DIE MANNSCHAFT

Sup Forums, did I ever tell you about Oberfeldwebel Neuer? He is the most famous MG 42 gunner in the entire Wehrmacht. A simple-minded, but physically impressive aryan, Neuer grew up on a small farm in Bavaria. After enlisting in the Wehrmacht, he quickly became famous for his ability with the Maschinengewehr. Called "the wall" by his comrades, Neuer has stopped enemy offensives many times virtually alone, mowing down countless russians in the process. He seems to have lost some of his humanity after all those bodies. He rarely talks or smiles, and he does his „work“ in a stoic, emotionless way. It is simply his job.

Then there is Obersturmführer Müller. A battle-hardened officer, Müller is a skilled and highly successful in fulfilling his missions. However, those seem to be the only qualities he has . Müller is a monster. He may thrive in battle, but even more so in torturing russian POWs and jewish children, even continuing to do so when the needed information has already been provided. The atrocities Müller has commited are without number His men hate him because of his violent outbursts and his sadism. Even his superiors despise him, but because of his success and efficiency they let him get away with it.

>man shaft

nice language you got there germany

>nice language you got there germany
It's Mannschaft

Kroos is the SS Sturmbannführer who does mostly desk work. Stationed behind the frontlines, he does not actually see combat or cruelty. Still, he is by no means innocent, as his job consists of writing down numbers of deported jews and deciding which villages to exterminate as retaliation for sabotage. He does it with the passion only an office warrior could have.

The honorable Sturmbannführer Gomez just wants to do his duty and protect the lives of his men. He is a formidable soldier and a great leader and loved by his men However, there are many that hate him due to his lack of belief in the Nazi ideology. This also causes him to clash with the fervent Nazi's like Schweinsteiger and Kroos. Eventually they order Müller to shoot him in the back.

Standartenführer Schweinsteiger is the Hans Landa of the team. He is well-mannered, well-educated and charming, so not many suspect that the true face of Schweinsteiger is a different one: A sadistic monster who finds joy in hunting down jewish families. He enjoys toying with his victims, giving them hope and taking it again, until they break. However, unlike Landa, he is a fiercy supporter of the Nazi ideology.

Gefreiter Goetze is the naive kid straight from the training camp. He writes to his mother every night and the other veterans take him under their wing and play pranks on him. A Red Army sniper kills him later.

Dude, you went full German, never go full German.

Leutnant Hummels is a highly skilled and charming undercover agent. Stationed in occupied France, he is seducing the madames and mademoiselles, his way of finding out where their resistance husbands and fathers have their secret meetings

Hauptmannn Höwedes does not care much about the the Nazi ideology, nor does he particularly like it. He is kind to his men and not unnecessarily cruel to the enemy. He hates his superiors for their sadism and all he really wants is to get back to his wife and his two daughters.
However, deep inside he knows that even if he gets his old life back, the atrocities he has seen will never let him sleep well again, and things will never be the same.

The son of a black man from the french colonies and a french woman, Boateng grew up in rural France. He never knew his father, and the simple-minded and friendly Neger lived most of his life on a small farm, helping his mother with the farmwork. Even though he never really was one oft hem, the villagers liked him due to his kindness, his modesty, and his hard-working nature. However, one day a Nazi convoy passes the village, transporting supplies to Paris. Among the soldiers ist the SS officer Schweinsteiger, who spots the Neger and promptly orders him shot.

...

Leutnant Mesut Özil is a prototype of genetically enhanced superhumans created in Nazi laboratories. He can adapt his appearance to the environment and is nearly invisible. Mesut aka "Kamerad Chamäleon" usually breaks into the enemy lines and fulfills his duty as a spy.

kek

Oberleutnant Klose, a WWI veteran, always had to fight twice as hard because of his polish ancestry.He succeeded though and quickly became a legend in the Wehrmacht He was later proclaimed honorary aryan by Hitler himself, but after being decorated, he was forbidden to fight because loss of such a hero would have been a crippling blow to german morale

Obergefreiter Reus showed great potential, and his superiors saw his talent as early as in the recruitment camp. He was a young and fierce Nazi supporter and eager for battle. He wanted nothing more than to earn glory for himself and his Vaterland. However, he was injured during training, so had no part in the occupation of Poland. Although he quickly recovered, he was injured again right before the gloy in France. He was injured yet again playing Fussball with his Kameraden right before the july push into Russia. Spending most oft he war in a hospital, he first saw battle in Stalingrad. He was killed by friendly fire during guard duty.

7-1

>torturing russian POWs and jewish children
wtf, nevermind... you are just crazy

oh no, i'm sad now

>nearly invisible

Ich musste herzhaft lachen. Oder neudeutsch: keken.

Should be a Rheinlandbastard instead desu.

m-more?

Joachim Löw never wanted a leading role in the SS. Friends with Seyss-Inquart, all he wanted was a cushy bureaucratic job, pushing papers.
Now though, the entire leadership of the SS was decimated. Joachim was send to the East, to lead the charge against Stalin's menacing Red Army. This nearly caused a mental breakdown in him, and resulted in a number of nervous tics, such as constantly grabbing his nose, and scratching and smelling himself in company of Nazi leadership.

Joachim is cracking, and everyone knows it

Tell me about all of them user.

Good thread

>Kamerad Chamäleon

Every time

Does Fuhrer Joachim have enough energy left to lead his men to victory one more time?

Zaza was a simpleton adopted as a mascot by the German: 1. Kavallerie-Division, after Benito Mussolini expelled him from italy for causing 11 dead in a friendly fire tragedy. After witnessing several fierce panzer battles he developed a nervous tick that led to a constant hopping. Later in the war he was known as Hoppflemakac. He died of migraines after his brain got detached from the skull.

Perfect

This is unironically reddit tier humor

Heinrich "The best of Omaha" Severloh is the most famous MG42 gunner.
Interesting lad, kill count doesn't matter but what matters is he single handedly delayed the allied invasion for hours.

Anyway this is German humor in its purest form, just wanted to inform you guys about this remarkable feat.

...

This thread.

>t*rk
>genetically enhanced superhuman

the joke are his eyes
guess why he is called chameleon

comedy gold

...