Spuh I have a date with a grill tonight. I'm a 25 year old kiss less virgin. How does sex work? Is it like porn...

Spuh I have a date with a grill tonight. I'm a 25 year old kiss less virgin. How does sex work? Is it like porn? What do I talk about

bring colorful forms, girls dig colorful forms

You have to show your dick before 11pm or its over

>What do I talk about
big black cocks obviously

interacting with people people of your species is overrated

Sex isn't hard. It's not like porn at all. Lay on top of her move your hips up and down and go "ugnh" every now and than

>Spuh
i would have helped you but it's spee

Just think of England!

remember to give her a firm handshake before the date so she knows you're serious about this position

True

And never break eye contact. Never.

Just b urself

Inform her that the American League is not real baseball.

Also ask her what her position is on abortion and religion

don't bee yosself because I'm sure you're pretty autistic, just try to be natural
Also no it's not like porn it will last much less and her moans won't be fake as shit

Breast feel like bags of sand and vagina tastes like coins.

>Inform her that the American League is not real baseball.
This is essential.

Is dating a sport?

It's the only sport in which semen slurping is actually the objective

Be condescending and act like you aren't interested in her or anything she has to say.

You'll get laid in the bathroom

That's the punchline to my joke about Hitler asking Goebels for dating advice. Funny?!

That would explain why all weebs and NEETs suck at it.

Thanks spuh/spee

I'm going to get my haircut like Jake Gyllenhaal in Prisoners now.

What should I wear? I'm thinking blue khakis, blue suede shoes, and a v neck

for pic related, yes

Tell her that you are a virgin. Girls rarely have the chance to take a virginity from a guy. Trust me girls like that.

...do not do this

Bad advice, don't do this. If she asks, lie your ass off, a guy telling a girl that he's a virgin is like a girl telling a guy that she's a prostitute.

Wear a tuxedo. you'll look high class and bitches love high class.

Show her your 47-exabyte collection of cartoon frogs

Good luck pal

>blue khakis

you fucking pleb

>blue suede shoes

ahahahhaha

Full suit with tie, duh.

Yes its just like porn. Just jackhammer away.

...

whisper in her ear 'tsu'

You'll look like a tard. Just wear a graphic tee and sweats and be yourself

Depends if you can pull off the ultra hipster look, the type of shoes and what exact shades of blue are you wearing.
/fa/ here

I'm trying to match my shirt is blue too

Idk what I'm doing

..how do 3D girls react if you talk to them??

this looks shit m8
why are /fa/ posts always so bad?

I wish women thought like that. Maybe some of the twisted older ones.

>I'm thinking blue khakis, blue suede shoes, and a v neck
He just couldn't help himself

Where are you going? Dinner?

If your Chad Thundercock or Tyrone they get all giggly and slutty

If your you they ignore you and mock you

>powder blue
lel NO

Good luck user.

say to girl you're gay
girls love to have impossible things
she ll try to suck your cock to help you discover you're not a fag

Mini golf and ice cream

>Is it like porn?
Close enough.
>What do I talk about
The Euro 2016 final of course.

Jesus christ OP, just dress clean and smell good. Be polite and in a good mood, that's all. If you're nervous drink a shot of whiskey/licour before you leave the house. Don't even waste time thinking it's all or nothing because girls don't like desperation.

most are nice and afraid to hurt your feelings by telling you to fuck off so they will find a nice way to tell you to fuck off

i..i know! how about we ignore them for a change!

tell her you have fapped just before the date cause you hope to fuck adn you want last more than one minute
She'll love it

ya blue it

That's hot

fap before the date, or this might happen

Just dress casually. Jeans and comfy semi-tight jacket. Not a hoodie.

> What do I talk about?

Talk? You are supposed to watch the Paris final.

>V neck

Are you 15?

>not being able to go twice in a row
Are you 40?

happened to me once with a prostie
50 bucks waisted

it's not tho

just talk to her about Sup Forums & everything will be alright

dont forget the tinfoil hat, its very important

...

Don't you pay for an hour? So after 10-15 minutes you'd be ready to go again.

>winner/loser
>direct competition
>clearly defined objective (no outside judges needed to establish score)
>rules and shaky interpretations thereof
>physical exertion
>referees can be necessary (mariage and divorce)
Can confirm.
t. Herr Broloff

When I fucked a prostitute for the first time I was so scared and nervous that I couldn't cum and she kept asking what was wrong with me and made me stop after 15 minutes

Top kek I'm only 19 and have had sex with 4 girls my age this past year. Get a life m8 it's not that hard.

>inb4 some unfunny shitpost about me lying

How do you get a girlfriend and be a virgin this late. Is there hope for me at 26?

kek

i have so many questions about her age...

janny's gonna do his nut when he sees this

this is Sup Forums

/fit/ here

Ask her if she's an archeologist

Just go full wizard lad. You're so close

Severely underrated post

Cause you have a bone you'd like her to examine

Ask her what are her favorite kinos and flicks of the last decade. Take note in your mind, and if her taste is unbearably pleb, get up and leave without saying a word. She'll be fascinated by your manly, mysterious character and good taste, so she'll be begging for your dick.

this, you have to scream about jews and the ethnic make up of the French squad. If she disagrees scream louder then tell her to go to reddit.

no I paid for a blow and a shag, when you're done once it's over even if it's before you fuck
I usually go like that now

>blue suede shoes
If she comments on them make sure to request that she does not step on them

age of suiseiseki? hard to tell since much time jumping shit is done in RM. she could be 10, she could be a thousand years old.

thats good but dont go as the blue man group that'd be lame

dont forget to match socks to the pants though

>tfw thought about asking a qt from work to watch the game together but chickened out at the last minute

Looks like I'll be celebrating alone (don't take this away from me you fucking baguettes it's all I have left). Have fun op.

what sport is this?

fucking pussy

foreplay

Look at how accomplished you are buddy. Congratulations lad, you have won life!

Different guy than OP.

What do you do if you have to take a shit while on a date? If you go to the bathroom for more than a minute she knows you're shitting

Alright, listen here OP.
I have a PhD in dates after [0] sucessful dates in my life.
First of all, appearences matter more than anything, so don't comb or anything, show that you have confidence in your natural looks.
When you see her, establish your dominance in eye contact and that's where you go for the final blow.
You need to approach her gently, embrace and whisper in her ear: [spoiler]TSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU[/spoiler]

>spuh
>calling chinos khakis
>blue suede shoes
>kissless virgin

why are you even here?

purge the autistic from Sup Forums save us bro culture

OP, you should do this if you actually want to get laid.

> tl;dr just be yourself :)

>l-look how c-cool and normal I am guys

If you're on Sup Forums you're a social outcast

just add another notch on your growing list of regrets

TSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Trust me, you don't want to be yourself. Be honest, but not too honest, listen to what she says, talk less than her, don't try to impress her with dumb shit like muscles or money, be nice and respectful but don't be a humble cuck. Smile, but not creepily. Ask her about her life, about her job (if she has) about her parents, sisters, cousins, what sports she practices, what she was doing when she was younger, what kind of guys she likes (warning - use a good moment to ask this not all of a sudden).

When you are about to finish your date, if you feel like it went good...take her home and ask her cheekily if she won't invite you for a coffee. If she says no, you have to immediately excuse yourself somehow, I don't know how, but you don't have to give her hints that you wanna just fuck her and leave her.

Of course all of this would be much easier if you were a real European pro and could just invite her for a drink, cinema, billiards, anything and then propose a dinner with you cooking it (if you had the skills, but I don't think you do), then wine and then ficki ficki


actually, how does dating in the US work? Since you probably have to go by car everywhere. Here it's more crowded so asking someone out for a drink in some highly populated area which also happens to be nearby is a good idea.

beware of the keepers

>projecting
go back to r9k

We-we're gonna make it brah

also don't listen to absolutely anything I just wrote and do whatever you find fit and something you'll ask yourself the second day "did I do anything stupid" and the answer shouldn't be no. Then you succeeded

Now watch me TSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU