This bi girl I know has recently broken up with her girlfriend

This bi girl I know has recently broken up with her girlfriend.
I only know this through a friend of a friend, so as far as she knows I think she's still with her gf.
Anyways, I knew this would happen because lesbian relationships are always unstable.
What should I do?

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She will not rebound from a woman to a man of your caliber. She'll seek friendship and sex elsewhere. Might as well pic related OP

Well played, user, well played.

My ex has been throwing me sings she wants to get back together, but she's a gigantic sjw and I'd rather off myself.
Any advice?

My ESP tells me your physically unattractive and you options are very limited. Take what you can get.

Are you a legit wizard?

It's a gift. How much do you weigh and how tall are you? How heavy is she, and how well does she work it?

I'm 5'11'' and I weigh about 175 lb.
She's shorter than me and on the larger yet cute side... Unless you're talking about my ex, she's extremely short and on the larger yet cute side.

What would you rate yourself? This is all important.

I have body-image bullshit because of my stab wound, but if I'm being generous 8.5/10

Stab wound? Never mind, don't care. Do you have any muscle? Are any of the girls heavier than the big hacker girl from Criminal Minds?

Oh hell no. I'm not attracted to chicks that big. If I'm not remembering something weird, the girl from criminal minds looks like the stereotypical "triggered" stock photo, right?
No, they are normal people heavier sized.
I have no significant muscle.
Is this still part of your guru magic, user?

Yes. If their lighter than her, your chances are much slimmer. Ignore bi chick. As stated, she will not bounce back to a man. No muscle? Unfortunate. Do you own a car? That's big.

No car, totally broke.
Chances slim, eh?

Pretty much user. Only advise is to worm your way into their social lives, feed off their insecurities and sabotage their self esteem, and within a year one of them will fuck you in an attempt to prove they still have control over their own lives. That's the long con. Almost guaranteed, but leaves permanent scars.

On me, or them?

And yes, I've done this. If you do it right, they'll never know it's you making them miserable. They'll be convinced your their only friend.

Yes. They'll be shells of themselves, and you'll be a manipulative psycopath. Don't do it to the one you care about. I had a girl so desperate to prove she was still pretty she fucked 10 guys at a party. God I miss high school.

You gotta master passive-aggressive put downs and malingering doubts.

"You'd be so much prettier if you cut your hair"

Please give me more examples.

I had a friend who I had feelings for, and she confided in me that she had a crush on a boy. I spent the next two years dismantling her pride and personality. By Christmas the next year she was begging me to fuck her. Believe me when I say, it's more satisfying to refuse.

Teach me, master.

I remember I got her drunk, and I brushed her hair. "Don't you think it's time you reinvented yourself? Is this the real you? I think you could be so much more. You trust me, don't you?"

Shit dawg, are you the real MVP, or am I drunk?
But for legit, you seem like an actual sigma and I think you can teach me a lot.
Tell me more, friend.

I convinced her to dye her hair red. "Make a statement! Stand out for once!" Her hair used to be so pretty. Like spun gold all the way down her back. She was so proud of kt, spent so much time on it. That was the first thing I took from her.

And the second thing?

People stared when she walked into class. Her hair was a blood red bobcut, like Cleopatra. She wore a leather jacket, with my white t-shirt under. This from wearing her sister's clothes everyday. Everyone loved the new look. Everyone but Ms.Garrett.
"Maggie!What did you do to your hair?"

Was Ms. Garrett an important figure?

Weeks passed, and I noticed she was spending more time with me, and less with her friends. This would not do. I convinced her to tell me about them, expecting secrets of course, but what I got was gold. Affairs, criminal behavior, childhood abuse. She told me everything. I decided I had to know more.

Her favorite teacher. More like an aunt.

Criminal behaviour? Like Arson?

When the school learned about these secrets, her friends blamed her. She blamed her brother, who spied on us often. At school, she was confident and charming, but she came home crying mist days. She died her hair once a week now. She said everybody hated her. She was wrong. I loved her still.

Bro, this story is magical. Where does this go?

Theft, theft, and solicitation. Quite the scandal.

To hell.

Solicitation? Like enticing older men to pay her for sex?

I can relate. Go on.

She started cutting 8 months in. Not on her wrists. The tops of her thighs. Where only I could see them. This intimacy intrigued me. Everytime she cried she'd hug me so hard. Like she never wanted to let go.I was her everything. Once while working on an assignment late one night she asked me if I was even attracted to girls. I laughed, and did my shifty accent that always made her giggle.

"Schweetheart, you're the only gal for me!" She laughed and touched my hand.

Yes. These were other girls. Not my doll. Not my Maggie.

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come visit b bisexual general.

Dawg, you're hitting me hard.That cutting and crime shit is sounding like my Lacy. user, we are brothers in bullshit.

I laughed and shoved her playfully. A friendly gesture. A "just friends gesture. She laughed too, but I could see how lost she was when she wasn't touching me. Before I left, she asked if I ever wanted to go see a movie or something. "Wouldn't miss it, doll!" I could hear her hit something as I left. She was getting worse.

Bro, you ain't just goofing with me, right? This isn't some TV show, or anything right?
I feel you, dawg. I feel you right now.
Tell me where this story goes.
Please no fresh prince of bel air or dinosaur walking. I want this story to be real

ITT: fat neckbeards lying to each other and spouting off fanfics from romance novels

I have actual doubts. Can confirm, haven't shaved my neck in a few days.

Halloween party. Thriller on loop. I was spookiest of the scary skeletons. She was Sally. She was my doll. We got fucked up and left the sound of MJ fuming our wars and went to the finished basement. As she flooded on the couch, she snorted. "Boner!"

We've reached the climax. Ready to fall?

Dont make a move if she thinks you don't know she's single, retard

Please elaborate, I'm drunk and borderline autistic.

YES.

"Boner?" I was almost as trashed as her. Almost.

"Yeah, cuz of the...bones." She was sweaty, breathing hard. Nervous. "user, your my best, fried. Fuck, my only friend in this shuttle school. Do you wanna just, just run away with me? I like, you alot, and I wanna be more than friends. What do you think of that!" She seemed rather confrontational, like this was her plan, and not mine.

Yeah?

Dogs lay eggs.

You guys are buying this?

When someone's really nervous, you can see the vein in their neck jumping. I leaned over and kissed the vein,feeling her heartbeat on my lips. I whispered, regretting only that I could not see her face.

Maggie, I'm sorry, but I just don't feel that way. I'm actually gonna go. Do you wanna come with me?"
She sat up, brave doll that she was., she wasn't crying. Yet.

"You... go on ahead. I'll stay here for a bit." She fucked a bunch of guys that night, and came to me to cry about it. I helped her buy the morning after pill, we were both 18, and I stopped all of my meddling. It was just as much fun to watch her stumble around on her own, with what was left of her life and reputation. We graduated and went our separate ways, but keep in touch on Facebook. Last I heard, she'd been busted for heroine possesion. My poor doll. She's lost without me to break her.

I have incredible and unkillable doubts. Is this all from a tv show, or something?

Dawg, where does this go next?

No show would be this shitty or end this quick. This did happen, and this is a shortened version of what I did. It would be longer, and better spelled, but mobile.

Fuck... are you an actual psychopath, or what?

Go on, my amigo.

Not enough fire-starting. Do you have any fire-starting stories?

No, he's a berrypicker.

Fuck, I'd love to, but that really is where it ends. I got a call last night that she needed bail for heroine possession. I'm gonna get the money together, and I'm gonna help her put her life back together. Only to slowly tear it down again. Hope my romantic advice turned recollection of psychological abuse helps you on your quest for booty!

Does anybody have any good fire-starting stories or are you all just big-cavepainters? Not actually hunt mammoth, just paint big!?

Buddy, sounds to me like you actually like her. You male tsundere. B... Baka...

I do. She's my everything. I just had to make sure I was her everything too.

Not sure if any of this was true. Don't care, was cool but ALL OF THIS MINDGAME SHIT WORKS! The long con wins the pot!

Friendo, you started this story saying you didn't like her. What's all this now?

I always cared about. That never changed. All that really changed was who she was and what she thought of me. I went from friend zone to only source of solace in a year. A year!

Yeah. I never got that he disliked her. I got a crazy, manipulative love vibe. "I want you, but you must be perfect."