IT WAS ALL A DREAM
/heem/
Welcome to The Lost Battalion
...
APOLOGIZE
Special Edition If I Did It and Knuckle Up when?
It's time for the PREMIER minds to make their mark on the landmark moment in MMA history
It's time for King Nate to cement himself as the GOAT mma journalist
Made a thread but didn't see this one. You beat me to it Canadia. Everyone shitpost over there to annoy the autist OP when this one is full.
>coke head
>'roider
>drunk driver
He's gonna start killing kids next brehsq
>I lifted once
>My arms hurt after
>Therefore it's impossible for any human to lift without steroids
I am not talking about DOMS
I am talking about all of the injuries that comes with training to fight. Getting sprains are the best possible outcomes but fuck if you arent going to tear ligaments and break bones. It's no wonder why so many people get injured in training camps right before big fights. Those type of injuries can cost you your entire career. Its not something I would risk if I was them. I'd piss hotter than mark coleman in burka
...
This is correct, i dont think there's a single fighter out there anyways that would bank on the hope that their opponent is clean and won't knock their heads off
Wonder boy
Alexander Gustafsson @AlexTheMauler 57s
With the right terms, I am ready to jump on a plane, my bags are packed. @danawhite @lorenzofertitta @dc_mma @ufc
What a damn shame, he'll be booked as the next big superstar then the pedophilia scandals will be revealed
Sad!
>2/5 of my boys have gotten BTFO in a month
War Rory
War Jones
What is this pedo meme?
>I can ask for a ludicrous amount of money. If they don't pay me I look like a champ for offering to fight and if they do pay me IM RICH BITCH
does he have a fetish for getting cucked in front of the world or something?
2-3 Rory fans talking nonsense
probably because he calls himself boy despite being 31
>Jon Jones was one of his boys
come to think of it thompson does look the part kek
Cormier has the right to accept a gimme fight, it's 2 fucking days.
Could've sworn there was some story syndicating at one point about how Wonderboy's father got caught having sex with an underaged chick many years ago
Whats next for his career?
[spoiler]yes[/spoiler]
HEEM 1
Rizin
Jewish lies
memefight vs fedor next year @ EFN
How long until he becomes a sex offender
Dana should probably have Wonderboy on standby for the next few weeks just in case, you know.....
comeback story part II ...3? People will forget this and cheer for him again as long as he keeps winning. They didnt care he ran into a pregnant lady. Why would they care he did steroids
Anyone else more excited for claudia vs JJ than any fight on 200?
Is he Reverse-Cormier?
>> Jon Jones will cut for anabolic steroids
>> debuts on M-1 global
>> DC leaves ufc to fight on M-1 card
>> GOT LHW fight ensues unimpeded
cap this
Jail
Patrol violation
bumfights
For sure kill yourself
*vibrates fingers into eye sockets*
becoming a pincushion for prison gang cock
Say what you want by Gus but he is the best at making other people have great highlight reels/career defining fights
i just want to watch them "fuck" so bad
claudia is obviously the sub and jj is dom
>yfw jon joins a prison gang
>and it's the aryan brotherhood
>Wake up
>Jon is out
Should have never woke up
I PUSH MY FINGERS INTO MY...
*helicopter noise starts*
i think they are both naturally dominant personalities and will bring that energy to the bedroom. instead of a clear dom and sub they will be constantly jockeying for position, rolling each other over and wriggling about.
>wake up
>jon is out
>shitpost on heem
>I have work in 4 hours
>israel
>"Should have never woke up"
You are god damn right
in a non-meme order, what are the 5 most reputable MMA organizations in terms of talent
I'd rank it as:
UFC
Bellator
ONE
WSOF
M-1
is this correct? or am I horribly misguided?
ONE
NOTHING WRONG WITH HEEM
*uses the meme force to go back in time to drive that 8 wheeler into Cormier's car*
DO NOT BULLY GREATEST ALLY
EEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYEEESSSSS
IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT SLOWLY STOPS THE ACHE
vs Dada5000
apparently he can fuck up as much as he wants and they'll give him another chance in 3-6 months because he said "he's sorry"
i don't know how many times jon is going to fuck up a card before they tell him to fuck off to lellator or whatever
as long as he is a draw they will never get rid of him. People love jon jones. People booed DC and cheered for Jon because he is the better fighter. People dont care about character traits. They say they do. They don't.
Maybe if you'd put news or links in yours to give people a reason to consider it the "official" one, but you didn't, now did you?
GET UP
COME ON GET DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS
WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Who is this tripfaggot casual and why is he here
DARKNESS
IMPRISONING ME
ALL THAT I SEE
ABSOLUTE HORROR
Have any washed up cans stepped forward yet? Should learn from russian promoters and bring a homeless person.
haha, welcome to hell m8
*eats Popeye's so fast gets sent back in time to stop himself from getting in the car that day*
DIG
BURY ME
yup, when mcgroobs was unbeatable he was "fun", "unique", "the irish muhammed ali"
when he lost to diaz he became the shittalking potato man
same for honda, aldo, GSP, and penn: they stopped being dominant, and the massed stopped caring
Fuck Jon Jones desu lads
i'm /dc/ now
OH THE IRONING...THE FUCKING IRONING
Fedor wanted it, but he couldn't afford a plane ticket.
it's because he teaches kids hahahaha xD so he's a pedo xD :P
>Cormier enters the cage waiting for his mystery opponent.
>The lights go down
>this music hits
>youtube.com
>yfw he returns
>it aint me starts playing
Let's come up with some fights for Cormier and send them to Dana. We need to save this card guys.
Daniel Cormier vs. Rich Piana
Daniel Cormier vs. Hodge Twins in a handicap match
Daniel Cormier vs. Bisping
Daniel Cormier vs. Gay Guard
Daniel Cormier vs. CM Punk
Daniel Cormier vs. Gus : Blacked 2 Return of the Black
Daniel Cormier vs. Roy Nelson in a cake and chicken wing eating competition with Joey Chestnut as the special guest referee.
>he wasn't with dc from the start
What the fuck
I'm a boyhopper
daniel cormier vs his own weight in cake
A man robbed of his succ
>other fighters stop taking roids, lose a lot of mass, start losing fights badly
>jones keeps doing roids, cant lose any fights because hes not allowed to fight
I really do want to see what he has to say about this though. Most likely a denial or some bullshit cop out
Piana obviously
>My name is Daniel Cormier and i'm the fattest man alive, to the outside world i am the UFC LHW champion but secretly with the help of my friends at P.O.P.E.Y.E.S. Labs i succ dicc and fight other black wrestlers like me. I hunted down the man who scored a takedown on me but in doing so i made him take PEDs and get pulled from the fight, and i am the only one fat enough to stop him, i am the Succ.
indeed. I wanted to like jon jones so much since he was the GOAT and all. but I literally everything from his social media posts to his fight press conferences made me dislike him so much and think of him as an asshole. I was team dc as well and still am.
SUFFOCATION
FUUUUCK YOU JON JONEEEEESSSSS I FUCKING HATE YOU RUINING ANOTHER CARD
Are you forgetting that Cormier's testosterone ratios were also fucked at one point and he's a former Olympian (who couldn't make weight lololol). Dude is on mad roids and still got cucked HARD by based Jon
NO BREATHING
Yeah Cormier is a cheater too but Jones was fucking NFL-level using and had the best coaches in the world to help him cheat. It's refreshing and amazing that he got caught somehow.
lads I'm about 220 now, how quickly can I cut down to 205?
>The ____MAIN EVENT_____ of UFC200 is now a NON TITLE FIGHT between a fat guy with a shit record and quite literally a mandrama, who also has a shit record, but is a "draw" because wwe
UFC is such a pile of shit these days
Make Lauzon vs Sanchez main event desu lads
He had 8% deviation of normal T/E ratios, Victor Conte said that's nothing alarming at all, and is normal
Jon Jones had 80% (30% is when to be alarmed according to Conte)
what the fuck is your source mate?
>Not making Edgar vs. Aldo 2 the main event.
Wait... whats happening? i just got up... No Jon Jones for UFC 200?
What happened this time? is he being a nigger again?
Popped by USADA, substance not disclosed yet
you need to go to bed L-O you're dad can't smash some trailer trash with you up all night shitposting.
jon jones is like a movie star that keeps making shitty movies after a few block buster. he won't recover from this and he'll be forever known as the guy that took PED's to fight a guy he already beat. OSP was too much for him and he's literally succ-ing his own careers dick. that dick has finally dried up and fell off in an alley.
is Jones UFC version of Balotelli?
...
The fight is indeed lackluster but your lack of respect for Hunto is dissapointing
I don't understand how UFC """""fans"""""" actually put up with every single big fight getting cancelled due to injury or some other reason like this.
what a fucking joke lmao