What's your secret?

What's your secret?

Everyone has them. Almost no one shares.

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m.youtube.com/watch?v=gMUEFZXkmDA
youtube.com/watch?v=fq3abPnEEGE
youtube.com/watch?v=nDqP7kcr-sc
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if i told you it wouldn't be a secret

I have raped two women, once when I was 16 and again at 23.

I might do it again, who knows what life brings you.

One time I didn't say bless you when someone sneezed.

You cheeky cunt

Sick fuck. I bet you have sex in the missionary position.

Had sex with a newly13 year old. was pretty good bois

I maintain a facade of being a normie by coming onto Sup Forums during the summer and venting my autism in the form of false reddit and 9gag trolling.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=gMUEFZXkmDA

How old were you?

>not posting the best version

youtube.com/watch?v=fq3abPnEEGE

I fucked my first cousin in the dark after i found out she drunkenly thought I was someone else.

I watched my dad have a heart attack in his sleep when I was 13. He was a workaholic/alcoholic who liked to drag me outside by the collar and threaten to end me so when it happened I just let it. Didn't tell anyone.

My parents were divorced so the next day I woke up and called 911. Whole nine yards.

Everyone thinks I slept through the attack.

Dude...

I have a voice in my head I like to talk to and she even has her own personality.

that game was trying way too hard16

Dude...

This sounds like it really happened. Do you regret not doing anything?

Woah man that's fucked, do you regret it or whatever?

Story any good?

I'm 26 now and looking back I probably would have done something but when you're an edgy/angsty 13-year-old and your dad is a bastard you kind of don't think ahead.

Then again he probably would have died anyway. Literally worked days and weekends, smoked and drank nonstop, was a rageaholic. Died before he hit 50. What could have stopped it?

No you didn't.

Im a 30 year old doctor from a respectable medical school that really wants to fuck one of my 18 year old patients

also im exactly this except i do it all year round

oh god dated for 7 months, so immature couldn't believe my eyes. broke up cause never texted her back to busy playin games and tired of drama, she cut communication off and was then regretted it shortly after, loved her a lot. fucked me up for good 3+ years. her dad shot himself, her mom goes to dive bars every weekend. shes a solid 8/10 now. my motivation to work out every weekend. she is now dating the son of the father who owns a multi million dollar food company and funds his racing hobby. wont name company you might know it, its a food company.

I'll elaborate a little. I invited her to a party and we all got completely wasted. I've always wanted to fuck her, but I could never come up with the courage to do anything. She got way too drunk and needed to lay down in my buddies room. A couple hours later he's like " Alright I'm going to bed." Out of an honest feeling of protection I told him no way. He had ten years on her and I knew she'd probably fuck him if he went in there. So I went in with the intention of just sleeping next to her and not doing anything. We had done shit like that before, so it wasn't a big deal. Cont?

every week' not weekend

Yes

How did you rape a women at 16. You're weak faggot that would whine after lifting anything heavier than a playgirl journal.

Got the head of my dick sucked by a 3 month old. Good shit. Tried a 1 month but all I got was my foreskin suckled.

Why did you use SLJ's yearbook photo for this thread?

Wait a fucking second...

is that samuel Jackson? from that movie Deep Blue Sea?

The ones with the giant squids.

NO, that one rapper nignog was in it and climbed into an oven to escape the shark

I get hard 99% of the time when I see a video of dogs humping women.

So the room is completely dark, I'm fucking hammered, laying there next to her fully clothed. Shes apparently knocked the fuck out. Drunken thoughts start coming into my head. Shes so hot and I just want to touch her. I think shes blacked out and she wont notice if I just cop a feel, thats all. So I start grabbing her ass. Then i get a little more bold and reach over her bra and grab a tit. My dick was so hard, but there was still a small voice saying dont go any further. Then she woke up. I practically died, i ripped my hands off of her about to shit myself. Then she leans over, starts feeling for my face and kisses me. She tasted like vomit, but I was so stunned I didnt give a fuck.

I'm gonna try being bi, because i keep getting hit on by gay men irl. Maybe Im actually gay and just dont know it because Ive never tried. Or I dont know.... On the other side my sexual fantasies are always of domination over the female type. I dont know man, im so fucking confused

Just whacked off

>Samuel L. Jackson

ever notice how the "L" is always included when you spell his name, but never pronounced when you say it? It's bizarre. I get that it rolls off the tongue better, but then why write the L in the first place?

i lost my virginity at 28 but i lied to everyone, friends, family etc that i lost it since i was 16 cause i was really embaresed...and i lost it with a prostitude, i am currenly 33 and i had sex for the third time this past week with my current girlfriend and it was awesome

although shit secret, I jerked it to a german chick getting fucked by a dog.

Holy shit this is actually a belivue story on b outside of a feels thread...

I'm an officially ordained Dudeist Minister.

your right you know

I kind of raped a male friend when I was like 7 or 8.

I am actually Killroy

>Everyone has them. Almost no one shares.
psst! let me tell you a secret: that's why they're secrets, dipshit.

I rubbed my brothers toothbrush all over my butthole for like 5 years until I moved out.

ADDY IN IMAGE!!

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Ditto

Your secret is that you're Samuel L. Jackson...?

Any details user?

>Stick dick into food
>Give it to dog
>Felt...ok ?

Rejoice brother. Praise to the latter day dude.

fuck it
>be me
>8-10
>dont fuckin remember
>have friend
>also 8-10
>we used to take our shirts off
>no ac
>living in trailer park
>summer
>h o t
>in room just me and him
>idk where the fuck my parents were
>we got into our underwear
>eventually completeley naked
>dare eachother to lick eachothers buttholes
>this is probably why im bi

My wife operates a daycare out of our house, and we often get kids staying for days at a time because reasons, and I often cum on their faces and bodies while they sleep at night.

WHen i was like 7 i stuck a pencil up a cats ass

Wasn't like full on... cat jumped ran off, made a noise

Venerate the Dude-Emperor.

What could have stopped it? I don't know, how about calling an ambulance?!

>federal witness protection

this is one of the few sites they let me use.
been missing for 7 fucking years indoors
living vicariously thru /out/
fml

hormel

The Dude abides always

And this causes people to say "Sam-you-elle", instead of "Samuel"

The pronunciation of his first name changes and nobody notices

I swear this guy is fucking with us

How was it?

Maybe if they were down the street. Nearest town was 25 miles away.

it used to just be "I put my nose to the grindstone and keep it there" but i've kinda been in a slump as of late, anyone else feel the same?

wat the fuck

Thats a federal Misdemeanor

Hell yeah!

youtube.com/watch?v=nDqP7kcr-sc

I jerk off in my cousins used underwear

Have been for years different ones each time


Also jerk off anytime I go to a new house i feel a sense of satisfaction Cumming on a flpot I've never been on

...

I'm dating a girl just bcs she has money

Second women I raped was a co-worker of mine. She had a second job at a gym that was near my house. I was coming home from work to the wife at 2 and I saw her tossing trash into a dumpster at other job. She went back inside and I pulled a u turn and parked in front of a shop a few doors down, got out and lit a cig. after a few minutes she came back out with another load of trash and that's when it was show time. The streestreetlights out and an industrial ac unit in the alley it was easy to walk up on her. After she tossed the gargabe in the dumpster she pulled out her phone, that's when i grabbed her by the hair and smashfucked her face into the side of the dumpster. She went pretty limp but I held up pulled her ass out to me. My coworker has a great ass, she's worked at this gym for a long time and could do some squats. I pulled down her leggings keeping her faced the other way and hotdogged her until I was hard. So far she'd been real quite, and I didn't have a condom so I wasn't about to creampie her. So I dipped my knob into her pussy and got a bit more wet than I was expecting. I pulled her cheek apart and pushed my head against her asshole. That's when she started whimppering and started to struggle. I kept her in place and tried to sheath my sword as hard as I could but missed and bent my dick pretty hard. I eased in her a bit before I started fucking her, shed gotten quiet again. It was fucking raw and unco.fortabke but fuck it After I came in her I let go of her hair and before she could look I grabbed her by the waist and flipped her into the dumpster which I locked. After that I went home, showed, played vidyahs with my wife and slept well.

She didn't show up for work for about a week saying she was sick. When she did come back she had a bruise on her cheek and I saw she had pepper spray on her key chain. Later that week we practiced shooting people in the face with it on soda cans.

I dont have any friends
Not real friends that i can hangout with and depend on
So i made up a personality that i talk to when im alone

Is/was your life better after he died?

Care to share? Sounds like a pretty good and interesting story.

First one was just as easy as the second. Got away Scott free both times. Was kinda wanting a third.

Great story haha

I've always wondered what it was like to rape someone

That emotion you would feel before during and after


What you would do after the incident if it would eat at you or you just go on like it was nothing


The fact that you worked with her was a bounce


ANY other crazy stories?

Insight

As somebody who says Sam-you-ell, i can say I'm definitely attempting to say Samuel L. It becomes awkward if you put to much effort into pronouncing everything, IMO.

Tl;dr I'm pretty sure Sam-you-ell is just a half assedd attempt at actually saying the L

I've jerked off almost every place I've spent considerable time at and had sex in a few strange places as well. Some notable locations are below.

• Middle school bathroom
• Middle school library
• High school bathroom
• High school behind bleachers during gym class
• High school closet
• High school stairwell
• High school auditorium during assembly
• High school drama classroom
• Work cubicle
• Work bathroom
• Work office
• Bosses office
• Many different bathrooms of many friends
• Friends grandmas chair
• Friends car
• Many friends bedrooms
• Many vehicles

In certain situations there were people as near as five feet. One time was even while watching a movie with my two little brothers. I now have a lot of alone time so I don't have to jerk off outside of my own home too often anymore. Some of my fondest memories of jerking off were spent peeping at my brothers' ex girlfriends through a hole in my bathroom door when I was about 18. God, that was good. I actually had sex with them both. I couldn't help myself. My brother always dated really slutty gangster Latina girls and I couldn't resist. They'd break up with him and get drunk and I'd fuck them 20 feet from him in my room. He told me once he knew and the second girl of his I fucked told me that he said I fucked the last one but I never admitted it. I made out with one his exes mom's too. Tried to fuck one of my exes mom one night. Fucked one exes little sister as soon as she turned 18. I think she was waiting for it too, because the first time I got drunk around legal her she spent the night chatting me up. I think I'm a sex addict. I'm not claiming all of the women I've done stuff with were attractive but a handful were. I'm pretty charismatic and it's easy for me to flirt and when I get drunk I'll fuck near any woman. I jerk off 5-6 times a day and fuck my married ex and my friends ex.

The rush is insane, I've been in combat but it doesn't compare.

I've stolen about 3 grand from bride/bridesmaids from a wedding.

I didn't think about a few locations and ran out of characters. Add 3 parks, 1 zoo, the drive in theatre, the normal walk in theatre, 4 bar bathrooms, 1 bar booth, 1 time in a cow field, 1 time on a steamroller, once on the side of the road near a middle school (was a summer night with an of age woman)

not even joking if i knew you in real life....
10/10 would put you in a wheel chair for the rest of your life

I think you might be a sex addict

Woo nelly

>Be me, 16
>masturbate with pic related thing cause fapping with your hand is too hard
>extra religious 9/10 girl next to me, cause family friends and shit
>I just came while looking at her boobs, being 2 feet away from her, and she still didn't notice a thing
>was a pain to clean myself

>yfw nobody notices you

I fucked my best friend at the time's ex who he was still madly in love with many, many times. I fucked her once while he was texting her trying to get her back. If he knew, he might literally try to kill me.

Fortunately, even if he did, he's a little beta manlet and I'd just stomp his ass.

It's exciting, isn't it? The thought that you can get caught at any time. I remember thinking that while jerking off behind the bleachers watching the volleyball team practice in high school.

I desire a police state

Daaaamn
Yea, you can easily get hooked to this thing

Haha thanks brother.

thats fucked up, and I hate women and love rape porn

How do you actually do that shit and feel okay with yourself? I want to try my best to sympathize with whatever motivation you have

I've had sex with my current girlfriends mom multiple times now and feel guilty after every time but it's fucking awesome. Trying to stop but she's the antagonizer and I can't turn down pussy

>hate women
why

Alright I'll tell you the first one too. I was at school after-hours with my girlfriend, some battle of the bands type shit. I went out to the car for a smoke. After a few minutes this girl came out balling her eyes out. Skirt, boots, bobi cut, my type of thing. She walked over to a car adjacent to mine and tried to open the door but it was locked. She squatted down and was crying so I made my move, walked up behind her, put my arm around her neck and pushed her face down on the ground. I kept her oinned and whipped out my wallet condom and wrapped up my Jimmy, by then I was already diamonds. I fucked her on the ground and between two cars for what felt like forever. After I came I pulled her by her hair to the edge of the parking lot and pushed her into a dich. Never ran as fast as I did back to the gym. I went to the bathroom, flushed the condom, then went back to the show.

how old r u?

My knees buckle upon climax. It is unavoidable now i cant stand while cumming its impossible i always fall its rather annoying.

As long as it doesn't make you feel uncomfortable as hell you shouldn't think too much of it. As you said, you might just have to try and when you see that a gay man touching you is not what you want at all, then you're not a faggot.

I felt bad for a while but I've never felt so alive. It's not like I plan to go out and rape someone, it's a spur of the moment thing.

several reasons, i just hate them as a concept

i dont hate any particular woman though, except for a couple i know that seem to embody that concept that i hate so much

>spur of the moment
kek, thats why I kill people too, I just get that feelin u know. gotta walk in a club and start unloading