Is it unreasonable to ask your significant other to stop being friends with their ex(s) or anyone they've been physical...

Is it unreasonable to ask your significant other to stop being friends with their ex(s) or anyone they've been physical with?

I recently told my girlfriend how I get insecure when she hangs around with her ex. She got defensive as if I was trying to keep her from having friends. I asked why she felt that way and it came out that the majority of her friends are people she has either had sex with or dated.

I'm not an idiot I know I'm not the first person to be with them it's just weird for me that she still has all of these people still in her life.

you being insecure is your deal, not hers.

with that said - I've been in your situation, and it fucking sucks. every "friend" feels like competition, and I didnt like it one fucking bit.

If you ask they will see you as weak, if you have to ask they're not the type of person who should be in a relationship.
You're in a lose-lose, user, Ride out the honeymoon phase then dump them and move on.

so what did you do?

if she's gonna cheat, she's gonna cheat. If you act all insecure and jealous over other men, you'll actually convince her you're lower value than they are. So act stoic, let her do what she wants. But if she crosses that line you have to be able to drop her, there lies your only power.

Your gf is garbage, she will cheat on your, if she hasn't already. Better move on m8.

She's fucked some of her friends. She's decided she doesn't want to be in a relationship with them. She's fucked you. She's decided she wants to be with you.
...where's the problem? You've won here.

>you being insecure is your deal, not hers.
not if she's all willy nilly with guys she has slept with in the past. I would be compelled to agree with you if it was just over friends and shit, but there's a clear line there and the fact that she's not willing to respect it means she doesn't respect him.

If she respected you she wouldn't be hanging out with people she has had an intimate past with. There's not anything else to say... either you're both young and dumb and she doesn't realize her behavior is not okay, or she just doesn't care.

No user. It's not unreasonable.

There may be people who DO NOT give a flying fuck about wether their GF's hang with their exes, and there are people who do.

It obviously bothers you. Doesn't matter what that might look like or how others feel about that. If it fucking bothers you, she should seriously consider not hanging around with that ONE PERSON out of the seven billion on this god damn earth. And if she doesn't, you should seriously consider ditching her.

That being said, I think this shit is an indicator you GF is a bitch, not invested in you, and will cheat.


Don't let these tumblr cucks saying 'wahh your insecurities your problem' get to you. That's not what being in a relationship is about. Its about having a good time together.

the problem for me is that I don't just see them as her friends I see them as people she used to fuck. And I look at them and I see me. If I do something wrong I'll just be another friend she used to fuck.

agreed, especially with
>if you have to ask they're not the type of person who should be in a relationship.

yeah OP won for now, until she grows bored with him like the previous bfs and she starts fucking around again

She's banging on the side. If not, then she's holding on to the possibility.

Women use sex to get what they want. Sex appeal is their biggest weapon. You're gf isn't the first and won't be the last to keep men around she's had sex with.
She will cheat on you, but sadly most girls will given the opportunity. You just need to lay down the law and not become a cuck.

you will be that one of those guys sooner or later Just tap it while it lasts, nothing lasts forever

>There may be people who DO NOT give a flying fuck about wether their GF's hang with their exes, and there are people who do.
I think you're making a false comparison. People who have been capable of ending a relationship on mutual terms often end up in situations where they can visit their ex and be fine with it. An example of this would be catching up over coffee, etc.

What's not the same is having an ex, or multiple exs in your social circle orbiting your life at all times. That's a red flag bud.

honestly, I was a petty little shit, bitched about it constantly. we eventually broke up but remained friends. wish I had handled it better

Since then I'm much more confident in both myself and my relationships. I have lots of ex's I talk to also...

I don't understand what you are saying. clear lines? willy nilly?

that describes every relationship ever. you date. you get bored / doesn't work out, you date someone else.

grow up man

this probably. its cool. just enjoy.

no but it might be too late for you in this specific relationship, you've already shown weakness.

next time, you're not asking. make it simply a part of what being with you entails. no contact with anyone she's been physical with. you're her man now, and you expect her to do this for you.

also fuck any white knights who may oppose my advice. trust me, i used to be all touchy feely too about relationships, but the simple truth is women are attracted to men who evoke their sense of submission.

I agree it is a red flag - but asking her to change her social circle? I don't see that happening.

OP - did you not know this about her? or did you just meet recently.

Step up or step out!
If you're worthy of her and deserve her then you won't become someone she used to fuck. If you act immature and insecure then she'll grow bored of your shit and cheat on you.

there back ups
they are all the men she will be fucking the day after you break up
does that make you feel better?

>but asking her to change her social circle?
obviously not possible, after about 25 I stopped bothering with women like this completely. Hearing "I am in regular contact with an ex" is an absolute dealbreaker for anything more than fucking.

What? I'm just trying to say people projecting onto OP that he should feel fine with the bitch haning with her ex, 'just like they would', is an absolute non-argument.

He is clearly someone who is bothered by that, and his GF should take that into account.

Dump her. If she still speaks to anybody she's fucked, she will fuck them again.

This is a rough situation, OP. I would analyze it based on:
-How often she is hanging out with these people?
-Do they have significant others of their own?
-What is the activity that they are doing when they hang out?

For example: If she hangs out with them a lot, they are single, and their main activity is partying, drinking, and getting wasted, my concern would be much, much higher. If she hangs out with them sporadically, they have SO's of their own, and their main activity is like, say, seeing a movie or getting dinner as a group, I'm going to be much less worried.

In general, I don't like your situation because as my own personal rule, when I break up with people (or they break up with me), I generally sever all contact and don't spend time with them anymore. So for me, this is weird to see that she not only remains in contact, but remains in constant contact and continues to see them. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

I guess just keep your eyes open for unusual activity. Don't act super insecure, I mean easier said than done, but you have to try and tune it out. If it bothers you enough, have another talk. I suspect she will get more defensive. You may need to consider that you two don't mesh very well. You're not cool with hanging out with exes, while she is. That can be significant, and the constant heartache that will cause you, and the friction to your relationship, may not be worth it.

Good luck, OP.

/r/theredpill

if you say

>babe it really bothers me that you're still friends with your ex

she will 9/10 break up with you

ITT: Sup Forums 14 year olds giving relationship advice

so? that's a good filter opportunity i'd say.

>Jerry and Elaine are still friends

>I don't understand what you are saying. clear lines? willy nilly?

In a mutually beneficial relationship there are clear lines/standards each partner reserves in order to show respect to one another. Keeping multiple exs around as casual friends is definitely one of the lines you do not cross. In fact I would say for a person to be considered mentally fit and available for a relationship with another human being should never do this.

A girl who has an ex that hangs around like her best friend (all willy nilly) who "just gets her" and often offers her advice/counsels her on relationship shit is just NOT okay. You will never be comfortable in that relationship because you SHOULDN'T be. Get your pussy and get out

I'd sure as hell mind, and leave immediately if they refused to change it.
But then again, I'm the jealous type. I like my bitches completely alone because I'm completely alone, and I'd want us to be alone together.

Agreed. I rarely bothered with these kinds of girls. Maybe it was luck, but the girls I dated didn't do this shit.

OP. Don't try to reason with women. That is like trying to reason with house cats. It won't work.

So you sit her down and tell her this. You are mine. I am yours. Part of that means I don't want anything interfering with that arrangement.

You have to choose me or your former FWB.

Then tell her to think about it and get back to you. Then leave.

This way you will know RIGHT AWAY if she is yours or not. If not, don't worry. Plenty of fish in the sea.

NEVER ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE A CUCK

>honestly, I was a petty little shit, bitched about it constantly. we eventually broke up but remained friends.
that's disgusting, women don't want to see those kinds of emotions and insecurities until you're old and married. Hollywood has sold you a lie.

Until then suppress them and learn to speak up for yourself without seeming like a little bitch. Otherwise she's just going to be disgusted by your insecurity and fuck the first badboy archetype she runs into.

>/r/theredpill

don't be an idiot. yes the average male needs to man up these days, but theredpill is like a counterfeit of manning up. stay away.

>dated a chick off and on for a few years
>we'd drift apart when I'd go away for work (longest was a year)
>we'd run into each other and end up dating again till I had to take off
>both were cool with the arrangement
>end up getting a new job and things started to become a little more exclusive
>she had a guy friend that she had fucked a few times that was a piece of shit when I was around
>always making sideways comments and was a little too touchy feely with her
>I bring this up to the chick and she gets mad does the whole "if you don't trust me" bullshit
>one week after this argument one of my buddies and his girlfriend come by to hang out
>my chick gets retarded ape stupid when my buddies girlfriend sits next to me and causes enough of a scene that my buddy and his chick leave
>a few days later my chick has her friends over for a bday party for one of her girlfriends
>dude shows up and starts gettin stupid at one point grabs a handful of her ass
>I said something, chick gets mad because he's drunk and "that's how he gets when he's drunk"
>decide this shit isn't worth it and beat the shit out of the guy, toss her, all her shit and her stupid friends out of my pad.

OP if it bothers you and having an adult conversation doesn't work I'd suggest moving on. Bitches don't keep dudes they used to fuck around because they're friends, they keep them around for when you fuck up they have familiar dick to run to.

When I first started dating my current boyfriend I was hanging out pretty regularly with my ex. I still had feelings for my ex and my boyfriend knew (horrible feeling). Eventually he confronted me about it and told me he wasn't comfortable with me seeing/hanging out with my ex and demanded I stop.

I didn't stop.

I made up excuses like my ex was always my friend first so losing a friend is super difficult blahblahblah. My bf didn't really buy it, but eventually tried to ignore it because he realized you can't control someone.

Fast forward a couple more months into the relationship and he proved himself to be a much better partner than my ex ever was, so I just felt no need to see my ex anymore and stopped having feelings for him too.

So user, if you want to test your gf's loyalty, you have to trust her. If she sees that you're a decent guy and the one she wants in her life, she'll respect you. But you have to respect her back.

this

???

how

don't listen to this whore OP
she's dating a cuck-in-training
Tell her to make a choice. if she says anything but OK then dump her ass to the curb. It's what a man would do.

your girl was a whore way back.
the reason that all her friends fucked her is because she lacks a personality or has a great personality but open legs.

you shouldn't ask her to abandon her friends over this, but don't take it laying down either.

hang out. business as usual, but if she gets close and I mean close with one of them motherfuckers, shut it down or find another bitch.

in other words, be a man.

This is stupid fucking advice. Figures it would come out of a (supposed) femanon. Let's recap:

>>Dragged your boyfriend through a few months of feeling shitty
>>Kept your ex as a backup
>>Realized the current boyfriend is a better gravy train than the last, so finally time to ditch the ex
>>Probably going to jump ship to a better gravy train if you find one, then use your current boyfriend like you used the last
>>Probably would have cheated on your current boyfriend if given a good chance
>>Admits throughout the post that you knew about his feelings regarding exes and you STILL continued your bullshit
>>Proceeds to give OP advice to just "trust her" and "respect her"

You're a shitty person.

pretend like you dont give a sh*t

If it's a deal breaker for you, then yeah.

You can't force someone to do anything, but you don't have to stay with them either.

Always be sure your romantic relationships are on your terms. Make no compromises, you'll only be hurting yourself in the long run more than you would be being single.

i concur with these gentlemen

Rape all her friends and show them you're the alpha male

Subtle. Also, checked.

>that describes every relationship ever. you date. you get bored / doesn't work out, you date someone else.

Ok OP here
it seems the only way people have been ok in these relationships is not to care. And I am having trouble with that. Can anyone give me advice on how not to care?

This. I've been sexually open with friends. If someone I was dating told me to stop talking to them or act as though they're unimprotant to me, that would be a huge red flag.

If someone wants to stay with you and you want to stay with them, stay together and be happy. They may leave someday. You may leave someday. Demanding them to drop people from their life just makes you look weak, and certainly not life-partner material.

this is cancer, she is a whore

don't listen to the tumblrcucks and virgins, be a man now or struggle through months, possibly years of bullshit until you realize you should have been a man right from the beginning.

If she wants to hang out with her ex, that is fine, just make it clear that you and her will not have a realtionship this way

It was only after several months of being together that I was informed that she had fucked nearly all of her friends.

She used sex as a way to feel worthy and important.
And she did it with her friends.

And she was friends with them before anything sexual happened. But she's still friends with them now. And she sees that this is a problem but is unwilling to do anything about it. I asked if she could stop hanging out with people she fucked and freaked out because that is literally her entire social circle.

Castrated all of them.

Why does Bobby B have a sword and not a hammer?

Sure is hard but dont be a dick. Been there both on giving and recieving end. Just suck it up

that's bobby B's great grandfather Lionel, the laughing storm, Baratheon

yeah it is not that hard. Go meet other girls, test the waters, find out how many are into you ect, once you realize that your GF is just one of millions and millions of possible partners, you'll be more relaxed about the issue

Agreed. I've never been in an exclusive relationship and had a girl even expect to hang around with exs or even ask. Most times they get a text from an ex and show me it right away and be like "JUST SO YOU KNOW IM NOT ANSWERING"

your girlfriend had low self esteem at some point wether you know it or not, and she now gets off(not literally) on having guys competing for her attention and as her main partner. EVERY guy that has a friend that is a girl wants to fuck them, even if they are ugly. You fuck them because of covienience, because you wanna see them naked, because it's funny, or because your such good friends you think it'll work that way. But in the end if you have a remotely
Decent looking girl as a friend, you've beat your dick thinking about fucking them.

Your girlfriend is the same way.

Apathy is a virtue that comes from experience.
You don't just decide to not care one day.
You stop caring by being brutalized day in day out by life in every way imaginable until you simply can't give that much of a fuck anymore.
Then you become an alpha like me, who's genuinely surprised that people still make a big deal about women being whores, being cucked, not feeling like a real man, wishing for the love of their life, or by romantic endeavors in general.

Nah fuck this shit , I got into a massive physical fight with the guy and she choose him over me and we had been together for three years... mainly because she knew he would kill himself ... so I get the short straw

>She knew he would kill himself.
That line never worked for me. What the fuck.

Nope then he proceeded to false flag a cop call on me and I was at that point done

OPs gf is fucking chad right now.

You just got played son.
I don't really know. People are fucking dumb.
Focus on science.

og god user, you doged one hell of a bullet there, good riddance!
A woman that falls for that bullshit is worthless. Hope you are fine user.

>I asked if she could stop hanging out with people she fucked and freaked out because that is literally her entire social circle.

well yeah. I mean - it is up to you man. you can get over it, or you can break up with her.

Op sounds like he is in highschool, and is trying to force a relationship with the school slut.

Yea, you herd me, we all had one back in the day, tried to turn a ho into a housewife,

She keeps friends she's fucked before because she is craves attention she never got anywhere else,

All she knows is to get attention through sex.

Im willing to be moneys she is also an animal lover and has lots of pets,

This is because she has a fucked up complex and she needs to feel like some sort of god to an inferior creature, she needs them to rely on her and and give her attention.

My ex was like this, she horded dogs because dogs will worship their masters.

Its a fucked up self esteem thing Op.

This girl you are talking about will never respect you because she doesnt even grasp the concept.

She understands attention.

If she thought for even one second that a guy that she fucked has forgotten about her or " moved " she will have a psychotic break.

My ex is this same person, she has a list of ex-boyfriends( including me ) that she flirts with, sends snapchats to and picks fights with,

She was more in love with the attention than ever having a relationship, so she strung us all along based on her looks.

Its a warped and desperate need for worship and adoration.

Get out while you can kid.

Girls are sluts and that's all, i recommend you to be the one that cucks instead of the cucked.
Or try with fuckbuddies.

funny to see this thread only 10 minutes after my ex gf said her husbaand forbids her to have any contact with me anymore.

He read our sex messages that include her fantasy to have sex with both of us. In her fantasy she masturbates and piss on his head while I fuck him in the ass doggy style.
By the way - she fucks him with a strapon on a regular basis, so that makes sense.
I cant believe this beta stays with her and keep taking it up his ass from her after this messages. I am sure somewhere deep down it turned him on and I am looking forward to fulfil her fantasy just for the keks

Oh I have been fucking tempted to write greentext story about this for a week now

What happened was basically she was mentally distraught, I had all the bad stuff and dealing with it made me stay up weeks on end , hell I even stopped her from killing herself twice

But do you fucking understand how infuriating it is when some 26yr old cuck ( I am 19 / shes 17) accuses me of being a rapy /abusive cunt to my girlfriend (editing a facebook message and sending it to her parents) , then having her dad phone me saying the cops want a word

Fuck that guy....

Like I am someone that would never go to violence but holy shit if I was going to go postal it would be to his fucking skull with a 2x4

typical white chick, fuck this crazy cunt, get an asian chick, they at know their place. u know, actual honor and all that. Laugh at your white whore ex when she hits her 30s and is still not in a stable relationship because she refuses to learn that you can´t be entitled to every unreasonable thing she wants, which she justfies with the so-called "i need my freedom" label. A relationship requires a little bit of sacrifice from both sides, there is no such thing as a perfect one, as long as this bitch wont give up her unreasonable and insignificant edgy, sexual tention charged "friendship" with her ex, she can go fuck herself into a misguided femanon adulthood. You're better than this user, fuck all white sluts.

Meanwhile at OP's house

David, get off Sup Forums. You have work in the morning.

not OP
but i wish i could have put that in my head when I was younger

user, make a few things very clear to yourslelf:

She will not stop hangig out with these guys if she did not already ditch them voluntarily.

Asking her to do so will result in resentment from her side and she will eventually break up with you or cheat or both.

These things are okay. Nobody likes to make huge sacrifices for a thing they are not 100% convinced off.

Hoewever, because she values her connection to those guys more than she does a realationship with you, you need to do the same.
You have to realize that she is not "the one". You will not marry her. She will not be the mother of your kids. She is not marriage material, not even close.

Have fun with her. Be with her, fuck her, do all the fun stuff. Just make sure you always know that she is not the one and be ready to break up with your gf should you meet a better girl.

This way you both win. She is not fully commited to your realtionship and that is why you should be, too. Enjoy life user, it is short and you are only young once.

I've dealt with the same shit before, if she can't just stop talking to her ex to make you happy she probably is gonna be a waste time. My opinion would be to move on because all bitches are a waste of time. And what game is in the picture you posted?

Wisdom

don't worry, it's a lesson you can only learn the hard way

it's either a sign that she has healthy relationships or one of two others: she's so fucking fine that everybody still wants to be around her on the off-chance they can get it in again (or maybe the sex is good enough), or she might be one of those "free spirit" types who mostly fucks you and sometimes fucks others.
Personally, I'm banking on her having healthy relationships. It's the kind of life I'd like to lead, myself, and I've seen several people manage it in the past.

While I understand your reticence in the whole deal, if she tends to get along with old flames it's indicative of her being a really wonderful person. Is she?

Like that faggot said ride her outS long as you can before you're the friend she hangs out with

the point of a relationship is mutual trust. If she breaks that or he restricts her actions, then the respect involved in the relationship is absent and the relationship needs to end.

Where do they teach you children what love is? Fucking Disney movies? Because even those talk about trust and how important it is; look at Beauty and the Beast

Run, find a girl that makes you happy the way she is. She's never, NEVER going to put your happiness above hers, and even if she does it will be for a very short time.

I'm not saying she's a slut, she is what she is. You can't change her. Leave.

Trust doesn't exist in modern society user, money is the rule, without money you're nobody for the other people.
(Sadly)

I told mine and she accepted a few days later when she tought it through for herself.

I have way more ex girls than she has guys and I told her "imagine me hangng out with them regularly and/or sleeping there blah blah" stuff like that and apparently she wouldn't like me being "friends" with my exes so she agreed to the deal.

Damnit that shit doesn't work for cuck betas like me.

why isn't she committed to the relationship?

Leaving behind friends for a relationship is petty, limiting, and, if anybody expects their SO to leave others to be with them, that's controlling. That's no way to get a person to trust you. It's exactly the opposite of a way to get a person to trust you, so if you expect somebody to ever leave a friend behind for their relationship, you don't have any respect for them and you certainly don't fucking trust them.

I've had like three exes do this shit to me. It always started out with "exes" and people that I had been with, and then as the relationship progressed they would amp it up to the point where I wasn't even allowed to hang out with MY friends, let alone theirs.

Basically if you're expecting your lover to not talk to people they care about during your relationship, anybody who's ever been in a sketchy situation like mine will immediately run. You won't get dates like that. It's not respectful and it's not trusting, and it implies that you yourself aren't trustworthy, because cheaters are the ones that are the most jealous and possessive.

Just don't fucking try to limit their options; it makes you lose power in the relationship dynamic and it shows you don't give a fuck about your lover.

>trust doesn't exist

You trust your family to be themselves. You know how they're going to act and what sorts of things they're going to do. When they promise you something, you know exactly how much they're going to commit to that promise and how they're going to fulfill it.

Yes, trust fucking exists. A sexual relationship can't exist without it; have you ever done anything remotely kinky in your life?

Op, her still being in contact with all these people tells us a few things:

1. She puts her friends before you
2. She isn't mature enough to make tough choices and erase potential drama for the sake of your relationship
3. She doesn't think about your feelings
4. She's still emotionally attached to people who she's fucked

Any one of these reasons alone is good enough to dump this inconsiderate whore. So take your pick and find a real woman with the maturity necessary to have a serious, adult relationship with.

OP again

probably made a mistake but I made a move that I am comfortable with.
"You are not willing to stop hanging around people you used to have sex with. Given the situation (meaning her entire social circle) this is understandable and I see where you are coming from. But I have to ask what ARE you willing to do?"

if she decides there's nothing she's willing to do with this situation I will end it.

"that's controlling"

This is bullshit SJW lingo. Trust is controlling, love is controlling, monogamy is controlling.

I have a friend who i used to have sex with.
My bf isnt really insecure ans if he is he hides it well.
I however am a bit insecure. At oeast when it comes to him i am.
He has a female friend he used to be with in highschool but he rarely sees her or chats with her.
My friend is someone ive always been close to but not in a sexual way. We've known eachother for years and us having sex was more of a "hey we are bored and single so wanna do it?" Sort of thing. Once either of us got into a relationship we inmediatly stopped any sort of sexual interaction and just hung out like your average friends.
I for a while kept the fact that me and my friend used to sleep together because i feared my bf would not want me to be around him and that was something i couldnt do.
Ive known my friend for almost 8 years and my bf for almost 2. My friend has been there for me way before i knew my bf and i wasnt gonna let anyone get rid of someonw i considered a good friend above all else.
When i told my bf he was upset that i hadent told him sooner but seemed to understand why i was hesitant.
He also understands that im insecure about other girls and him so he mever gets very mad at me if he mentions how he might hang out with his ex. Though to him its clear shes not very important because if i get jealous my bf simply says "if its gonna bother you then i wont go" and i find that incredibly sweet.
He has other female friends but i dont get reallt jealous of them for some reason...just the ex i suppose.

Anyway, all i know is i dont have many real friends so i tend to hang onto the people who have been there for me in my past.
Im not a sexual deviant and my heart is always with my bf and hes always on my mind.
I never think of my friend in any sexual aspect when we hang out


So OP i say if your gf hasent given you any reason to really not trust her then i say dont worry about it.

The only solution is to kill all of her Ex's, that way she can't cheat...

Oh wait, she can do that with ANYONE.

I'm jealous as fuck but hide it. Some women have a lot of friends and are extremely social, and those girls I tend to not go for because of my own issues and fears.

If you both have conflicting views about her social life, it'll be best just to end it. There has to be a common ground where one of you has to give in to the other's ideology. Personally if my girlfriend still found it necessary to talk to an ex instead of investing time and effort into establishing a relationship with me I'd dump the bitch. Mainly because after I get into a relationship I kick my fuckbuddies to the curb and would expect the same from her.

Smart move, op

Pretty much this.

> if my girlfriend still found it necessary to talk to an ex instead of investing time and effort into establishing a relationship with me I'd dump the bitch

Dump her she is not committed to you. People used to be fucking normal and have normal relationships. The women nowdays are all brainwashed by liberal jew bullshit so listen to me well dude forget that bitch if she isnt willing to forget her "friends" for you. They are not Friends they are potential partners.

This

lol all of this beta cuck fags
no if u dont like something she either changes or bye bye u said urself she had sex with em lol shes a slut a ur a beta fag just dump the ho and go to curchor something and find someone appropiate for a betacuckfag like u... also my gf does talk to an ex her year and guys but i do too talk to girls but here the thing shes a virgin so its no biggie for me if she wasnt id wouldve fucked her and dumped her get over it op dont be a betacuckfag