I have an hour to kill before I leave work and nothing to do...

I have an hour to kill before I leave work and nothing to do. Do I'm going to tell you faggots a story about a man name Sam. I didn't pretype this, so bear with me. I'll keep them short.

>be 2005
>get a job as an in-home CNA
>pay isn't great, but it's steady work
>sit with a mean old bastard for a few weeks until he ODs on his meds
>company didn't even tell me, just let me show up for work the next day
>get reassigned to someone else
>get address and head over
>find the house, tiny little shack on a side road
>meet day shift sitter
>hihowyadoinkhaveagoodone.mpeg
>get no report on this guy
>go into his room
>biggest motherfucker I've ever seen lying on his belly on the bed
>he takes up almost the entire bed
>bed takes up entire room
>room is half the house
>he's playing EverQuest 2
>oh hey you're new. You wanna make Sam dinner?
I thought he was just being goofy, turned out he usually referred to himself in third person.
>wants me to sear three steaks on both sides, put them in his "dog bowl", and dump instant mashed potatoes on it
>uhh sure thing
>eats every bit of it
>smokes an entire joint
>spends the rest of the night playing games
>calls me in once to clean up his shit
>slept on his couch until he needed me

I have more, but it'll take me a min to type it on my phone.

blimp

Ah. Methinks you encountered a true wizard. Moar.

Bump for potential

>didn't see Sam for two days, cause days off
>open my patient file to read up on him
>very basic info for the aides
>turns out Sam is 886 lbs
>I nearly shit
>biggest man I've ever heard of
>ask him what he weighs next day
>make up bullshit about medical charts
>he confirms 886
>hey user, wanna see something?
>pulls up a video of him being interviewed by a major news outlet
>it's about his weight
>apparently he's been huge since his teens
>no one knows why
>I suspect it's his fucking diet
>but that's not my business
>hey user, can you go pick up my medication?
>sure Sam!
>gives me an address and some money
>makes me cook a whole pack of bacon and eight eggs before I go
>pull up at a house
>this isn't a fucking pharmacy
>sketchy tweaker comes out
>you come for Sam?
>I nod
>hand him the money
>he drops a big sack of weed in my car
>I never touched the stuff back then
>drive back
>he's asleep, leave the weed in front of his monitor
>go nap on his couch
>calls me in at 3am
>light my joint and help me shit

bumping

bump

That he was.

>few weeks later
>getting used to making weed runs
>still makes my asshole pucker cause it's Tennessee
>meet his usual aide
>she'd been on vacation
>hey user, this is Darla
>looks a little like Nurse Jackie
>she leaves for the night and I take over
>sit on his bed and watch him game until he wants food
>smokes weed like a chimney
>he starts telling me about how computers work
>go grab a box from the closet user, let's put something together for you
>closet is stacked high with boxes
>filled with motherboards and shit
>spend my entire shift getting a crash course on building computers while stoned as fuck

bumpp

if you built a comp please tell me you still have it.

so far so good.

>get a call on my day off
>one of Sam's regulars quit
>said he's got druggies running in and out
>you seen anything user?
>not a thing. Sam is a saint
>they ask me to cover weekend shifts
>meaning I'd never have a day off
>but that money
>sure, I'll do it temporarily
>Sam calls me that night
>you're taking over for Sheila right?
>yes, sir I am
>good, bring some rum when you come in tomorrow
>niggerwhat
>get to work the next night
>he's throwing a fucking party
>because Sheila was leaving
>user, meet Karen, she's my friend
>hey Karen
>hi user, want me to blow you?
>wrecked teeth, fifty pounds, and sores
>no thanks I'm good
>she leaves
>Sam takes the rum and hands me a joint
>good thing you said no, user. She's still got some of my cum in her mouth
>spend the rest of the night cooking for a dozen tweakers and one fat guy
>Start regretting saying yes to working weekends

I Like sam


This reminds me of the movie of the guy who is paralyzed and his black (who was actually spanish) care giver.

This is glorious. dont stop!

this is so good

Bumpppp

Bamp

I sure do. We even used a dremel to make a window and put plexiglass in it. He liked to tinker.

>few months into never getting a day off
>relieve Darla for the day
>she seems really tired
>gives me report then leaves
>go check in on Sam
>he's lying on his side shitting into a fabric mat
>hey user I gotta piss
>go lift his fat rolls, maneuver his dick into the urinal
>his dick is like Bin Laden hiding in a cave
>fucking hard to locate
>finally get it
>oh fuck I'm sorry user
>huh?
>sneezes, blows shit all over the bed and wall
>dick comes out of urinal
>pisses on the bed
>up my arm
>I try not to lose my shit
>he rolls onto his stomach
>lights a joint
>eh, clean it up later
>Sam's hungry

He lay there in shit and piss and ate his entire dinner. Then we did a lot of rolling back and forth to clean everything up.

Please tell me you cooked him on his own stove and ate him.

Sam actually sounds like a fucking bro

bump

bumppppp

Apart from Sam most likely having the world record for fattest person, he seems to be a bro for sure hahaha. He smokes weed like a chimney because his fat makes it difficult for him to get high!

good point, fat soluble

Where does sam's money come from if he's still buying all this weed?

Yup! Fat absorbs thc like a sponge does with water. And once absorbed, it's unusable to the brain; so you have to compensate. Me and my tiny girlish figure makes it super easy to get high as fuck, and drunk as fuck as well, however that's coz my body has tiny tolerance for alcohol

Guinness book of world records, lel

You serious? There isn't a stove big enough. Last one for tonight, but I'll be back tomorrow night. I'll pretype them beforehand.

>Sam has an amazing sound system
>high end audio card
>Sub under his bed
>Speakers lining his walls
>sub stopped working
>Oh we gotta fix this shit user, can't be without my music
>he stands up
>wasn't even aware he could
>looks like the marshmallow man from Ghostbusters
>I push his bed up
>box springs and mattresses sitting on cinder blocks
>wire was pulled from subwoofer
>manage to get it back in one handed
>bed back down, fat man back on it
>getting hungry user
>there's some leftovers from lunch in the fridge
>six big macs, four large fries, and a two liter
>alright, Sam is tired. Gonna smoke and eat and go to bed
>light his joint, close the door
>listen to the sound of coughing and fast food wrappers for half an hour until I doze off
>wake up to him yelling in the night
>run in expecting the worst
>Sam needs to shit, then I need to clean my computer case
>spend the entire night taking his computer apart in a fog of shit
>the fat nigger goes back to sleep while I'm cleaning it
>but not before reminding me that it's what I'm paid for

He came off like a dick sometimes, but I learned a lot about life during my year with him. Alright anons, more this time tomorrow. I gotta go home and sleep. Good night, all.

8==D

rate

He ripped DVDs and sold the burned copies. Made a fucking killing back then. He also got plenty of disability and foodstamps that he traded for weed or cash.

You think I'm 8/10 rated?

read as 8/10 retarded

heuehuheuhe

Kek. /thread

bump

good night

sounds lovely

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