What's the most stupid thing you've ever done?

What's the most stupid thing you've ever done?

Craigslist hookup

Mind sharing experience?

Why wouldn't he just crumble them up in his dick

jerked off with paint as a kid.
>trying different lubes because learned young that touching it felt good
>oh red shit in the bathroom lets give it a shot
>pour in hand start fapping
>feels good
>pumping away
>dick is hard
>REALLY hard for some reason
>what is going on
>shit this is a problem
>time to take a bath
only after I had been jerking off for like 40 seconds did it start smelling like paint.

Oh and I once tried jerking off with ben gay.

Not as horriffic as people say, then again I was a kid too stupid to stay down when hit anyway lol

I have done a lot. Let me put it this way. I just shut up and go to work everyday.

because if he's retarded enough to put them in there, he's probably not smart enough to take them out

read this thread

>be 20
>be drunk
>hook up with cl guy
>over 40, kinda chubby, obvious meth addict even tho he said he was ddf
>keeps asking me to bite his dick
>tries to stay the night

Wasn't the worst cl story ever, but definitely my own worst moment

enter Sup Forums

Nice trips

lmaoooo what the fuck

Slept with my ex's 14 year old daughter

Exist

Fapped the family's dog off

greentext user

-Broke my nose in junior high,
-Doctor tells me its a clean break and give it a few days before resetting hit.
-Meanwhile my nose is hanging off to the right quite a bit.
-so a couple days later go into the the bathroom to piss.
-Piss ,wash hands, nose is stuffy so I go to blow it.
-forget it is broken and blow hard
-screaming whiteout head pain and rop to the floor
-catch the fucking sink with forehead on the way down
-lie on the ground flat-out on my back thinking you are such a fucking dumb ass

Kek greentext fail

damn I feel for you, that must have sucked.

You get any free time at home after that incident? I would have called someone to take my lazy ass home to play nintendo lol

When I was about 10 I put super glue on my dick while i was hard because I thought the glue would keep me erect.

Eh, not much to tell. Told me one of her friends had a crush on me, told me she had a crush on me, had sex a couple times, was fun, ex found out, now I'm on a register.

wasn't trying to green text- so fuck you.

That's not stupid that's a win.
14 year olds are horny as fuck I bet she was begging for your dick.

What the fuck were you trying to do then?

nope got my shit together and went back to class.I was kind of foggy for the rest of the day :)

register?

that reminds me- paint guy here.

I also once saw an ointment-like tube with a very tiny funnel/opening.

I considered the size comparison, as I had never seen something that could fit in my urethra.

I only had a few moments in my autistic life where I'd have a burst of "THAT'S BAD YOU IDIOT STOP DOING THIS SHIT" come into my head.

This was one of them. I did not see what the "ointment" was until I turned it over, and saw it was superglue. I think about that one a lot, and what horrors would have awaited me if I went full retard.

pedo register?

Not greentext obvi!

I have an idea for the way this guy could get these Oreos out of his dick. Soak them in water or milk. When they crumble, squeeze them out and enjoy your snack.

I was typing with one hand because I was hammering one out to your sisters home video with the other.
Jesus man, we don't all live on here and give a complete fuck what the rest of you do.

I got in a multiple person brawl my sophomore year of high school, and in all the swinging fists and confusion I got hit in the face with a wooden board (no idea where it came from, it happened at a school football game). It broke my nose really bad, it was almost completely sideways to the right. When the doctor tried to set it back in place, it went all the way to the left. He had to keep snapping it back and forth until it was finally back "in place", which still wasn't correct. So my nose is now permenently slightly to the right.

I've been hit in the nose so many times before and after I don't think it's even possible for it to sit straight anyway.

>I was hammering one out to your sisters home video with the other

I know that's not true because I don't have a sister!

Haha, I win, suck it fag :P ;)

I read a sexy story where this guy shoved this girl's panties up her vagina and I thought it was hot. I took my panties and shoved them on up there. I was wet at the time, so it didn't feel like much. After I'd dried up I realized that I'd stuffed them in too far. Down there, it was as dry as a desert. I kept trying to pull them out, but the lace and the waistband scraping against my inner walls was painful. I eventually decided to take a bath, soak the panties, and pull them out, but my vagina was basically...clenched up around them, so water wasn't getting in as well as I hoped. I desperately masturbated, trying to get enough fluid in there to wet the panties and ease pulling them out. I finally managed to get them out. Not a sexy experience

This thread is crawling with new fags.

Had sex with my dog in my room during a family dinner. Dad came in askin me to join the fam. Caught me balls deep in my dog, didn't talk for a week.

Tits or GTFO.

arrgh shitty.
Wish mine was a good story like that but the truth is I missed a throw from second while playing third base in a slow pitch game.
I thought I had the throw lined up and started to cheat a look to home for the runner that was in third.i must have pulled my glove back a bit because it went off my glove into my face :)
-another dumb ass moment :)

...

If we're going for something kinda like the picture, then it'd be the time when I was a kid that I stuck a mechanical pencil eraser cap in my ear, mom had to fish it out with tweasers.

seeing your desperation would have turned me on

Went to jail for being publicly intoxicated

How Long should a newfag wait before posting
(Obviously me)
lurk for 5 months i have

got caught by my sister in a pink one piece swimsuit and two very thick wet diapers when i was younger. she still hasnt let me live it down.

What's so bad about that. I've done that 3 times so far and I'm only 25.

Some of us arent neet's with mummy and daddy's disposable income you faggot

be 6 playing with a pretty powerfull magnet
stick it my ball sack with a 2p coin
instant regret
cant get it off have to show it to mum and dad
to try and pry it off
waddel into their bed room with a magnet and 2p stuck to my sack

Got blackout drunk and drove home. Totaled truck and got dui.

do drugs and be a fag.

Wrong.

I just get to hammered all the time.

untill your not a cuck, untill you know the in's and out's of Sup Forums, untill you blend in, it isnt really about how long, its about how you act

You faggot

Move to Kansas city, Missouri.

dude, let me fuck with them a little

Wtf are you legit retarded ?
Even as a kid I'd never have thought of inserting stuff in my urethra

I've been lurking for 7 years and still sound like a newfag.

It's not even that bad here.

I was a stupid fucking kid.

CHEKT

more cl stories?

Welcome m8
It's no too bad.

This.
That's why my daddy taught me how not to hurt yourself using random objects and instead use someone else's tongue.

>Be me
>13 at time
>Really into anal stuff because I haven't figured out how to properly fap yet
>Make myself shitty enema device
>Fill butthole with about 1 liter of milk
>Doing this early in the morning before school starts, parents still sleeping
>Finish filling asshole
>Get up to use restroom
>My asshole suddenly unclenches and I squirt anal milk all over my carpet
>Reeks horribly
>Have only about 10 mins to clean up
>Try to clean up but decided fuck it
>Throw towel over spot and hope parents don't notice
>Come home from school
>Stain has set it
>Spot smells permanently funny and is offcolored...
>Still like that to this day
>Enema made me cum tho, so it was pretty fun 6/10

kek lost

Sadly it isn't possible to share minds...

>6/10

user, you are my hero for the day

Topkek old chap!

probably sticking oreos in my foreskin

there was literally nothing to gain from that

Fuck whit your mom.

Oh hey I got trips in my last post

this

Lost full bandos and an SGS in the red portal 5-6 years ago.

if this shit happened in real life i imagine there would be many more shootings happening.

Begged my parents to get me a computer.

It doesn't sound that bad, but in hindsight, it caused me to procrastinate so many hours away. Now I'm a massive loser and I'm still procrastinating even though I feel like shit

Went on /lit/ and tried to have an actual debate.

>be a few years ago
>drunk as fuck making out with bf friend
>He doesn't have a condom
>so i redirect his dick to my ass
>Had mexican the night before
> while we are fucking shit is slowing going everywhere on him
>he gags
> i run
>mfw bf never found out though that dude stopped talking to both of us

Used icy hot as lube.. multiple times.

Used shampoo as lube and let it dry.

Use a horse nail polish as lube.. um. Yeah. That gave me water blisters on my dick..

Told my best friend since kindergarten I hated him and that he was always a shit type bro when he intentionally hooked up with the girl I liked a few weeks before him and his mom died in a crash.

And honestly I felt like a total asshole for doing it but I came in and got with her using his death. He never told her about how I liked her and all this shit I said so it made me feel even worse.

Well, I once stuck several fish hooks through my nipples and attached the fishing line to the shower rod in the shower with my hands cuffed behind my back so that I would be forced to drink my own piss that I had saved up in a bucket in order to get the keys to the cuffs to lower low enough to reach them unfortunately getting the hooks out took a couple hours of pain and blood as I did not have a tool that could cut through them.

why wouldn't he dip them in milk and get his sister to suck them out?

made my piss slit bigger, fun times

why the fuck do i have the beginning dialogue of that film memorized

what am i doing with my life

Put my dick in organic peanut butter from costco. Felt great when it was in there, but my horniness and the liquidy peanut butter didn't work so well together so that shit spilt on a carpeted floor. I had to take a shower to wash out the oil and shit and I ran out of paper towels so I used one of my towels to clean it up. I looked like someone whiped their ass with it and it smelled awful.

yep dick flavoured milk

>and judging by these stories, Idiocracy will be here very soon

kek

Be me at family freinds house they have a ps2 i eat some chips get chips on disc lazy ass puts the fucking disc mfw when sound mfw rachet and clank is broken

>Implying sounding isn't a thing

Sounds like a saw movie 9/11

WOW YOU TOO MAN WHAT ARE THE ODDS

Story?

...

whaaaaaa
nice

Look who it is again, ID Heaven. I'm fed up with your shit faggot. The other day when you called me a newfag, yeah, haven't forgotten about that yet.
Fuck you I've been on here for months and probably get on here more than you anyways.
Don't you know that you make yourself look like a newfag when you call others newfag?
Just because you learned how to hack your name and change it to "Heaven" does not give you the right to disrespect anyone at any time.

Slowly take away the top part of the Oreo then the second half then let the second cookie come out....

Bet you still try to use "noko" don't ya

ID Heaven........ forgot about that

>Be me 6 years ago
>Edgy teen
>Dyed hair black
>Like bands like BOTDF, My Chemical Romance
>All that shit
>Bullied like a mother fucker for it, obviously
>Go deep into depression
>Pills don't help
>Sleep a lot
>Depression slowly turns to anger
>It wasn't my fault I was a depressed little shit
>It was the school's
>So, like a rational human being
>I decide to shoot up the school
>Spends weeks in preparation
>Tell dad I want to go shooting
>We get some extra ammo
>Get the guns all fixed up
>Dad is proud of me for actually doing something
>Spend a few weeks hunting, going to the range, etc
>Dad approves
>feelsgoodman.png
>Still, I have a mission
>Pack my gun
>Go to school
>I plan to strike halfway through third hour
>Boring ass math shit, plus the teacher was a cunt
>Just as we all sit down, some kid pulls a gun of his own
>Shoots the teacher and a few kids up front
>Grab my own gun, sink a few rounds into him
>This is my chance
>Just as I go to finish off the rest of the class, the gun jams
>I panic
>Now I can't even fucking kill myself
>But some kid hugs me tight
>8/10 gril
>"Thank you, user! You're so brave!"
>wtf
>Realise that probably looked like I just stopped a school shooter
>Teachers come in to investigate
>Emergency shit is sorted out
>I'm hailed as a hero throughout the nation
This, children, is why it's always a good idea to shoot up your school if you're depressed

Nobody has said it yet so I'm just going to say it.


Salty milk and cookies.

tits