OH FUCK OH FUCK OF FUCK

OH FUCK OH FUCK OF FUCK

I FUCKED UP Sup Forums

>live in small apartment on 9th floor
>hungry
>scavenge for food
>find old frozen sausage in freezer
>put in microwave for a few min about 5 times
>didnt do shit
>still frozen cold
>pissed
>throw frozen sausage out of window onto street
>hear glass shatter followed by crash
>oshit.webm
>look outside
>my frozen sausage projectile smashed through a window of a moving car which then drove into a parked car
>hear screaming
>guy got out of car yelling
>"WHAT IN THE FUCK" as hes holding my frozen sausage
>panic
>run away
>turn off all the lights
>hide in my bed and post this

do you think he can find me? will they figure out it was my frozen sausage? are there any fingerprints on it that they can retrieve? do u think if they have fingerprints they will use it to find me? I think i only given my thumb print once for a passport renewal or something ages ago, will they use that?

HOW FUCKED AM I? im freaking the fuck out right now, was going to take pic but u fucking niggers would probably use the angle and height to track my home and then extort me for dick pics or something

>HELP ME Sup Forums

Faggot

You should be fone but you are still gay tho

Nice bait

>was going to take pic but u fucking niggers would probably use the angle and height to track my home and then extort me for dick pics

this is the funniest shit I've read on Sup Forums for a long time

they will know about it now OP!

Found your fucking sausage m8, I'm coming for you

Funny stuff

put that cucumber back in your mom's nightstand

I doubt a frozen sausage could break through the windscreen of a car but okay

how the fuck would they get prints off a FROZEN hot dog? are you retarded m8?

if no one saw it fly out of your window, you're on the clear. if someone asks you something, you dont know shit about any fucking sausage

and delete this thread idiot

Its a sweet potato you goofball

YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE THAT WAS MY CAR

pics of sausaged car pls

That's happened to me plenty of times, don't worry user. The frost on the sausage will melt away long before they can lift prints off it.
I'd be more worried about your microwave, it doesn't sound like it's working to well if you microwaved said sausage a few minutes five times.

bumping

>that's happened to me plenty of times

...

>Who was fone?

> That's happened to me plenty of times

How many windows have you destroyed with a frozen sausage, or how many frozen sausages have you thrown out a window?

...

Don't let this thread die OP
What's happening now??

i am currently masturbating and hearing police sirens

Demanding pics of investigation

esto es muy gracioso jajajajajaja

Real OP here. brb doorbell

You held it while it was frozen so if it melts it will be untraceable

...

>be me, few years ago
>screaming match with gf (ex now)
>she gets scary fast
>don't even remember what the argument was about, probably my collection again
>anyway she pulls a knife on me
>defenseless.png
>only thing in reach is frozen solid kielbasa
>wield that shit like a club
>stand off, shit's tense
>she dives
>I swing for her bitch face
>slipperysausage.html
>right out the window
>two stories down
>bitch gets distracted and I relieve her of the knife
>close it and tell her to get out, don't come back
>mfw she just got a new car, ford something, used
>mfw her car just got a new sausage, kielbasa, frozen

That was the first time

it just has to be bait

Fake and gay

ur collection of what?

Sausage

Did i really find someone having a fcking addiction to throwing frozen sausages on cars through the window?

why u collect sausages m8? is a fetish?

This fucking thread

>things that never happened

So anyone here know about somenasshole throwing a sausage out the window?
>be me driving
>having bad day
>all of a sudden a frozen sausage falls from sky
>smashes my windshield
>i grab the sausage and get out of my car
>i yelled what the fuck
>look around cant find who threw the damn thing

Help me find the guy

Lost my sides have taken a vacation to Neptune

i saw him, he's on the 9th floor just check every apartment to see who has recently had frozen sausages in their fridge with the investigate sausage police department

> was going to take pic but u fucking niggers would probably use the angle and height to track my home and then extort me for dick pics or something
Nigga why the fuck would we do that

If the cops come to question you just show them that your place doesn't have any food in it so if you had any why would you throw it out instead of eating it. Then ask them for some grocery money.

Someone cap this shit

>Ah, fuck, I've thrown a sausage out of my fucking apartment window again

If you have multiple instances of this happening, your life must be fucking full of adventures

An excellent question, why do we do that shit

You mean this one?

For the lulz

Nigga thats a banana

Thats a fucking potato are you kidding me

The fuck kind of potatoes are you looking at?

Why don't you learn to fucking cook a sausage instead of microwaving it you lazy ass. This wouldn't have happened if you just put that shit in a pan on your stove.

...

>that's happened to me plenty of times

kek

As long as you didn't stick it up your but you're probably good.

Oh... you.. what? Well you're fucked

Nice copypasta

...

>"fuck, lost another sausage"

He can't afford a dildo

I did this except with a burning pizza out of the 8th floor. Crashed into my landlords yard, heard him run out and go apeshit because it hit his barbecue at terminal velocity

>Nobody found out

>starting new job, night security
>bout to live the dream: paid to Sup Forums
>new boss is a 7/10 cute but a little short
>big building complex, she's showing me around
>I'm just impatient for her to leave
>enjoying the view while she walks me through the lockup though
>datass.boing
>finally lets me alone in my office
>smells like solitude
>immediately pull out phone
>Sup Forums for daays
>grumble in my stomach
>time to feed
>datass had showed me vending machine
>wander halls for 1/2 hour looking
>don't remember where shit is
>just that jiggle when she walked
>find a fridge in mini-kitchen
>well stocked with pizza rolls and sausage
>grab a meat stick, hungry af now
>tfw frozen meat and no microwave
>???
>decide to suck it like a man
>at least assboss isn't here to see
>wander another 20 minutes retracing my steps
>finally find elevator
>meat taking forever to get soft
>sausage still diamonds and freezing my hands

cont

>return to Sup Forums swivel-throne
>dankmemes.exe
>getting hot in here
>except the sausage, still freezing fingers
>open little window for a breeze
>thing is as stuck as assboss will be by next week
>numb fingers
>sausage in mouth starting to brainfreeze
>finally window gives
>so does my lungs, breathing that sausage air
>toocold.cough
>can only stare in disbelief
>sausage tumbles down six stories
>punches a hole right through the sunroof of parked car below
>10 minutes later, Sup Forums not helping me out
>phone rings
>oshit they know I'm headed for the pokey
>workaholic cuck in building
>still here slaving
>probably can't triforce
>"user, my car's been vandalized!"
>panic hits
>"I can't hear you, you're breaking up"
>make mouth sounds like static and hang up
>dont get a call back
>tense few hours waiting
>holding breath and praying
>never heard from him again
>mfw one week later, workaholic arrested for grand theft auto
>domestic bullshit, stole his controlling ex-wife's car for work
>thank god he's a cuck
>pizza rolls from then on

That was the second time

I like it.

>this fucking thread

hope for your sake you prayed to kek, normie infidel scum

>have the seks with gf
>she wants me to put a sausage in her ass
>k
>it goes all the way in
>it comes out
>feels warm
>cum like a monster
>die that night in my sleep
best sex I every had

>sausaged car
phrase of the day

I once did this with a small pumpkin.

>Felt like being festive so i put a couple small pumpkinks on my window ledge for halloween
>ended up putting one in the fridge and forgot about it
>start cleaning out the fridge around march
>find soft pumpkin hidden behind some beer bottles
>ended up throwing it onto the roof of my neighbor's garage at 3 in the morning

>sausaged car
underrated

The real world does not work like CSI. There nobody is going to perform a widespread expensive criminal investigation for a broken windshield and an auto accident. Chill out bro.

why did you post a picture of fish?

>be very hungry
>go to freezer
>pull out 24 pack of sausages
> rawk solid
> no oven
>no microwave
> leave them to thaw outside on balcony
>cut pack open and spread em out
>too hard to cut
>get angry
> smash pack on balcony
>most of them fly off
> a few smash into meaty shrapnel
> watch as they are flying down
> they nearly break the sound barrier as they hit the open top orphan bus
> the sausage shrapnel is laceratimg everyone
> the orphans all have sausages lodged in their skulls
>dead.Tif
> I hide from the meaty massacre i caused
> no one knows im the sausage slayer

and kek was pleased for sasuaged car became a new meme for Him to feast upon

first time i laughed in a Sup Forums thread in about 7 years

and Kek looked upon the sasuage slayer and He was pleased

Snizzsnozz

what's in the sauzz?

>sausages fall out of my pockets

You

Reading this
Lost the GAME

Funny shitpost although nothing extraordinary.
> inb4 it actually happened
Then snap a pic of the car that got slammed.

God tier thread

agreed

>not disabling Cortana
>express installation
enjoy being spied on

Roasting in a frozen sausage.

fffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuu

im fucking crying from laughing so hard right now

Here you go

I think OP got caught

What kind of fish are those?

And it was the worst day ever

My sides are somewhere around Pluto right now. Fucking kek

OP if you're still here we'd love an update on the situation

He was beaten to death with a partially defrosted kielbasa

>That's happened to me plenty of times
it seems fun, ain't it?

Live by the sausage, die by the sausage.

made my day

Anyone want to hear about the time the sausage slayer destroyed a whole apartment block

this was the funniest fucking thing ive seen in a long time.

rip sausage

...

>visiting parents for christmas
>farmhouse in the middle of buttfuck iowa
>so stressed about new dad
>nigger, of course
>mom's been different since whitedad died
>doesnt trade with me anymore
>fucks niggers one after another until they inevitably leave her
>doesn't even work on her collection anymore
>this year's model is particularly apeish
>grandparents won't stop staring
>can barely choke down my christmas sausage with all this tension
>finally catch a break when my brother goes out for a smoke
>jump up to join him, don't even care if I look desperate
>we go out into the cold
>talk shit about tyrone4 and the horde of half nignog babies left by previous donors
>thank fuck the halflings are all in juvie, dead, or kidnapped by their dads
>(presumably for their meat? I dont know how these apes operate)

someone archive this shit