What's the stupidest thing you ever did while horny?

What's the stupidest thing you ever did while horny?

There was a really good thread like this a few days ago, so let's do it again fags.

pic largely unrelated.

fucked a watermellon

had sex with a passed out girl at a party with her boyfriend

Fucked mango in a bottle

your mum

i got into a relationship

fapped to a nigress

Probably fucking a granny unprotected I met on craigslist.

molested my little brother

I did a survey. Then I downloaded from mediafire.

Fapped to Muscle girl growth. Regretted it immediately after cumming.

cut out an orange and used it as a cock sleeve with hand lotion

Agreed to have a kid with my now ex wife.

she looks scary, 2spooky2fuck

>be me
>be 15
>laying on the couch with my sister, watching movies late at night
fuck it
yall know where this is going, I felt up my sister.

Mirror box video, post it

I have this strange thing that, when i smoke some weed i get extra horny. So i was at a friends house who owns a beautiful big dog. Me and my friend smoked together about 2-3 joints each, i left his bedroom to pee, then i saw his dog and a feeling that i never had came in, i got close to his dog and started fapping him, he started humming and lick my cheek, the i felt him cumming and his knot growing up. I was about to get on fours for him to fuck me, but then i realized what i was doing and stopped.

I know that feel...

Did that once when was little.
Dont care

and then everybody did the dinosaur, we've heard you tell this story a thousand times.

>Came on my face
>Didn't notice some ran down my back
>Cum dried
>Spent the next hour ripping dried cum out of the hair on my back

I was trying to fuck my girlfriend in the ass and i farted.

bump

>stupidest thing you ever did while horny
Chelsea.

Swallow my cum

Made this little boy jerk me off

Came on my face, put stuff in my butt.

Oh and stole panties, nearly got caught a few times. Had to stop, didn't want to get outed as a sex offender.

>doesnt know what a shower is
well

i fucked a fat chick after having no sex for a month

craigslist

pretended to be gay for 3 months to talk to a cute popular girl in 8th grade

it kinda worked, she sent me a few pics of her in underwear.

idk, i had some good faps but that shit followed me all the way throughout high school

Masturbation is a sin. Sex before marriage is a sin. If you people cant look past your carnal desires you are no better than animals.

I ate like 16 twinkies and pooped out my dick.

Water doesn't do a good job at washing cum out of hair

Fucked a grapefruit.
Protip: when fucking produce, avoid citrus fruits

>cold water
>conditioner
>comb

eggs or sausage?

I have no idea what doing the dinosaur is, but okay.

I'll try that next time

It's not strange dude the chemical compounds in weed, thc is an aphrodesiac.

spent $750 at a strip club and then drove around the ghetto trying and failing to pick up a streetwalker, followed by going on backpage and calling up random women before backing out because they all sound too much like cops.

one of those days where for the next three weeks, you constantly think to yourself, "the fuck is wrong with me?"

Never fap in a shower, wash cum, or try to jizz in someone's water bottle. lessons i've learned. that shit turns into glue.

Punched my 6 year old brother once
>be me
>fapping in room
>hear door open
>Little brother comes in
>Tells me mom said dinner was ready
>my dick is still out
>He doesn't seem to care
>get up
>Punch him square in the face
>Starts crying
>tell him to shut up
>He does
>call him a shithead
>push him out
>carry on fapping
>Finish

>Go downstairs after cleaning
>little brother looks sad while eating
>mom asks if I know why he's sad
>say I have no idea
>look at him
>Death stare

I still don't know why I thought I had to punch him

>tfw nobody replies to your bait

Basically this

you are probably too young for this board.

Low quality bait, nice repeating digits faggot

jacked off using shampoo I knew would burn my dick

Top kek

God damn I know that feel. Just got a new job though so hopefully I can find a reason to get out of it

came into my girlfriend while we were 16 because she begged me too. it was both our first time.

Wrote a stupid beta love letter that hurt my virginity more than helped me lose it.

>Implying at least half of the current user base isn't.

Conditioner always works at dissolving cum.

you just replied to it

Fucked a 45 year old obese woman. 18 years old back then lol

How is it bait? You think its impossible for someone on this board to be religious?

I got really high and masturbated with the goo from a melted popsicle.

Feelsgoodman.jpg

Immediate regret when I woke up a few hours later.

Fucking top kek.

My sides

yes, this is Sup Forums not fucking reddit

whacking off to futanari

You should appreciate your brothers... I wish i did.

Not after they're slain!

Fucked some 42 year old fat bitch when I was 16.
Wanted to kill myself for a solid week afterwards.
Still do even after 6 years.
Probably will eventually.

>Put various things up my ass
>Shot my cum into my mouth
>Stalked girls at mall taking videos of them
>Bought big dildos on online sextoys store
>Bought wig on ebay to dress up as chick
>Shot cum onto bread and ate it
Testosterone's a hell of a drug....

Had a really bad cold when I was 16, always had bad allergies. Used all the excess mucus that I kept sneezing out to fap with. Best jizz ever.

A good friend of mine is gay and lives in washington. i havent seen him since highschool but wel kept in touch.
He eventually married a man and i ended up going to his wedding. Like 5 years ago. His after party was crazy i took a bunch of molly and was pretty high on coke. Ended up having a threesome with him a d his husband. Never been with a guy, haven't ever again. I was really fucking high and horny and they came onto me

What the fuck am I looking at in this image

...

mfw i'm otherwise an extremely normal well adjusted straight male in a good relationship
Although I have to admit I did all of those things during a very long "dry spell"

I do thanks, I said sorry afterwards

oh boy, here we go

>tried to impregnate my fuckhole/girlfiriend
>pissed and ejaculated in her roommates orange juice, at least 4 times in three, which she drank for over a week
>stole panties from quad laundry rooms several times, masturbated in them, and put them back
>got my friend coffee from the dining hall just so I could jack off in it (she drank it in front o me)

>almost walked right into a shady BP meetup

came on my friends toothbrush and later watch her brush her teeth with it

I'll bet they did Satan, stop tempting me with your homosexual propaganda!

same here man, now im in a confort zone.
I dont have a bf becuase when im horny i just say "fuck it! My sis will suck my dick when i get home"
and she does, its a regular thing now.
But i fully regret like 5 secs after i cum.
I would like to back and not have done anything with her.

Let a fat girl suck me off one night. Although probably was the best head I ever had

visited a prostitute

Arrive early to the office
Cum on a (female) coworker desk and cup
Mfw she served coffee on that cup and drink it

You ain't sorry then nigga be honest

>next time
Kek

>was at a house party everyone had even gotten too drunk and fucked off
>was left drinkin with this lass called leanne
>we referred to her as leanne the man who had hands like andrea the giant and a voice like david attenborough
>she offered me a blow job in the living room
>just decide to fuck the 6'4 giant of a man woman
>woke up in the morning and realised what i had done contemplated waking the masculine woman soo she could move her dolph lugren muscle arms of me so i could move and walk of shame home
>was still drunk and horny, woke her up and went for round 2

My mom was an alcoholic club bunny who stumbled home to pass out drunk at least twice a week, usually more. I was a horny angry teenager and the only man in the house. Use your imagination.

I fucked this ugly fat girl one time when i was horny. I was stupid and blew it in her, she gets pregnant go figure. Luckily she already had 2 kids and she was the first to jump at getting it taken care of. But no joke on top of that i got syphilis from her and had to gwt these 2 big ass shots in both my sides

nice
worked with this hot girl once
couple days before she was about to leave for good I jacked off in her chair
then i took her used tissues out of her garbage and brought them home to fap with and put in my mouth

Yall need to greentext this shit.

>was left drinkin with this Lasse
How's the ranch partner?

Fucked drunk and unprotected, got warts

put alcohol on my testicles

My kin. I have the same fetish, I like to cum on things/in places that belong to women, especially the private and personal stuff. Sandwich? - semen dressing.
liquids of any kind in closed containers? - cum cocktail
clothing, dirty or clean? - cover in my semen and placed in original position (especially the panties - how else will they wear my cum on their pussies all day). I pulled of my gf panties in the middle of the night to cum on her crotch

Never think about buying a sex toy when horny. I fucking ordered this from Japan for fucks sake, I live in England, the postage was fucking mental.

What was the result?

This

You sound black...greentext it?

fucking IDIOT
wait shit I've done the same thing

i've done it twice
pretty satisfying

Was the juice worth the squeeze?

top kek

>mental
I always read that in Ron Weasleys voice

that last part is just weird, even by my standards, and i could be considered a sex offended for how many times i forced closed female acquaintances to ingest my fluids.

Felt up sister's friend while she slept. She woke up and I was so terrified I pretended I was sleepwalking. Was 13 she was 16, I got away with it though, no punishments