Alright, Sup Forums. I have to go give a semen sample on Thursday

Alright, Sup Forums. I have to go give a semen sample on Thursday.

Should I take a normal amount of time to blow my load or force myself to be done quickly?

Also, trips decides what I say when I turn in the sample.

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why do you need to give a semen sample

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Sorry most missed and went over the floor

if you haven't cummed in a while you'll still cum a lot.

Do it quick, say "I was thinking of this 8 year old I saw earlier, wow, what a body!"

Quickie.

"I usually drink this stuff, it's tangy and I like the texture a lot"

I have to "abstain" for 4 full days.

My wife fell asleep early last night and couldn't find anything good to fap to so I'm going to cum buckets Thursday.

any pics of your wife?

Any more?

She's a landwhale. Used to be super hot. You guys don't need to be subjected to that.

Why you giving samples?

"Heres the doodle juice"

edge for a couple of hours just to be sure you give them a good one

>used to be a landwhale
They all do this. Get fat when they get hitched.

rollin

There's more where that came from.

And say it with a big proud smile, then march out the door like an autist.

Yep. They find some guy who marries them and then tells them they aren't getting fat until it's too late.

kek

That is a good idea but what if I accidentally jizz in my pants?

>put on gay lisp

"I thquoze it, mythelf!"

>Do I look fat?
No-o-o-o, you don't look fat... er.
>Fatter!?

>put on gay lisp
I think this only works if you actually eat the poo poo like ice cream. I just can't figure out what "thquoze" is.

You must be autistic if you're going through all this shit for a semen sample. Drink some bleach when this is all done.

"Squoze". A fun, happy, gay way to say "squeezed"!

lel

>don't spend it all in one place

>worthy post
>misses trips by 3

You had ONE JOB.

bottoms up

A handjob?

I was thinking about you when i made this

The Great One! Body-Checked!

It started overflowing so i started to drink a little so it didnt spill

Which is why you don't need your sperm count checked cause she can't get pregnant. It's simple. She is a land whale, you both find her repulsive at this point, and the lack of chemistry makes conception harder.

Also rolling for: could I get a receipt for this donation...for charitable donation tax purposes and all

Say, I "someone" had to spit this up so there may be some saliva in it.

this

Are you bringing the sample in or doing it at the clinic?

Whyd you let your "hot" wife become a landwhale?
Why did she let herself become a landwhale?

Ive only been married 2 years but theres no beating around the bush or sugar coating between us.

If she hasnt been to the gym in a while or starts to let herself go, i tell her straight.

"If i wanted to be married to a fat chick i would have married a fat chick, you have started to let yourself go a bit babe and i dont find it attractive at all. Dont let it snowball or this marriage is doomed"

Thats what i said to her last year when she stopped looking after herself.
She got straight vack on the horse and has been taking care of her body ever since.
I am a gym junkie so she has never had that conversation with me but i know very well she will if she has to.
Fat people disgust me

uh.. mods?

Where is the restroom, i need to wash my hands
(after you hand it over)

Roll

>Wham Bam Thank You Hand!

So a quicky or the full 2 min?

I'll use one of my rolls for this. Rolling!

ThIs batch tastes a bit different to usual but it should be fine :)

"That was much easier without my wife around"

I will give you $200 if you take a sip

Obviously not, you cuck. Christ.

When I had to do this i just sat in the little room watching the hospital approved porn for about 15 -20 mins before getting started. Could have probably just blown and gone, but I didnt want the cute nurse to think anything about my stamina lol.

great pic
do you has more ?

The cute nurse didnt even acknowledge your existence faggit.
Any sort of interaction you two shared she was most likely just in "auto response" mode as that is her job and she deals with all sorts of fuckwits day in, day out.

Roll

>Be me
>Walk into the lab
>With the sample container
>Trying to give it to the tech
>She has this fucked up look on her face
>"You brought it from home?"
>I nod
>She's not taking it
>I have no clue as to why she's being reluctant
>Later I figured she was thinking about my refractory period
>And the time frame wasn't good so she took it
>My sample
>Kidney stone


Roll: "Be careful with my offspring."

Rollin

"don't blow it all at once"

they are probably used to far worse than this..

OP return it empty and ask for assistance

"did someone order mayo on the side"

or alternatively sour cream would also be humorous

shes fucking her personal trainer. you sound like a tool

Not every retard needs a personal trainer you cuck. I dont need to pay someone to tell me that i need to eat healthy and exercise a lot.
Neither does she.

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>4444 fucking 9
Dammit

dood xD

Can confirm.

mods

I almost forgot myself and ate it like usual
add awkward laugh

reroll

if you want more let me know >wink

say nothing, but make sure there is a visible line of cum on your chin from your lips

I was thinking about you when I came.

so close, have a roll for your cause

there isn't enough sissy porn in the room

"there's more in the room"

just moan

Here's my legacy

Rolll

niggers

There was some on the table so I scooped that inside with mine, hope you dont mind. Im such a clean freak you know...

bees

eat it

There's more where that 'cum' from.

reroll

kek, roll

Can I cash this in for prizes?

Roll

after 5 minutes, open the door to the stall and yell for help with your semen sample

how much do you need to actually taste to test it love?

Tfw my wife actually lost weight when we got married

g

Hands up, this is a robbery.

roll

Should I drink this here or wait until I'm home?

MODS MODS MODS

walk up to the doctor, hold the sample right under his/her nose and ask if they think that it smells weird

roll

Do I use it orally or do I have to stick it in my ass?

"Don't worry, it tastes like chicken."

Is it supposed to be this color?

KEK

''this is a sample''
blow your load

I was thinking about you when i made this

"Next time buy me dinner."