Poop thread

poop thread

time for ur poop stories kids

the other day i had a poop that was too big for my asshole. took 3 fucking hours to get all that poop out and my B-hole was not happy with me after

Bullshit stories. these are always bullshit.

My earliest memories of me pooping. Shit was so uncomfortable, having someone else touch my dick and ass and shit? Always cringe thinking about it. I did once shit in the bathtub when I was a baby and i vividly remember trying to push it into the small holes of the drain.
I learned from my mistakes then on.
>Just pick shit up and put in toilet
>still flushed while in the shower - wut

it can come at any moment.

are you calling me a liar

i pooped in the woods for the first time since i was like 7 or something. squatted against a tree. pooping is like 100x worse when you can pretty much see the poop coming out of you fuck

kek pooping in the woods is a silly thing

I am nigga. Have you ever dropped the Cosbys off at the litter box?? Oh my fucking god it's like a world shifting experience.

i had to man!!! we were out boating and i just ate a chicken sandwich from tim hortons so we pulled up to a beach and i fired one off in the bush

>When you shit n whip and they aint nuthin there

I've seen footlong shits you could put on those footlong buns they used to make. It's hard to get a turd to slip right into the hole without breaking off into fragments. and let it emerge as a masterpiece.

the fuck are you asking me? i am not impressed sir, this accusation of yours is unjust and at the very least, unfair. i did indeed take a poop that took three long hours. it was not a nice experience as i have not passed stool that unpleasantly hard since i was a child

the hell did you eat

My mom has been shitting on the fucking toilet seat lately. I think she's slipping into dementia at 40.

...

my girlfriend's uncle poops on the toilet seat all the time and just fucking leaves he there he's a god damn barbarian

Whatever, it's more believable than those exploding diarrhea stories.

>eat KFC for three days straight
>haven't pooped in days
>Things are feeling loose. So much shit that it's getting forced out
>go to bathroom
>wont come out, constipated as fuck
>manage to get a good grip with my turd tongs
>victory was had that day

>turd tongs

tbh im not sure what happened. i hadnt shit in a number of days and was doing lots of drugs so i assume thats why

I used to have to shit in my girlfriend's house before steamy sex. Those weird ass bathrooms with two doors that lead into two different rooms. I would always read the Hydrogen Peroxide bottles.

Wiping is crucial for me and my hairy ass. But lately I've been having to wipe for hours. I don't know if I'm just slowly digging further into my ass or what.

pooping turns me on especially when i do it in unconventional places

Was pretty horny one time and thought I'd play with my poop. Pooped right into my hand, mooshed it around a bit and put it close to my face. Lasted for about a minute before I was absolutely disgusted.

Also was fucking a dildo and noticed poop on it when I took it out, decided to suck it. Lasted for about 5 seconds before I was absolutely disgusted, brushed teeth twice.

Moral of the story, don't play with poop no matter how horny you are.

>tfw you take such a massive godzilla shit that it feels like you just did anal for hours afterwards

>just get out of shower
>putting lotion on after
>doing my leg so had one foot up on bed
>feel a fart coming so I push
>diarrea shoots out my ass and runs down my leg onto bed

tfw you stick your fingers up your ass and feel that thingy and think it's a turd.

>duly noted

are you a guy? if so how is prostate stimulation? i tried it once but i think i did it wrong, kinda just felt like a fag

when i went to middle school, our bus was always the last one to pick us up, so we would be waiting like 15-20 mins after school for this fucking thing to show. when i was done class i had to shit, not super bad but enough to consider the potty, but i've always been super constipated and this was before i drank like 1L of coffee a day, so i figured i might miss the bus. so i wait, and instantly knew it fucked up because it was like another 30+ mins home. i have no shame so i was telling everyone how badly i had to shit, everyone is messing with me, this one cunt in particular was like trying to punch me in the stomach. it got to the point where i knew i was going to shit my pants on the bus in front of my best friends, so like 10 stops early i get off and the bus driver's like "uh where are you going? this isn't your stop" and i replied with something along the lines of "i have to shit so bad".......

>Once ate a Babe Ruth at the local country club's pool
>Drop candy bar in pool
>People start freaking out
>Quarantined Zone
>Drain pool
>Groundskeeper eats it
>mfw

>High school bathrooms

now it should be evident that the bus driver is kinda chill, anyways i run to the strip mall down the road and as the bus passes the fucking bus driver honks and waves at me, im pretty sure other kids were pointing and laughing but maybe thats just my imagination since this was so long ago. i run into first choice hair cutters and scream that i needed their bathroom right-fucking-now and i plastered that ceramic bowl with so much diarrhea there was more brown than white. so, i called my grandfather since my parents were at work and he came and picked me up. i told him the story and he thought it was hilarious.


for the next few months, while i was taking that bus with that bus driver (our stop got jumbled around a bit and they were always switching drivers so this didnt last that long) he called me "Shitty".

I hope you used your turd tongs?

And the inevitable exploding diarrhea story

i suppose i have another one. for some reason in public school i was always fairly shameless when it came to poo, and for some reason in grade 9 i told my new highschool group of friends i shat my pants Halloween 1998 (age 4), currently the last time ever. they, especially these two guys Eric and Zach, would always jokingly bring it up and poke fun, never in a mean way just light teasing. this honest to god went on for like a year or two until I found out that Eric had shit his pants at age 6 and Zach purposely shit in his cats litter box so his mom would clean it, thinking it was the cats, when he was mad at her, age 6 or so as well. when i brought these stories up to them, they fully acknowledged, but still made fun i shit my pants when i was 4 on halloween

You know I tried a laxative once. But I forgot I had no money and I had no food. So I had no shits. So I was just eating chocolate.

I pooped 'bout 10 min ago. Average size. Feels good man.

...

I have never taken a shit outside of a bathroom or outhouse.

I have a month old daughter that was having issues shitting...

then a river of piss and shit filled her changing table as I watched in horror as she broke a crooked smile... soaking her onesie.

...at least she felt better and fell asleep soon after the clean up.

Baby shit is a rancid toxic waste. worse thing I've ever smelled.

The one time I did play with my poo I don't know what I was thinking but crapped straight in my hand and then masturbated for about a minute with it. I still cant get out of my head haunts me even today..about 12 years ago

Oh fuck I laughed so hard my wife woke up.
>DOODY