The protagonist of the last non-Steven Seagal movie you saw is now Steven Seagal.
How different is it?
>Batman v Superman
>Batman is a jaded and out of shape and whenever he fights it cuts between his close ups and a thinner stuntman
>he makes a kryptonite katana to fight superman
Why does he look bloated and in pain?
He put on all that weight because he was frustrated with people only seeing him as a sex symbol and not as a great writer and director.
He won't run
m.youtube.com
agreed, to be fair people forget all about the scene and the wine and only focused on his raw sexuality
youtu.be
>orsenposting, MMM BOYS posting, and seagalposting all in one
memekino
>Godzilla king of the monsters
>seagal tries to fight godzilla and dies
Are you trying to be funny?
I dont see whats wrong with the way he runs.
Do you know what makes an air plane fly?
You need 4 things;
>weight
Steven Seagal weighs a solid ton
>thrust
Seagal has been known to hit like a truck
>drag
He is the new drift king of tokyo
>lift.
Segal could lift a solid ton
You dont get the art of aviation, He's using his arms as propeller, if he goes any fast he would fly.
...
>Grave Encounters
He'd snatch every motherfucking ghost punani in the joint then punch his way out Riki-Oh style.
it all make sense now
topkek
Is there a worse person alive than Steven Seagal? I would leave my wife's son with a convicted child molester before I left him with Steven fucking Seagal.
>kill bill
>nothing
Well I'm sorry to hear that
>running at people with a gun
When will movies stop doing this? They did this a lot in the Nolan Batman movies.
don't expect his secrets to be unlocked so easily. he is a mystery
The best thing about Seagal is that the stories never stop coming, there's always another fucked up piece of the puzzle to discover when it comes to the guy and this bizarre persona and the lifestyle he's nurturing. It's almost difficult to accept that someone like Steven Seagal exists, and yet here he is.
>Only God Forgives
He would have won that fight
Riddle me this Forest Gump
Forrest becomes even more autistic
Life is like a birthday, you never know whos gonna snach it. Mom always said.
Fantastic Mr. Fox
Would it be one of the bad guys, or all three of them? Three Seagal triplets, in their little farm houses, all trying to dig up that fox while fumbling around like out of shape bloated relics of a long past age, when they were once considered a household name and starred in some big name movies, and blew it all on legal fees for numerous sexual harassment settlements and bad investments.
carol
oh boy
>Deadpool
Oh jesus Christ it would be hilarious.
...
>Transformers Revenge of the Fallen
oh god, the last scene with Shia running just suddenly got a lot more funny.
Also instead of egyp that shit happens on a tokio castle
Please tell me this is fucking shooped and that this fat retard doesn't actually use a katana in this movie
>the wolverine
Where do you think this is from?
So basically this movie?
m.youtube.com
Those guys are in suits I was hoping it was a different movie
im pretty sure both are the same movie
>Shame
well...I guess I'd get to see Steven's great dragon, although his beer belly might cover everything during the whole long slow walk from the bed
a certain instasynch channel is streaming Sniper right now.
>He is the new drift king of tokyo
WELL I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT
'CAUSE NOW
I WILL SNATCH EVERY MOTHERFUCKER BIRTHDAY
>Blue Ruin
>Main Character kills like 20 dudes instead of one and doesn't fuck up on the escape
>The fat guy is a super muscular black dude who gets killed bby the dude in the trunk before Seagal kills him
>The end shootout features like 30 goons and fast hand to hand combat and guns, culminates in a grenade launcher fight
>Protagonist doesn't die
>Cinematography is now shitty and not the best of 2013
>Katana wielding
>Clearly a wakazashi
Ignorant gaijin
>Green Room
>Steven murders the girl before the Nazis do, then systematically dual katanas the henchmen before taking Imogen Poots' punani on screen for the last 30 minutes of the movie
8/10 would watch
Why would I watch a movie that doesn't star Steven Seagal?
'cause now
he looks goofy as fuck on the cover
Aliens, starring Steven Seagal. Xenomorphs are fucked.
Wuthering Heights (1939)
>Heathcliff returns with mad judo skills instead of wealth
>His cries of "cathy" across the moors lack the enthusiasim of the orginal, his death toll winning Cathy back, does not
...
Lawrence Of Arabia
>Lawrence Tuscannelloni, a Japamerican-Sicilian war hero and retired special S.T.O.U.T. Sheriff on his dramatic way to the deep East, in search for yet another citizenship to snatch.
>Mulholland Drive with Steven Seagal
... I ... I cannot ... describe it ...
this is grand
Serious question.
I don't watch his movies but do any of his opponents ever lay a scratch on him? Are there any difficult fights where he to dig deep to defeat his opponent? Or even one fight where he doesn't instantly defeat the enemy?
From all the webms since Birthday snatch meme took off there doesn't ever seem to be any fights where he has an opponent who tests him. He seems to just win every fight effortlessly in a flurry of camera angles.
How boring.
>yfw you found out Segal once drove a tank into someone's house and killed their dog
avclub.com
Well
Maybe Machete
>you do know how to whistle dont you?
>MMHMMMM
what the fuck was this jesus christ