ITT we work at Wal-Mart

ITT we work at Wal-Mart

Gonna need to check them bags, sir.

Why are there is pieces of shit on the ground?

Don't worry it's just rope to lynch niggers

>Wal-mart in Czechoslovakia

the manger said to put a couple black lives matters posters and Hillary for president posted up at the front of the store,

OK, fine sir. You have fun.

Attention associates, customer needs help in the gardening department. Also help in fabric department.

Tim wouldn't like the black lives matters posters with being a neo Nazi and all

WHO THE FUCK SHITED IN THE FLOWER POT?

It's time for the morning cult chant! Everybody stand around and clap like schoolchildren while singing the praises of working hard for little pay!

will we be sacrificing the goat too the alter as well?

WE ARE,WE ARE WALMART!

Alan, come to my office...NOW!

Man, you know we aren't cool enough for that. Management are buzzkills, that's their job description.

What the fuck do you want?

So we got 20 checkouts, keep 3 open.

One of the customers said you squatted over the check-out conveyor belt and Layed a mean shit and had it smear all over the place...anything to say about that?

Customer: If it doesn't scan it must be free right? hahalolrofl

Me: :|

Should we open more?

District Manager Here, why aren't you all doing [inane bullshit that you were never briefed on], why are you making me have to do more work to get you slackers fired? you all should have known better. Now I'll have to find replacements for all of you and crush their souls so they won't complain about how they're treated. It's not like you cattle are even human. Are you even listening to me? Looks like you're going to be fired, I'll make sure your store manager gets his lazy butt on it.

I’m a high school drop out and this is my Walmart. I work here with Melissa the college student and Doug the homeless guy, and in 23 years I’ve learned one thing. You never know how much you'll get paid.

So what? If you fire me it will be like Columbine

completely justified?

I quit.

Co mgr. here I fucking hate my district manager.

YOU DONT EVEN WORK HERE

It's not a chain of command, it's a chain of hate. Everybody hates the person directly above and below themselves, and couldn't care less about anyone else.

*intercom* attention walmart shoppers, my dick is hard. I repeat, my dick is hard. that'll be all

Whatever my crew is kickass except for one assistant she's a fucking cunt but she gets her shit done on time. Other than that I like all the associates that work here. My market manager is a dickwad and my store manager try's to suck his dick.

District Manager Here, why haven't you told your employees to buff the chrome on the cart corrals? Customers keep scuffing them. Tell your employees not step on the chrome after buffing. Also why isn't the ceiling dusted. I need you to get those cleaned, it's a hazard to the customers, but we can't close this store, so I need you to figure out a way to get those cleaned without preventing the customers access to the areas of the store's ceiling that need cleaning but you need to ensure that the the customers are safe from falling debris. I'll be back in and hour and I won't remember any of what I just told you, but I'll have prepared a riot act to read to you because whatever you'll have figured out will still be unsafe for the customers, and whats worse is that you've diverted all attention to cleaning the ceilings but the cart corrals are still scuffed.

Why did we even hire you?

hey, they got a fuckin McD's in the store, but no fuckin starbuck's. WTF?
and what's with the shitty staff discount? no wonder everybody steals from here. it's not the fuckin niggers robbin us blind, it's the fuckin employees.

that's it. we're bringin in starbucks and all the employees are going to have to submit to strip searches whenever they leave the store. fuck the discount.

fuck i love being in HR.

(off topic)
check'd and kek'd

Strip search me extra hard, HR.

oh
and lay off another 15 employees.
criteria as follows:
can speak fluent english and weigh less than 200lbs, can reach the top shelves, and have no criminal record.
any 3 of the preceding can be counted as meeting full criteria requirements.

have a nice day. thank you for working at walmart.

Yes sir will you fuck my asshole while I do all that.

connie, i told you; not while there are other staff present.

HOLY FUCKNUGGETS SOMEONE SET THE STORE ON FIRE!

as in

someone HAS set the store on fire
or
someone SHOULD/NEEDS TO set the store on fire?

Actual employee here.
Out of the original crew of 8 I started in at Cap 2, 3 of us left. Everyone else was fired for inane reasons.

ok thanks

CAN'T YOU SEE THE FIRE RIGHT IN FROUNT OF YOU!

Is that all I am to you? Just another employee? I just had your dick in my mouth 20 minutes ago and you're giving me that shit? HOW COULD YOU TRAVIS???

further:

where's the OP's Manager?
there's a mop and bucket in aisle 23, and a wet floor sign has been put out.
this is not in line with regular operations.

get another 3 buckets out there, and don't put up any signs.

i also want to know who keeps replacing the toilet paper in the bathrooms and the burned out light bulbs in the store.

and i want whomever keeps the books section organized fired. you can actually find what you're looking for. that is so not on.

I'm looking for something your store doesn't carry, could I get someone to check in back to see if you have it?

connie, i'm surprised you can remember whose cock you had in your mouth 20 minutes ago.
Now shut up and keep sucking the DM's cock; i need that performance bonus this year.

whore Ex-wife wants her mercedes so her lawyer's pushing.

que?
no se habla de anglais

I loved "the back". I worked in electronics, so everytime a customer pissed me off I would be as obtuse as possible. If something they wanted wasn't on the shelves I would be like, "oh I'll go check in the back" even though I knew there was nothing in the cages. I'd just stand around in the lunch room for 5 minutes or so, grab a snack, then walk back slowly to electronics and tell the customer we didn't have any but it was on order. (it was never on order)

Why is it that women think that every single walmart employee know exactly where every item in the store is located at all times. Seriously, never men, always women.

I managed the aquarium section of the store I used to work for. That's it, part-time I made sure the fish didn't die or look unappealing to potential buyers, but bitches always had to ask like we're all required to memorize every aisle of the store or some shit.

Ask one of those worthless fucking associates that don't work and just walk around the store all day temping for everyone else and profiling shoplifters. They'll know, not me, not the gun guy, not the cashier... maybe the stock boy, but it's not his job either so don't get upset when he tells you he doesn't know/care.

Seriously. Learn how to fucking read, all any employee is going to do is walk out of the aisle and read the clearly labeled sections you should have paid attention to in the first place, and that's the only reason they remember the aisle numbers at all is because they've been asked so many goddamn times by simpleton retards which are again... always women.

We're dependapotamuses. Our rich husbands ensure everything at home is comfortable for us. Why can't you do the same? I demand to see a manager because my needs aren't met.

I always thought there should be like a colour coded system for departments. Staff could have like a stripe or something on their vest that matches the department they work in. Like Star Trek and the coloured shirts.

But then I remember that people are stupid and would still ask random staff for help anyways.

hmm....
speaks fluent english
what do you weigh, and how tall are you? do you have a criminal record?

independent thinking
cause for dismissal

you're fired.

You can't fire me. I already quite years ago.

>I demand to see a manager
i'm sorry, but all our managers are busy being ass-raped by our district and company management representatives.

if you like i can have one call you when they're free, or you can go on-line and try to navigate our convoluted web page to find a non-existent or non-functioning contact page.

other than that i'm neither authorized or qualified to help you any further.

6'2"
213
No.

Wait... you can't let me go. I only work part-time. I don't get health insurance. I'm still valuable.

Where do I apply for a job?

Online or the kiosk. We might get back to you in 6 months even though we've had a help wanted sign in our window for the past year.

oh alright thanks
I hope that I dont starve in those 6 months

4 for 4
sorry, but we're going to outsource your job to china.
i have no place else to put you

no worries
you can steal from our grocery section while you wait.
good luck

*walks into store with 5 kids*

*doesn't watch them as destroy everything around them*

*real life equivalent of a protoss carrier except from ghetto*

*needs to construct additional watermelons*

Are you a fucking madman
No we won't open more this isn't communist Russia

i quit

Save us
Please
Get us better management

Work at nights managing all the automated check-outs when there's maybe only 1 human cashier. Best job. I let the underage kids buy alcohol and everything. Basically get paid 6 hours to just listen to my mp3 player and stave off the urge to masturbate.

District Manager Here, I'm going to need to see you in the break room. You're displaying a failure to adapt. I need to correct you, and then I will instruct your store manager to further correct you, then I'll need to correct him on how to correct you and also to correct him from not correcting you in the first place, also then I'm going to correct him on how to correct all of your coworkers so that they're corrected about this issue so that they won't need further correction. They''ll also be instructed to correct you as well so that you won't need to be corrected again, otherwise they will be corrected in a manner that will compromise their positions and possibly lead them to be fired. You're hurting the team. Their jobs are in your hands. I'll ensure that the store manager knows this and handles you and them appropriately. If you continue with with bad choices like the one you displayed, you may never work in retail or anywhere else ever again.

why hasn't anyone buffed the chrome on the cart corrals yet?

>why hasn't anyone buffed the chrome on the cart corrals yet?

i looked into that, sir/madam.
it seems that the only person qualified to buff anything other than wood or lillies is mark, the homeless alcoholic guy who works in automotives.
problem is that he's dry right now and keeps drinking the cleaning fluids.
perhaps we should train one of the illegals to do this?

I love when you talk dirty to me. Correct me harder, District Manager sir.

HOLY SHIT DEREK IS SHOOTING EVERYBODY
RUN FOR YOUR LIFES!

Is Alan with him?

District Manager Here, Your pay is going to be docked if you leave the store and you're not on break.