>if your girl doesn't conform to the way you view the world she doesn't respect you
Flipping that logic around, if you don't conform to the way she views the world, you don't respect her.
Naturally, I respect a girl I care about. However, I also respect myself. As a matter of fact, if I didn't place myself as the highest priority on my list, I wouldn't be the person she saw and found interesting in the first place.
Moreover, if she didn't make herself her highest priority, she wouldn't be the person I wanted to be around in the first place.
We have to make ourselves the primary goal in our lives, because love is about wanting your lover to become a better version of the person you fell in love with. You want them to flourish in themselves and you want to be a part of that. That's just what love is.
So I don't have to respect her poor life decisions, and in fact, I shouldn't. I should constantly give her unrelenting shit for them, and I would. I have, even.
However, I should respect her positive ones. If she's totally into programming, I'm all for that type of thing. That is both a profitable and fascinating field in its own right, and I see tremendous potential for growth in a person who actually fosters an interest and a passion for that subject. I should by all means encourage that lifestyle choice.
And the same goes for her views on my life. If she discourages my interests, I leave her. I have profitable, fascinating interests of my own, and the pursuit of them will yield growth. If they don't want me to grow, they don't care about me.
If my girl doesn't conform to the way I view the world but respects my decisions and my pursuits when they are fruitful and offers constructive criticism when she sees me going down a path that is not good for me, then she respects me tremendously. The same goes for my opinion on her view of the world.
Again, if you don't want a woman to use her own brain, don't lie to yourself. Love isn't your goal.