Useless super powers

Useless super powers
>the ability to grow a unibrow at will

>the ability to have a two inch penis that grows to twenty inches when cold

The ability to fuck any woman in the world when you have already become a wizard

The ability to shit poo flavored chicken nuggets.

>The ability to pee tabasco sauce

Necrophilia dude

Read the mind of anybody you've already slept with

>The ability to summon a single snail at will.

That isn't useless
There could be a porn related use for this
That is not useless if you are a masochist

This is actually pretty useless

Nope, wizards still want blow jobs

Didn't mention blowjobs. Only fucking. A wizard has no use for that

The power to keep the little glued paper things covering screws on furniture.

>the ability to control someone's mind, but only when you are asleep

The ability to travel forward I'm time but only by 1 second at a time

>Be driving
>Have drugs
>Cops following you
>SpAwn snail on driver cop face
> cops crash
>Get away
Not usrless

>the ability to breath on land

In time* fuckin mobile

>x ray vision, that only work on fish

>I'm time
Kek

>an ability to grow a huge round ass
>you're male

>Be space man
>Go to mars
>On land
>Can breath
Not useless

Assuming all guys are straight, especially on the chan.

>the ability to get a brain freeze at will

>can post awesome OC on Sup Forums but only in trap fap threads

the ability to turn into a nigger but only when cops are around

>Be Lonely fag
>Activate trap mode
Not useless

>The ability to have terminal cancer

In a lie detector test. Want to throw off results for false positives? Brain freeze. Not useless

Not really a super power if little kids get it everyday

The ability to shit from peepee

Lie detectors are not really being used anymore except for shitty PI companies and shitty Day time TV

Right, no guy has ever wanted to know what his girlfriend was actually thinking

>the ability to die when you get old

>The ability to shrink the size of your third toe
>on your right foot
>every leap year.

I could make allot of money with that ability.

>go to Japan, become instant tv celebrity

> Ability to speak all of the language in the world but cant understand it

The ability to go forward in time at a rate of 1 sec/sec

Or your girlfriend

You're a suicidal fag. Not useless

>become cop
>fuck all the white women
>shoot other niggers
Not useless at all

The ability to sweat cum

The ability to create an asteroid In a different Galaxy at will

>Black Power

Now that is fucking useless

See
I already said that

Sell it to sperm banks, 10000000000 women and you're the last man, repopulate earth. Not useless

>Be cumslut
>Best superpower ever

Not usless, you could use it in sports to find out what opponents would do

Well fuck you

>the ability to loose your ability

>an ability to summon sexy dragon girls
>they will appear in a random, unknown to you place

Are you stupid nigger
>yes, yes you are.

The ability to exhale quickly

The ability to only fly north

Go public and make it like a groundhog thing every leap year. Not useless

>randomly spawns in a scaly's house
>not useless

Keep doing it until there is enough population to find one

We are already traveling forward in time one second at a time. And even if you were somehow able to adjust faster there was no mention of traveling backward so you couldn't react any differently.

The ability to make a single child in China sneeze at will, once per hour.

The ability to checkem

>sneezes and spreads pandemic
>biological weapon
>not useless

Checksum

Until you've done it so much the toe disappears and then you're fucked

The ability to get 2s

The ability to get quints

Not even close

...

Ability to shrink 1 strand of hair 1mm once a year

witnessed

>The ability to burst into flames, but only when completely submerged in water.

The ability to control your own thoughts

>have depression
>control your own thoughts by saying dont be depressed
>not useless

>The ability to download excessive amounts of porn and then feel empty inside

This is a paradox.

Make millions of dollars as a performer. Not useless

The ability to spawn Harrier jets by pressing triangle triangle square circle X L1 L1 down up

The ability to fart in HD 3D

The ability to get explosive diarrhea at will unless you're in a sex situation. Ie no point or scat lover satisfaction, also can't be used to determine button rapist

>Read the mind of anybody you've already slept with
says the virgin

>that permanent stale-jizz smell
>no matter what you do it's there
>it's powerful enough to out-stench even expensive colognes
>everywhere you go people curl their noses and avoid you like the plague

That isn't just useless that's downright cruel

>the ability to breath on land
how about you try to lose that ability. see how useless it is once you dont have it.

Hey i have that power!

The power to give yourself a paper cut on your eye at will

The ability to cough up random bones

the ability to fucking die

Not useless
>Survival scenario
>No food
>Keep skipping a second
>Survive twice as long

The ability to be sad anytime you want
You could shave off those hairs infinite amount of times and burn them for fuel.

The ability to run at 150 miles per hour but only while underwater

>the ability to get 72 virgins in the afterlife, regardless of how you died.

>ability to turn into a 93 year old woman with bladder problems

Being black

>"The Chan"