I’m filled with anger. And I’m starting to understand why. It feels like my recent happiness has been like a calm before the storm. The rage inside of me is growing louder every day as time goes on. I cannot silence it. I can do things to make it better- working out, going on runs, doing pushups, intense strenuous activity helps me focus on something else other than the rage burning within me. I have a drive to engage in destructive behaviour that I cannot rid myself of. I cannot find peace within myself. I feel like an edgy teenager, and I hate drama . my destructive behaviour is not to myself. Not purposefully. I’ll punch a mirror and accidentally cut myself, but I do not wish to physically harm myself. I have, however engaged in self destructive behaviour from a social standpoint. I’m sabatoging my relationships with other people because I am afraid of what I will do and how I will harm those I care about if I continue on this path. I just want to know peace from this.
I cannot go on for very long if this does not end. I need help, and I dont know how or what to do anymore....
I’m filled with anger. And I’m starting to understand why...
I think I might be manic or bipolar, but it doesn't seem likely as my periods of emotions range for months at a time, and never leave they just blend. A few months ago I was depressed, and then one day I started seeing the beauty in everything. I experienced profound bliss. This has lasted, and is continuing to last for 3-4 months, except now, I have an feeling of rage within me slowly building every day. This started three days ago. I dont know how to describe how it feels to see how utterly beautiful something is and want to destroy it at the same time.
Sup Forums what do? I do not wish to have to become an hero....
Kill random crackheads nobody will miss
nice wall
didn't read it tho
what's the tl;dr?
was depressed
got happy like magic
got angry. rage of 1000 suns
happy + rage emotion blended together
cannot handle
dont want to an hero
am homocidal
dont know what do
how old? and how attractive on a 1-10 scale?
21 i'd say 8, why?
people rate me from 7-10 but io think 10 is bullshit
gay? pedo? or any sort of disease related to sex?
Not gay, not paedo, not std's...
Are you thinking syphilis? because i dont have that.
add to that:
do you have a job?
how do you sustain yourself?
do you have any friends?
are you in a relationship? have you ever been in one?
when was the last time you had sex? or are you a virgin?
no, i'm talking about the tumblr shit, like trans, or that "kin" thing where they believe they are wolves, or whatever the fuck is their new thing.
>Used to own a business, was sued out of business. This happened prior to everything. Am currently on welfare.
>i dont sustain myself. my welfare checks havent been coming in. this has been happening since before any of these changes. i steal food from my parents. i haven't paid rent in a while.
>i have friends, but i am afraid of what i'll do to them if i continue on this path. I have as a result alienated myself from them
>ive had numerous girlfriends. I'm not currently in a relationship, although I am interested in this girl, who i recently pushed away. she cant reject me if i reject her first.
>i had sex like 2 weeks ago with some random slut.
all of these things i was coping with just fine prior to this wednesdayish at around 2:30 am. I can pinpoint the time when i became irrationally filled with rage,
>living with parents
That's the root of your problems. You won't get into a healthier mental state while living with them.
>i have friends, but I alienated myself from them
You don't have any friends, stop lying to yourself. You pushed them away because you know they don't give a fuck about you, and couldn't care less about what is happening to you, that's why you are afraid of what you can do to them.
>I am interested in this girl, who i recently pushed away
You didn't push her away, she wasn't reciprocating, and you are too much of a pussy to admit you are not interesting to her.
Consider what I just said, and be honest with yourself. You are being a little bitch.
>On the contrary, I'm living in an apartment. Not with my parents. I take food from my parents. The invite me over for dinner once or twice a week. You asked about sustinance.
>Perhaps your second point is correct, on a subconcious level.
>She actually told me she was interested in me first.
>You asked about sustinance.
I meant to say support, as in "how do you support yourself" money wise, and you already answered that, I didn't mean to say sustenance, my bad.
>subconscious level
Look, I'm not here to comfort you, at all. If you want to talk about yourself, your feelings, and such, fine, but you can stop with the "ugh i'm so deep and i'm in such pain, the whole world is a shadow, just as cold as my soul", because nobody with enough self-respect buys into this garbage.
Having no friends is part of growing up, and you should get used to it, but if you can't get over it, there may be something bigger going on that you are not aware of.
>She actually told me she was interested
I don't care what she told you, women lie all the time to have men under control, but I guess you are still too young to see it from a distance.
____
It doesn't seem like you are being too honest with yourself, and your bursts of anger could be a sign of immaturity. You are having a though time "growing up", it seems, and the killing thing is just a tantrum that you are throwing in order to get people paying attention to you.
What seems to work in those cases is just honesty.
Stop chasing ideals of what you think you should do, and stop denying the possibility that you aren't as great of a person as you believe you are. It helps a lot.
Duly Noted. Thank you.
What a successful thread
TL DR KILL YASELF
Just give in. Most people never get to feel the release that comes with a good long stint of rage-fueled madness. Go strangle somebody. Do it right, and you can even get off on a self-defense plea.
smoke weed err'day
I mean, that's the nature of the monkey inside his head, after all. He's really not completely aware that those bursts of rage can backfire and cause serious damage to himself in a civilized society, since he doesn't live in a jungle, and isn't required to defend his territory,
The concept of living in a civilized society itself is already alien enough to animals, and even though OP can write a few sentences, and is aware of himself, his instincts are at their prime telling him all the time to assert himself as "strong" to the other monkeys around him.
I don't think there's anything wrong with him whatsoever, but way too many faggots would disagree and would try to throw some liberal bullshit in, to explain how he has to do X or Y, in order to get Z, and all of the feminine bullshit that comes with it.
I can, that's your brain slowly slipping into insanity. No joke, I went through the same shit when I was 19 and moved out. I went from an abusive household where I always had to be angry or numb to avoid pain and then to a house with two of my closest friends and completely relaxing all the time.
I went from the depression, moved out, experienced pure bliss for about 6 months and then out of nowhere had the worst streaks of anger. To the point I was getting into fist fights everyday with my room mates or just random people. It took me beating someone within an inch of their life in the middle of a best buy to get arrested and checked out.
That was 2 years ago, still dealing with the repercussions of that and learning to cope with therapy and a lot of lifting. I still get outbursts but it's mostly verbal and a lot less extreme than it used to be.
Run away with a traveling carnival. That will literally give you everything you're looking for. I was there once, hopped on a show, been happy since
Lol, mad at mom much?