Hi Sup Forums. I know this might not be the best place to ask this, but I've really got no one else to talk to...

Hi Sup Forums. I know this might not be the best place to ask this, but I've really got no one else to talk to. I'm 21 and I'm essentially alone, I have a few friends but I honestly don't feel comfortable talking to them about my personal life. It makes me feel like I'm going to vomit.

Over the past 7 years, or I guess since puberty really kicked in, I can name 5 women who I know were interested in me. They expressed that sentiment in a variety of ways, some directly, others not. Two of them followed me around like dogs (as much as I hate to compare women to dogs I can't think of a better analogy), it was like they were glued to me. However, for some reason or another, I have a deep-seated fear of intimacy. Similarly to how I hate discussing my personal life with my friends, the thought of anyone at all being attracted to me makes me want to vomit. I want to be in a relationship, but I have some weird aversion to them that prevents me from doing so. I liken it to how Alex is disgusted by sex in a clockwork orange. That's how it feels to me. I'm really not sure what to do. Is this an immaturity thing or what? Is there something I can do about it?

self-bump

>Is there something I can do about it?
Learn to accept it.

talk to a therapist

Is this not something everyone experiences at some point?

bump

Wanna talk about this? I kinda understand you, And probably know what you feeling, when it Comes to relationship u want her to be yours but always if u dont fuck up, she will.

I've tried to see if I'm just "beta" or socially awkward, but I have absolutely no problem striking up conversations with people. I am quiet and reserved, but when needed I can happily and effectively socialize, even with women. I only ask this now because a girl I know said she's interested in me. I'd like to be with her but in all honesty, when I first heard what she said my first instinct was to strangle her for making me feel uncomfortable. Obviously I didn't or I'd be asking something drastically different than "Why can't I feel love?"

You're gay
/thread

Go do psychedelic drugs with hippies. I know it sounds weird but after three years of burning man I can now completely experience and relate to human closeness and compassion. In fact I'm kind of a master of it now.

What that means is people who hardly know me always have the urge to unload an emotion burden on me. Like being raped or attempting suicide. It's fucking strange really but I don't mind just listening without judging.

So yeah, trip balls at burning man
.......
Profit.

unfixable

you should an hero right now

Tell me about your relationship with your mother, OP

Where was she when you went through puberty.

Where is she now.

What were her relationships like

How did she speak about your father

>my first instinct was to strangle her for making me feel uncomfortable.

Yeah you're a fucking physco and I feel bad for having almost shared the same feels.

My parents have always been very distant and hands-off. My father is quiet and reserved like I am, but my mother is a socialite. They've been together for about 25 years.

Yup sounds like you need the all inclusive love of your fellow man while your third eye is opened. You will be loved and learn to love.

So go take mushrooms/acid/DMT with hippies.

There are many paths to enlightenment. Understanding intimacy and human connection is just a piece of the pie.
While I don't normally advise using drugs (cons outweigh the pros, imo), this user has a point.

It means nothing that you understand you have a psychological aversion to human connection, if you aren't willing to throw yourself off the deep end to try and fix it. Hallucinogens are a very easy way to break down the parts of yourself that block your own view, and often will give you glimpses on how to remove them from your path.

Take lsd, sit in the woods. It will change your perception of what reality is, and is not.

Then take shrooms, sit in the woods. It will help shape the way you interact with yourself (in possibly positive and negative ways).

Then take them at burning man, and try to come to the understanding that every person you see surrounding you is simply a manifestation of yourself. Learn to embrace, and be embraced.

I can't stand hippies. Isn't this something a therapist could fix?

No. Therapy treats the symptom, not the disease.

OP you're a faggot it's obvious you're hopeless for women. You like men. You just don't know it yet.

Beware dreams in which you're guarding children in a rye field? OP no, this isn't normal for your age however much it would seem otherwise to ths particular site's demographic. And therapy isn't going to help you, it's only going to sink you deeper with the idea you should take baby steps to "recover" when in reality you apparently do suffer the detachment that is characteristic of psychopaths... Put yourself out there man ffs, fake it and get over your fear of intimacy, try finding a shy girl who will help you take things slow and "explore" slowly if you must but don't go down the path of believing loneliness is a common or acceptable state, there's a reason lone wolves only comein old, and generally they had a life before... If you don't the alternative is a life of shame and self loathing. Try to minimize the time you spend home/alone, choose activities that are both pleasant to you and have job value, try to look as relationships with friends almost as if they were work colleagues it is important for you to acomodate in order to acomplish your goals, in a very real sense this is true. And work towards getting laid and becoming habituated/familiar with it. Drinking/drugs helps if you need the help, although don't make the mistake of thinking it's magic, end of the day you've got to make a move. There's two paths before you, one leads to it can be a matter of only a few months for you to feel content and well adjusted, even if not happy, while the other one leads to you developing harmful behavioural patterns that will result in a vicious cycle that will come to dominate most of your adult life. People do manage to change, just go for it, die trying at the very least.

Therapists just take your money. They don't fix anything.

I hated hippies too man, I was weird and disconnected from normal emotions, my parents thought I was a psycho path.

Untill I went to burning man. The mindset of burningman is to love everyone and to be loved by everyone, combine that with the eye opening experience of lsd/mdma/mushrooms changed my entire world. You feel a closeness with everyone there. I even broke down and cried, and that was alright. People were there for me and I didn't even know their names.

You could try it alone like said buy it's not going to be the same, though it will help.

OP maybe you like men, there's nothing bad in it, that's 100% normal. Don't be ashamed because of this, be yourself.

Thank you. I don't socialize very much as is. I go out a lot, but usually alone. I can't turn to drugs due to the career path I want to go down (I'd like to be a corporate securities attorney and I imagine that something like traceable drug use would hinder my ability to pass the C&F portion of my state's bar exam) but I already drink a lot as is. Would that not have a negative effect upon why I act so childish when it comes to intimacy?

I don't believe that's my problem. My aversion isn't just to women being interested in me, it's people in general. I can't stand attention from anyone.

bump

are you a psychopath or just anti social and awkward? i cant tell at this point

Look user... you are feeling the same way most of the anons have felt at some point in their lives. As you get older you will realize that the things you feel and do are not special or different from most. What you have to do is accept that these feelings are not abhorant or different than most, even in their extreme forms. If a girl is interested in you and vice versa, you need to voice your concerns with them and they should do the same with you in the early stages of your relationship. Dont just blurt the shit out like an autist when you go onyour first date or meeting but slowly work your way up to it as you get to know each other. Try not to be so god damn anxious or pent up about your "normal" emotions. If you find that the aforementioned things are "impossible" then go see a therapist for reassurance. Otherwise, try to grasp the fact that, for millennia, anons have been going through the same shit and you are not special! It helps put your problems in perspective.

I highly doubt I'm a psychopath. I don't think I qualify as charismatic or particularly intelligent.

How is there ever a proper way to tell a girl "I want to strangle you?" I understand what you mean, but I just don't believe I can ever tell anyone what I truly want to do when someone tries to flatter me.

Do you literally want to strangle her? Or is it your first reaction when feeling anxious or fearful to want to physically lash out? The ladder is a normal physchological reaction to anxiety, which is akin to fight/flight. If the ladder is what you are feeling then obviously don't tell her you want to strangle her but express the fact that you feel anxious in intimate settings. If she is comfortable then you can progress to a point where that anxiety falls away, a little at a time, each time you are together. If the former is what you feel then I can't help much, you need a professional.

Okay, that makes sense.

>polchan.net

ITT Sup Forums is actually doing a good thing for once and being helpful