Greentexts that sent ur sides to jupiter

greentexts that sent ur sides to jupiter

Other urls found in this thread:

imgur.com/gallery/YEe6gAV
twitter.com/AnonBabble

Last night's legendary Sausage Guy

>Be me
>be 23
>trainee chef
>cooking in kitchen one day
>boss goes for lunch
>boss is cunt
>I have to cook his lunch ffs
>this means I don't get a lunch break
>decide to fuck with his food
>he wants a lasagne
>have clever idea
>decide to go for a shit
>then take a spoon and scoop out a small chunk
>place is under a layer of the lasagne
>did it after the food came out of the oven
>lasagne hot af
>put chunk of shit under 2nd layer
>still hot af
>leave it there for a minute for the shit to melt
>shit melts
>take food to table and ask if he wants a drink
>he wants a coke
>go get coke
>watching eating my shit-lasagne the whole time
>MFW he never realized that there was literally shit in his food
>hes a shit chef
>one day I will be head chef
>I aim to repeat actions like this until he finds out and assaults, me when he does he will lose his job

>I become head chef.

Good plan I know tyty....

Kekkel and Hyde

Idiot

That's common Assault

You're a Genius buy an Apple i know you
already have one

>they nearly break the sound barrier as they hit the open top orphan bus

top fucking kek

he'll still lose his job you actual fucking downy

>Nov 8
>Hillary wins despite losing the popular vote and the while male vote by 87%
>She gives her victory speech in NYC in front of an army of SJW's, rioting dindus and a few naïve white liberals who sadly have no idea what's coming.
>"Today the American people chose to be on the right side of history. This was an important victory in the battle against racism, against sexism, against hate."
>The sound of the SJWs' shrill screams of victory causes the glass in front of nearby stores to shatter. Chimp out commences and all the Air Jordan's In a 50 mile radius are stolen in a matter of minutes.
>The few moderate white liberals look on uneasily, thinking to themselves "At least Trump didn't win. These poor minorities deserve some free stuff after all the trauma Trump put them through"
>Hillary continues: "But while we have won the battle for the next 4 years, we have not won the war. Exit polls are showing that those with the most privilege in society, white males, have thoroughly rejected progress. For that I have a solution!"
>Suddenly, Obama walks onto stage. The crowd explodes with cheers.
>Enter Obama: "My fellow Americans, we cannot afford to lose the progress of the last 8 years. Hillary will be taking over next year, but we can't sit idly by and allow so many racist, sexist, homophobic Americans to push their evil worldview on society."
>"The problem is clear, and there is only one solution. A final solution."
>Suddently the sound of helicopters is heard approaching. And army of blacks, Latinos, and trannies clad in full battle gear approaches.
>Obama: "It's time we end white male privilege, once and for all."
>Every white male in the audience is surrounded. There is no escape. Some of them try to plead with the mob "I've voted democrat my whole life!". Their pleas fall on deaf ears.
>Obama: "I hereby proclaim, under executive order, that White Males are enemies of the State. They are to be executed on sight!"

Shit doesn't melt

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>how to screenshot in browser
What a dumbass

oh boy...

I didn't even notice that. Top fucking kek!

hows the first day going?

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Fucking brilliant

classic

Fucking kek

poor boy- Daily life must be hard with that head-problem

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hillary shill is upset.
You either want arabs here or you are an arab, or a dumb shit mexican.

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Welcome, friend!
Enjoying summer?

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school is tough, huh, little one

imgur.com/gallery/YEe6gAV

your (you), good sir
should you want anything else, I'd recommend fucking off from this website

Will always be my favorite

>be 13
>never had any friends
>get bullied at school every day because ugly, bad case of acne, no meds ever fixed me and dermatologist couldnt fix it either
>got used to it and coped by being loner
>always be friendly and just smile when someone makes fun of me
>mom and dad were always really sad that i never had any friends over or was invited anywhere
>mom slowly withering away from cancer in hospital, visit her every day after school stay by her bedside until night, telling her fake stories about how much fun i had at school with my friends
>one day everybody started being nice to me
>dont understand but just go along
>girl i had biggest crush on since years walks up to me at the playground
>"hey user my bday is next friday was wondering if u would like to come"
>cant believe it
>"oh...yes...yes..thank you"
>my heart races
>start daydreaming
>might this be the day when everything starts turning around?
>cant be happier
>literally never been happier about anything in my life, i am 25 now
>dad picks me up like always after school
>he's crying, trying to hide it
>never seen my dad cry before
>im very confused dont know how to react
>tell him about how i got invited to a girls birthday party
>he hugs me and tells me how happy he is and that my mom would have loved to hear that
>tells me that mom passed away during the night
>dont understand
>does not feel real
>we talk about school rest of drive home
>am only focusing on this bday now
>grab all my saved up pocketmoney
>dad drives me to mall
>pick out a silver necklace, almost costs everything i have
>so god damn happy she is going to love this
>school time passes really fast because i am imagining all the cool stuff we gonna do

cont

>she walks up to me the day before with a little card that has directions to it, bday party is at a mini golf place bit far outside of town
>super psyched
>finally friday
>dad driving me there, we are having a lot of fun in the car, i can feel how relieved and joyful he is that i am finally doing something other than vidya and tv alone at home in my room
>drops me off
>tells me to have lots of fun and give him all the details later, he can't wait to hear about it
>walk up to the entrance
>show the employee person at gate the birthday card invitation
>"sorry kid there's no birthday parties here today"
>throat dries up, hurts to swallow
>feel extremely nauseous and some emotion i cant put my finger on
>completely die on the inside
>realize it was all an elaborate scheme to humiliate me
>try my hardest to not cry
>suppressing my tears as hard as i can
>start walking back home slowly
>stop at a sort of of party store on the way, buy a little funny bday hat and some candy and stuff
>sit on a bench at the park for 3 hours
>go home
>tell dad the girls dad drove my home after party ended
>show him the stuff i bought tell him i got it from there
>make up stories about all the fun we had, tell him she gave me a kiss on the cheek
>dad cries out of happiness as he hugs me
>go to my room
>realize my mom had really actually died
>mom is not coming back

witnessed

I got dubs twice

Check'd
You know what to do, user..

all of that shit
and you're excited about dubs
fucking hell mate

You can really potato, user.

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>Being a democrat
>For any reason
Keep supporting the nigger party, kid.

Thanks user it made me shed a tear.

ayyy

I think you linked to the wrong post.

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