Well, my gf fell asleep, and now I'm sitting in the dark, reality of being a fucking loser setting in...

Well, my gf fell asleep, and now I'm sitting in the dark, reality of being a fucking loser setting in. I've been wanting to talk to her but I don't know how. She says she wants to hear, but whenever I try, it upsets her to hear how much I hate myself and how often I have the idea of suicide. How do I stop being such a little bitch? I like living, and I know there is good, but I can't stop being so fucking sad all the time. What do?

...

Video games who needs a girl friend

I play battlefield, only distracts for so long

Hey man, you've already realised your thinking is unhealthy, that's a really good step. I'm glad to hear you still want to live; your life is so important and you'll have an amazing future. Would you feel comfortable seeing a counselor or psychologist? They really helped me through my depression and anxiety. You are worth so much, even if your mind doesn't want you to think so. I'm proud of you for admitting it and asking for help. I'll be praying for you

Well OP there's only a small amount of replies but this thread has already blown my mind. Im on a similar boat.

I've thought of it, yes, but I'm unsure. Fear of being put on meds keeps me from it. A friend of mine nearly got 5150'd for similar reasons, struggling with mental health. The idea is intimidating

As for me I'm house hopping right now because a lot of Shit has happened and all for my girlfriend. Well as far as I know now. Only thing is she doesnt wanna hear shit alot of "friends" don't even really try to help me. Nor does my family so. I get sad af all the time. I could be doing anything then my mind just sets in on all this negativity even while im working. Don't know what to do
Sorry if it doesn't make sense what I'm trying to say I'm stoned af takes the edge off
Tl;dr
Similar boat as OP but no one wants to hear the Shit I say

Just stop giving fucks

OP, I'm considering killing myself tonight. Best way to do it without waking anyone up?

It's appreciated, related or not. I feel most people would shy away from that sorta thing, trying to talk about depression. They'll act like it's not there, but come a bad day for them, they want all the love for themselves

>I like living

Yeah, you are right, you are a fucking loser. Who the fuck likes living nowadays? The only reason I am still here is because I have a fear of dying, a fear I must conquer.

I'd guess painkillers and alcohol? Alot of em.

Just inject an air bubble into your vein. Easy, painless, quiet.

You are worth a good life. You deserve a good life. Take control and make your life better. You are worth so much to so many please don't

I'm only 18 and my parents don't keep any alcohol in the house.
I don't have any way to do this. No syringe or needle.

I'm not afraid to make it painful, though. Would a knife to the throat work out well or is it not like in movies? How deep and precisely would I have to cut to cut the jugular vein or carotid artery and how long would it take to bleed out?

Shitload of sleeping pills knocks you right out and you feel nothing

Humbling. I thought "do I really?" As I typed, but meh. I've come close to death before and since then I haven't been very fearful of it. More the fear of not doing something with meaning before death comes. Not doing enough

Buddy, you're only young. If I had succeeded in killing myself at your age (and trust me, I tried) I would have missed out on so much happiness and opportunities. You're worth so much. Trust me, you deserve better. Don't give up, man

I mean I'd kill myself in an explosion so just do that? Take everyone else with you.

I might have like 20-ish (it's about half a small bottle) melatonin pills. Is that enough?

I wouldn't wish life on anyone, its fucking torture. If someone has the balls yo do it, I fucking envy them.
Do you enjoy being a white knight, cunt?

Bike/ball pump? If you really wanted to go, you could find a way to off yourself.

Naaa not melatonin not enough either for some reason they made it to where about40 or so would probably do it

Think about the people who will find your corpse and will have to live with it forever faggot

Def not like in movies

Fuck those people. Understand half the people in anyones life don't really give a fuck.

What would you see as meaningful?
Like, do you wanna be remembered? If so, for how long? Everyone you ever know will be dead in 100 years, is being remembered really worth the suffering to have your memory surpass that hundred year limit?

I contest the word "meaningful". Fuck meaning, and fuck the illusion of meaning. Its all bullshit.

I spent 9 years in hell and tried to kill myself many times. I kept going. I got help and spoke up about my problems. Now I'm engaged and living a life 100x better. I wanted someone to listen and offer me help back then and now I want to be there for people suffering, to help them get help. I want them to know it's okay to speak about depression and suicidal thoughts. Everyone needs help sometimes

What, their parents? Their parents signed them up for death from the moment they were born.
Antinatalism, cunt.

No one does anything for a better meaning other than themselves anymore.

I think myself I circles with that kinda shit. You are correct, about everyone dying and memories with them. So shit, I don't know. It's hard to find in meaning anything.

This is not a place to look for good advice op

Nowadays there is none look at the shit that's been happening. everyone's fucked.

Neither is a hotline

Yeah, I have been depressed for over a decade. It sucks balls. I have had help for this whole time, and I'm still a fucking train wreck.
But guess what? There would have been no downside to you dying back when you first tried to off yourself. One day, you won't even know you existed, you'll be fuckin' dead. What is the downside to that happening earlier? Nothing.
What would be the upside? A shitload less suffering while you were/are alive.

As has been

Underrated dubs chekd btw

But life doesn't have to be suffering. You don't deserve that. I'll be praying for your life to turn around, man. You are worth so much and the loss of your life on the Earth would impact so much. You may not see it, but I know you can have a better life. There's so much beauty in the world. Go camping, go sit on your roof and stare at the stars. Meet people. You deserve better

Just stop living for meaning then. Just do shit because its fun, be a hedonist.
Maybe that's your problem, you are too busy searching for something that doesn't exist, you forget you are free to do whatever the fuck you want, including die, if you desire.

I dont know how to do what I want, I feel like. I always end up feeling selfish for doing this that I wanna do, putting myself first makes me hate myself more. "It's not all about you" I tell myself". "The world doesn't owe me shit", which makes me more angry and resentful towards others amd the world. Why do I allow others to persuade me from offing myself? Why shouldn't I die?

That looks like a good soda to drink.

>But life doesn't have to be suffering.
That's debatable. Maybe it is a choice, maybe it isn't. But either way, life is fucking work. It takes a lot of effort to live and be happy, death is inevitable and it makes one content, seems like a good deal to me.

> I'll be praying for your life to turn around, man.
I appreciate the sentiment, but don't waste your time m8. Fuck your God and fuck anyone that would want to condemn someone to life. Fuck people that don't help people exit life without suffering because "muh morals"

>You are worth so much and the loss of your life on the Earth would impact so much.
No, one day the universe will be homogeneous and nothing will matter. Nothing will even exist to matter. Not to mention, I'll be fucking dead, I won't care how much my death effects the world.

>There's so much beauty in the world. Go camping, go sit on your roof and stare at the stars.
Just reminds me I'm alive, something I want to forget. I used to do it when I was happy, reminds me of those delusional times too.

>Meet people.
More morons like you?

It's a shame you feel that way but you're acting like a lazy shit. OOOOHH LIFE IS HAAAARRD So? Toughen up, work on your issues and stop acting like you're some tough fuckin punk when you're a sad, lonely person with a shitty view of the world. People love you and genuinely care about your wellbeing but no fuck them, right? It's a shame, but I'll still be praying for you, man. I know you don't believe but I do and it's the strongest thing I can do right now. I genuinely wish you a happy life. Grow up

There is literally no reason not to die.
There is no reason not to he selfish.
There is no reason not to be selfless.

No reasons, other than the reasons you give it. If you don't wanna be selfish, don't. But give yourself reasons for your actions. Make your own meaning, live your life however the fuck you want. Create your own meaning and embrace the void of inevitable death.

Kek, telling me to grow up. That's a classic you fucking religious moron.

Why should I toughen up and not end my life? Fuck that, fuck living just because you don't see death as a viable alternative.
Grow some fucking balls, m8.

Never ever try to discuss these types of things with the women in your life. Their perception of you will change, they will begin thinking that you are soft, you have to maintain your frame or she will begin considering you as a beta bitch. These are the things that you talk to your m8s about, not your girlfriend. You are supposed to be her rock, not the other way around.

One of the best feelings I've felt was "slipping" out of my body when I crashed my shit bike. It almost felt like slapping death some skin and saying "see you round". But the numbness felt good. I "slipped" again in the ambulance and it was equally pleasurable. I've gotten similar feelings from snorting too many painkillers, totally down with feeling of passing away, thinking "no problem" as I nodded out. So the reality of inevitable death doesn't throw me off. Its kinda comforting, to know it's gonna end.

Dry your tears

>Well, my gf
Too unrealistic, stopped reading here

That's good reassurance for what I tell myself. I wanna be that her. Self loathing gets in the way. Thanks for that

Grow some balls so I can give in? Weak. If you want to be a little angry teenage emo kid with no self respect, fine, but don't push that hate onto others. You were made with so much love and potential within you. It's an honest shame that you don't believe that. Take care of yourself, kid. You deserve a better life than you're allowing yourself

Only thing that worked for me is just fucking some random chick and have her stay over for a while. Some girl you know wants the D but isnt utterly disgusting. After 2 weeks my gf begged me back.

If the woman truly loves and cares, they don't change for the worse, trust me. Surround yourself with loving people

sounds like you need a therapist, and some meds. Don't shy away from the meds, I've had major depressive disorder for about ten years now, it took a while to find the counselor/med combo that worked for me, now I'm in a position where even if shit hits the fan, I can deal with it, and keep on keepin on.

Yeah, I hear that bro. I did DMT and my mate said I stopped breathing for a while. Felt fucking awesome, when I was "there" on DMT it just felt like it was unnecessary to breathe.

>Not realizing how much you mean to the people who know, love, and care about you
>Not realizing the pain it would cause to everyone around you if you died
>Not trying to fix your problems and giving up
>Not realizing that other people have problems too, and they haven't become an hero
Come on people, every atom in our bodies were forged in a star. Fucking act like it

weed and lsd

>Grow some balls so I can give in? Weak.
To give in just because it is a better option, not because you are running from something, takes a huge amount of strength. I live a fucking comfy life, but I still wanna do it. I'm not running from pain or whatever, life is just illogical.

>If you want to be a little angry teenage emo kid with no self respect, fine, but don't push that hate onto others.
I see it as compassion, not hate. We should hope people make the choice to end their lives and end their suffering. Trust me, the only reason their is psychologists and councilors available to people like you and me is because they want us to stay good little consumers, just uncomfortable enough to want the next piece of bullshit.
Enjoy being a stupid wagecuck faggot.

>You were made with so much love and potential within you.
Anyone who creates life doesn't know the meaning of the word love. They are selfish and they make another human suffer for self fulfillment.
Antinatalism, cunt, do you speak it?

I tried smoking heroin recently and it felt good. haven't since, but I think about it. I tried talking to my brother about it but he kinda shrugged me off. It must be that social stigma. Mostly feel foolish, kinda guilty about it.

Stars are dead sun's aren't they?

All your points are retarded. If everyone was dead, there would be none of that pain for anybody. But apparently its super important to conform to biological impulses, for fucking what?

Also, what does nuclear fusion have to do with anything, m8? Oooohh we see twinkling lights in the sky, that's where everything came from. And?

Why do you bother feeling guilty? Do what you want, m8. No reason not to.

>Being this much of a moron

Lol I don't give hoot about stars. As far as guilt it most comes from thinking of my family. I'm 1st gen in the US and I feel like I should be living "better"

You don't have to care about stars. However you do live in an era where google exists, so in my opinion its a little shameful not to know something so basic.

You shouldn't be doing anything, that's not the meaning of freedom. Read up on Sartre and his ideas on freedom.
>no obligations other than that which you put upon yourself
>no reason to do anything other than that which you place upon the action
>freedom to any thought or action along with the responsibility that you will accept any consequence of that action

Fair enough, you got me. Dropped out and haven't read in weeks. As far as Sartre, any books? Or do I gotta Google that too?

Dude, never EVER talk to your girlfriend about those kind of problems. Jesus Christ man how has she not left you?

I've asked myself the same thing

Yeah, i get it bro. I am a high school drop out.
No reason not to google it man, google will have more info than i do.
As for books, try his book "Nausea"
His essay "Being and Nothingness" is also worth a read.

I can't find it right now, or I'd send pic, but I've been reading this book, "Meeting the Shadow-The Hidden Power of the Dark side of Human Nature" talks all about projection, resentment, denial, opposites, all kinds of shit. Carl Jung, Marie Louise von Franz, other contributors whose names I can't remember right now. Really nice book, helps me out.

Go join the Army.
At least score a few points before you death by Allahu Arkbar faggot.

It sounds like a brilliant book, ill look into it. Thanks bro.
Read any Nietzsche? Thoughts?

Yes, he's got an article in the book I mentioned. Can't remember the subject, still can't find book

Drugs OP.
I'm in the same boat.

Save up money and buy a pet, something like a dog or a saltwater aquarium. It will change your life. I swear it. To the old gods and the new.

He is a pretty brilliant writer, and he has some solid points. But he also has a huge thing about the individual, and suffering for the sake of becoming a "super human" which i find slightly ridiculous.

Sounds humorous

You're the worst, Seriously I never heard anything worse than getting an aquarium. Out of everything you could have done to get out of depression you choose aquarium. You sir are the most boring, repugnant person I have ever met and you should go and drown yourself in that aquarium. Do drugs and start making goals. If you get an aquarium you should kill yourself.

>I'll be praying for you
kek

I have actually see some fucking amazing aquariums, but they are a lot of work to make them look really awesome. If its not OP's passion, then its a bad choice.

>Do drugs and start making goals
Never heard that before

Call suicide help line
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my nig this used to happen to me.
let me axe you a few questions

>are you in shool?
>do you have a job
>do you work out
>do you have a social life
>do you have a good relationship with your family?
>do you spend time outside in the sun
>do you stay up all night mostly every night?

not in the convo but thought id add that when im old and retired and my kids are too busy to live their lives, im gonna start a couple aquariums. it seems really fun. gonna have live rock and make it super badass. i want like a reall long aquarium with different "pods" in it. with like long tubes that im going to have water jets in to simulate currents to go from one tank to another. my whole house is gonna be lined with one giant interconnected web of tanks.
thats just one hobby i plan on spending my time on. also gonna do some gardening, some wood carving, painting.

fuck that business of being sad that my kids dont pay attention to me. im gonna have shit to do.

Work in sun, no school, enough exercise from work, see brother enough, awake right now

>ill be praying for you
Ruined it in the last sentence

yeah but you'd be dead so you'd never know about anything you missed.