I've had a long sad day anons, feels thread

I've had a long sad day anons, feels thread

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bump

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or binging naruto

if we're perfectly honest here its all 3.

ive actually got my nightstand gun with me and it looks tempting

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This one's for you, user.
Don't give in just yet.

hey he has loving parents, thats actualy alot

Copy pasta because i'm drunk right now and hate life

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I need to fucking tell my story. All of it. I'm so sick of keeping it all bottled up.

Telling it all chronologically is fucking hard so I'm gonna say it in sections.


Family.
>grew up in an abusive household that was lower-upper class
>due to this no one ever believed me if i tried to tell about my abuse stories
>principle of prestigious catholic school: "maybe your dad wouldn't do that (hit me, berate me) you if your grades were better."
>mom divorced my stepfather when i was 12ish
>to replace him with someone that not only was worse from an abuse standpoint, but brought in drugs and steroid use
>basically in abusive drugridden household until i was 17 and my grandmother decided to take me out of it
>grandfather is richer than god, controls me with money
>has numerous times threatened to take away my college funding and outright disown me if i don't go to the schools he chooses, do the majors he wants me to do, etc.
>grandmother just says "that's how he shows his love"
>present day
>recently, mother almost died
>grandmother forgave her and the boyfriend that beat the shit out of me when i was 16
>keep in mind this boyfriend is a bodybuilder on steroids
>was told my mom 'wanted to make things right,' get ready to go talk to her last weekend
>mom doesn't apologize for shit, her boyfriend doesn't either
>next day big family get together
>forced to act like everything's fine, and that the abuse never happened

cont

Friendships
>first 'group' of friends i had was in middle school and all online
>around freshmen year of highschool they decided to dox me and post my info all over Sup Forums, got pizza raids and shit (this was before the swatting meme thankfully)
>later in highschool manage to find new group of friends after they ditched me
>blackhats
>swatted, have to go dark or w/e to try and have a normal life
>go through the rest of highschool as a drifter of sorts, one person decided to talk shit on me to nearly everyone because i was weird or some shit
>so i never formed any close irl friends
>go to college
>think i can make a new start
>holy fuck no i can't, i don't have any social skills due to my fucked upbringing
>make friends during the whole gamergate thing just because i want to fit in for once
>said friends are awful, any time i try to open up to them they act as though my problems are false and don't have any meaning
>stick with them for about a year now
>present day-ish
>on my birthday i have an absolute fucking mental breakdown and get drunk
>one of the friends in that group tell me they 'can't believe i did that while their dad was in the hospital' as if my mental breakdown was nothing
>fucking snap
>grow a pair and tell them politely but firmly that it's not okay that he's trying to act as though my problems are meaningless and that i should put my life on hold for his
>he blocks and removes me and trashtalks me to everyone
>well there goes that group of friends
>make new one, either way
>meet most recent ex through it
>ex breaks up with me
>i'm an emotional mess so i can't stay in that group of friends due to the ex despite the fact i was there before him
>lesson learned: do not date within friend groups

I have a friend who really hurt me about a month ago... I never said anything but I've been holding onto that hurt and I think it's damaging our friendship.
I have a hard time articulating my feelings, and I tend to want to be alone when I'm struggling. I couldn't find the words to explain what I was experiencing, and he just got angry... I have been so patient with him and his struggles, and in my moment of need he got angry and I lost so much trust.
I know I should tell him, and try to explain, but I feel like such an inconvenience... Maybe I'm just destined to be friendless, this happens every time.

Relationships. Last one.
>first relationship was abusive, he kept me in it by insulting and berating me, 'no one will love you except for me,' things like that
>due to this he bleeds me dry of any personal money i have
>he breaks up with me when i try to resist his shit
>great
>meet another guy
>manage to date for the rest of highschool and into college
>wow this is going great
>cheats on me with 3 guys because it was an LDR and 'I have needs'
>okay
>have a few meaningless relationships after, mostly online
>meet a guy i think is perfect
>like, we match on interests, music tastes, fetishes, even little things like home decor tastes
>for some info on myself, i'm really conflicted in interests, i'm a weeb yet i also enjoy modern art and design, minimalism and shit. most weebs have no taste.
>wow you're perfect ilu
>haha sorry but despite the fact i lead you on for a month (dates, physical interaction, etc) i don't wanna date a guy for arbitrary reasons i won't list
>oh
>but you're basically perfect and if you were a girl i'd totally go for that
>i'm not kidding he basically said this
>few months go by
>drunken breakdown happens, friend in friend group comforts me
>we both comfort eachother because he's pretty damn depressed too
>we hook up and date
>holy fuck he's awesome actually
>not as perfect as the last guy but damn he's still really nice
>earlier this week
>relationship was going perfectly fine from my perspective
>'i don't want to do this because there's distance between us'
>he lived in a different state but the drive wasn't impossible to make
>all this happening WHILE my shit with my mom happened, how she almost died and such
>can't even seek comfort in a guy i loved


think i might off myself tonight bois idk

I know what you mean.

Last night/early this morning I was talking with one of my best friends. Spilled my guts on how my love life has been and without really noticing started describing what had happened and realized that the last relationship I'd been in was seriously abusive, and I'm still trying to repair the damage. That relationship was four years ago, and I've not been happy since.

I feel depressed, and like a complete idiot for not noticing the damage sooner. So I'm drinking.

>>be me
>>bout to have a kid
>>been realizing as me and my gf fight more i dont want to be with her
>>constantly talks shit and brings me down
>>love her but fuck

kys for being a faggot

>It's not my fault

Bump for depression

but what if theres a reason to keep living but it will never be ours? what if that little light at the end of the tunnel is just there to tease you because it never seems to get any closer no matter how hard you try? I know a lot of people dont think suicide is the answer, but i remember multiple choice questions in school that i didnt know the real answer to so i just guessed whichever one was closest to what i thought was right

killing myself seems like the closest solution i think fits the bill

I don't know if this will help you, or make you feel better, but here's something that was incredibly liberating for me.
You will die. Everyone will die, and everything you know will decay.
There is an end for everything, you know the last page of your story already.
Killing yourself is like ending the story halfway through when there is more to be written. Maybe the rest will be bad, maybe it will be good, who knows?
But why end it prematurely? You will die someday, why not hang on for the ride to see what there is in store?
Do not be in such a hurry to die.

Je suis tout seul et j'ai pas d'amis car non non personne ne veut de moi ; je suis trop laid - je suis trop moche - et trop déprimé !!

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i hate my life so much, its too hard to change when this is all i have know for such a long time

fucking this, whoevers story that is sounds like a (supreme) gentleman in training

>having crush on this girl for a while now
>objectively a 7/10 but an absolute 10/10 for me
>we have alot of common interests
>talk almost daily
>i highly doubt she sees me as anything more than a distant friend

Latest happening that made me feel the feels:
>being busy with exams and all
>try to work out some time to hang out with her
>manage to clear my cancer schedule
>ask her out
>"I'd love to user, but i'm at the beach, i'll be back on the 25th"
>ok np
>later find out she's there with some fucboi rocker cunt
>literally the definition of fucboi
>always playing the victiom card (very long story. always works)
>all he does is fuck and move on to the next pussy
>she denies it, but i know she likes him

It's killing me inside knowing that that clueless sleazy fuck is closer to her than i am. As much as it hurts, if they'll get together or fuck or whatever, i'll cut off all contact with her.

That's called being lonely

Not sure if I believe in love. I want to believe there will be someone I will want to dedicate my time completely towards but I don't see it happening. My last ex I loved her but I kinda forced myself into it

Newsbreak: they've been fucking. Cut off ties now and move on.

holy shit

Guess i knew it but i needed someone to tell it to me...

Sup Forums i feel so alone sometimes, like there just isn't anyone there for me. All these people that surround me and yet I just feel so alone.I keep telling myself that not to worry there is someone out there for you but that hope gets less and less every day. I just don't believe anymore. I just think that some people are meant to be alone. think about it, not everyone gets a happy ending, and it sucks to realize you may just be one of those people. No matter how much you get your hopes up they always come crashing down.....it sucks you know but i guess some people are meant to be alone

Every day's still a blow to my self-esteem, but I'm either getting stronger or I've just become used to it.

Sorry to break it to you buddy
but they are definitely fucking
so unless you're a cuck i suggest you try to move on

I feel the same. Sadly for us, all there is, is being alone together.

yea...

and then you have to pretend that everything is alright, that you care about your shitty friends problems, your friend that literally jumps from girl to girl gets dumped and he says how his life is the worst. You remind him how you've been alone for almost all your life but he's like NAH MAN IN THE PRESENT WE BOTH ARE ALONE PAST DONT MATTER

FUCK YOU THE PAST MATTER

YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE ALONE

TRY GETTING REJECTED BY EVERY GIRL YOU'VE ASKED OUT
TRY FAKING YOUR HAPPY LIFE SO THAT NOBODY ASKS QUESTIONS
TRY JUST FEELING LIKE SHIT

Been down ever since summer started. Waking up late into the day, doing almost anything and absolutely nothing productive for a month now.

Can't wait for college to start so i can take my mind of myself and go back to thinking about others...

Summertime feels i suppose, eh Sup Forumsois?

>mfw the girls I've been with always asked me out

Are you me?
Ho no that's right I finished college long away
I was happy at the time

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We're the guys that don't judge.
>we always do but never show it
We're the guys that all always happy.
>we can't AFFORD to be sad around others
We're the guys that are always quiet around groups of people.
>we have alot to say, but it always seems to be out of place, too much or too little, too deep or too shallow.
We're the guys that would make amazing case studies for psychologists.
>we've just become so good at hiding it, not even people that make a living digging through people's feeling can bring it out.

Sure. I cry for Her every night, every morning for 3 years.

Don't let this thread die, i need this right now...

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Here's my story and my answer to your problems

>be me. mentally,emotionally, physically abusive childhood by single parent mother. >Financially abusive childhood (we were poor as fuck) mother made us go to work at 12 yeah, you can get paper rounds and grocery delivery jobs at that age. All money had to be given to mother.
>Home was disgusting and full of flakes and loser who got lived there as a sort of hostel mother got paid by government for this.
>Could never brings friends home. ended up being a loner at school
>Played truant because it was the only free time i had.
>left school at 16 with no qualifications. mother didn't really care "get a job or leave" so I left.

Now I'm in my forties..

>I married. I think this will solve my problems. I'm angry, insecure, lonely, paranoid, emotionally abusive, abuse alcohol (borderline alcoholic), shut myself away on computer and don't mix with any family, constantly worry about about money and use it as a weapon on kids, can never apologise, hold grudges for years (literally!), cant let an argument go.

>wife is on the point of divorcing me. I walk out.
>Sat in an apartment with no internet or television. first time ever I had chance to really THINK.
>Decide to see a counsellor. Start reading up on CBT and Mindfulness

Do you see any similarities between my early life and me today? I didn't until I started reading and seeing a counsellor.

And here's the truth guys. They're feelings. Just feelings. They're not real. An apple sat on a table is real. You can touch it, smell it, taste it. Feelings are not. They will fade and disappear.
Get a meditation tape. learn to live in the moment and realise your feelings are not you, they are a response, a learnt behaviour. You can change them. Acknowledge them, experience them, and move on.

We can CHOOSE to feel sad or feel happy. It is our choice.

>YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE ALONE
>TRY GETTING REJECTED BY EVERY GIRL YOU'VE ASKED OUT
>TRY FAKING YOUR HAPPY LIFE SO THAT NOBODY ASKS QUESTIONS


Try having anybody who will ask you the question for years

bimp

Does anybody here like anal?

yeah and you know what i want to be sad right fucking now, when i can pretend to be happy god dam 23 hours of the day i deserve 1 hour of just feeling, one hour where i can actually just feel and say like i want not like i have to show to other people

Just learn to be alone and love yourself, don't fall into the cliche of having to be with someone or "life is worthless if you're alone". Just give me a good game some weed a pron and im good.

In the end nothing really matters you die and even if you have many friends and family, by the time you are a grandfather or great grand father barely any one will fucking care. And if you just want to live the present well to late its the past now. Bottomline dont depend on other for your feels. Or you will be fucking wrecked.

I went to a concert. I drank and partied and shit. I feel bad because I genuinely enjoy walking down main street and catching pokemon there way more.

>pretending to be happy 23 hours a day
>feeling sad 1 hour a day

That's 24 hours a day being unhappy. Why would you want to choose to be unhappy?

alright then if its so easy explain how to be happy

life is worthless
I'm all alone

when did Sup Forums realize they had been dead inside?

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WHO WANTS TO GET FUCKED IN DA ASS BY MICKEY MOUSE

so is this fake or? checked the youtube video and it says RIP David Higgs, but there's a lot of conflicting comments

Wait you're a gay?

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ouch.

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You do know this is about hiding unhappiness, right?
If anything you're just validating his previous comment and fucking your own.

so what your saying is, pretend to be happy all day and feel sad and alone at night? shit already do that

POST DAT BOIPUSSY FAG

Different guy, sorry
You just reminded me of that one.
I'm here to wallow as well.

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I just miss her

"be happy"

Yeah sure.

"come back"

She won't

Not happy

Oh, then continue, sorry about that

I can see why you would think that, it's all good.

man, i've been having a few lows the past couple of days. i'm feeling your pic.

this girl i dated a year or so ago messaged me recently. she was so good to me. I must admit, i did her wrong, but i was getting bored of her and everything inside me was saying i should stay with her and make her happy but i just wasn't attracted to her last time i saw her. I think it was a physical thing.

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You have fucking life user, there's infinite possibilities. Ride a fucking elephant or some shit

Well, what makes you sad?

List a few things. Don't do a feels story. Just a bullet point list. Once you've done that we'll look at it together.

I'm in love with my best friend and it fucking sucks because he's already dated everyone else in our friendship circle, and we've literally kissed and had sex before but we never became anything and it makes me feel like such a fucking moron cause anyone with half a fucking brain can see that he's just using me whenever he's lonely.
But love's a bitch Anons. No matter what this fucker does to me I just can't fucking stop caring about him. I have depression and I've tried killing myself multiple times, but either he talks me out of it last minute, or I panic and back out last second. So I end up being a whiny, usable, pussy of a person.
I dunno what to do, and honestly, I might not do a fuckin thing. Just wait it out til he fucks off and try again.

youtube.com/watch?v=ztDnb3pJ4UY

For some reason this makes me feel like not so shit but still sad. There's two sadness that i can feel very distinctly, a shitty sadness where im sad about my life myself and stuff like that. Another where its like a good sadness that i feel that i need to release or it gets worse and turns into that shit sadness. Timmy Timmy Timmy Turner He be wishing for a burner to kill everybody walking you know his soul in the furnace. I feel like i'm Turner Sup Forums i turned into such a shitty person who wants to be good but im a piece of crap like always.

The only thing i ever learned to do well was be a Marine and that skill is only good for killing.

you need to be alone for awhile. You need to improve yourself. then come back to the circle.

bumping

don't die on me, please

bumping again

I need this

youve posted this in the last 4 feel threads. youre just looking for attention. fuck off and die faggot

its not just about you anymore user, you're going to be responsible for another person and if you want that person to have a good life, please at least try to work it out with the mum till the kid turns 18.

Love you

There is no escape from the abyss known as depression, you only learn to get accustomed to the fact that suffering is all around you.

I swear I wish they'd understand it's embarrassing and unbearable to not have anyone at your party or even else be wished for a good one at all.

agreed, fuck off and die faggot. you probably pissed off that guy to make him do that

Any of you gents ever wanted to just lay down and never get up?
Every day I wake up and hope that I'm paralized so I don't have to do anything. After she left me, life just doesn't have any color or meaning. She was the only woman in my life that had ever talked to me about my problems without laughing at me...I've got alot of anger in me that I've bottled up over the years and whenever I do something related to sports or hell anything, I'll become angry and start swearing at myself. She left two months ago, saying: "You are too unstable for me!" and just walking out. I'm saving up to buy enough drugs to just OD. So, how are you all gents?

I continually torture myself by thinking there's some hope and the world crushes me over and over and over again.

But there were people there. Somebody took the picture. Somebody baked the cakes. Someone set up the streamers and balloons.

If your gf or wife set up an intimate dinner for you and her and nobody else, would that be a negative thing? no it wouldn't it would be a beautiful thing your partner did for you.

The teenager in the pic is loved and probably loves the other person.

Why judge it any further than that?

Why put your own 'feelings' on it?

This is fascinating stuff when you get into it.

>I move into a new settlement of land.
>I don't know anyone.
>They all nice.
>Talking to one another
>"Hey" replied back with a "Hello"
>They chatter among the day and go home during the night to be with their spouse/disgranted lovers.
>I would sometimes break in just to watch them sleep soundly side by side.
>Jealous but in awe at how they could love but still each other.
>I leave and sit, wait and watch on the park bench till the sun rises again.
>And again.
>And again.
>And again.
>Until...
>"STOP CRIMINAL SCUM!"
>"YOU'VE VIOLATED THE LAW"

k.

Except that's not the implied context at all
That and the many pics like it were set up by the family and only serve as a reminder that he has no friends nor a wife/gf to do that kind of thing for him
It's not an intimate dinner, or even something for the family, it's an unoccupied party for friends that aren't there

It's a picture. The only implied context is whatever you see. It's not unlike a piece of art. The viewer will see what he wants to see. You put on it whatever insecurities you harbour in yourself.

Let me show you fast your mind works and forms opinions -

>John was feeling depressed, he couldn't cope with this mornings math class.
>He didn't think he could control the class today.


>After all, it wasn't a janitors job to control the class.


Your mind made john a child, a teacher and then finally a janitor. It forms ideas from very little information but uses past experience to fill in the blanks.

Your mind sees that picture and fills in the blanks with feelings and insecurities. It can be overcome as can sadness.

>Your mind made john a child, a teacher and then finally a janitor.
No it didn't but that's just because of your spacing
Beyond that there is objective context such as if there were plenty of people at this party why aren't they pictured? Additionally this obviously isn't some private affair between someone and their significant other because of the quantity of food and spacing of it, so if it was such a situation either they did not plan the correct amount of food or are extremely infantile due to the decorations, possibly both is this is true.
At best I could take the interpretation that this picture was before anyone got there, however the whole point of these threads is not to do mental gymnastics and rationalize a better world, it's for the opposite, to look at shit and feel like shit to the point of physical release so our bodies release dopamine