Stupidest shit you have done while horny

Stupidest shit you have done while horny

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Asked a bi girl when I was fingering her of she likes guys more than girls now. Really cringy cuz she was my gf at the time. Oh well

Your mom cunt bitch.

stick a pen in my dick
felt p good at the time but my dick felt like it was being stabbed every time i took a piss for 3 days after.. most painful thing i have ever experienced

fucked my hand

The feels bro

mad man

...

Well memed friend

You fucked a shoe?

we said stupid

Did it even feel good

I'm not a lesbian and would never ever date a girl because I love dick too much, but if I get super horny I'll masturbate to lesbian porn. sort of disgusts me

fucking amazing

Tried shoving a cucumber up my ass. Didn't work. My stinky shit hole is too tight

Do you have any funny shoe fucking stories?

get married

Not really, I just steal them from coworkers offices and fuck 'em.

>im a girl

Was being a sissy cuck on cam for a girl. Let her screenshot all kinds of embarrassing shit cause i was so horny and loving it. She told me to give her my credit card info so I did. I was so fucking into it at the time. She had it maxed in like half hour.

Okay

ok dude lmao

dont you dude me m8

Kek, thanks for sharing user

I said something along the lines of "I want to tap that uterus so hard" it sounded super stupid

How much debt did she put you in

tits and timestamp or GTFO

>Poked a girl in the crotch several times who was like 10 (I was 15).
>Masturbate on said girl's bed
>Touch her in her sleep
>Dress my little brother's stuffed animals in my mom's underwear and humped them
>Spied on my mom taking a bath
>Stuck an unsharpened pencil up my ass
>Masturbated outside in the rain
>Masturbated in my mom's car
>Put my hand down my sleeping cousin's pants
>Post pictures of facebook friends in a fap thread, including my cousin
>Fap to pretty much every kind of porn on my parent's couch
>Repeatedly fuck up my parent's computer with porn to the point they didn't let me use it anymore.

The list goes on

heh man cervix play is my fetish so i say shit like that too

Apparently what I do best is please others

Almost 5000

Tits or GTFO

jesus dude ouch did you get anything in return?

are you a registered sex offender by any chance?

nope lol. i'm generally considered a nice guy with good morals. kek

Just got humiliated and made fun of

Absolute kek

>generally considered a nice guy
so are sex offenders...they offer lolipops

Yea I should have gotten in trouble for a lot of shit. Feels good to get that out of my system

fuuuuuck oh man why do we do such dumb shit for pussy, did you try and reverse the transactions?

>Masturbated outside in the rain

My sides

i sometimes give away hundreds of dollars to girls ive only chatted to for 20 minutes or so online, and ive never even seen or heard on cam, just because they tell me to and it makes me cum so hard knowing they are getting my hard-earned cash for doing literally nothing. i feel llike such a bitch, like a slave, and it makes me cum buckets.

instantly regret it afterward though, every time.

*naked, on the ground

Fucked a landwhale who turned out to be a feminist.

wtf

>every time

Nope let her have it all

I know right it was such a rush I kinda want to do it again

Kek, story?

id say dont bother. it can get very very addictive. there are actually support groups for guys who are addicted to financial slavery. its because it fucks with your dopamine, in a similar way that gambling does. and youll find yourself needing to give more and more money away each time to get the same high.

watch out for that lightning
>penis = lightning rod

> there are people rn who are addicted to giving away money
What a time to be alive

Well then I am lucky no femanons are trying to talk me into it. It originally happened with a girl I met on here

i have fucked and came in many girls' shoes not to their awareness

Really?

Jesus dude...

yes. all different types of girls and shoes, too

But why?

I just find it hot that my cum is all over their feet and that they have no clue

O

>be in kindergarten
>tell girl dick tastes like cherry
>girl is like no way
>im like yeye
>get seen by 15 year old intern while she proofs me wrong
>ohshit.png
>She didnt do anything after that
>Flabbergasted//Didnt even know what i was doing

fap under table in school
>think nobody sees me
>everybody sees me
>wake me up
>cant wake up

They def saw you lol they just didnt speak up

I had never used a dildo on my ass before and i was curious so i stole my gf's one which was pretty big and proceeded to fuck myself with it

Almost broke my anus. didnt stop hurting for about 2 weeks and i didnt shit normal for about 2 months. nothing will ever go up my ass again.

...

>be me a few weeks ago
>honry as fuck rubbing my dick home alone
>on AFF looking for sloots
>find couple in same city wanting to bang fuckyeah.scr
>they give address and tell me to just walk in
>driving there with bubble gut from nerves
>pull up at house and walk inside
>fuck strangers wife while he watches and video tapes
>didn't wear condom feelsrealgoodman
>mfw this 40yo milf has probally fucked hundreds of guys and I hit it raw.

>Be me, be 15, living with my little sisters and slutty welfare-abusing mom, no dad
>stuck at home watching younger sisters again, fifth time that week.
>About 11:30 AM, mum stumbles in, shitfaced drunk, higher than a kite, wearing a ruffled mini club dress
>Doesn't even say hi, doesn't even make it to her own goddamned bedroom, just flops half on the couch half on the floor
>Help her out, try (and largely fail) not to look or grope her as I help her on to the couch
>half an hour later, sisters taking a nap in their bedroom, mom still passed out on the couch, check to make sure she's still breathing and head off to my room for a fap
>unbelievably turned on (say whatever you want, getting an eyefull and feeling up an attractive woman had me rock hard, and my fifteen year old penis gave zero shits about silly things like family relation.
>head to my room and pull out my phone
1/2

go on...

part 2
myhentaicomics.com/index.php/Exploited

ur a nigger

>phone out, ready to fap, aaand
>the fucking internet was out
>I later found out that my mom hadn't paid the cell company
>Frustrated as hell, fucking diamonds in my pants, but don't feel like fapping without some material to work with so I head back out to he living room.
>Sit down, gonna watch some TV
>Haha, no, mom hadn't paid for that either. Well then.
>Put in a DVD.
>half an hour in, still rock hard, can't stop stealing glances at my mom sitting there completely fucking dead to the world passed out in that maddeningly tight minidress
>Being an angry horny teenager, I more or less figure "fuck it, I don't owe this bitch a thing" and whip it out to fap to her (admittedly fantastic) tits.
(Judge me if you want, but "watching sisters while mom is clubbing/fucking some guy/passed out pretty much describes my entire adolescence. I had some problems, okay?)
>Jerking off to the sight of my own unconcious (but undeniably attractive) mother's rack.
>Somehow I decided that I needed to make the situation EVEN WORSE and pulled her dress down to play with her tits while jerking off.
>I know from past experience that when she's passed out like that nothing short of cold water or an electic shock will wake her up, so I move her so that she's laying down on the couch.
>Titfuck her and bllow the biggest load of my life up to that point all over her chest.

Never got caught for that, or anything else I did, because she was always high.

Long story short, have you ever been so horny you molested your own mother?

Oh shit, I did that too. I also bled out piss for one of those day.

The fuck? Dude. Just no.

> be 14
> Niece (11) sleeps in my bedroom
> Watching a horror movie
> She's too scared
> Asks if she can lay in bed w me til the movie finish
> sure, why not?
> I start spooning her
> She likes it
> She opens her butt cheeks a bit
> im fucking hard, start to masturbate with them
> Shes horny, a bit wet
> start kissing her, playing with her tongue
> her nipples are hard, i start to play with em
> place my dick between her legs and pussy
> she loves it
> ask if she can lick or blow me
> she's to ashamed
> Only kiss my dick a few times
> tell her to give me a handjob
> She does
> cum in her chest and belly
> Both love it
> did this a lot of times
> 10 years happened and we dont talk about this (neither try to do it again)

What is it?

Fall asleep waiting for fuck buddy to arrive and phone calls didn't wake me up.

bought a fleshlight

part 2

felt my mom while she was asleep

also a cousin

If you want part two, it's posted. and it's not fucking yellow.

Of what

You ever do anything else to her or to your sisters?

Don't you talk to me or my son again.

Rubbed alcohol on my balls once, wasn't horny but wanted to try it and see what happens without even doing a small google search, it felt like I was teabagging the face of the Old Iron King

Pic related

Got drunk at a company party and headed back to a coworker's hotel room. She was into me but I couldn't really stand her; I went with her cuz I was drunk, horny, ,and had gone through a long dry spell. I hatefucked her; took out on her all the anger I had towards her and other women I knew. I fucked her rough and angrily and figured she would hate it, but she loved it and thought it meant we were destined to be together. After that one night it took months to convince her I didn't want to be with her.

>took my toothbrush
>used the bristles to brush my asshole while i jacked off
>finished
>saw brown on toothbrush
>didn't even wash it fully
>just rinsed until i stopped seeing brown
>brushed my teeth with it later

youre the reason feminists exist

>mom
Yes, though I now regret it.
>sisters
Fuck. No. I'd never touch them. I practically raised them for crying out loud.

As for my mom, use your imagination. I was an angry horny teenaged boy who realized he could now touch the milf he'd been watching for years.

To put this into perspective, my mom had me when she was 15, and she aged well, so by the time I reached my teenage years she was only in her late twenties. She had a great body (not that I fucking know how she kept her looks, that woman lived on a steady diet of drugs alcohol and fast food), she had great tits, a decent ass, and she always dressed like a slut. She was never a provider, and was rarely in any way caring or intimate with me. Now try to imagine how

I did this but with my brothers toothbrush

why would you regret that? i would have killed as a teenager to have a slutty megamilf for a mom

this one guy?

Last bit got cut off.

Now try to imagine how a horny angry intimacy starved teenager would handle that situation. Some nights when she was especially high and drunk if my sisters were asleep I'd have her blow me, because she was usually too fucked to realize it. I even fucked her a couple of times (though she was thankfully not my first), and In retrospect I'm fairly certain she knew or at least had some idea.

During the last few years of my schooling my mom finally started to get her shit together, and over the past couple of years she's actually started raising my sisters on her own, and she brings in decent money from her job (went to culinary school and got a job as a chef/cook/whatever at a nice restaurant). Ironically she looks better now than she did then. Amazing what a healthy diet, enough sleep, and quitting drugs will do.

Had sex without a condom bitches lie about BC so be careful boys!

do u have pics of ur mom? Id love to blow a load to her after reading your story

What the fuck is wrong with you people?

you're on Sup Forums you nigger

Gave a dog a blowjob. Don't even regret it.

>Story about regretting molesting and raping my mother
>Ending about my mom getting her shit together and getting healthy

>Got pics bruh?

This made me laugh so hard. Thanks user, I needed that. That was so stereotypically Sup Forums of you.

All jokes aside, I haven't even talked to my mom in a year in a half, so I don't have any pictures. I never took any pictures back when I was getting her naked, because I was always worried people would find out if I did, and I didn't want any photographic evidence and shit.

why haven't you spoken to her in a year?

now might be a good time to get back with the family (and take some pics)

pics or it didn't happen

Tried eating out my younger stepsister when she was asleep. (I was like 12 and she was 10 iirc).

She woke up and I claimed I was just trying to look out her window and thats why I was on her top bunk. Why are my pants down she asked. I claimed not to know.

That bold attempt gave me the confidence to propose a "truth or dare" game that gradually lead to alot of oral sex where she swallowed my load. No regrets and I get rock hard thinking about it, but oddly enough I'm not into lolicon or paedo shit at all.

Why?

Here
youtu.be/Pg55w30HKxM