All right, Sup Forums, this is a story about how my house was nearly robbed three years ago

All right, Sup Forums, this is a story about how my house was nearly robbed three years ago.

>be me
>15
>parents and sister are out for the day
>decide it's a good time to fap.
>engage fapping preparations
>find video I like
>make like a butcher and beat that meat
>feelsgoodman.jpeg
>30mins later
>hear car door slam
>fuck off, they can't be home yet
>look outside
>see two buff men in ski masks
>one has a bag, the other a crowbar
>they're eyeing up the house
>FUCKFUCKFUCK.gif
>why me
>had to be me
>oh fuck, I'm naked
>don't want to be seen naked by two grown men
>afraid of being held hostage or worse

Bumping for interest

Will probably end up in spaghetti. Bumping.

Bump

>make like a black man fleeing from the cops
>run out the living room to check if door is locked
>realise that was retarded, since they have a crowbar.
>be retarded and run upstairs without grabbing a phone
>running up them steps
>calories burning
>dong flailing
>turn to go into my room
>hit knee off radiator at like mach 5 speeds
>fall into my room face first
>panic, get up, slam door, hold breath
>maybe I was wrong, maybe they're heading somewhere else
>hear front door handle making noise
>hear mail slot open up and close a few seconds later
>theybepeepingforfolk.png
>my heart was beating as fast I was earlier during the fappening

Keep going

>the next few seconds felt like hours
>hear a smash so loud it broke the sound barrier
>there goes the door window
>hear chain lock rattling, they open that
>door was always stubborn, it took force to open it sometimes
>hear them struggling to open it
>hear another loud crashing noise
>found out later that the guy with the crowbar literally kicked it off the hinges
>oh fuck, they're in
>shitting bricks
>naked
>can't protect my home
>lawd help me

Bump

Bumping

To clarify, the home I used to live in.
Two bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs. Kitchen, living room and parent's bedroom downstairs.

>before my parents left, my mother got her box of jewellery out to put something on
>in their haste to leave, she left it sitting on top of the shelf above the TV
>this sudden realisation dawns on me
>oh fuck, they're going to notice and steal that shit. There's at least a couple grand worth of jewellery in there.
>shaking like a Parkinson's patient
>can hear faint mumbling
>hear "BRO, CHECK THIS!"
>I assumed they found the box.
>Begin to creep about my room to grab a pair of boxers so I'm not naked

>ever so slowly open the boxer drawer
>remove a pair even slower
>shut drawer
>turn around
>being the clumsy fuck I am, I knocked a can of deodorant off the drawer
>shit goes slowmo
>I turn to catch it
>Miss it by a mile
>shit hits the radiator in my room
>CLANGBANG HEREIAM CLANK

>everything is quiet
>like Helen Keller quiet
>I hear the sound of running footsteps
>they begin to go up the stairs at an unbelievable pace
>OHFUCKNO.gif
>Run to my door, and put my back to it.
>Door handle turns, they push
>I push back
>I push this shit so hard it closes on one of the guy's hands, forcing him to pullout
>door is closed
>both begin to run at it
>they hit the door
>I spring forward, I close it again
>they keep pushing
>pushing
>pushing

I can see where this is going

>I had been going to the gym for a while, so I was surprised I held them off for this long
>I spoke to soon
>I fly forward after they hit it again
>Open the door
>get on the floor
>everyone walk the dinosaur

And I thoght maybe, just maybe this was going somewhere

Not OP: how about I told you the story of the time I almost got assaulted and robbed in broad daylight?

Go for it.

Sure mate, go on

Here I go
>be me
>a few years back (around 17 yo)
>walking back home
>Nobody on the street
>Except two guys watching me
>One of them yells at me
>Runs towards me
>He pushes me and adopts a fighting stance
>"Give me the fucking money"

>Suddently realize I'm about to get robbed, and probably beaten up
>Ohshitohfuckwhatthefuckishappening.jpg
>Guy keeps pushing me
>I quickly say the guy to chill
>"I have no money. I forgot my wallet home"
>Obvious lie
>Guy repeats "The fuck? Give me the money!"
>Tell the guy "Wait, wait. I told you I forgot my wallet home. I have no money"
>I keep telling him to chill.

>Guy suddently lowers his arms and go back to his pal
>His pal just stood a few meters back behind me, watching
>I wait a few moments, expecting them to attack me from behind
>Slowly turn my head: they are leaving
>I resume walking
>The whole thing lasted less than 15 seconds
>A few minutes later, I suddently realize I just barely escaped assault and theft unharmed
>Still have my wallet in my pocket
>mfw

That's it. I never got robbed or assaulted since then. That's for the better.

T.T

>Went downstairs to find two windows broken in basement den
>neither opened
>nothing stolen, looks like they didn't get in
>story over