Tinder Stories

Tinder Stories

>Be me
>Friday Night
>Tinder girl wants the D
>XGoneGiveItToHer.jpg
>She gets off at like 11
>Get there at 11:30
>Brought beers and weed cause I'm a gentleman
>Her dvd player won't work, she's frustrated and smokes a cig
>I get the machine working and get back to chillin
>She was sitting on the opposite couch, but comes in and sits near me
>I had been making her laugh the whole time, I'm a clown tbh senpai
>started carressing her legs cause bitches like that
>her arm is around me
>oh yeah, she's 26 and I'm 22

Cont?

nah, homie, it's my turn.
>be me
>have tinder for a week
>nothing
>deletes tinder
I suck.

No, do it this way.

>On tinder
>>>>

Bump

Tinder is retarded.

>Matched a somewhat qt 3.14 that cosplays
>talked to her for a bit and she seems cool
>Asks for my number so we don't have to continue user the Tinder messager
>I reply "I don't know you enough to trust you with my number. How would I know you're not actually part of a mob group and plan to cut out my organs?"
>She never replies again and I was just being reasonable

top kek

>She's had this black cat creeping around the whole time
>It's a small apartment with one bedroom and one bathroom
Anyway
>We're watching Inception, cuddling and sipping beers
>Things are going well
>Don't really like smokers but I was feeling dirty
>Her cat kept jumping on the couch and she would kick him off
>about the fifth time she kicks him hard and he runs away
>Toby the Cat comes in 3 mins later and puts his front paws on the couch and projectile vomits all over this bitch's right side
>She is frozen
>Mortified
>Other adjectives
>I stand up and go to the kitchen and get her a towel to clean up

>She's so embaressed. It's almost sad.
>Stifle my laughter as best I can
>She changes clothes for like 10 minutes
>I am in the kitchen chugging Sierra Nevadas
>She comes out of her room and goes to smoke a cigarette
>She comes in and then sends out a max text to her friends
>Doesn't know what to do
>Time passes
>She leaves to smoke
>Comes in and gets nice and close to me (Different couch from before)
>We start making out
>She's a weird kisser and she tastes like ass
>The nose ring had me hooked tho
>I start groping her tits and massaging her pussy through her yoga pants
>She lets out small moans and starts reaching for my shirt
>My shirt is off, and I remove hers
>Place my hand on the back of her head and begin to kiss her harder with more tongue
>I play with her boobs a little before I reach for the bra strap.
>Comes off easily and I'm in there
>Her titties are great, I'm a titty guy
>She kinda pauses once her bra is off
>Still looks a bit thrown from having her cat blow cheeks
>Ask if we should go somewhere else, I.E. her bedroom
>She chuckles and agrees to go

>Go to the bedroom and undress down to my boxers
>I'm kinda horny and this girl has a nice figure
>5'2" with a fat ass and big tits
>OP she's a fat bitch
>But she wasn't. Just super fine, and she knew it
>I jump in her bed as she saunters in behind me
>Can't wait to tear it up
>We make out and eventually get naked
>She tells me to hold on and opens her bed-side table
>There are a few condoms and I reach for them
>She shoo's me away and grabs a glass container
>Wtf is that lube or what
>Her ass is to me like she is ready for doggystyle
>ShitniggaWeReallyOutchea.gif
>It's just lotion
>She applies some to her hand and starts giving me a handy, while completely naked
>Tease me you dirty whore
>I eventually move on from biting her neck/tits and start fingering her pussy
>one finger, two fingers were hard to fit, can't even think about 3
>I'm down with that girl

Any lurkers?

>15 minutes to type this
>113 Words
>This many words per minute

>>get a match
>>get excited
>>wait about twelve or so hours to message
>>no response

>>get a match
>>don't get excited
>>wait same amount of time to message
>>no response

We're still laying side by side pleasuring each other
>I start to move my hand from her pussy to her tits
>Thrust against her as she places my dick on her vagina
>Then it hits me
>That smell
>Start to kiss the left side of her neck, as I bring my hand around her back
>Sniff Sniff
>Yup, that's her pussy
>Smelling like a pot of raw fish and Horseradish
>UseTheForceLuke.webm
>It wont stop me
>I have come too far
>Her pussy is soaking wet anyway, So I begin to slide it in
>The yellow light turned red and I slammed on the brakes
>Hol' up baby girl
>"Are you clean? Should I wear a condom?"
>She says "Yeah, I have like 8 STD's"
>Girls trying to be funny
>MFW
>Uhhhh
>She says No I'm clean
>I get off her and lay beside her
>"You don't need to put out because you think you have to"
>She's still visually frustrated with what happened with the cat
>I'm laughing on the inside because I just got her naked in like 30 minutes of meeting her
>Decide to just wait it out, even tho my fingers smelled like garbage

forgot i made this thread lulz

>She's actually a cool girl, surprisingly
>Asks me a lot of questions about life
>We get along well
>Besides the awful cig breath and rotten pussy smell she's, she's alright
>Ask her about her tat on her back
>It's from her favorite boom
>Tat reads like this:
i am
i am
i am
>I am too baby
>I'm really touchy and flirtatious in nature
>get her laughing and horny and her mind off of Toby
>We get under the blankets bc her house was fucking freezing
>Starting playing with that sweet and sour pussy again
>This time I mount get on top of her
>Biting her collarbone and neck as I try to insert this 7 inch cock
>Ask again if I should use a condom
>She laughs and says, "No asshole I'm good"
>Whatever I'm hard as fuck
>Slowly try and slide it in
>She tells me to go slow and I tease her with only the first two inches
>She's wet and I start thrusting for a minute before I slide it all the way in
>Girls can't handle when I do this
>Her fingernails latch onto my back and start to dig in
>I ask her how she likes it
>Slowly moving back in forth
>All she can muster is a barely audible "Fuck Me"
>I take this as an invitation to speed up
>Really go to town on this girl
>That pussy is tight, would be 10/10 if not for the smell
>She orgasms twice and I ask if she wants to go Doggy
>We get situated and I start smacking that fat ass and pulling her hair
>She's loving it and I am too
>Almost about to cum
>Accidentally pull out too much and she queefs
>Think of it as like a fart bubble but out of a pussy
>Dick aborts mission
>All I can say is "uhhhh woops" and lay down on the bed

lol There's one more

>We both lay down and she lies on her back and puts her hands on her head
>She lets out a deep breath and is smiling
>"So... did I get you off"
>She laughs and smiles but still doesn't look at me
>I turn my back to her and said, "If you're still worrying about your cat I'm gonna leave"
>Big Tits claws at my back and tells me to stop
>I love mature women lol
>She agrees to forget it and starts asking more questions
>I've been killing this date, she said she never does this
>She plays with my dick as we try to get this kissing chemistry down, still sucks.
>Really wanted a blow job, but this poor girl... Her cat threw up on her and her pussy stank
>Start teasing her with my cock and she gets riled up again
>Slip it in and really start going hard
>She's shrieking this time, she was mostly just scratching and biting me the first time
>Pussy is actually really good, did not expect it
>Been about 2 or 3 minutes just making this girl explode with pussy juice
>Have to yank the blankets off because the smell was getting trapped and I was dying
>Tell her I'm going to cum, and she begs me to hold on
>MoveBitchGetOutTheWay.mp3
>Pull out and cum all over her tits as she grabs my dick and jacks me off
>Top 25 orgasm of all time
>Go to bathroom and get a towel
>Hopefullly she didn't rub it in her pussy
>She lived next to a planned parenthood anyway
>That's what I tell my friends
>Scrubbed my hands with soap and then washed my dick as best I could.
>Got dressed and kinda hung around to make sure she was mentally okay lol
>Kissed her goodbye

Probs never gonna hit her up again

Thanks for reading fags

OP You're great at writing greentext- user

>got a match with a girl on tinder
>blonde 5ft 4
>slim build and long blonde hair
>seems pretty from the 4 pictures, but none of them show her teeth
>holdup.jpg
>anyways, chat away
>seems real nice
>agree to meet up at a park
>her car is bashed to fuck and looks terrible
>and there it was
>absolultey awful looking teeth
>yellow, out of line, snaggletooths everywhere
>godfuckingdamnit.wav
>spend the night walking and chatting
>share a goodnight kiss
>awful kisser too
>never msg'd her again

You a real nice guy OP. You know that?

thx fam

blessedfam1

YOU'RE FUCKING KILLING ME best laugh I've had all week m8

had a good read, goodnight

fuckin great greentext

10/10 OP

please return with more tinder wins.