I have to choose what degree to take

>i have to choose what degree to take
>i cant choose anything
>my poetry sucks
>the stories i write suck
>i cant play guitar, or even begin to learn such
>i cant afford an electric guitar
>even if i could, i couldnt play it
>i cant program shit
>my math knowledge is awful
>i can only speak 2 languages and it is isnt enough for me as im always wishing for more
>Mein Deutsch ist zu schlecht, um mit anderen Menschen zu sprechen.
>Português apenas é a minha língua materna
>been trying to learn german by myself for more than a year, and still sounds like kindergarten german
>I cant even make electronic music
>i cant do anything with anything i write
>i cannot draw, and stupidly chose the art's degree
>i cant choose anything else as i have no other chance (schedule, ease of access, etc.)
>i cant even work with chemistry as i hate it, so the other available courses are out
>for years and years, the school teachers have treated me like shit.
>literally yelling at me in class, and making others hate me. specially this last year
>tons of complaining back and forth, and making me feel like shit, more and more.
>get home and get blamed on even more
>reasons? didnt make homework or didnt answer something correctly or got a bit late
>literally got expelled from class once for not answering the math teacher a question correctly.
>she was a bitch, tho. hope she dies from cancer or some terrible shit. honest to everything
>i have no close friends
>all others have other close friends, and im just an alternative
>alone is how i feel the safest, but its also when i realise shit the most
>i hate to be happy because i know i become sad right after, and it comes even worse
>i cant do anything creative
>i dream too much, and do too little
>my grandmother was black, whilst the rest of the family is white. im "that" family member (and mother).
>everyday i look in the mirror and feel awful about myself.
>cant even feel normal, and am very different from the other people.

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>weird hair, face, body, skin, long fingers and feet, fat nose and lips, etc.
>having a black grandmother made my life even worse from start
>used to get bullied when i was much younger for being a shitskin. even more when i was younger.
>anger for miscegenation helped me become even more right-wing, along with other reasons
>i can only play games and watch films
>i cant even be an entertaining friend, and people only trust me because they know that i have no one else to reveal shit to
>i spend countless hours on the internet
>websites like Sup Forums are the only thing that make me active
>i listen to music, i love music, but i envy too much
>i wish i could do music too
>bands like rammstein are the only company i have
>i know that i will never even get near them, and even if i did i'd just be a crazy fan. i just wanna be able to thank them for not making me feel lonelier
>everyday i think of how disappointed my father would be if he were alive
>and my brother too
>and my mother, but she is alive, but doesnt even like or care about me
>family leans to hate me, and i hate them back. they backstab everybody left and right. not trustable
>everytime i wanna be with friends, they cant be with me. and when they (rarely ever) invite me for anything, either i go and weird them out, or say no because i

prefer to be alone than doing literally nothing useful with them and/or weirding them out
>i am a 0 at anything that comes to love or whatever. unless you cound ridiculous and embarrassing online "relationships"
>i used to cry everyday, but for the past few years i cant even cry unless it's a story i read or a film i watch, which happens more or less often
>im missing out on all that life has to give to anyone my age. been like this since birth.

summer is here and all i do is listen to music countless times, play games, try to think of anything creative, browse Sup Forums, whine and feel depressed.
Surprisingly, ive been worse before.
It's not that I chose a bad life. Life just doesn't please me.


I know Sup Forums isn't my therapist, but i just felt like shitting this out somewhere to not feel so lonely.
sorry

I know that feel bro

I feel shit here too got problem in my relation ship i love my boyfriend but i meet some one a work and idk but i kinda like him had even sex multitimes with him

And i dont know if u still here op but u get over this shit u just need some time

really sorry, man. i wish the best to you

if thats true, you actually have a much better life situation than me

I feel we are roughly similar. Kik me and we'll figure it out together.

monster_energy6

been waiting all my life. changed lifestyles countless times. im not old, but im not really that young either

anything but kik, please