian family (religion also fucked me up pretty bad, actually). I was not abused. I have a great relationship with my mother. I can't say the same about my father, but I love him as such. He's a good man who means well, his tactics of speaking to me simply don't work. We're on different wavelengths entirely.

There have been so many times I fucking wished I had a reason. Something I could be able to use to legitimize my feelings.


You made me go much farther with that than I could have ever anticipated. I needed that, user. Thank you.

thanks

I have sliced the fuck out of my shoulders and torso. Over 100 scars and I count them frequently to remind myself of my failures.

I started doing it when relationships would go sour. As a punishment because no matter what caused the rift, I would always blame myself.

I stopped because I don't have a relationship anymore so the pressure of my perceived constant failure is low enough that I don't feel the need to display it on my skin. I'm petrified to get attached to anyone cos I feel way too strongly that it will start up again.

Was there any long term organ damage from the overdose? and how long ago was this? Are you on the meds forever?

You're welcome mate, if it makes you feel any better, I didn't decide what I wanted to do with my life until 22.

I failed college immediately out of high school and worked a dead end job for two years before I decided to go to Fire Academy and become a firefighter/EMT

years later i'm on the road to becoming a physician, but those scars never really fade, and the urge doesn't leave. Just don't give up.

Cut all over legs/fingertips
No one could see, no one to stop me

Was very depressed, couldn't control feelings any other way

Have yet to quit

It was in april, no lasting organ damage. On medication permanently because bipolar

Over what length of time did you make those cuts?

Self blame, self hate, and acute anxiety seem to be the most driving factors.

It started with my punching myself and slapping my face when I'd fuck something up. One time I decided to shoot myself so I went to my car to grab a straight razor because I wanted to carve a bunch of hurtful things into my skin to let the people who would find me and my family know what pieces of shit they are. But when I picked up the straight razor I just looked at it crying. I thought hmm I've never tried cutting before? Maybe it works? And holy shit it felt great. So I didn't kill myself that day and settled for a good few cuts into my arm

Started cutting my thighs for a bit in my freshman/sophomore years of highschool cause the girl I was dating was an emo bitch. Stopped as soon as I broke up with her because I was tired of being with someone so depressing and edgy.

I know I still have plenty of time, it's just hard to think that "yes, shit will get better" when I've managed to fail up this point, ya know?

What were you in college for?

I knew the scars wouldn't fade, It's been long enough at this point I would have expected something to happen if it was going to. I did, however, expect the urges to leave. That's a bit fucked up. Gratz on where you've made it to, though, user. I wish you well for your future.

I wish you luck, I know the draw and appeal.

I'm glad you aren't going to have to go through the nightmare of end-stage organ failure. I wish you the best friend.

i knew a kid in highschool who would freakout and hit his head on the desk, was kek

Over three years, but on year when I was dating one specific girl did I have the highest concentration. A huge reason for that is cos when our relationship went to the rocks, I strongly felt I spent a year giving my all to her on top of my general self hate. If I'm being hinest, I am probably still not over her which is EXTREMELY fucking pathetic cos we haven't really talked in 4 years.

I would cut my arms with chips of obsidian for no good reason that's hard core right?

Thanks, and the best to you as well

I didn't know aztecs could be emo

Where the fuck did you get obsidian and why the fuck didn't you get some wood, cram the obsidian in it, and not wage war with your new macualitl?

I'm not sure if the head-bashing has anything to do with it, but I have GAD and clinical depression.

I don't feel like I'm good enough for anyone. I've felt that way all my life, probably since my parents divorced when I was very young. No matter what I did, it was never enough for my father or grandmother. There was no positive reinforcement; if I did well, to them I just did what I was supposed to do, and if I did poorly, that was grounds for an ass-whipping.

Huiztelopochtli works in mysterious ways.

I was in college for business out of hope to sell medical equipment to other countries, I switched my major to biology and am going through medical school through the military.

Trust me, I was the textbook definition of a 21st century failure until I decided to take a risk, it's not too late. Just don't get to the point where you're 35 and have made no forward progress, and then suicide sounds even better..

I never lost the urges, I still wear a rubber band and need quiet time occasionally, but pouring myself autistically into my studies helps. You will find your path one day, but ONLY if you look for it, and take risks.

Dude, women fucking lead people to do this shit all the time.

Like I said, don't plan to make it to 30 if I'm still a failure. No worries there, matey.

Does the rubber band really work?

Not pathetic, just a sign of unresolved issues. You have to accept the legitimacy of your feelings before you can work to resolve them.

That kind of child-rearing just doesn't work for way too many people. Do you have a support structure in place now?

It's true man, I never would have started that shit if it wasn't for her. I just felt like I had to bring myself down to her level if I wanted to keep her, it's just some fucked up shit.

No, not really, not for me. The pain helps relieve anxiety when it comes over me, and it helps me focus during something like a differential diagnostic session, but it doesn't help the urge to cut.

I was obsessed with the actual marking, scarring, dark red tissue of the cut, not just the pain, so yeah... Just remember folks, your doctor could be a guy just like me..

> my feelings
> legitimate

Yeah, sounds like I'm fucked. I actively work against myself every minute of every day to the point that sometimes I legit feel paralyzed.

Despite everyone saying you have to get yourself out, the fact is given I am the root cause for my issues, it is going to take intervention from someone else.

And that someone else will never show, cos I have way too many walls, and when it comes down to it, none of my good qualities are worth the effort.

Have you been through structured therapy yet? is that an option for you?

I was much more fasinated with the feeling of pain that would radiate through my body, finally giving me something I could feel.

>support structure

Color me stupid, but I don't know what you mean by that.

A support structure usually comprises a group of people or habits that allow you to cope with these events.

Some kind of accountability, people you can talk with about your feelings, a plan in case you feel like harming to get your mind off of it. Basically trying to limit the amount of time you have to hurt yourself.

I understand that, I would cut more when I was sleep deprived, it was like a jolt to the system.

I was sleep deprived the entire time I was in school, I'm sure that didn't help, lol

A buddy is about to come over and get drunk with me, though I've already been drinking for a while.. Luckily she's driving.

Later, lovely Anons

Tried therapy twice. Here's how they went:

> therapist 1, Idaho

Got in to a group therapy. Explained a major rift in my relationship then was me and my girl's differing opinions on premarital sex. Other people in the group basically called me a horrible person and the therapist agreed. I left and never paid the asshole.

> therapist 2, Texas

Opened up to him about the one time I had sex with my girl at the time (same one from first go), didn't stop when I probably should have, and not even two hours after she accused me of raping her.

Told him that I was in such disbelief she would actually accuse me of rape after she swore she wanted to have sex (completely fucking sober, mind you) that I spent a long time (and still do) convince myself that I did rape her and I'm fucking terrible for it. Therapist called my actions 'typical male behaviour'. Even though I knew he was right, I was disgusted with him because that meant someone thought that maybe un this situation I wasn't a monster, and in my head, I was NOT about to be told that maybe my actiins weren't as bad as I told myself they were. So I stopped seeing him.

Now, I am back in Idaho, and I can guarantee there are no secular therapists here.

Then no, I don't have any of that. If I'm not at work, I just stay home and keep to myself. I don't hit myself anymore. I don't see a point to it all.

>be me
>2010 San antonio Texas
>9 year old Spanaway Boy
>Mother has breast cancer and shingles at the >same time
>Im oldest sibling
>Father is a white army cuck
>So im playing nurse medically taking care of
>my dying mother
>Oxycodone Oxicotin
>Gabapentin
>open wounds on chest, open wounds on neck
>We use fucking plastic wrap on the open
>wounds cause theres nothing better
>When shes not naked shes high as fuck
>Starts chemo and a month later all of the hair
>im used too is gone
>Shes no longer my mother
>Shes a walking decay
>Her decomposition decomposes me
>She tries alternative medicine
>Tumeric on everything
>Nasty as fuck yellow cinnamon on fucking
>Chicken and shit,Fuck chinese spice
>The tumeric makes her usually ebony skin
>Take a yellow tint
>Yellowish eyes
>Yellowish skin
>Already using shea butter and shit

Bump for next year, too many lines

Bump for interest

> being this beta
Fucking kill yourself.

Btw all pics i post are related
This may be funny to me now a days
>Then christmas comes
>2011 dec 25th
>everyones in a hospital room
>Shes extra yellow
>Chest pus and blood dripping into the sheets
>But its better, back in the later year of 2010
>We got these nice bandages that stick right on
>Expensive as fuck though
>Useless army cuck VA awards arent useless
>Day after christmas she dies
>Dec 26th 2011
>image2.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=83001103
>Shes extra yellow
>Jaundice yellow
>The last time i saw my mother she was yellow
>as a fucking bumblebee
>In the hospital room grandmother grandfather
>Fathers parents are dead
>Never met em fuck em
>They came all the way down to see thier >daughter die
>Im innocent
>I didnt know
>My mother told me
>"I just wish i couldve seen you be a child user"
>"You can mama, when we get back home"
>Didnt cry a tear when i heard the news
>Didnt even cry when i saw her body
>I already mourned my mother years ago
>I got a 3DS that year
>But video games lost all glimmer
>Minecraft was never the same
>Warhammer 40k's gore was just pointless
>nothing like the real thing
>Nothing made me happy
>I was a fucking husk
>Never did my 11 year oldself
>Smile geniune again
>And then it hit me
>The same meds i was feeding her
>Believing id make her better
>Smiling as she smiled at me
>Laughing as we watched shitty comedy
>Cooking so that the housewouldnt smell rotten
>I killed my mother
>I fucking killed my own mother
>That was when i felt the thoughts
>The self loathing

Bump for the next year too many lines

Beta keys for new horror game Dead by Daylight from devs website!

beta.deadbydaylight.com/saveme/ee70b0c816ab1bcaa541b7852789042f

Fuck off, shill.

Its all cool dude

Ill take it as a bump though just let me type man

This isn't the thread for a horror game.

Lol no dude, hes saying were betas

that's called Asperger syndrome bud.

Have never thought about suicide. I have a brother who has cut himself, and has threatened suicide. There's a classmate of his who works at a gas station I go to for cigarettes and beer who says that he's "so highschool." She's a chick with a lazy eye who talks shit to customers though, and a known heroin addict

Cutter first year high school. Depressed and no friends. Cuts still here 5 years later. Mostly shoulders (hidden easily) but also legs and arms.

Not worth it just do drugs. Drugs are temporary scars are forever.

For someone that has gone through severe depression several time in the past, I can tell you that only pussy's, attention seeking tumbler whores, and faggots cut or self harm them self.

Oh and I stopped because my mom caught me with blood dripping down my arms and staining my shirt the next day after a more serious session.

I used an elastic band to pull back and let go so it would smack into my wrist to stop saying "Like" in my sentences like a valley girl

Zozzle

Well this one time I sat through a batman movie, I also used to cut because I was edgy and craved attention

>You said like two times kys with a rubber band

>what did I do
Cut myself, slap myself, punch myself, smashing my head into things
>how did I get into it
I was picked on a shit ton and when I was 11 I was fed up and needed some form of relief, just found out about self harm, thought why not

>How/why did I quit?
I didn't quit, I just hurt myself less now

2012, the end of my world
>I was in the 8th grade
>I was in shitty PreAP classes
>They arent hard,this is fucking texas
>Its less work, more talking
Simple
>I lose the feel or need to stay at school
>I hate my teachers
>I hate my friends
>I use em all up
>To get back what i lost
>The boys still a boy
>But in my head im a man
>Took care of my siblings
>Raised em up when noone else could
>Grandparents forsake us to our little house in
>the burning Hellhole
>San antonio streets became my home
>I would leave and come back at midnight
>I would smoke with my friends and we would
>Talk about sluts at school
>The notion of cutting is already a normal thing
>Fucking faggot loser texmex trash
>Were at school after school in the bus area
"Driscoll Middle school,Jones malts burger"
>And there i am in the middle with these
>emo cohorts and slut loudmouths
>I see her, out of place and awkward in our
>Circle, i dance for her, she dances with me
>I feel a smile,Blessed
>It fades when she leaves for the bus
>But i got her number and facebook
>We talk about nothing
>That nothing gets me something
>She lives in some shitty apartments that
>Used to be called the waters with her adopted
>Family,dads a fat security guard and adopted
>Mother is salted fish phillipino
>Brothers are xbox white trash highschoolers
>This fucking apartment complex neighborhood
>This fucking hood has a big lake
>Ducks everywhere
>and a trail that goes through it
>We fuck around on park benches where noone
>Could see
>Continued'

I cut myself with a box cutter before. I never really knew why I did it or what I was thinking. I had been exposed to the idea but never tried it. I stopped because the scars were way too visible. I regret ever doing it and have considered covering the scars with a bigger one that can be dismissed as an accident because of how much I hate having them. I haven't because I'm not sure what I would do.

Continued
>Watch boring episodes of doctor who while i
>Finger her(MIddleschool faggot shit)
>he would suck me off with bad head
>Big curly hair all over the fucking place
>I would cum and she would swallow
>Im fucking twelve and shes thirteen
>But im half nigger sp i look like a grown man
>This didnt help my psyche
>Im a man
>Im a man
>FUCK THIS SHIT
>I go to her house
>We cuddle and wrestle like normal
>Its late, and her brothers arent home
>Like usual
>We kiss and middleschool shit
>I take off her shirt
>"user im not ready"
>"But bless,I am"
>Will you be with me forever user?
>Will you be with me forever?
The front door opens,Im not suppost to be here
Even though ive been over for dinner
Paranoid father is right to not allow stupid nigger
satan boy in house
>He finds us and calls my father
>I threaten suicide
>Try to drown (Fucking stupid)
>Try to slit throat
>Cops take me to "Clarity"
>Useless Military VA Benefits arent useless
>More bigger losers than I are here
>Fat land whales,overfed men
>liars losers, and the on and off couple
>Im here for 5 days and hate every second
>They keep me for 2 fucking weeks after seeing
>Self inflicted cuts,I lie through my teeth to get
>out, they give me a perscription
>Idgaf get me outta here!!!
>Drugs are good,drugs are cool
>Get faded for a day when i eat all of the abilify
>Never talked to bless again
>Fucked when i was twelve, yeah ive been
>Active

I punch myself, accidentally knocked myself out once

what the hell is this

are you a poet?

lol

you knocked yourself out??

I used to cut with a pencil sharpener blade i unscrewed. I got into it because the girl I loved did it too, which was probably the dumbest fucking reason in the entire world. And then it became an actual thing I did to relieve stress and sadness.

Stopped 6 months or so ago, but it was pretty hard. Don't ever start.

what is this fucking shit

im lmaoing here

2013 is fucking purple
>Spent all summer with stupid fucking trash friends
>White girl dyes my shitty self haircut purple
>I dont maintain it or anything
>I wear purple everything,shitty purple shirt
>Shirty purple skinny jeans
>Thowing duck eggs against trees
>Just a day out with the boys
>Same monster same bottle of whine
>Didnt start growing facial hair till the next year
>So you know what those razor blades wherefor
>Its gang gang gang
>Staying up late
>Watching Ted and drinking whiskey
>But were nothing nothing nothing
>Its slow but me and my closest friends never
>Speak again

Forgot picture

Im dumping my trashy life cause im bored and suicidal dude

so thats what those people feel like

its so contrary to how they act it actually makes sense