/heem/

IT WAS ALL A DREAM

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Welcome to The Lost Battalion

mobile.twitter.com/JonnyBones/status/750610214114594816

...

APOLOGIZE

Special Edition If I Did It and Knuckle Up when?

It's time for the PREMIER minds to make their mark on the landmark moment in MMA history

It's time for King Nate to cement himself as the GOAT mma journalist

Made a thread but didn't see this one. You beat me to it Canadia. Everyone shitpost over there to annoy the autist OP when this one is full.

>coke head
>'roider
>drunk driver

He's gonna start killing kids next brehsq

>I lifted once
>My arms hurt after
>Therefore it's impossible for any human to lift without steroids

I am not talking about DOMS

I am talking about all of the injuries that comes with training to fight. Getting sprains are the best possible outcomes but fuck if you arent going to tear ligaments and break bones. It's no wonder why so many people get injured in training camps right before big fights. Those type of injuries can cost you your entire career. Its not something I would risk if I was them. I'd piss hotter than mark coleman in burka

...

This is correct, i dont think there's a single fighter out there anyways that would bank on the hope that their opponent is clean and won't knock their heads off

Wonder boy

Alexander Gustafsson @AlexTheMauler 57s

With the right terms, I am ready to jump on a plane, my bags are packed. @danawhite @lorenzofertitta @dc_mma @ufc

What a damn shame, he'll be booked as the next big superstar then the pedophilia scandals will be revealed

Sad!

>2/5 of my boys have gotten BTFO in a month

War Rory
War Jones

What is this pedo meme?

>I can ask for a ludicrous amount of money. If they don't pay me I look like a champ for offering to fight and if they do pay me IM RICH BITCH

does he have a fetish for getting cucked in front of the world or something?

2-3 Rory fans talking nonsense

probably because he calls himself boy despite being 31

>Jon Jones was one of his boys

come to think of it thompson does look the part kek

Cormier has the right to accept a gimme fight, it's 2 fucking days.

Could've sworn there was some story syndicating at one point about how Wonderboy's father got caught having sex with an underaged chick many years ago

Whats next for his career?

[spoiler]yes[/spoiler]

HEEM 1

Rizin

Jewish lies

memefight vs fedor next year @ EFN

How long until he becomes a sex offender

Dana should probably have Wonderboy on standby for the next few weeks just in case, you know.....

comeback story part II ...3? People will forget this and cheer for him again as long as he keeps winning. They didnt care he ran into a pregnant lady. Why would they care he did steroids

Anyone else more excited for claudia vs JJ than any fight on 200?

Is he Reverse-Cormier?

>> Jon Jones will cut for anabolic steroids
>> debuts on M-1 global
>> DC leaves ufc to fight on M-1 card
>> GOT LHW fight ensues unimpeded

cap this

Jail
Patrol violation

bumfights

For sure kill yourself

*vibrates fingers into eye sockets*

becoming a pincushion for prison gang cock

Say what you want by Gus but he is the best at making other people have great highlight reels/career defining fights

i just want to watch them "fuck" so bad

claudia is obviously the sub and jj is dom

>yfw jon joins a prison gang
>and it's the aryan brotherhood

>Wake up
>Jon is out
Should have never woke up

I PUSH MY FINGERS INTO MY...

*helicopter noise starts*

i think they are both naturally dominant personalities and will bring that energy to the bedroom. instead of a clear dom and sub they will be constantly jockeying for position, rolling each other over and wriggling about.

>wake up
>jon is out
>shitpost on heem
>I have work in 4 hours

>israel
>"Should have never woke up"
You are god damn right

in a non-meme order, what are the 5 most reputable MMA organizations in terms of talent

I'd rank it as:

UFC
Bellator
ONE
WSOF
M-1

is this correct? or am I horribly misguided?

ONE
NOTHING WRONG WITH HEEM

*uses the meme force to go back in time to drive that 8 wheeler into Cormier's car*

DO NOT BULLY GREATEST ALLY

EEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYEEESSSSS
IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT SLOWLY STOPS THE ACHE

vs Dada5000

apparently he can fuck up as much as he wants and they'll give him another chance in 3-6 months because he said "he's sorry"

i don't know how many times jon is going to fuck up a card before they tell him to fuck off to lellator or whatever

as long as he is a draw they will never get rid of him. People love jon jones. People booed DC and cheered for Jon because he is the better fighter. People dont care about character traits. They say they do. They don't.

Maybe if you'd put news or links in yours to give people a reason to consider it the "official" one, but you didn't, now did you?

GET UP
COME ON GET DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS

WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Who is this tripfaggot casual and why is he here

DARKNESS
IMPRISONING ME
ALL THAT I SEE
ABSOLUTE HORROR

Have any washed up cans stepped forward yet? Should learn from russian promoters and bring a homeless person.

haha, welcome to hell m8

*eats Popeye's so fast gets sent back in time to stop himself from getting in the car that day*

DIG
BURY ME

yup, when mcgroobs was unbeatable he was "fun", "unique", "the irish muhammed ali"

when he lost to diaz he became the shittalking potato man

same for honda, aldo, GSP, and penn: they stopped being dominant, and the massed stopped caring

Fuck Jon Jones desu lads

i'm /dc/ now

OH THE IRONING...THE FUCKING IRONING

Fedor wanted it, but he couldn't afford a plane ticket.

it's because he teaches kids hahahaha xD so he's a pedo xD :P

>Cormier enters the cage waiting for his mystery opponent.
>The lights go down
>this music hits
>youtube.com/watch?v=nvlTJrNJ5lA
>yfw he returns

>it aint me starts playing

Let's come up with some fights for Cormier and send them to Dana. We need to save this card guys.

Daniel Cormier vs. Rich Piana

Daniel Cormier vs. Hodge Twins in a handicap match

Daniel Cormier vs. Bisping

Daniel Cormier vs. Gay Guard

Daniel Cormier vs. CM Punk

Daniel Cormier vs. Gus : Blacked 2 Return of the Black

Daniel Cormier vs. Roy Nelson in a cake and chicken wing eating competition with Joey Chestnut as the special guest referee.

>he wasn't with dc from the start

What the fuck

I'm a boyhopper

daniel cormier vs his own weight in cake

A man robbed of his succ

>other fighters stop taking roids, lose a lot of mass, start losing fights badly
>jones keeps doing roids, cant lose any fights because hes not allowed to fight

I really do want to see what he has to say about this though. Most likely a denial or some bullshit cop out

Piana obviously

>My name is Daniel Cormier and i'm the fattest man alive, to the outside world i am the UFC LHW champion but secretly with the help of my friends at P.O.P.E.Y.E.S. Labs i succ dicc and fight other black wrestlers like me. I hunted down the man who scored a takedown on me but in doing so i made him take PEDs and get pulled from the fight, and i am the only one fat enough to stop him, i am the Succ.

indeed. I wanted to like jon jones so much since he was the GOAT and all. but I literally everything from his social media posts to his fight press conferences made me dislike him so much and think of him as an asshole. I was team dc as well and still am.

SUFFOCATION

FUUUUCK YOU JON JONEEEEESSSSS I FUCKING HATE YOU RUINING ANOTHER CARD

Are you forgetting that Cormier's testosterone ratios were also fucked at one point and he's a former Olympian (who couldn't make weight lololol). Dude is on mad roids and still got cucked HARD by based Jon

NO BREATHING

Yeah Cormier is a cheater too but Jones was fucking NFL-level using and had the best coaches in the world to help him cheat. It's refreshing and amazing that he got caught somehow.

lads I'm about 220 now, how quickly can I cut down to 205?

>The ____MAIN EVENT_____ of UFC200 is now a NON TITLE FIGHT between a fat guy with a shit record and quite literally a mandrama, who also has a shit record, but is a "draw" because wwe

UFC is such a pile of shit these days

Make Lauzon vs Sanchez main event desu lads

He had 8% deviation of normal T/E ratios, Victor Conte said that's nothing alarming at all, and is normal

Jon Jones had 80% (30% is when to be alarmed according to Conte)

sherdog.com/news/news/Victor-Conte-Jon-Jones-Low-Testosterone-Levels-Before-UFC-182-Highly-Suspicious-80631

what the fuck is your source mate?

>Not making Edgar vs. Aldo 2 the main event.

Wait... whats happening? i just got up... No Jon Jones for UFC 200?
What happened this time? is he being a nigger again?

Popped by USADA, substance not disclosed yet

you need to go to bed L-O you're dad can't smash some trailer trash with you up all night shitposting.

jon jones is like a movie star that keeps making shitty movies after a few block buster. he won't recover from this and he'll be forever known as the guy that took PED's to fight a guy he already beat. OSP was too much for him and he's literally succ-ing his own careers dick. that dick has finally dried up and fell off in an alley.

is Jones UFC version of Balotelli?

...

The fight is indeed lackluster but your lack of respect for Hunto is dissapointing

I don't understand how UFC """""fans"""""" actually put up with every single big fight getting cancelled due to injury or some other reason like this.

what a fucking joke lmao