Hey Sup Forums, I've been left alone with my thoughts for too long and now I feel like shit. So feels/vent thread

Hey Sup Forums, I've been left alone with my thoughts for too long and now I feel like shit. So feels/vent thread
>Be me
>19 years old
>Mother is pill addict that has a kid with a "recovering" coke addict
>Father is a drunk, stoner, and abusive
>Living with my best friend because I was thrown out on the street by father
>Kicked out because "I'm the reason he's a drunk"
>Lost my job because I had no transport from friend's house
>Chronic depression
>Manic anxiety episodes
>Bad anger issues
>Suicidal all the time, even though things could be much worse
>Zero positivity towards myself
>Not good at anything practical
>Not even good at my hobbies
>Have a good eye for photography and musical mind
>Can't fight depression long enough to ever do make anything good
>Can't sleep at night
>Always exhausted
>Tired of looking at the scars on my body
>Have zero release for stress
>Bullied from K-8th grade, mostly for being white in a black city
>6'1" and only 122lbs
>Malnourished because I don't want to be a burden on friend's family
>Can't look at myself in the mirror without being repulsed
>Have no interest in anything anymore
>Never leave the house
>Rarely get out of bed
>Rather smart, be can't fucking apply it
>Horrible memory
>Constant physical pain from degenerative disc disease

Holy fuck Sup Forums, what the hell do I do? I used to be so good at fighting my depression, but it's just gotten more and more difficult. Maybe if I finally get a job, it will be easier to get out of bed and it will be a good distraction for a few hours. But then I'll be back alone with my thoughts. My girlfriend tries to help, but it's not like I'm just sad, this is something that is fucked up in my head. I would get on medication for it, but I don't have health insurance. I'd buy them myself, but I don't even have money to eat; I just eat whatever this family can spare. I just don't get why I deserve such a shitty life. What do I do Sup Forums? How do I get through this without offing myself or going totally insane?

And probably the worst part of it all is that I can't bring myself to tell anyone how bad I'm suffering. I just say I don't want to do things because I'm not in the mood, or I make up an excuse, but it's really because I just don't have the strength to push myself to go out and do anything.

Similar situation here
I wish i could tell you something positive but nothing positive can get out of my mind anymore

Don't worry, I completely understand

Work bitch.

Get a job. A shit job. Then get a better job. You obviously have an internet connection, do something productive with it. Do some community college or a trade school and get a better job.

Music will get you nowhere. Trust me, I'm better than you and I can't make a living off music. Photography will get you nowhere either.

If you actually have degenerative disc disease, get a doctor's note and bring it to your gas station attendant job, they will give you a chair to sit in.

Boohoo my life sucks because I'm a lazy fag who isn't assertive enough to take what I deserve.

You're a white male. White males have been succeeding at a greater rate than any other race on the planet for centuries. Stop making us look bad faggot.

Thanks for the encouragement, you self-righteous scumbag.

OP Please don't listen to retards like this
Typical Sup Forums cunt with 0 understanding of what depression is like

I'm sure you might've already but just start really taking initiative in your friends house, then eating won't be such a burden on urself. just do shit they wouldn't really think to ask but needs to be taken care of. go for a run everyday too and make it a long one so you feel dead after. will help you sleep sounder at night so that u don't have to deal with ur demons and not get a good nights sleep. if u live in a black area jobs shouldn't be too difficult to find, but I'm not sure of course but just look for anything. read a book every once in a while. a good philosophical one that'll make you think about different things. not that good of advice but the best i can give. really do these things and it makes you feel a bit better. good luck user

Alcohol... It's the reason I stopped taking depression pills, it's the reason I put myself out in the world, it's the reason I don't feel bad when I get rejected, it's the reason I have scored with chicks way out of my league, it's apart of me become the liqueur it's the only way to stand agains the shit winds

Yeah, that could help. I've got some experience with contracting so maybe I can take care of some of the problems around the house that everyone ignores. And I used to go for walks in the woods by the house and that helped clear my mind, til the fucking heat showed up, but maybe I can start going later at night

You want to drown in your sorrow?
You want to PROLONG YOUR SUFFERING?

Time to start making improvements mateys.

Google "The book of Pook"
Download that shit
Read cover to cover.

That's a start. Start exercising. Make your body something you're proud of.

Study. Not just class shit but anything that you're even vaguely interested in.

With becoming good at shit comes confidence.
Remember none of this will appear overnight.
REMEMBER WHINING ABOUT YOUR SHIT LIFE WILL ONLY PROLONG THE SHITTINESS OF IT

Things won't be the same forever. And it will be of massively great help to you if you start making yourself as prepared as possible to do well in the rest of your life. Otherwise you'll just waste it being sad fucks. That will lead to more regret and shit.

Get to it anons. It doesn't have to be this way if you don't want it to ;)

Go to the Army.
You will find good comrades there and the army always cares for the veterans.

I used to drink, but I got ulcers from it and now I can't even taste the stuff

But it does have its tolls,it's hard to sleep without it, it can drain your bank account if you don't by cheep and find your minimum amount that you require, and all that health shit but who really wants to live to be old anyways

>You're a white male

You do have some good suggestions, but obviously don't understand how depression works. It's not just something that you get over. I don't want to be depressed and I fight it, but I still am. And I'm gonna be depressed til the day I die. I'm just looking for helping in managing it.

I've thought about it; got some buddies in there already

ust kill urself lol XD

Wow I never thought about that user thank you :DDD

Do it.
You will learn what a true bond under comrades is.
Your life won't be boring but you also need to think about they risks.
And you also can start a new life.
Grab your money move to another city start a new life.

How's summer kiddo?

I was depressed from around 13 to 21.
You're right it's not something you just get over. Especially as it becomes a very entrenched mindset. Felt like that was how my life was gonna be forever.
Thing aren't the same now and you really see things are possible where before they were impossible for sure.

my point was to start giving things a try. Coupled with it taking 21 days average to cement a new habit (healthy ones hopefully) and build from there.
You haven't fully given up as you're not dead.
So part of you believes in carrying on.

But coasting along in misery is absolute shit and you should try your very best to get out of asap.
Got a school councelor or something? Go see em. be honest, look for help

Alright, I see the angle you were coming from now. And you know, I will start exercising as a start. It's simple and all around good for me. I'm tired of saying maybe and letting this shit consume me. I guess I just got too low that started to lose sight of getting out.

> be me
> 18
> summer holidays
> happy cause school sucks
> have gf, friends
> think summer is going to be 10/10
> me and gf have big fight
> fight over her being 'busy' all the time
> she gets upset
> gf of 8 months breaks up with me
> sad.jpg
> think friends will be supporting
> they mock and ridicule me
> they hated my gf anyway and thought she was ugly
> be in group chat with 'friends'
> we go out a couple times but it's nothing fun
> one day 'friends' kick me from group chat for no reason
> haven't been invited anywhere since
> haven't talked to any of them since
> get added and kicked immediately from another group chat
> they're all having a BBQ and haven't invited me
> entire group chat is them hating on me
> no friends, no gf, no life
> all I do is browse Sup Forums, work out, play video games and bitch about politics on the internet

mfw I have no friends or gf

mfw my summer turned out to be shit

mfw no one likes me

mfw I feel lonely.

it happens all to easily. If you do it for a while then stop, you'll already have proven to yourself you can do it, it'll just be a matter of practice to keep it up for longer - the same with most things in life

Best of luck to you :)

I feel it user. A few years back, I had a close circle of friends that I was always with. But I was never invited to anything, and when I started realizing that, I also realized that I was slowly being pushed out of the group. Eventually I was distant from all of them, and none of them seemed to care. It fucking sucks. I don't know what was so repulsive about me, but so is life. I moved to a new end of the city and went to a new school and started over. So I wish you luck user. Summer isn't over so I hope it turns around for you. And fuck those friends. If they did that shit to you, then they weren't real friends anyways; so good riddance.

see You'll be ok ;)

Thank you so much user, I appreciate it immensely.