ITT shit you believed as a kid

ITT shit you believed as a kid
>you can't sleep with your socks on because it will start a fire
>capture the flag is a real military practice
>babies are born by rupturing through the abdomen
>girls have two penises
>school is military training and you're sent off to war after you graduate

>lift feet over traintracks
>hold breath past graveyard
>don't talk under a ladder
>black cats are evil

my mother was superstitious. I'm just starting to let my feet touch the floor over traintracks, and I'm 20

>animals don't have genitals
>both man and woman have penises
>baby automatically appears when you marry

> Cheeky boogieman
> the toothfairies from hellboy
> Imaginary friend nemo
> shrek
> ..every movie character
> you have to drink the throf of drinks before it settles, otherwise BAD LUCK
> sucking ur thumb gives u a cold
> crocodiles in the couch (idek)
> the lock ness monstor lived in the foam pit at go bananas
> AND THE LIST GOES ON
i was rly gullible

Wtf? Are you homeschooled?

I probably believed a lot of stupid shit, but can't remember anything other than what my father told me when i asked;

>babies come out of the ass and i came out of my mother's asshole

> Religion

kek'd. n1 user

>>you can't sleep with your socks on because it will start a fire

>Tooth Fariy
>Santa Claus
>Standard superstitious shit (ladders, black cats)

my folks were pretty blunt about everything else and didnt sugar coat it, they did though want us to have those child fantasies (ie satan claus) growing up until the right age.

>if you commit a crime everyone deserves to get punished for it
Not true for niggers apparently

>to have a baby you pee out a testicle during sex

I worded that poorly, I mean if you commit a crime you should be punished
Doesn't matter what kind of citizen you are

Draw a diagram

the little boy in the mirror

>implying the real way isn't to put your "sperm" (benis) on her "eggs" (breasts)
they never taught us about sexual organs in school, only sperm and eggs and also about puberty

Your testicle comes out your dick and you lose it forever

>that you can put your legs on a keyboard and not have it fuck everything up

>if you eat more than 3 snickers bars in one sitting, you will die
>if you fall asleep with the T.V. on, it will overheat and cause a house fire, so make sure to turn it off before sleeping
>one bite from a black widow will kill you instantly, on contact
>when you wipe after taking a dump you're supposed to put the dirty toilet paper in the trashcan, not flush it

this

...

>>when you wipe after taking a dump you're supposed to put the dirty toilet paper in the trashcan, not flush it
This is still true, depending in which country you're living in, and what infrastructure it has. Some have poor plumbing and it can clog up the pipes.

Latino?

>Red clothing made you immune or resistent to heat/fire.

That my dick was normal. Pic related.

That's pretty normal m8. We're all like that, aren't we guise? And porn is fake FYI.

>Three drains, bad luck

if i recall correctly, my testicles aren't above my dick.

it wasn't something learned though, like someone didn't tell me that i had to throw it in the trash. it was just something i thought to do, like the trashcan was next to the toilet, i assumed dirty tp was trash, so i threw it away. it wasn't until i was 18 or 19 that i realized i can just flush it

i didn't put 2 and 2 together, when seeing public restrooms with no little trashcans next to them, i always thought it was odd

peruvian, but i live in the greatest country on earth

this is a kangaroo

>sex = rolling around naked, creates children
>porn = penetration, illegal to do it or look at it
>being named leslie means you're actually a man

>if you cuss around a dragonfly it will sew your mouth shut
>sperm was something that came out of your dick, looked like a q-tip and went back into your dick after sex

i've always thought myself a very odd person

*tips fedora* nice one, sire

>you spent all of sex trying to put your dick in puss puss and u finished when you finally got it in

>both man and woman have penises
There are grownups who continue to believe this

>DP Stands for "donkey punch" instead of double penetration, oh to be innocent and free again.

somethings wrong with u then user

>girls actually had barbie doll genitalia and sexual penetration was literally making your penis stab a hole in a girls crotch

I still wish this was actually true

Too much catholic stuff.
If it's something they try to scare you out of with the 'fact' that you'll go to hell instead of hanging out with Jesus and dead relatives.
Mainly adultery.
I didn't want kids or to get married.
So sex before marriage is bad, so i saw the only point in a relationship is finding someone to marry or fuck.
And since I didn't want to marry, have kids, or fuck, I was OK with not entering into relationships.

Oh and acceptable age gaps in relationships.
At church family 2 pews in front of me had 3 girls, 1 my age the other 2 younger by 2 or 3 years.
Oh user you should talk to femanon you're the same age!
Cool chick once I re-meet her in highschool but damn is her youngest sister not the goddess she's always been.
But noooo s 4 year gap is fucking huge to kids. And by the time I saw her as an adult [stopped going to church] I was over 21 and in a position of authority where I signed 2 pages of 'I will not fuck the kiddos' and another page of 'even if they're 18 already'

My grandmother told me if I pick my belly button I'd die. There was this stick like thing in it and I always thought I'd bleed out and die.

I thought pic Related was a spider

...

wait. what did you do with your toilet paper in public restrooms? Did you carry that shit out with you?

>your parents always have the best intent in mind
>teachers are always right
>dishonesty only happens to black and poor people

I read an article about steve jobs once when the first ipod came out so I was like 11. I thought that steve jobs was like... a recruitment company apple was using and they were really successful because they kept hiring people using steve jobs

So in the public restrooms did you
Say fuck it not my toilet, and flush
Or walk your happy ass out of the stall with a wad of brown tp?

black people are made when a woman has a baby out her poop hole

My grandma told me that making noises and running around the house and generally being annoying during a thunderstorm makes the storm angry and causes more lighting and thunder. So whenever it rained I would chill the fuck out and she could get stuff done in peace

She was a genius

i used to think girls had balls and no dick, seriously i did till i was like 6

>the anus spans the entire length of the buttcrack

an extension of that, until I was 20 I thought that when women urinated it would seep out across the entire vagina instead of being a concentrated stream, which is why they had to sit down

I believed there was a man that went to work everyday at each traffic light, went down the manhole that's the closest. When he got there it was a room with monitors viewing the intersection and he pressed a button to make the light change when traffic go backed up.

>neighbors live inside my walls
Living in a flat, when I was punching walls, my mother told me to stop because we had neighbors. Didn't understand.

What's innocent about donkey punching?

>Being too close to the TV ruins your eyes
>making a silly face too long and it'll get stuck like that
>Uncle Richard who touched me was innocent

>women randomly got pregnant
>women could be pregnant and then randomly get pregnant again makin twins

>god is real

silly you, obviously the baby inside of her would get pregnant, not the women herself.

The fucking Zoboomafoo puppet was a real lemur because there was a real one in the intro. I was retarded.

>>Uncle Richard who touched me was innocent
top kek

Good thing you're 14 now and don't believe any of that nonsense anymore.

That women had 3 holes
5th grade sex ed we were told about 3 holes to have sex with but no further explanation.
Turns out its the popper pisser and mouth.
I literally thought there was a sex/baby hole between vag and asshole untill jokes of taints one day in highschool.

Blew my fucking mind when I found out chickens only have 1 for all 3.

That my parents had a lot of issues and were fucked up more than I was. That's always hard to come to terms with.

never used public restrooms, or restrooms that weren't the one in my house, ever. i could only go in the toilet in my house. not because of the tp thing, but whenever i tried i wouldn't be able to shit, i'd be too nervous. i could only shit at home.

ever since college though i can shit anywhere now, pretty much forced to use public restrooms in the dorms and i got used to it

I fucked the wording on that but you know what I mean. I thought they were infallible and had their shit figured out.

I used to think don't drink and drive meant don't drink a soda or anything while driving because it distracted you and you didn't have two hands on the wheel
I thought my mom was drinking and driving all the time
I thought that when I was alone and there was no sound (no tv, radio etc) that people were listening to me and I would talk to them
Actually I still am a little paranoid and think my neighbors hear and know everything I do and talk about me all the time. Maybe a little delusional but I hear them talk about stuff and if I can't completely hear it, it always sounds like they are talking about me. Sometimes about things they couldn't possibly know

Same stuff as now.
Did people become better later on, or more trustworthy?. Did some intervention occur in our latter years to make us less off-course than we were before? Maybe those things we needed to know were with us from the beginning. Go ahead, berate me now...

Can't tell if bait.

Vagina itself has two holes fuckwad.

I'd say your paranoid, but it's only true if you aren't right.

Paranoid delusions of being kidnapped my entire life.
Fuck city life illmove to the middle of nowhere.
1.5 years go by, oh I must have just been delusional who would want to kidnap a grownup or a kid of middle class vs rich kid...
1 week later spied on and conspired agaisnt
1 week after that kidnapped and held for ransom.
Again it's only paranoia if it isn't true.

Pbbbtttthhfff

>my grandma used to tell me if i smelled my aunts feet while she slept that bugs would go inside my nose
(foot fetish started from them on)

>women have balls

Man i remember seeing my mom take a piss and she didn't lock the door when i was 9 or 10, i was shocked that she didn't have any balls.

>yes i was a retard when it came to that, i believed girls had balls at the age of 10 got a problem?

>The Star Wars Prequels were good

>If i go to the van i will actually get candy

What's it like being kidnapped?

lifting feet over train tracks is actually an entirely valid practice, it forces you to think about where you are walking and you can avoid tripping on them or getting snagged somehow and subsequently hit by a train.

Shit man that was my biggest mistake ever. I almost fucked up my whole future, by listening to people like that. Older != knows everything

That my balls were a piss sack.
Even showed my sister
She said my sack didn't get any smaller while I peed and was stupid.
Still pull my balls out to pee.

Pretty sure you did get some skin candy

>daddy long legs are incredibly poisonous and to be killed on sight no matter what
>humans had no power cap, if you kept training eventually you'd wrestle lions with your pinkie
>people are born good or bad, and that was it
>old people could have burst of intense activity in which they became super human, but for a short time only
>we were in the brink of discovering AI, hoverboards and battle robots
>you could blow up computers if you didn't know how to use them
>go as far away from the microwave as you can while it's on or you'll get cancer

and shit tons more. I wasn't paid too much attention as a kid, so I just explained the world to myself the best I could with what I gathered from observation and TV.

>right butt cheek full of poop
>left butt cheek is where the pee is

kek

>girls have two penises.

i want to live in your world

HAHAHA

>midgets are stored in traffic lights
>manually press red, yellow or green

We are all guilty of sin because of an apple and talking snake. And to become un-guilty you have to give money and apologize for things you didn't do.


NOW, its being guilty of white privileged, and guess what, to become un-guilty you have to pay money and apologize for things you didn't do

My dad believed the same thing about Dragonflys when he was a kid, lol

kek

balls means 2 babies

First time I saw porn images I thought sex was like this:
Insert. Cum. Pull out. Repeat.

Sup Forums didn't exist.

>The American flag was my states flag
Kinda just assumed that so I got confused when I saw the American flag in another state. Was like 8 at the time.
Over all I was a smart kid. Took a lot to trick me.
All the other kids read Clifford and all the other garbage. I read the science books they had at school.

I believed once that the world was beautiful and people were kind and caring and God.

I wasn't really all that stupid when I was a child.

But I did think the vaginal opening was further up. Kinda comparable to where my dick was.

Didn't turn out to be smart after all, eh? Since you're here, and all.

> Every person sat on an axe in their childhood and doesn't remember it. That's why everyone has a buttcrack.

>people were God
If you truly believe hard enough it might just be real

You silly goose. It's obviously because everyone ate Graham crackers, and one point in their life. While shitting it out it made a crack in their butts

Painful
Dissoreinenting
Scary as fuck
Starved and neglected etc

Still haven't come to terms with the whole abuse part, idc about the money but fuck if I'll ever be able to read hop on pop again.

Neutered animals have no dicks

>god
>santa claus