Please state the nature of the medical emergency

Please state the nature of the medical emergency.

Failed to be an hero, how to proceed?

That sexy Borg lady kicked me in the dick.

Can I get a new dick?

My toaster isn't working correctly

I suggest you find a new hobby. Talk to Mr. Neelix.

Lie down on the table. We'll have to perform surgery. In the future, I suggest you don't try to fraternize with Seven.

If it's a problem with the replicators, I can fix that.

I feel like i'm turning into a furry.
How do I prevent this?

Your bio-signs are off the charts. What on earth did you eat, Ensign?

Roast beef, some chicken, a pizza...

I mean as of this morning.

I think my mind is being controlled to genetic modified

Roast beef, some chicken, a pizza...

Pens is uncut.

Even I can't translate that.

Fuck off Woolsey

mind... controlled.... rats

I-erm...may have gotten something stuck, you know, in there...

I'm going to limit you to two rations per day until you reach Federation-standard weight. Only admirals can eat like that.

Lie down on the table.

For goodness sake, Ensign. ANOTHER plasma coil? *sigh* Lie down on your stomach. I'll get to you last.

I'm hung over..... Romulan Ale should be illegal

It is....

YOU FORGOT TO TURN OFF THE HOLOGRAM AGAIN MR.PARIS

...

my shits fucked up doc

I'm sorry captain, please don't demote me again.

I'm turning black. Help please.

I had a rough night with a member of species 8472, and I can't tell if I have some kind of alien STD or if the..'it'...I was with got me pregnant, somehow...

To quote a 21st Century adage, Lieutenant:
>Welcome to the club.

Species 8472 are my specialty. I will assist the doctor in your...predicament.

Sup faggots having fun getting lost in the delta quadrant with that gay Indian and his spirt bear?

At least we're beating the Borg instead of being assimilated by them.

I slept with this alien chick last night and now my skin is glowing,

Always you and these alien women. You're like the Kirk of Voyager.

You're just jealous because i was an actual god, while you are the last of your people, in the universe

Can't hear you over all this riza pussy. Go cry about how people stole your land and how you built casinos on them faggot.

>was

>casinos
We don't need Casinos in the 24th Century, Admir--I mean, captain.

You gave me an injrction without needles and now I need a Tinnitus shot

what kind of sorcery is this

Well I've been serving on this star ship for seven years and have never promoted, I better be getting something...

Uh, sure...well, I've got these...growths...all around my...well, I'll just show you.

See? I thoughjt I saw one of them move a while ago, but I might have been hallucianting. Iw as on a vision quest with Chakotay last night and whatever we did hasn't quite worn off yet...

The growths also change colour really slowly, if you watch...but, again, I might just be hallucinating that.

Yeah, Space-Syphilis.

Very well. I'll surgically remove the growths, as well as this flesh-colored one with hair. Seems it's been there a while, since it has two additional growths underneath it.

wait, wait, that's my-YEEAAUUUGGGHH!

I shot a squirrel while at star fleet command and I just let it rot. Enjoy that fish's attempts at cooking food. He had a hot loli tho.

You shot...a squirrel? I should report you for this. In fact, the minute we get back to Earth, I will.

>Resistance is futile.

Thats why we have the best damn Doc in Star Fleet.

Don't be hatin' Tom. Just cause I get alien tail and you're stuck with Ms. Turtle Head.

Was that....was that a crack at me?

...

This is why we have safety protocols in the Holodecks.

voyager was the fucking worst, sage this shit

I think YOU should stick to watching re-runs of Friends and Seinfeld.

>I'm going to limit you to two rations per day until you reach Federation-standard weight. Only admirals can eat like that.

What do Emergency Medical Holograms eat?

We don't. Like, ever.