Funny stoner stories thread:

Funny stoner stories thread:
>Be me 17
>4-5 bong rips
>decide to order pizza
>watch yt vids for 30 min
>then decide to watch porn before pizza arrival
>As I start stroking I hear a knock on my door
>continue to finish while they knock and wait for me to cum for a one dollar tip
>came in my boxers and pulled up shorts and answered the door.

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=5qRo-0gjodk
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

[green]Taking the good ol' bong hits
[green]Order pizza
[green]high asf
[green]For some reason, i was really horny.
[green]Ask pizza man to fuck my asshole
[green]paid him money for the pizza, got the pizza, but still asked him to fuck my asshole
[green]I then proceeded to drop my boxer shorts and faced my asshole towards where his gonads were
[green]He left without doing the deed.

I hate my life...

user.... you use ">" not " [green] "

>[green]

>be me 16
>almost whole 1g joint done
>watch pineapple express
>hear ring
>go to doors
>neighbors asking if my moms home
>"nnnno shes not"
>ok user
>thought they will snitch
>panic
>hear ringing once more
>answer the door
>"oh sorry i might have rang accidentally"
>fuck off
>they wanted to prepare birthday party for my dad

Riveting, wow.

>[black]

>[green]

>[black]
[green]


What the heck

>[autism]

[green] tfw you can't even dramatext

[/highlevelkeks/]

welcome to Sup Forums faggot

>using only [green]
>not knowing its [green] text [/green]

Try again chief and see if that works for you

[green]newfags

>Sitting on bench smoking with friends
>see a wasted couple walk down the street fighting
>girl storms off
>guy looks at us
>can barely walk
>stops right infront of us
>say good evening
>interrupted by him saying "wwwhhuuat arre u doiing??"
>oh we're just hanging out
>"whhhhuat arr u doin??"
>What do you mean what are we doing? We're sitting here and chatting , what are you doing?
>NNOO you're smoking marijuana!
>No , we're not we're just sitting here minding our own business
>keeps accusing us of smoking the ganja
>"I-I'M CALLING THE POLICE ON YOU"
>Go ahead man , you can barely stand let alone call the cops
>Doesn't leave until we stand up and walk away
Buzzkill of the century

When I was 16 about 20 years ago I let my friend fuck me in the ass, I'm not gay we were just super high he sucked me off and that was a one time thing

>be me 14
>completely stoned already with friend
>still have 1g left
>decide to hotbox port o potty by baseball fields
>start hitting bowl
>my dumbass decides to set the toilet paper inside on fire
>go to next port o potty over and start smoking some more
>hear a lot of sizzling
>open old port o potty door and half of it is on fire
>laugh our asses off for a solid 10 minutes
>leave and smoke the rest at his house

pic related, day after it happened

Alright, allow me to repost it so it's fixed.
[green]Taking the good ol' bong hits[/green]
[green]Order pizza[/green]
[green]high asf[/green]
[green]For some reason, i was really horny.[/green]
[green]Ask pizza man to fuck my asshole[/green]
[green]paid him money for the pizza, got the pizza, but still asked him to fuck my asshole[/green]
[green]I then proceeded to drop my boxer shorts and faced my asshole towards where his gonads were[/green]
[green]He left without doing the deed.[/green]

The only people who think Pineapple Express is a good movie are posers and narcs.

>be 16
>first time eating edibles
>cook about 4g's in some firecrackers
>eat all 4g's as soon as I woke up thinking I'd be alright and be able to function around my parents
>go play xbox with my friends
>this creepy guy from our town we'd fuck with somehow got our xbox gamertags and would join our party occasionally (youtube.com/watch?v=5qRo-0gjodk actual video of the guy)
>he gets really mad when you call him a retard
>proceed to call him retarded
>tells me he's going to hunt me down and kick the shit out of me
>laugh for a bit
>edibles proceed to kick in and i'm higher than i've ever been in my whole life nearly hallucinating
>start thinking if this guy really is going to find me and kick my ass
>freak out in my head for about an hour thinking policedan is going to murder me
>go to the bathroom and my face looks completely green
>i lay in my bed and try to sleep
>feels like i'm doing backflips
>sound of lawnmower outside is really pissing me off and driving me insane
>freaking out in my head
>somehow managed to sleep

Looks good here chief. Great story as well.

10/10, would let you fuck my wife

Jesus christ...somebody save this. This is pure hardcore Newfaggery.

...

A story from when I realized I hit the lowest point in my life.

>smoke with some of my burn out friends
>go home
>lay in bed, feelsgood
>get some pork rinds
>got some tunes on eating pork rinds
>choke on one because i'm shoveling them in my mouth
>puke all over myself
>fall asleep in my puke
>wake up
>finish bag of pork rinds

Hahahahahaha sooo funny!

>be me
>16
>Lonely AF
>on 5th bong rip with this qt3.14
>6/10 but total stoner like me so 8/10
>She's staying the night
>i'm to beta to ask her out
>both higher then venus
>she asks me if i like anyone
>i fucked up Sup Forumsros
>"I love you but other then that no not really"
>she checks her phone
>"sorry user i have to go, just got an emergency text"
>there wasn't shit on that phone
>stands outside for 20 minuets
>can hear she's not taking a call
>comes back in and kisses me
>picks up her bags and stuff
>locks herself in bathroom and cries
>her dad comes to take her home 40 minuets later
>"So what have you two been up to"
>still high as fuck
>"blazing sir"
>he looks at me with the rage of his ancestors
>never have her over again
>weirdest kiss i've ever had

>be me
>13
>waching seth rogen movies
>dude weed lmao
>order pizza
>want to impress the pizza boy
>roll up a fat spliff with oregano in newspaper
>pizza boy is asian
>all for nothing

DUDE WEED LMAO!

bump

Fixed it for you.

>Taking the good ol' bong hits
>Order pizza
>high asf
>For some reason, i was really horny.
>Ask pizza man to fuck my asshole
>paid him money for the pizza, got the pizza, but still asked him to fuck my asshole
>I then proceeded to drop my boxer shorts and faced my asshole towards where his gonads were
>He left without doing the deed.

wtf how did you do that? I keep messing it up :(

cannot unsee that vid

>be me
>be smoking J's with friend
>already super stoned
>this joint is absolute shit and gets put out after like 5 hits before you need to relight it again
>have the "puff puff pass policy"
>friend struggles to light the joint for like 5 minutes and takes shitty 2 hits and passes it to me
>I smoke it for like 4 times before it goes out again and pass it to him. He's so stoned he doesn't realize and tries to light it again.
>we keep repeating the process for the rest of the joint.
>He doesn't realize and I smoke most of the weed at his effort and expense.

(green/altf13/lemayo)>be me
>go to my stoners friends to a party in fucking narnia or something
>get to the party
>is in a fucking park
>only a table and the music is form some fucker car
>latino music
>only 3 grills
>all guys over the girls
>damm lets blaze
>ge notice we dont have anythng to use for smoke
>see a store
>go , buy 1 apple and one pen
>just fucking that
>back to my hommies
>grab the pen
>ask to one of my friends for the apple
>the fucker eat the apple

this is the first part o boi that was a crazy night

He ate the fucking apple! Hahahahaha he mustve had the munchies XD

[green]
>made me kek
>thanks user

>smoking weed in Grandma's basement
>she's a hardcore Christian and will not put up with drugs
>Smoking out of a bubbler
>Didn't hear her walk down the stairs
>ripping bubbler
>Grandma knocks on door
>"user wtf are you doing in there, it smells like a skunk"
>remember I ate some of my Grandma's awful tilapia
>"it's your undercooked tilapia, it's making my shit rancid"
>"you're lying user, I know you are doing drugs, open this door or Ill do it myself"
>Starting to panic, "G-granmda don't come in here I'm on the toilet
>"No you're not you are doing drugs user, I'm coming in"
>Grandma starts ramming the door like a demon trying to escape a 1,000 year prison
>In full panic mode trying to figure out what to do with my bubbler, My Grandma's undercooked tilapia WAS really starting to become an issue
>Grandma is busting down the door
>I have to shit, but Im still holding the bubbler
>grandma's fist goes straight through the door leaving a perfect hole for her to look through
>"I got you now user"
>Completely panic, lose all my spaghetti, turn the other way with my back facing the holy my grandma made
>So nervous about getting caughtI can no longer control my bowels
>spray a jet of liquid shit all over my Grandma's face
>it knocked her over
>Doesn't say anything just lays there for a minute.
>gets up, walks upstairs without saying anything.
>She hasn't made tilapia since

>one guy on the party sees us and give us a pipe
>oh boi thanks
>yeah bro no problem
>start smoking
>high AF
>one patrol is arraving to the park
>oh shit oh shit
>put the weed on a tree
>the cops get to the party they say GTFO
>k yes sir
>leave until the cops were gone
>back there for the weed
>one fucking cholo or hommie start to shouting at us

hey you motherfuckers anyone has weed ?

>lol no
>he starts tu pushing one of my friends
>my stoner friends dont like that and push him away
>he leaves for 5 minutes
>he back with 4 hommies
>we start to run away
>one of them catch my friend
>they kick it and punch him
>back and start a street figt in the middle of the park
>i get my nose broken
>run away with all my niggas

DUDE WEED LMAO!!!

wat?

{g} have never smoked weed before
{g} finally smoke weed with friend using his mom's bong
{g} it's alright
{g} feels better than being drunk
{g} laugh at unfunny friends' jokes

>be me 16 yo girl
>was going to private school
>dude wanted to get in my pants
>not interested but he was always high and loaded with money and weed
>told me he and his buddy can drive to my house sneak me out and we can smoke
>older cousins were watching the house while parents were out of town
>carefully unlocked back door so I could get in later
>met up with them, went to a park and passed around a few blunts
>good weed=good time
>went back to car, his buddy drove us to McDonald's
>got them to drive me back before dude could ask if he make out with me or fuck me or something
>didn't realize how high I was until I was stumbling towards my house
>went to back door and it was locked
>cousins locked the goddamn door
>had no idea what to do
>it was a freezing night
>just sat outside like an idiot and found a crusty old blanket
>an hour in found out the dog door was there
>small but maybe just big enough for me
>got stuck but actually got in the house
>somehow was able to stumble back to my room

It was a miricle I fit through a door meant for a 16lb dog

this is some of the best b8 ive read in months well played user

kek'ing hard over here

>green

>red

Is that you Brian?

>jskoeieushsbnskdodk
>kldpdmdjdjdjdjsjhsshhsjsjsj
>yo dogg

[make] [text] [green] [please] be me 19
[make] [text] [green] [please] smoke joint
[make] [text] [green] [please] walk through forest
[make] [text] [green] [please] encounter other forest walking joint smokers
[make] [text] [green] [please] share joints and discuss marijuana
[make] [text] [green] [please] find out this guy and his gf are my neighbours
[make] [text] [green] [please] lived there for 6years i had never spoken to them
[make] [text] [green] [please] fast forward a month
[make] [text] [green] [please] smoke with them everyday almost
[make] [text] [green] [please] bang the girl while drunk and high
[make] [text] [green] [please] regret life choices afterwards
[make] [text] [green] [please] dude finds out and is only mad at her
[make] [text] [green] [please] he's still my neighbour and we still blaze everday
[make] [text] [green] [please] last i heard she was a prostitute heroin addict
[make] [text] [green] [please] sometimes i blame myself
[make] [text] [green] [please] but then i just blaze some more with my neighbour and laugh about it

That's a pretty close space to be smoking with your butt buddy. Fucking faggots.

>Did you really just swallow that gravel b?

> lel

Actually kek'd

>Be me
>First time smoking
>Start with weed
>When I inspired i started to cough
>Everyone laugted at me

>newfags can't do meme arrows

[Green]

>be me 19
>smoking w/ roommate, his gf, friend from work, and his rando friend
>friend from work got a new bong, really nice piece, excited
>pack first bowl, after I take a hit, pass wo rando, its his first time smoking a bong
>he takes monster hit, just fucking milks that bitch
>bong goes around again
>rando is not taking another hit
>imblasted.jpg
>about 15 mins after we're done smoking, i realize rando is not doing to well
>twisting his water bottle really fucking hard, like when you pop the cap off, only this was clearly involuntary
>rubbing feet on floor like a psycho
>I ask, "A-are you okay rando?"
>"No, I need help"
>"Help with what?"
>"I don't know"
>at this point he looks fucking terrified
>get him another water and go back to my room to tell my gf whats happening
>come back to living room, rando is on the floor on all fours looking like he was kill
>starts dry heaving
>get him two buckets, pukes right in between them onto floor
>this goes on for like 20 mins
>once he's done ruining my carpet, goes to bathroom to continue puking
>10 mins later, at the top of his fucking lungs "I CAN'T BREATHE, I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE"
>wtf is going on rn
>work friends calls 911 because he's high af and doesn't really that he can clearly breathe
>nope the fuck into my room
>paramedics show up, watch as rando tries to fight/run from them
>finally calms down and leaves in ambulance

that's why I don't let rando's in my place anymore.

I'm sorry your parents hit you, user.

>be me
>At grandmas house in the living room
>starting to get late so she goes to bed
>wait an hour for her to fall asleep
>has a gram in my pocket in a pill bottle so no stink
> I was plannin on her having apples so i could make a pipe
>no apples
>fuck it gonna have to use stove for knife hits
>Sneak to her room to check if lights off
>her lamp light is on
>probably fell asleep reading again
>wait 30 minutes just in case
>time to do this shit
>turns on stove and puts knife on the stove
>take weed and blaze all of it
>Insanely high cant walk well
>Turn off stove and the whole house reeks of weed
>Start spraying everything below the sink to try to counter smell
>open windows turns on fan
>call it good
>walk by window and get astounded by how dark it was
>called night dipshit
>Think about jerking off
>yanks pants down starts beating off
>Feelsgood.png
>Stinks likeweed still
>hears door open
>heart attack
>pants up turn around shes right there
>"user.. Whats that smell"
>"Idk smells kinda weird its coming from outside"
>lead her outside stumbling
>"Yeah smells weird out here"
>shes not buying it
>i sit down and start playing video games
>she sits next to me
>Staring
>My eyes were probably bloodshot
>I forgot to wash my hands
>FUCK.jpg
>i know she knows
>Scared af
>she goes back to her room
>Terrified i go get in the shower
>Take burned knives to the shower idk why
>Start washing them with shampoo
>Clean myself up
>Play video games rest of the night
>She asks me about the smell last night
>pretend to not know what shes talking about
>Still dont know if she saw my dick

>gay

>be 16ish
>be canadian
>so obviously work at Tim Hortons during this time
>working in the drive thru with two co workers
>were taking turns during slow periods to go around back the building next door to smoke friend pipe
>I very occasionally smoked weed
>was so high when I came back
>got a little busier
>so I asked what I could do to help
>was asked to get a Boston cream doughnut for the drive thru
>take the very last one out of the showcase
>begin walking toward the drive thru
>its across the store
>look at the doughnut
>think "why am I even holding this doughnut"?
>forgets its for a customer
>take a big bite out of it pretty much at the drive thru window
>customers starring at me
>eyes red as a fire truck
> had to explain to the customer while I was high as shit that I ate their doughnut and that I cannot make any more
>its Canada so they were polite about it and believe they settled for a sour cream glazed