Hey, Sup Forumsros. I have PTSD. Cut off from most people in my life. They know I'm fucked up, none of the details...

Hey, Sup Forumsros. I have PTSD. Cut off from most people in my life. They know I'm fucked up, none of the details. Drinking helps. Actually, I'm drunk right now! So ask me anything Sup Forums

PTSD from what? Are you actually diagnosed?

Yes, and medicated. Whoop. PTSD from being tortured.

That's rough. What meds you on? Are you feeling up to talking about the torture? Also how do you feel about tumblr mis-using PTSD and being triggered?

was only officially diagnosed that year, though. After 10 years with symptoms

Zoloft, Seroquel and Prazosin (nightmares).
I'm drunk enough, so sure. Helps to answer direct questions rather than just type out a bunch of shit, though.

Tumblrinas piss me the hell off. Triggered for them means "slightly uncomfortable." For fags like me, it means losing all sense of time, space, self...I get completely lost in a memory, re-feel pain without being touched, on edge beyond reasonable anxiety

>Prazosin
Hey I was on zoloft for awhile. Got rediagnosed with BPD last year and changed to Venlafaxine. Ok. Who hurt you?

Ignore green text

BPD is rough too, man. Met some people in rehab with it.

Neighborhood thug. Grew up in a shit poor town. Main guy worked at my elementary school (maintenance) and had his own gang of "militia" men. Decided to practice on someone, that someone was me. 10 years old, MIA parents, too stupid to realize I was walking into a trap until it was too late.

Bumping

That's fucked up. Did you get any help in the ten years before being diagnosed?

where were you tortured?

Or were you offered any help I should say.

...

No, not until I went to rehab last year. Dissociated for a long time - there are months at a time that are completely blacked out throughout middle school and high school. Started drinking and using in college, though, and eventually hit rock bottom - dropped out, no job, totally unstable, down 50lbs, awake for days at a time, briefly homeless...that's when I figured I needed to either ask for help and get my shit together, or kill myself.

Where as in the location, or where on my body?

Good job getting your shit together. You mention people dont know the details? Have you not shared all of what happened with friends/family?

Bump

Wouldn't say it's exactly "together" but thanks, I'm working on it.

I haven't. My brother knows that I have PTSD, but none of the details, and I only told him while we were smoking a couple weeks ago. My dad was terminally ill most of my high school years, died when I was in college and my mom had a mental breakdown shortly after that. I've tried to verbalize what happened a handful of times, but it gets stuck. I'm much better in text, have a really hard time actually speaking.

It never gets better, you just get better at dealing with it. It's been 7 years for me. Crippling anxiety, claustrophobia, spontaneous crying. anger. I miss the meds but I do better without them now.

How's the therapy going? Helping at all?

Glad to hear you're doing better, though. I've kind of resigned myself to the fact that this is something that will never really go away. What's the difference for you medicated/unmedicated?

It was, briefly. But after the first few weeks, it was kind of like walking around with a gaping, exposed wound. It was in rehab, so obviously I wasn't allowed to drink/used or any of the other destructive things I'd been using to cope, so I felt like I was trying to interact with people without any skin. Like a fucking molted snake, wrinkly and slimy. And non-functional, in my case. I think it was a case of too much, too fast. But I do still believe that it will help in the long run. There is a little bit of relief that comes with getting as much out as I did...and I guess as I am right now.

Bump

bumping

And the meds? It's a lot to be on daily.

Honestly, hard to tell. I felt a lot more stable for a while, but that was in a more controlled environment. I'm in a bit of a relapse right now...off the wagon but trying to get back on. T

The prazosin is rough, though, I will say. It's supposed to help with nightmares, but it's technically a med for high blood pressure. It definitely helps me sleep, but it drops my BP and blood sugar low enough to pass out sometimes (often depending on my diet/drinking). And even when I don't, I often wake up feeling like absolute shit because of it. Worse than a hangover...which is why I end up drinking instead more and more lately.

bump dis shit

I don't have a question, but good luck man.

Do you know what happened to you attackers? Do you live in the same area where it happened?

A few spent petty time in jail (one before me, two after), and I think the ringleader is dead now, actually. And since I'm a coward, after I ran into one of them on a train when I was 19 (hadn't seen him since that day), I fled. I'm back in my hometown now, but I moved 1000 miles away (where I ended up homeless) back then. I felt like they were definitely going to come after me again. Logically, I doubt he even recognized me after all those years. But I fucking remembered his face, I'll tell you that.

I found medicated my mood transitions felt more lubricated, I got stuck less. When i was tracking i found they helped me get up and get out of bed without anxiety more often.
Without meds I have issues about as frequently and the extremes are more severe. When they were weaning me off meds to see how i did I found i dealt with emotions more. addressed problems more often instead of just waiting for the feeling to pass. when i agreed to stop meds i had felt like i was making a lot of progress very fast. That plateaued pretty quickly though. At least every week there's a point i feel like going back on meds. I do feel like my ability to cope when it counts is better. i can grit my teeth, get through what i'm doing.

yeah prazosin can be some nasty shit

>And since I'm a coward,
Not cowardly at all. Life isnt a kung fu movie where you take revenge on your attackers. I would have done the same thing. Fuck those cunts though.

That makes sense...I feel like I'm just white-knuckling everything right now. Medicated and sitting with it, but not exactly dealing with it, so I see the benefit of weening off. What caused your PTSD?

Thanks bro. But I did have some kung fu revenge fantasies over the years. Too pussy to ever follow through, but absolutely thought about possible scenarios, how I could fucking kill them and get away with it.

...

I would have too
you should've shown those cunts what you can do all growed up

what was it that they did to you?

burned, cut, held underwater, held in stress positions, sodomized, choked

Jut dont give up OP.The best revenge is living well.

jebus

The fuck, did OP grow up in Rwanda?

I shot two kids in Afghanistan. They were shooting at our patrol, we didn't have much for visual. Had the LMG, did everything right, found out afterwards they were kids.

nah, just 90s Newark, NJ

Shit, that's rough. Have you deployed since?

Does the army provide much support after something like that happens?

dis nigga lyin