Doing stand up tomorrow for the first time

Doing stand up tomorrow for the first time.

Prolly gonna bomb. No definitely gonna bomb.

Got stories of doing stand up?

Nah, I sit mostly.

water you crippled or something?

i gotta stand up all the time.. fucken sick of it tbh..

...

As long as you don't heckle, fucker. I'm not quick enough for that yet.

I tried to be a stand up comedian but I just couldn't cut it. No matter what I did nobody laughed, you know? The worst part is I had a pregnant wife at home and all I wanted was to get a job so I could provide for my family, After yet another rejection from a club owner I joined up with two guys who said if I helped them sneak into a playing card company through the old chemical plant where I used to work they'd make me rich. I was in a bar getting all set to do it when I got a visit from two Police officers who told me my wife had been killed by an electrical short in our home earlier that day. I was crushed, but the two crooks I'd promised to help threatened me, said I had to do the score anyway. So I'm in the chemical plant, right, when some huge shadowy figure knocks me over a guardrail into a chemical runoff pipe. It burned me up pretty bad. Let me tell you, it was one bad day. Everything is different now though, that's for sure.

Do it, OP.

Wtf?

can you green text this story? i need this in my life

How did you get the gig? I could be a good stand up comedian.

...

Jack, you... are my number one guy

I'm sort of a known unknown here where I live as a producer/musician/performer. I thought I'd try this shit out cause I'm creative and I know the right people.

If you're on tomorrow and you see one of those "how do I kill myself painlessly" threads, just assumed it was me and I bombed. It's funny to me for you to think that I killed myself for some reason.

What state you in? What kinda material you got?

Seattle. I'm trying to do a whole chunk on technology and also trying to fit some super hero movie hatred bits. I try to provoke just about anybody who is a target and then try and win them back like Bill Burr. Gamers and Music snobs are my favorite to pick on. Very poor at one-liners, but that's the main skill I wanna develop. My favorite performers are like Mitch, Jimmy Carr, Rodney, Norm Macdonald and people who could tell jokes.

gl op

You'll be nervous, but before you go out on stage, just tell yourself that you know all the people in the audience. If you keep thinking about 'strangers', you'll freeze up and start fucking up.

If you get heckled, just make a fart sound with your mouth and shrug your shoulders like "meh, whatever" and keep it moving.

You'll do fine, just don't think about it too hard, you're just talking to people.

Thanks.

My fucking boy by the way. RIP.

David Attell said about his death "We got a purple suit to buy and a giant coffin"

Fucking classic.

I have twice. I didn't bomb though. Had a good amount of my buddies there to hype me up.
Also had to down a decent amount of whiskey beforehand.
(7-10 minutes, each time.)

Fuck one liners. Some of the best jokes are stories. Giving voices an thoughts to inanimate objects is funny. Most good jokes have an exaggeration that you know isn't true.

Salmon covered in honey.

There's something to be said about a well-crafted fuckin joke. Idealy my set will be 70% stories with a 30% section of goodsetup and punch lines.

Just wanted to wish you good luck OP.

The standards are EXCEPTIONALLY low where I live, so that gives me a little ray of hope. Last time I was at the club, one of the main acts opened with the worst Hilary Clinton joke I've ever heard. Can't remember it, but it was so bad it made the republicans uncomfortable.

Cool, have a blast. I would like to do a stand up routine one day. One of my dreams. I think I would do good.

just do your routine. You worked on it, probably. You tested it on someone first, probably. Based on their judgement you decided it worked at least a bit, hopefully. Just remember that the audience would never be able to accomplish even a tenth of amusement you're going to bring them in one evening.

>Just remember that the audience would never be able to accomplish even a tenth of amusement you're going to bring them in one evening.

I wish you were there to give me failure head when I need it you're a real sweet talker.

Same situation here. (Kansas City, MO) A lot of times it is just some guy who had to much to drink and thinks he's funny.
Either way, it's all in good fun. Even if somebody shits the bed, still gotta give em props for trying.

>Even if somebody shits the bed, still gotta give em props for trying.

That'll be my closing line