>was a CIA operative
>involved on numerous black ops
>trained rebel fighters abroad
>owned his own dojo in Japan teaching the Dane Cook of martial arts
>is a big guy
>was in an all-black guitar band while he was a toddler
>is an actor
>taught the greatest MMA fighter how to kick
>snatches motherfucker birthdays for shits and gigs
>pooped his pants after getting choked out, but still gets respect from the martial arts community
Seriously, is there anything he can't do?
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Birthday Snatcher General?
if not well I'm sorry to hear that
act
>was a CIA operative
>involved on numerous black ops
Has he actually claimed this?
Stop eating
...
...
>Let me tell you something that might be a bit dangerous. I was raised in Japan. I was schooled in martial arts. I was given the title of master. They take a movie “The Last Samurai.” They have a 5-foot-2-inch little guy, whether he was straight or gay, I don’t know. I don’t care. He had never been to Japan. He doesn’t speak Japanese. He has never held a sword. They make him the Last Samurai. We got 450,000 phone calls [laughs] from everybody in the world saying, “That role was perfect for you. How did that happen?” Most of the people I know didn’t like the film and didn’t go see it. It’s just a classic example of Hollywood and the politics.
>Most of the people I know didn’t like the film and didn’t go see it.
wait a second...
>Was CIA
You ruined it you faggot
This is the hottest new meme I've seen in a while
get it while its hot is my advice
>>was in an all-black guitar band while he was a toddler
I saw that yesterday and laughed so hard. What was he thinking?
mac from it's always sunny but a real person
But everybody loved the last samurai
I think people misunderstood that part about the band. He was asked when he started playing and what his favorite collaboration was.
He meant to say that he started playing guitar in the 50s, and that his favorite collaboration was with an all black band.
Wouldn't expect a bunch of underage memesters to be able to read shit. This is what happens when you think infographics on Sup Forums make you smart.
>They have a 5-foot-2-inch little guy, whether he was straight or gay, I don’t know. I don’t care.
S A V A G E
Well done Captain Obvious, do you feel smart now that you've stated what everyone already knew? Keep up, champ.
You still sore about that fifty bucks?
more like yuastilasurbouifitdbux
Is Seagal the author of the navy seals pasta?
the role was more suited to someone who doesn't know about japan
> was in an all-black guitar band while he was a toddler
He never said that.
He said he learned to play the guitar in the 50's A N D was in an all black band.
Mutually Exclusive events, but retarded autists like yourself tried to rape him.
Sup Forums memes are based on purposely misreading things because the quality of humor here is literally at "just make shit up" levels now.
faggot
MY EYES HAVE SEEN THE GLORY AT THE TRAMPLING AT THE ZOO
WE SNATCHED OURSELVES PUNANI AND ALL THE MOTHERFUCKER BIRTHDAYS TOO
...
Tom Cruise could kick his ass
is he an actual weaboo?
jeez what a great person
Steven is the real life embodiment of the Ken-sama guy.
...
>obvious American Sniper cash-grab
>cover is Steven's fat fucking face shopped on someone else's body
>3.0/10 on IMDb
>not changing the Konami to Punani
>Is mongolian, Russian, and Native American
Govern the state of New Jersey
Thank fuck Tom Cruise saved us from Seagal's shit-tier wooden "acting."
How did the ama go on plebit?
>now
Sup Forums memes have ALWAYS been based on intentionally misreading or misunderstanding things
one of my favorite movies could have been ruined if they picked this bucket of lard
Pretty bad. Ppl started making rape allegation jokes and shit like that, the Lebel pants shitting story, and "Seagal" went quiet.
literally everything you said was made up
He claimed he was god, this is on the lower tier of bullshit Seagal said about imself
post the real cover user
>I have a 5.2 inch little guy
what did he mean by this?
>>was a CIA operative
>>is a big guy
NO
YOU CAN'T BREAK THE CIA/BIG GUY DICHOTOMY
Okay seriously I'm looking to watch some Seagal tonight but I can't decide which one. I've watched the chef one a few times and while it's great fun I'm looking to branch out.
>Most of the people I know didn’t like the film and didn’t go see it.
what does that even mean?
He'll snatch you motherfucker birthday.
...
It was sixty
It's hardly pasta when it's a True and Honest autobiography, bro
Birthday bump
It isn't a cash grab as he said he trained Chris Kyle, sensei only wants credit where it's due.
>pooped his pants after getting choked out, but still gets respect from the martial arts community
elaborate
>“I came up in Detroit and there was a lot of blues. I didn’t learn blues from a fucking record; I learned it from the front porch. There were all these people from Mississippi, Louisiana and Texas and I learned from them.”
>“Little Milton hadn’t heard me play before. I was doing this Lightnin’ Hopkins thing. Milton looked at me and nodded, like he was trying to say, “This mutha ain’t white.”
>Millton looked at me and nodded, like he was trying to say, “This mutha ain’t white.”
Lel, how the fuck do you convey 'this mutha ain't white' in a facial expression?
He just had to add that last bit, didn't he?
Why is he so uncomfortable in his own skin?
>leave him there
????? But this man is a national treasure!¨
>Not snatching every mother fucker birthday.
He said to some old fighter that he can't faint in the sleeper hold/choke/whatever because he knows some cool martial arts moves. The old guy agreed.
Basically, Steven punched the old fart in the nuts, the old guy didn't let go, so Steven fainted and shit himself.
In that reddit AMA he said he was in an all-black band.
>Also what musician was the most fun to play/collaborate with?
>collaborate
Are you pretending to be retarded?
Actually, it was a duo with Al Jolson
Sensei misquoted AGAIN, you ignorant fuckers
Kek. I was waiting for this edit
Getting ready to watch Code of Honor, famalams: if I make it thru I'll report back
Wish me luck!
poon
Nightbreed is in it; this could go either way :/
First for sniper rifle
Sensei continuing his operator core streak
TAKEDOWNMAN CAMEO
>We got 450,000 phone calls
this part is my favourite
...
BANG AND THE DIRT IS GONE
>I came up in Detroit and there was a lot of blues.
>I was raised in Japan.
Uhhh which was it?
ACT
C
T
So he said that he played in a band, in 50s. But he was born in 52.
I want you to protect this entrance like it was your sister's cherry, Tonto!
...
Seagull is essentially Batman with a sniper rifle this time out
He was raises in the Japantown neighborhood of Detroit
Obligatory strip club sequence
I'll do it tomorrow
hey beech are you work here or waht
She not only works here, bitch is bombproof
This is building to mayhem
He's Batman AND The Punisher
Is that Bobby bacala
Who do you think would win in a fight? Steven Segal or Secret Agent Jason Blaha
Why has he suddenly done so many movies?
Is he running out of money?
Nightcrawler homage
...
...
...
Nightbreed is kicking most of the ass so far, Sensei is conspicuous by his absence
His son a qt pi
Now transitioning into a Heat homage
This kino has it all
Burton's Batman visually referenced, color me shock and awestruck
Nightbreed cockblocked by Children of The Damned
Most of his movies are on YouTube in HD. Just pick a random one.
A Good Man is a classic.