Has anyone had the experience of not caring if a loved one died...

Has anyone had the experience of not caring if a loved one died? My grandmother died a few years back and I loved her alot, but when I heard the news, it didn't bother me in anyway what so ever and I felt no emotion from it.

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=pfNaXTfIYnQ
youtube.com/watch?v=BMnaKdNEQb8
youtube.com/watch?v=BwKfLTWKxAE
youtube.com/watch?v=GLvsBmw6RwU&list=PLKtaf4xjfBM2thRCPGAG2eQl38qOWUwv0&index=40
youtube.com/watch?v=R2F-GF3Hx7s&list=PLKtaf4xjfBM2thRCPGAG2eQl38qOWUwv0&index=41
youtube.com/watch?v=syOK6zmpOe0&index=43&list=PLKtaf4xjfBM2thRCPGAG2eQl38qOWUwv0
twitter.com/NSFWRedditVideo

I've had all of my grandparents die and I didn't care at all. Granted, I wasn't close to any of them; we barely ever spoke to each other.

One parent's side died when I was pretty young and they lived in another country, so didn't affect me.

Other parent's side died a couple of years ago and I went to the funerals and all I felt was being bored out of my mind.

Are we sociopaths or something? xD

When my dad killed my mom I cared a lot less than I thought I would. At least it felt that way at the time.

I'm always thinking of scenarios in my head where family members die and I get emotional and people feel sorry for me or some shit. but I know it won't be like that. probably will feel like another day.

Last October my grandmother died and she was the most important person for me in the world, when she died in her sleep (yeah, ha ha) and I found her next morning I didn't even shed a tear, I thought I'd cry my heart out but instead I had to pretend I was sad so my family wouldn't think I killed her

Yeah exactly, I always feel like I need to put on some shitty act or people will treat me different

>xD
please don't

I don't think so. Normalfags that deal with grief by being very emotional make out people like us to be bad people because many don't understand that grief can be dealt with in different ways or not felt at all. Everyone is different and thus reacts to events and actions differently, and there's nothing wrong with that.

In my situation, I wasn't close with my grandparents at all, so they were practically strangers to me. Just because they are biologically closely related doesn't mean anything to me if I have not developed any personal relationship with them.

Even so, I think that if family that is closer to me dies, such as my parents (though I my relationship with them isn't very close either), I still will not feel anything.

Who's the girl by the way?

Maybe movies and tv have always shown us things feeling worse than they usually do.

Thanks man. Her name's danielle sharp
Yeah probably

My grandfather died at age 88 in 1987. I was 10. It never got to me...
...until years later it just suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks. I don't know if I just buried it, or didn't allow myself to feel it, or what.
Not saying that will happen to you, OP, but just keep it in the back of your mind that it might.
There's nothing necessarily wrong with you. Sometimes there things take time to process. Sometimes years, sometimes decades.

I didn't cry when my grandpa died. I walked in the room where he passed and touched his hand. Everyone was crying but me. I was sad and upset, but the man was almost 95. We all saw it coming. I told myself if I didn't cry I would force myself at the funeral.

The wake came and passed. Again I was sad but didn't cry.

The day of the funeral everyone was in tears. Seeing my mom cry gave me a lump in my throat. My aunt was trembling at the alter and I caught a glimpse of my uncle bawling his eyes out. My dad had to take her place and she collapsed into my uncles arms. That almost made me lose it. But to this day I haven't cried.

Everyone deals with it differently. This was the first family member I lost that I was immediately related to. I'm giving myself time

these*

I wonder why our minds would do that. Thanks man.

sorry about what the actual thread is addressing, but that's one of the most perfect faces I've ever seen

Ty user
You shouldn't though. It only perpetuates the belief that if one doesn't cry and whatnot then that person never cared or loved that person.

You said you loved her a lot, and unless there is something besides not feeling any emotions from her death that makes you doubt your feelings of love, then it doesn't change anything if you didn't feel anything.

You might feel something down the line in your life. Some sort of sudden realisation. I had a glimpse of that when I looked back on the funerals a year or so later. I didn't feel sad, but kind of bummed out. And not by my grandparents specifically dying, but more by the concept of death itself. Also felt a bit of regret for not getting to know them better.

I feel negative emotion to other peoples pain, but not death apparently.

I know man. 10/10
Something I'll have to keep in mind. I tend to think about death ALOT and what will happen when I die. kinda puts me in a state of helplessness.

Are you religious or do you come from a religious background/family/community?

My mum's Christian, but I'm agnostic. She really wants me to get baptised and I promised her I would, even if I didn't believe in Christianity

In that case, can't really tell if that affects your worries about what happens when you die.

Are you worried about your life ending or just the pain of death? Or do you mean what happens after you die i.e. what happens to your body and how people react?

I don't really mind how I die and I'm donating my body to science anyway. It's more to do with what happens after I die. I feel like it's incredibly unlikely that there's an afterlife and I've tried tricking myself into believing in Buddhism but I wasn't able to. Nice pic btw

Sure. My brother just died, but then again, he used to rape me and molest my little sisters, so I feel like I might be an unusual case.

Sorry to hear about that and it kinda sucks that he died in a way, but some may say he deserved it. I'm not so good at deciding what's right and wrong because most things are subjective anyway.

Well if you don't think there is an afterlife (which is what I think), then that means nothing will happen after you die. You will just cease to function, think, move, breathe. What is there to worry about?

Death is really fascinating one minute you're a fully thinking and feeling human and the next you're just a lump of meat. I guess I kinda am worried about not being able to experience life anymore.

There's so much shit in the human brain that we still don't know.
But the way you feel is the way you feel. People are wired differently. No shame or guilt is necessary. You're not an unfeeling monster.
Like I said, it might catch up with you one day, or you might just be so at peace with it already that you never shed a tear.
But I don't judge you, user.

Thanks user. I must admit that I'm a little envious of those who do experience those deep emotion though.

I have wondered this exactly. Part of me was actually happy. My grandfather died and I spent a lot of time with him. When he died, I was just happy to be getting free shit from his giant garage.

I guess that's how life for us works. People pass onto us and we pass onto our children, even if they cared very little about your death. Not really a bad thing, just something that happens I guess

The way I look at it is that I will not be able to have any feelings once I'm dead. So once I am dead, I will be unable to think and feel

>man it sucks so much I can't experience life any more
>so many things I didn't get to do yet

I'll just be dead. My brain will be unable to feel.

And there is no point living your entire life being paranoid that you might die any minute and thus you have to rush to experience everything and then have anxiety that you don't have enough time. Just take things at a nice pace and enjoy what time you have.

You're envious? I'm really glad I don't get upset at things.

That's actually kinda a really nice way to look at it. Thanks user

This is how I've thought all my life. good to see that I'm not alone.

Of course morality is subjective. Personally I'm glad to see him gone, and I'm not sure if a lack of sadness at someone's death is right or wrong. It just is. People might be shocked or surprised, but most people can't control what they feel. If it's not a choice you can't be blamed for it.
I know that feel.
This would be true if life were consistently about breaking even. If we assume that being dead is a 0 value, and experiences in life can be either positive or negative, whether good or bad, then it stands to reason that if your life is consistently above the zero value, ie consistently better than no life at all, then risking it is foolish in the long run.

But it's like they're having something thatI'll never experience. Kinda restricting and I hate restriction

Nah, I see sad/bad emotions as restricting.

Have you ever seen someone with depression? Their life seems pretty restricted. They can't continue life in the same way as if they were fine.

True, and if there's no afterlife then there's only one chance for life. So I shouldn't fuck up

The grass is always greener as they say. You're wired differently. Not better. Not worse. Just different.

Depression usually isn't an influx of negative feeling, it's a consistent lack of feeling at all. It makes you numb, without energy, totally without motivation or confidence.

I don't think the previous user was saying you should risk your life.

I see life as something that will terminate at some point in time, and when you expire, you will not care because your brain will not be able to understand that you are dead.

What I'm trying to say is, don't be afraid of what comes after because you won't care once you have reached that point.

>This would be true if life were consistently about breaking even. If we assume that being dead is a 0 value, and experiences in life can be either positive or negative, whether good or bad, then it stands to reason that if your life is consistently above the zero value, ie consistently better than no life at all, then risking it is foolish in the long run.

Call me autistic if you want, but I am not following what you're saying there. What does it mean to "break even" in life? Risking "it"? What is "it"?

Really? Because to me it sounded like a longer more eloquent way of saying YOLO.

Well, I have that, minus the lack of energy or motivation.

I'm currently trying to become a doctor, but not because I want to help people. I see the human body as a giant puzzle that I want to solve. I could give a shit less if someone dies, I just want intellectual stimulation.

So I guess I'm just kind of numb and lack confidence.

yeah I guess. Shit like depression sucks and it does sound restricting now thinking about it
I think it could have something to do with mbti
yeah. very true, but it still kinda feels like a waste. all of the memories and knowledge just disappear

MBTI? What are you user? INTP here.

I'm exactly the same way. the reason I dislike death though is because it's the death of knowledge and everything I've learnt.
I'm an INTP too ahhah

Is that some Meyers-Briggs shit?

yeah, good if you wanna learn about yourself

True, that is an unfortunate loss, however, look at how many people are on this earth. You really think that we will impact it that much? Unless you find a cure for something or dominate an empire, people will forget you and the things you stood for pretty quickly.

While I have your attention, how are your morals?

Yeah, it's Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Test

TL;DR: if your life is more good than bad, death is impractical.

Okay, lets put this into a simple number scale. Assume that death is the lack of any positive or negative emotion. No good, no bad, just nothing. Now assume that different experiences in life are good or bad. So, on this hypothetical scale of happiness we have, say, the best fucking sex EVER at a 10. Then, let's say that seeing your mom die in a car crash is a -10. No emotion at all would be a 0. So, if we assume death is no emotion at all, then we can also assume that as long as your life is, more often than not, in the positive values, then you're better off avoiding death.
Sounds about right.

While this is true, keep in mind, you don't have to match exactly with how they describe you. Most people deviate, at least a little, from what the MBTI says.

Cool. Thx for the info. Never done it. Probably should.

It's free. I personally like 16personalities.com or something like that.

As my morals stand, they're very different from most. I see inconsistency from most morals, such as caring for tigers, but then your sacrificing even more lives so why not kill the tigers. but it would be because we value aesthetics more than anything and humans hate the death of anything including an entire species.

I had to pretend to be upset at the graveyard when my dad's mother died.

Didn't want to hurt his feelings...

Glad I'm not alone, I thought I was broken.

I find it difficult to understand your Tiger reference.

Do you mean you are morally ambiguous? Because that's what I am.

I feel like my morals are rather chaotic in nature. My friends always say, "If you are actually put in a situation, your morals would be different."
But I have been put into a situation, and they did not falter...
Most of my morals stem from my apathy I think.

Maybe we care for tigers because if we too are apex predators, so valuing all life over specific lives we personally like more is much more conducive to our general survival as a species.

The same logic found in, "Save lives, wipe out the tigers!" can also apply to humans.

It's nice to know others feel that way as well. I didn't expect this response. When I explained my view to others in the past, I'd take more than that to get them to even sort of understand or agree.

I can see how you'd infer that. It's not what I meant, but I don't necessarily disagree. If I know I'm going to die pretty soon, then I won't care as much for example, about upsetting other people.

However, I wouldn't physically risk my life because I am afraid of the physical pain that usually comes with dying, even though it does contradict what my view is. Even if the pain may be experienced for a brief moment and I will not be able to feel once I am dead, I am still terribly afraid of that. That's why I don't think I could commit suicide.

But this isn't about avoiding death, it's about being able to come to terms and accepting one's unavoidable death. I didn't mean that one should kill oneself because they are going to die anyway. In that case, what you are saying would be more relevant and I would agree with you.

Yeah, when both of my grandparents died I felt nothing at all.

Not big on reading comprehension are you?

Okay, So we pick which species to save based on our own biases? Basically, we only chose to be moral with those we like? I'm still slightly confused with the Tiger reference.

Yeah, when my dad passed away it was like, ok whats on tv. I think when you get older things like this don't bother you so much

user, it's been nice talking to you and having an intelligent conversation (with someone on Sup Forums nonetheless). But I have work in the morning, and I must be going to bed within the next 30 minutes.

That's exactly how I am.
Very possible
That's kinda what I mean
Seeya user, it was fun

I'm saying that valuing all life equally is a really bad idea for a species that wipes out so much life.

Guess not.

Assuming you are saying I am wrong about thinking what you said is about avoiding death, If you're not talking about avoiding death then why say this?

>then we can also assume that as long as your life is, more often than not, in the positive values, then you're better off avoiding death.

We haven't had a talk, I just got here.

Yup. Literally don't give a shit for anyone. I've never been able to emotionally attach myself to anyone. Not even my mom who raised me.

I'm not the guy who posted it, so I don't want to clarify his points for him.

I was choked out by an autistic cousin when I was 10, he had me off the ground, I could hear him grunting he was choking me so hard. I started seeing stars then if my brother hadn't come by I am sure I would have died, maybe thats why I am so callous. Of course, parents put me in the motorhome and went back in the house with my uncle like nothing happened.

youtube.com/watch?v=pfNaXTfIYnQ

This thread is getting uncomfortable.

Do what makes you happy so that you get more out of life. If leaving does so, then do that.
youtube.com/watch?v=BMnaKdNEQb8

And if staying here passive aggressively complaining about posts whose tortured OPs make me uncomfortable... Can I do that?

Go ahead

Eh, thread is kill anyway. Peace.

seeya

My grandmother has dementia and it really doesn't seem to be stopping or slowing down. She still remembers who I am, she remembers people in general and some events, but personality-wise she's kind of different.
I used to be really close with her, but ever since she got put in "the home", I haven't been seeing her or talking to her as much as I should be, and I feel guilty as hell about it since I feel like I've pretty much used her since I was a kid to stay up late and eat junk food with no one caring...
I love my grandmother, I really do, and it hurts me to see her like this, and I'm really more afraid of NOT caring when she goes. I just feel like a filthy, rotten grandson.

There's nothing wrong with not caring. It's something out of your control. Just know that she loved you and you loved her and there's nothing that will change that.

I don't really care when anybody dies... there's nothing i could have done about it so there's no use in getting broken up about it.

Sometimes i will feel like i should have spent more time with them while they were alive. Which is valid. But i try and keep that in mind as much as possible with the people i keep dear in my life while they are still alive so that i don't feel that way once they die.

Yeah, I guess you've got a point... Thanks, user.

Something good to keep in mind
No worries
youtube.com/watch?v=BwKfLTWKxAE

>please don't
xD

>I always feel like I need to put on some shitty act or people will treat me different
My life story

Yes, when my father died.

Now, unlike most of the people here saying "x person died and I didn't care", I was actually on good terms with my father. He worked hard, he taught all his sons well, and shared his wisdom when he could. His life was spent working for his family, and he died working for his family. I wouldn't be the man I am today without him and his lessons.

But when he died, I wasn't sad. When I heard the news I was shocked, but I could just imagine what he'd want me to do: look after the family. So that's what I did. I kept my shit together, dropped out of school, and started working full time to make sure the family was supported in the following years.

I wasn't sad because dad wouldn't have wanted me to be sad, and also, I admit, because I didn't have time to be sad. Pulling 60 hour work weeks will do that to you.

>obligatory pic unrelated of attractive woman as per thread standard

I've kinda learnt that I shouldn't and just act how I feel even if it mean I'm the only one not crying at a funeral
It's cool that you kinda kept to what you think that he'd like

>that pic
JESUS LAWD SAUCE

My dad's side of the family seems to be like that. They had an expression in Polish that translated to "Bury them and move on." Everyone's usually really close but once someone dies the funerals are never sad, just more or less a celebration of that person's life. Then we move on.

I feel like that's a really cool way to put a funeral
youtube.com/watch?v=GLvsBmw6RwU&list=PLKtaf4xjfBM2thRCPGAG2eQl38qOWUwv0&index=40

person, feeling:

grandfather, heart attack – complete shock
grandmother, old age – indifference
grandmother, old age – relief
father, cancer – extreme sadness
mother, alzheimers – emptiness
wife's father, cancer – sadness, relief
any celebrity not my age – indifference

in all cases, i haven't known how to deal with others who are also grieving

Recently the concept of death has been looking over me as well as imagining the experience if I or someone else close to me were to die. My grandparents on both sides are in their 80's and are a very important and center of bringing family together. Just imagining them die and how things would change is unimaginable. I also think about my parents if they were to somehow die for any reason that my head could think usually something very sudden and on the spot. Two people who cared for me the most and we're always there for me when they had the chance of not only needing to but wanting to just go away in a flash. These are experienced that I have never encountered other than my great grandmother who I also deeply cared for but for my parents in particular my mind can't come up with how I would feel. I would be saddened of course and most likely put into a state of some form of depression but I can't help but not feel anything because my mind wouldn't be able to process that my parents are dead if it were to ever happen. I would just freeze not knowing what to think as though I would be a statue.

Not sure user, maybe they just need time or something. You could tell them how it's not the death that matters but the times they had with the person dead
youtube.com/watch?v=R2F-GF3Hx7s&list=PLKtaf4xjfBM2thRCPGAG2eQl38qOWUwv0&index=41

I also have issues with how to deal with others that are grieving. It seems easy if I am grieving with the rest, because then we just grieve together and that's enough it seems. But when I am the only one that's fine, it does feel strange to be in a room of people crying and I don't know what the fuck to do. However, I don't feel like I have to do anything. I can just sit there and let everyone else deal with their grief without me.

Just remember that they're all still there and that you all love each other and that death isn't a bad thing. Nothing bad is happening after they die except the emotions that people feel about their death and that's it

I'm going to be dead within the next few months, and all I feel is a little bit of relief. Mostly just apathy though.

To be honest, when people are emotional near me, it just feels awkward.

That's actually probably a good mindset to be in. Instead of spending the rest of your life worrying, just stay calm and be happy youtube.com/watch?v=syOK6zmpOe0&index=43&list=PLKtaf4xjfBM2thRCPGAG2eQl38qOWUwv0

No one gives a shit what you're listening to. Just stop.

Just don't click on the video if you don't give a shit