Tard stories:

Tard stories:
>Be me
>Get job as a tardguard
>Playtime
>Sit on bench
>Tards gurgle, run around and slobber
>Hear inhuman, ungodly, hellish scream from the inside
>Get a minor tard guard to watch over the potato fields
>Go in the school
>Most lights are off
>Hear a screech higher than it's chromosomes
>See tard
>I-It It's a...
>Looks like a gollum that had It's head viced
>It screeches
>It runs away
>It turns out this little fuck hates playtime
>I chase the AT-AT looking potato smeagol across the hallways
>Grab it
>SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM
>Tardguards come
>Restrain him
>Next day

What happens next?

original pastaroni

>Same scream
>Call smeagol tard vicehead
>But where is he?
>Not in the school
>Turn on lights
>Power turns off
Ohgoddamit.png
>Go into basement/power room thing
>Turn on power
>Vicehead screams high enough to send you to valhalla
>Pops out of empty broken boiler
>Trips me over and dashes out
>Chase ensues
>Escapes the school
>Parents called
>Tardguards also look
>Find Vicehead
>In a mcdonalds
>Ordering a whopper
>Quietly watch him complain about the lack of whoppers in McD's
>Emmit laugh
>Vicehead notices
>Screeches and jumps over counter
>Starts turning on the ice cream machine thing
>Attacks people and runs back to the school
>Gets restrained by other tardguards
more?

mas

yes please!

Here's a small teaser. I'll be going to work (I got fired from tardguarding)
>Next day
>Sit on bench
>No screams
>Wallet is gone
>Fuck
Will continue on phone when I get to work

I got some personal stories for you beautiful faggots
>be user, diagnosed high functioning autistic fag.
>Be in gym class during freshman year of highschool.
>We playing dodge ball bitches
>There was this douchbag on the other team (let's call him Alex, he was one of the biggest douchbags in the entire school).
>We both have a dodge ball in each hand.
>I charge at him, he launches a ball at me and misses. I return fire and he falls into a prone position to avoid it.
>Before I can launch my second shot I see one of his friends launch a ball in my direction.
>I jump and tuck my legs in, the ball sails underneath me.
>Time stops and I realize that Alex is still on the ground. Before I can react I my knee slams into his jaw.
>My knee connects with his jaw, 250 pounds of autistic fat is being channeled directly onto his jaw.
> I hear an audible crack.
>Shit, I just broke this kid's fucking jaw.
> First instinct is to apologize, then I remembered that he was the king of the douchebags.
>I stand over his crying body and simply drop my second dodge ball on him.
>He is removed from the class and taken to the hospital.
>Class continues as normal.
>fast forward to the end of class. We are changing in the locker room.
>A group of guys who are obviously ten times stronger than I am approach me.
>Fuck.jpg
> They congratulate me for getting rid of the biggest douche in the school.
> Group of guys and me become friends and they help defend me from Alex's attempts to get revenge.
>Eventually Alex gets expelled for bring a shit load of drugs to school.
>i never faced any form of punishment for breaking Alex's jaw.
And that /b is how I became user the autistic lord of dodgeball.

Op is back
>Screams are heard again
>Same process
>Realize vicehead stole my wallet
>At home
>Panic and on what Vicehead can do with my credit card
>Next day
>Vicehead is gone
>Or so I thought

or so you thought?

>200$ deducted
>Ohgod
>Vicehead is not in school
>Get moved to school summer camp duty
>Fee is 200 $
>Put 1 and 1 together
>Is assigned camp counselor
>...

July 17th
All personnel are sent a day earlier to set up tents
>I receive a list of names along with allergies conditions ect.
>Vicehead
>Set up tents
>Prepare other shit
>Next day
>Bus arrives
>Vicehead is in fucking restrains
>Kek louder than the thousand gods
>Nobody knows why I did it
>I'm presumed a tard
>Anyways
>Night-time
>Bonfire is made
>A heavy duty meal wiring cage thing is put over the fire so that the potatoes don't become fries
>Vicehead is nowhere to be seen
>Others don't notice as there's an UNGODLY amount of tards
More?

Still here have another
>be me in elementary school.
>One day I decided to bring a snack to school.
>some one put the treats for my dog in the pantry.
>I fucking take two sandwich bags full of it to school.
>some one tells the teacher that I was eating dog food.
>the teacher freaks out and takes the bag I had out.
>The bitch sends me out in the hall.
>I sit down and take out the second bag and continue to eat.
>eventually she comes to check on me
>she freaks out and yells at me before sending me to the principle.
>he calls my parents and they come pick me up.
>I got two days worth of detention.
I got more if you guys are interested.

>on bus
>on LSD
>pootato gets on bus
>Kek
>trying my hardest to not lose my shit at the fucking spud

>Vicehead tent is missing
>Trees shake
>See a blue thing on top of one tree
>Clothes and supplies under the tree
>Screech
>nope.jpg
>Dash to the tard guards
>Explain what the fuck is going on
>They come
>Tent is gone
>Still some clothes on the ground
>Screech
>"GET DOWN FROM THERE OR WE'LL CALL YOUR PARENTS"
>Screech
>2 tardguards go back to look after other tards
>Me and a crew of 3 go to look for Vicehead
>Find an abandoned RV
>Screeches inside
more?

Bumper car

Bumparoo

>detention for eating dog treats
Wat

Of course
Bumpan

Bump

>potato fields
Kek

>Go inside RV
>Smells like shit
>Vicehead is sucking on a used condom
>wat.dufuk
>Vicehead is caught and restrained again
>He licks one of the tardguards that restain him
>Squamish motherfucker let's go
>Forest chase scene ensues
>Caught again
>Sent home
>Go back to bonfire
>2 tardguards are missing
>So are the other tards
More?

Fucking autocorrect changing lets to let's

WHAT IS THIS THREAD

Hard stories obviously.

>>A heavy duty meal wiring cage thing is put over the fire so that the potatoes don't become fries
top kek

Lel i work at one of those big campuses where adult tards live. Worked here for 6 years. Im on night shift right now.

>Cage on bonfire is still there
>They didn't get hurt
>2 Other tardguards are stuck under some rubble of rock and a big log
>Me and my team of tardguards rescue them
>Now it's time to round up literally more than a hundred tards
>The six of us go and spread
>Some were asleep
>We spent hours rounding up vegetables
>Camp ends
>I get fired for not taking care of tards

Bump

Fuck how is it? What kinda pay you get?