Feels thread

Feels thread.

What's her name?
Is she thinking about you?

(Probably not)

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they don't care

Oh shit user

Can I tell my shitty life story guys?
Probably going to be called a pathetic faggot but whatever

Probably not a pathetic faggot as me

Jesus...

I'm feeling super sad and depressed those days..
It's been a long time since the last time that I felt alive.
My everyday life is a fucking routine and my whole file is falling appart.
I want to be a hero guys. But ahahI'm too scared of this shit.
I was finally a little happy because the person that love since 1 year finally told me that she was in love with me too..
Too bad she lives far away and doesn't want to start a relationship.
I don't have any friends here,and I'm just making my parents sad because they see me acting like a vegetable.

I want my life to change but..I just don't know how.
Any advise is really welcome
>inb4 "killyourself faggot."

Kelly, would call her Kelly belly because she was fat. she liked it and I didn't mind

Laura
No

Renee.
Maybe.

Fuck well here it goes

...

>picked on all through school
>adhd meds making me depressed (didnt know that then)
>figured i'd kill myself before i was 18
>had fight in me once
>fought back mouthed back at the bullies
>called me mole ear
>threw shit at me
>constantly tried to get me in trouble
>called me a pig
>mocked me
>once pretended to be my only friend and invited me to movies
>claimed the others wanted to get to know me
>was so happy thought i might get more friends
>I went, no one showed up
>followed me home once
>tried to throw my backpack into the water canal, thankfully i was athletic then, got it back in the nick of time
>this is not even half of what they did
>6th grade teacher hated me for some reason
>always helped bullies
>always called home so i was miserable around the clock
>detention every day
>one day i came home crying
>had an especially bad day at school
>bitch teacher called my parents again for unknown reason
>screamed at by parents
>run in room crying
>slam door
>cried on my bed for about 20 minutes
>remembered something
>recently learned that some people cut for comfort
>eyes glanced to medical scissors on my bookshelf
>get up off of bed and grab scissors
>scratch myself up, I felt better
>did this every day
>eventually cut deeper and got razor blades
>I started cutting at 11 years old

>was 14
>still picked on
>light was gone from my eyes
>no more fight left in me
>fantastic rollerderby player
>shit self esteem kept me from seeing this
>everyone talking about dieting
>health class talking about eating disorders
>started starving self
>signed up on eating disorder website
>it.... Completed me, made me whole
>starving myself made me happy
>dropped a crap ton of weight
>other girls in the lockerroom would go up to me asking what my secret was
>i'd just smile and say i dont know, i love food
>complete lie
>it made me happy, but it also made me suffer
>dropped more weight
>88 pound bitch
>compliments increased
>self esteem decreased

>posted pics of myself on said site
>got comments like "omg you're my new thinspo", "perfection", "i want your legs!", "your bones show beautifully"
>It made me so damn happy to see i was looked up to
>one comment got to me
>it said "oh darling... You're so young, and you were so beautiful, and you're still so very pretty... Just don't let this kill you"
>Felt like a ton of bricks hit me
>i never forgot

>started to vomit as well
>hid bags of vomit under my bed when i feel like i'd been to the bathroom too many times
>would throw them out later
>one time i forgot
>went under my bed for something
>pulled out bags, i was in shock
>there were 3 bags
>bacteria ate almost all of one and half of the second
>that memory was blocked out until i watched an eating disorder movie that brought it all back
>since then i've never forgotten
>got down to 83.8 pounds
>started collapsing frequently
>my vision would get foggy and after 5 or so seconds my legs would collapse from under me
>The most fucked up part about it was that I was completely conscious I just couldn't move or see
>I would just lay there, for about a minute
>terrified one of my parents are find me there on the floor
>then I would get up and run to the nearest seat
>rollerderby team wouldnt let me on the travel team no matter how hard I worked
>i discovered it was because i was too thin
>"the girls on your team know and will be careful of you, the girls on the other team will be bitches, they won't give a shit, you're a danger on the track, you could die"
>heart broke
>fast forward 3 months
>mom caught me taking her diet pills
>eating disorder discovered
>she turned into satan
>she screamed at me
>called me a bitch
>made it all about her
>"how could you do this to me?" "How could you?" "Is this the thanks i get???" "YOU BITCH"
>treated me like a fake, like a wannarexic
>pulled me out of roller derby
>controlled my diet

fat bitch

>went along with it until she thought i was "cured"
>was 15, cut all my hair off, became guyish and faked confidence to "prove" to my mom i was "cured"
>nope.avi
>lies
>i was fake
>i had a fake fucking personality
>pretended to be people person
>got popular as fuck
>but no one knew my secret
>"girls like me dont get eating disorders right" i'd say
>broke inside
>desperate for any validation
>bi woman so found random ass chick on omegle
>went to kik
>sent nudes
>she didnt send anything back
>blackmailed me for more and more otherwise she'd post my pics
>retarded 15 year old so i did it
>I fucking did it guys
>made me go on skype with her
>crying the entire time
>fantastic singer
>told her this
>sang to her to stop torture even for just a bit
>she was impressed
>i was so proud but heartbroken
>"has anyone told you you're like a pornstar? ;)"
>"shhhhh just be a good girl and you'll be safe"
>felt like my blood ran cold
>2+ hours later she finally was satisfied
>said i could go and delete her on both skype and kik
>she contacted me again, just deleted her shit, too tired wouldnt go through it again
>"i'll post your pics"
>"go ahead, i wont do this again"
>blocked her
>panic attacks in consequence
>i felt pathetic
>how could something like this give me panic attacks???
>self hatred increases
>convinced myself it was freshman year to make myself feel better
>was 16, ran into evidence it happened when i was a sophomore

I know this is fake, but if this does happen to any of you autists out there, take the hint and move the fuck along.

There are literally billions of girls out there, and even if the one you're hopelessly pining for miraculously decides to change her mind about you, you'll eventually get bored with her anyway and want someone else.

Don't be stupid and waste your time on just one girl. Go out and hit on as many girls as you can.

>worse panic attacks, unable to function for an hour at a time every day, sometimes twice a day
>confided in friend
>hear "well it was your fault"
>i knew it was my fucking fault
>I FUCKING KNEW IT WAS MY FAULT GUYS
>just made everything worse
>always planned to kill myself but never could do it
>now a healthy weight but eating habits still unstable
>now so scarred up i dont know if i can get a job
>still get panic attacks if someone says the wrong thing to me
>wrote countless suicide notes
>always thought i'd die before i was 18
>I'm 18 now, and I have no idea what I should do
I doubt you guys will read this or feel pity for me, I dont care to be honest, I just needed to get it off my chest

Amanda...no obviously she wouldn't be thinking about me....

all that shit aint ur fault

I read it all. I hope things get better for you user

go make yourself her first choice faggot

All we want is tits move on with your damn life

Me it's not a girl but my "friends"
Sure they like having fun and drinking but that's it
I just annoy them

Rebecca. She thinks about me, and I want to escape the cruse she left me with, maybe one day I'll find someone who made me feel the way she did, I got 4 years of pure happiness out of her and since she left my life has been nothing but routine and sleepless nights.

Wanted to marry her, I was naive and in love, but being naive and in love was the best feeling in the world.

I want to be able to sleep at night, I want to be able to kiss women without being reminded of her, fuck someone without feeling guilty. But she's fucking cursed me and I can't make it stop.

You fucking ruined me and I'd have died for you, I just hope I come out of this similar to the happy optimist I was before and not the depressed grumpy angry person I've become. It gets better right Sup Forums?

Good luck user

Another thread where beta permavirgins cry about their insignificant lives so people will wrap a proverbial arm around their should instead of actually getting off their ass, going out into the world, and grabbing life by the balls?

No thanks.

I promise, it gets better. I'm recovering from bulimia because my girlfriend helps me eat, and its a slow process but its worth it. None of it is your fault from what I read, you're absolutely fine. Your mom is a real bitch though, there's no denying that.

Shoulder*

>Wanted to marry her, I was naive and in love, but being naive and in love was the best feeling in the world.
I wanted to marry her and having children with her!
She wanted to just fuck the way out.

Read the whole thing, you'll be happy you deserve it. Nothing was your fault there are good people in this world and I hope someday one of them finds you and can help. You deserve to be happy we all do.

...

It'll be hard, but you'll move on. Obviously you also have to take initiative and try to forget. Relax bud, you've got your whole life ahead.

korrie
doubt it

>lauren
>probably, we just hooked up last week after being friends for years

helping me bust a slump but i'm afraid i'm shitting on my own doorstep

She loved me for so long, I always saw a future with her and for the longest time she did too. I just guess one day she kinda stopped. I Blamed myself for the longest time but in the end I realised, I never stopped loving her, she died and she became someone else. I was lucky to have that long 4 years of happiness and I'll get that again, this time with someone else, someone who makes me feel just as good if not better.

You will too man, we've just gotta belive that.

Pain is relative, I'm sorry you had to live that way I'm only 17 and shit isn't easy

You need better friends user. I would be a better friend than that. What is bothering you the most?

It's getting better, I'm Heather, richer and I have more time to do whatever I want, I've just no motivation to make things better I meet girls, fuck and get with them for a bit but in the end I always end up saying we shouldn't see each other any more because I'm still too funked up.

I'm not holding out for her to come back and magically fix everything, I want to be able to live my life and me comfortable again, comfortable when I sleep, relaxed and naive. And yeah you're right I'm only 20and it was puppy love or whatever, but it just ruined me.

>You need better friends user.

Well... anyway... they are just gone now! They won't answer anymore to my texts. I was probably too sad and boring for them. Why bother with that sad sack of crap?

I just don't know how to make (and keep) friends.

make this short and sweet
>parents devorce at 3
>constant fighting untill i move
>court every week or so
>abusive mother would hit me for just about any reason
>mad fun of in elementery school being called ugly and what not
>social outcast two friends one was my cousin
>never kissed a girl, everyone hated me because i was the new shy kid
>on top of that i was afraid to talk to women until i was about 17
>near the end of middleschool my friend jeff moved away
>only could hang out with my popular cousin who was a suck-up for atention
>he would make fun of me behind my back for attention
>start to gein weight because i refuse to leave the house
>stole my grandfathers gun and hold it to my head a few times crying a week
>highschool
>literally ingored by everyone even through my best attempts
>start working out loose almost all my bodyfat

>What's her name?
Too paranoid to say

>Is she thinking about you?
I'd like to think so but chances area nonexistant.

You really really loved her, didn't you?

You got a story user?

...

>literally just muscle at this point, join rowing team
>pick up an intrest for computers
>mother slowly stops being super abusive at fear of getting arrested
>turn 18 move to nj
>meet a cute girl i had been talking to online
>we were basically just sexting and i found out she was doing the same with another guy
>forgave her
>start dating become happy for the first time in my life
>stop thinking about killing myself every minuite
>i wasnt her first but i was her second, her first was daterape
>she was my first kiss and first everything
>try to get into collage it fails because i have no money
>cant get a scholarship because i came in late
>graduate
>get a job
>start making 600 a week
>she lives in ny so its an hour drive
>see her like once every other month at least
>build her a gaming pc, play games with her
>move down the nj shore shes now 2.5 hours away

Dont you think i tried? I put it all on the table so to speak, and i failed...so now im just going to have to get over it and move on which is taking a while..

She's probably thinking about me, yeah. We have a healthy relationship, and the sex is good.

>buy her everything treat her like a queen write her music send her letters to make up for the distance
>she slowly stops talking to me distances herself things get wierd
>sex becomes less of omg annon i cant wait to kiss you and omg youre so fucking big
>to just basically moaning asn silence
>i start to get paraniod wondering what i did wrong
>one day in december of 2015 she basically starts yelling at me over the phone because i asked why she isnt being as sexual
>she started telling me of all the mistakes ive made over the last year teling me of how a shitty bf i was
>backstory to that is some girl flirted with me in hs when we werent even dating and got into an argument with her
>i wasnt interested in that girl anyway because she was fat so i thought it was obvious
>some Russian girl tried to rape me in hs because she was fucking bonkers
>i made a joke once about a girls ass
>this is literally the premise of the argument i ask her if shes been cheating on me and ask her to be honest with me
>she says no

thread theme: youtu.be/ZMRDC4UDsnU

I'd have given my life to protect her, my future plans were not my future plans they were ours.

I fucked up and she's gone, but I can't fix that, I didn't do anything wrong in the end. Worst part is she's moved on with someone else and I've had to remove her from my life as best I can so I'm not haunted with images of them.

I miss my family our family was one and I considered her family my own. I miss them all, but I can never see them again, I miss her smile, her scent, her voice, and I miss being able to feel safe and having a human who I trusted over anyone else in the world.

Sorry I'll stop, kinda just venting to this thread because I've lost the person who listened to me when I needed it

It's been six months and you've still got me cursed, well played Rebecca, I miss you.

>sex becomes less of omg annon i cant wait to kiss you and omg youre so fucking big

Because you're not big user

>Show that pic to your gf one week before your birthday
>She just chuckles
>Doesn't give you a gift
>Just a shitty book (you read it and didn't like it)
>You remplace the rope by the book and show it to her
>She doesn't say anything
>She leaves you 2 weeks later

100% yes, bet you she faps to the thought of me as well. She's probably taking bath right now, so highly likely she's fapping in the tub to the thought of me.

Mmmmm

Don't be sorry, this thread is all about emotions. Let it out; what you really really wanna say to her

God

Anna
Maybe but soon I'll be forgotten. She'll move on to bigger and better things and I'll just be a past mistake. For whatever reason I said yes to long distance instead of taking the hit and moving on. Now I'm slowly dying inside pretending that I'm not ever night on Skype.

Pls continue

what's that say. Is that the mexican "king of the hill?"

> acting like A vegetable

nah man, you're more of a fruit.

I don't celebrate my birthday anymore. When I was a kid, my dad said I shouldn't celebrate another year of "being a fucking disappointment and no accomplishments" life sucks man

>be me
>top of my life
>just graduated hs
>girlfriend 10/10
>amazing family
>bday comin up
>sister dies
>car crash
>no bday
>gf hears about it
>decides now is a good time to tell me she cheated on me and is leaving me for him
>crushed beyond belief
>friends abandon me

Was a week ago. Turned 18 the day my big sister died. So Sup Forums how was your big 18?

WOW

>spend month arguing and her treating me like shit she finnaly tells me she has a kittenplay fetish and was afraid to tell me and says
>we dont have to do this if you dont want to
>i tell her that i will gladly and if i didnt she would do it with someone else
>never get the time to see her from October to February
>our anniversary
>few days before valentines day i go up and shes super skiddish not letting me touch her and such
>i finger her and she is two fingers loose really deep.
>my heart drops because we havet had sex in months
>she says she has a toy and shows me then apologies
>go home and cry for hours knowing shes lieing to me
>in-between all of this my friend from hs basically shits on me to her from dec to about now making her hate me more and more
>she sends him nudes and flirts with him
>denys the fact even though i went on her fb
>find out shes talking to some guy and playing games with him
>she calls him bubby on stream what she used to call me
>says he called him buddy
>knew it was a lie
>she breaks up with me over text refusing to tell me a real reason why or even look at me on skype or call me

i have an 7.5" dick bro.

Mhmmm

>mexican
it sure is buddy. good thing I learned french, I'm going to mexico next month and I'd be lost without it.

it's in french
it reads
>"so that's how it feels to shit in a can of bean"
>Michel had decided to try new thing to fill up his empty life
>"tomorrow I am gonna rub one out in the shed"

not much of a story, child abuse (hospital trips and blood were common), my really bad social anxiety and depression is derived from my dad, and after they found out i attempted suicide twice they called me a failed abortion. all my "friends left me senior year so throughout i sat alone. i dont feel anything anymore

just think to yourself, it can only get better from here on in, you'll meet better friends, take a shine to someone else, and you can always look back to that day and think 'I made i through that, and i'm stronger than this'

That's why I try to be friends with people that need support. I'm always listening to them and giving advice, but they never do the same with me.
Anyways, I'm fine with that.

Fuck. I'm sorry user. Is there more?
How long ago has it happened?

Its a he, its Aaron. I think he is, I hope he is

Internet relationship?

No real life

>anyways our anniversary comes and im single by the end of it.
i sent her a teaddy bear and chocolates with an apology letter along with games and a necaklace that was an infinity symbol
>i was ready to prepose in november but i waited because i wanted to do it on our anniversay
>2 years
>one night i just cant stop crying thinking about that guys so i mesage him and tell him not to talk to her and flip a shit on him
>he dosnt respond and sends it to her
>shes pissed
>claims shes stopped talking to him
>she unblocks him thew senxt day
>days goes on me writing music missing work and crying
>demoted at my job
>200 a week
>never enough to go visit
>one day he messages me back
>we have a talk
>he makes fun of me for being envious
>she has been cheating on me since decmember
>she refused to tell me her fetish and made up an excuse because she was embarrassed
>found this asshole on fetlife and hit him up
>only waited a month
>november
>untill she had sex with him
>did everything with him
>i confront her because she had been lying to me for the past few months saying she misses me and such
>she breaks down and says
>hes telling the truth
>she beggs me not to kill myself
>i walk in the forest near my house and hold my grandfathers gun to my head
>i never checked if it was loaded
>i pull the trigger and it clicks
> i drop it and start crying on the dirt floor
>i haven't been able to recover for months
>i want to die

Nikky

probably not :( I miss her a lot though its been a year

last month.

Speak of the devil, more anxiety, i wish it would just get out of my head, better not get worse oh god I hope it doesnt get worse

Katelyn.

I think so, as she let me touch her ass while we were hugging at a party

>or she's just a whore idk

i have alot of anxiety im sorry if im being slow

I'm not going to say some bullshit like "it gets easier". Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. But I will say that you didn't deserve a single second of that. No one does.
I don't really know what to say to you that will make things better and, to be honest, I don't think mere words can change a life.
But I want you to know that people aren't all heartless. Just as all the other anons have shown you, people do care about you, some will even fight for you.

Please don't give up on life.
There is no rest, no honor, no rage in death.
And even in the misery, it is joy to live.

I know that feel bro, just distract yourself or sleep before it becomes a panic attack

>i start working on cars anything to get my mind off of it
>i forgive her because i dont have the balls to kill myself
>she threatened to do it if i did
>literally spend the next few months untill now crying every night dreaming about suicide
>she told me about how he abused her constantly and pressured her into sex
>he was really nice at first
>i still have feelings for him
>that died shortly after he exposed her online to his friends
and to the annon that said he was bigger
>5.5 inch dick
>6' same as me
>super skinny no muscle
>abusive
>no car
>shit tier job living off of parents
>die hard liberal
contineuing
>i had sex with her twice since we broke up. it was empty
>she want too lose but it want like before
>now i just dont know what to do and i have no ambition.
>i wanted to be her husband and do everything right by her
>now all i want is to die

this is not for attention.
i didnt intend to type this much but i just lost it i had to say it.

>2 years Gf
>love of my LIFE
>we never had really argued before, likr a month ago we started doing it
>she has lots of internet friends (all male..) I confessed her my feelings and jralousness towards that but I finally said it was Ok.
>She met another friend over an online game.
>told her that by his attitudes he just wanted to hit on her.
>because of this, while we are skyping she calls this friend with her phone and starts talking to him, ignoring me.
>this guy finally confessed to her and turned out to be what I predicted.
>she starts making lots of more new friends over this game.
>We start arguing more often. I feel her distsnt even in sex, she gets mad about silly stuff and ends it blaming it on me.
>try to talk well and discuss things out with her but whenever she gets mad she ends up turning off her phone or leaving and most of the times going to talk and play with her friends. Even if I send her lots of messages.
>I decide to start playing this game with her not even paying attention to other guys because of jealousness.
>the guy that tried to hit on her was online and he was trying yo be her friend again.
>these new friends of my gf ask for my skype. I say I dont wanna talk to them.
>gf gets mad saying im an antisocial and anthipatic.
>totally ignored. Long letters wrote to her but she didn't even read them.
>she only sent a few messages today and this is the time were she most ignored and distanced from me.

I've made lots of threads on /adv/ about this and other attitudes of her
And everyone tell me that she doesn't love me.and gives 0 fucks about me. She is the love of my life the only one that keeps me standing. I dont want to loose her. I am very afraid now.

I read your post user. I would stand by you if i was there. I'm sure someone will. Stay strong

I completely understand bro, that's why I posted my own story. I suggest you cut her out of your life the distance will make it easier, all she is at this point is toxic to you

this is me similar thing happened she may be cheating with you my kik is
thatstudsean
if you want i can flirt with her and send her pics to see if she flirts back. tbh you need to tell her flat out that she needs to be honest and open with you or youre leaving. dont let her control you or she will use you.
if anyone needs to talk hmu, im just writing out engine specs.

i already know that but i really cant because im so grown to her. i dont have desire for anyone else and i am way too emotionally fucked to let go because i know ill probably end up dead. either that or she will. she started cutting alot...

Not gonna cushion this, fuck that bitch, she's doing this to manipulate you into staying, there are other sweet girls out there, im not saying move on right away but shit, do not stick around for that shit show, delete and block her number

its not like i trust her but i know she is sorry... im probably going to leave when im ready. thanks for caring.

Of course user, take care

sleep deprivation is getting worse, can't get more than like 5 hours at a time.

every time the wife gets in bed I wake completely the fuck up and can't get back to sleep. can't tolerate the presence of another human right now, even though I generally don't have a problem being around her even when other people are intolerable.

also paradoxically I am fucking hungry all the time but every time I put food in my mouth, the taste and texture makes me gag. tried to eat some leftover taco stuff from yesterday. it was pretty tasty then. doesn't taste any different at all now, but for some reason I find it just fucking horrible all of a sudden. everything I look at is just so fucking gross but I'm so hungry I'm ready to put bbq sauce on the fucking cat.

...

...

You make me want to kill myself

sorry man

I'm very sorry user. I know what it feels like to think you're worse than everyone else. I've been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts for years and you never really get over it.
The only thing that kept me going is that with life, you have opportunity and all possibilities open to you, death is final. I'm 18 too and now going to university, if you wanna talk, I'm there for you