24 year old virgin here

24 year old virgin here.

I'm really desperate for sex. I've tried fapping with used tampons and condoms (when I'm lucky) because it's the closest I can get to sex. I've licked them. Tasted them. Drank them. Eaten them. I tried fapping with used diapers that I find in McDonalds and from my neighbor (who has a 3 year old kid who is cute). I go through her trash. But because of the hormone pills she takes, she seems to never have periods (?). I do all of this in my bathtub while drunk.

I wish I was a zoophile. That way, I could buy a dog and have sex with it and be happy forever. Or I wish I was a mortician and then I could just have sex with the corpses. When I was young I was really into Pokemon. I remember being attracted to certain Pokemon which resembled real-life animals.

I am thinking of having sex with animals as a last resort. Like a horse or a dog. Except right now I can probably only afford a cat/kitten. I'm not even attracted to animals. I want to have sex with a human. :( But I have no choice and I hope animals will be enough. :(

So how is the sex with animals? If I bought a kitten and trained it to love sex, will it have sex with me willingly? If I bought one which is so young that its eyes are closed and I trained it to love sex, will it love sex with me? Fuck, I don't even like bestiality. But I am so desperate...

How does cat sex work? Does he/she just do it like normal sex? Is there any ejaculation? I'm guessing I can't actually put my penis in a girl cat but what about my tongue? What about a boy cat?

This seems to be my only recourse. :( :( :(

just buy a fleshlight you creep

Also I go to the lost property boxes in schools and swimming pools and gyms so I can fap with the clothes that people misplace. I also sniff them but 99 times out of 100 the smell is gone by the time I get to them. I imagine than my penis is inside them. I imagine that my face is up next to their crotch.

:(

zacly

Sometimes I buy bananas and carrots and have sex with them. But it's not enough. A fleshlight probably wouldn't be much different. Except I would be on the giving end rather than the receiving end.

I want to have sex with a horny dog or cat. Are there any bestiophiles here?

For the love of god. Spare the animals. Just get yourself a escort or travel to Thailand.

No you sick fuck

Spare the animals pls.
Except goats. Goats are such sluts!

Goats is fuckable if you're a sandnigger

...

fuckin animals is fine by me ill just say fuck a great dane or something just as big, if you fuck something german shepard sized or smaller youll hurt them, dont be a piece of shit

nigga you what

having sex with an animal and literally eating shit are the worst things you can do, it won't be anywhere as fulfilling as sex and it's fucking gross. you won't be happy that you "lost your virginity" you'll be haunted by the fact you hunted through the trash to find diapers and the fact that you bummed a kitten

wat

No, you sick fuck.

I agree with this guy. I say, go to fuckin' thailand or fuck a local escort you fucking weirdo

you can try
Follow your dreams user

made me lol
funniest post I've seen in a long time

Oh, you're one of those who suck dicks of the pure norwegian mooses only.

>sex with animals as a last resort.

Try not having sex. Try being a strong person.

I was celibate from 24 until 29. I'm now happily married. Sex every month.

This did not destroy me. You are capable of more than you realize. Keep it up.

At least i'm not a sandnigger

prostitutes exist for this.

Fucking newfags falling for this pasta

Fucking this

>mom, dad, I suck dog dicks,
>but I'm not a sandnigger, sou you can still be proud of me

>wat

YEAR OLD VIRGIN HERE.

>>I'M REALLY DESPERATE FOR SEX. I'VE TRIED FAPPING WITH USED TAMPONS AND CONDOMS (WHEN I'M LUCKY) BECAUSE IT'S THE CLOSEST I CAN GET TO SEX. I'VE LICKED THEM. TASTED THEM. DRANK THEM. EATEN THEM. I TRIED FAPPING WITH USED DIAPERS THAT I FIND IN MCDONALDS AND FROM MY NEIGHBOR (WHO HAS A 3 YEAR OLD KID WHO IS CUTE). I GO THROUGH HER TRASH. BUT BECAUSE OF THE HORMONE PILLS SHE TAKES, SHE SEEMS TO NEVER HAVE PERIODS (?). I DO ALL OF THIS IN MY BATHTUB WHILE DRUNK.

>>I WISH I WAS A ZOOPHILE. THAT WAY, I COULD BUY A DOG AND HAVE SEX WITH IT AND BE HAPPY FOREVER. OR I WISH I WAS A MORTICIAN AND THEN I COULD JUST HAVE SEX WITH THE CORPSES. WHEN I WAS YOUNG I WAS REALLY INTO POKEMON. I REMEMBER BEING ATTRACTED TO CERTAIN POKEMON WHICH RESEMBLED REAL-LIFE ANIMALS.

>>I AM THINKING OF HAVING SEX WITH ANIMALS AS A LAST RESORT. LIKE A HORSE OR A DOG. EXCEPT RIGHT NOW I CAN PROBABLY ONLY AFFORD A CAT/KITTEN. I'M NOT EVEN ATTRACTED TO ANIMALS. I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH A HUMAN. :( BUT I HAVE NO CHOICE AND I HOPE ANIMALS WILL BE ENOUGH. :(

>>SO HOW IS THE SEX WITH ANIMALS? IF I BOUGHT A KITTEN AND TRAINED IT TO LOVE SEX, WILL IT HAVE SEX WITH ME WILLINGLY? IF I BOUGHT ONE WHICH IS SO YOUNG THAT ITS EYES ARE CLOSED AND I TRAINED IT TO LOVE SEX, WILL IT LOVE SEX WITH ME? FUCK, I DON'T EVEN LIKE BESTIALITY. BUT I AM SO DESPERATE...!

Just look for escorts or resort to fat chicks OP, if you think you're the only one horny enough to fuck animals you're very wrong indeed.

do you have money? just get a prostitute, wtf.
even if you're that desperate, imagine seconds before you die and you remember all you did in your life. "I fucked a cat because i was horny xDDD".
unless you're a fucking nigger, this shouldn't even come into your fucking mind.
you can probably hire a hooker for one or two hours for the price of that cat, which btw, you can't train to like sex (and if you try to fug it, you'll only hurt it and give it internal damage. good luck explaining it to the vet, unless you let them).

like holy shit user. are you legitimately, literally, clinically retarded?

You're trying to hard

>> every month

Yeah you sure won the lottery

german shepherd or even lab is fine if you are slightly below average size and wait until she's to fuck her. you'll find once she has you once or twice she'll start begging for your cock in subsequent heats. srsly tho, it's not hard to find fuckable desparate women.

>> sex "every month"
Hahahahahaha !! Living the dream...

>until she's in heat to fuck her
goddamn interuptions

Just get a Fucking prostitude

Every day we fall further from God's grace.

What about a golden retriever? I've heard that they tend to be a gentle and well mannered breed. My cock is 13 cm or 5.2 inches when erect.

Seriously OP just pay some whore to have sex with you. If you take a shower and clean up beforehand they won't turn you down if you have the money.

honestly if you're freaking out this much about it, just visit an escort.

your life will change when you realize sex is kinda meh most of the time.

nice trips. Didn't understand the purpose of your comment, though

There is still hope for you user.

>eat healthy
>do cardio exercises
>fashionable clothes
>good hairstyle

You're 24 op, no fucking 40, you still have potential.

take the opportunity to change your life for the better, sex will come automatically.

So, be a normie, act cool, and have sex.

hire an escort that will agree to sex

find a sheep or a goat and enjoy yourself on it. You don't have to buy one, just wander until you find a farm (depends on where you live, though).
You can also go prostitutes, or rape some grill. Buy drug online, find a desperate drunk slut and party time.

Go to the /jp/ onahole thread you fucking idiot

Apparent troll

>I wish I was a zoophile. That way, I could buy a dog and have sex with it and be happy forever. Or I wish I was a mortician and then I could just have sex with the corpses.
Yeah, then you'd be happy.
The key here is you can't deal with people and only want to serve your need for sex.
Nothing in your way except that howling, sucking gap in your chest where most people keep their souls.

do not have sex with anything, no whores, no animals, nothing. evolution has deemed you worthless and you should just end your life before circumventing the process with a hooker or forcing your deranged self on an innocent animal. you have 2 real options, buy a sex doll, or put a bullet through your skull.

kek

This op. Do this.

Kek well said user

Samefag

HIRE A PROSTITUTE YOU FUCKING RETARDED FAGGOT