Sup Sup Forums. I'm pretty drunk and was hoping for some entertainment

sup Sup Forums. I'm pretty drunk and was hoping for some entertainment

I'm a prison guard in a facility for the criminally insane. Ask me anything

What's the worst you ever seen in jail ?

saw this little guy get his head stomped in by a huge dude. the part that still kinda fucks with me is that there was hardly any blood. just this grey shit oozing out of his head. the guys last words were "what did i do?". i still shudder when i think about it

What's your pay rate?

i make about $3200 a month, before taxes and overtime

is there any sexual violence that goes on? tell us about it, i want to hear some clapped out shit

Obligatory what is the funniest/weirdest/stupidest thing you have seen in there?

none that I've personally witnessed, but one day right before i got there this little guy on my unit got raped in one of the showers. there was a decent amount of blood on the floor, and im assuming there was even more that got washed down the drain. also, turned out the guy who raped him has HIV.

don't go to prison if you're a little guy, bad shit happens

I wnat to ask you if you have john hinkley jr there or the unabomber or anybody cool but its not safe to give out your location.

instead, can you tell us any cool stories? the more blood/gore the better, but sex is alwyas good too

>Criminally Insane

So, like a normal prison?

Creepy shit that has happened? Any ghosts or the like?

that's the stuff. thanks man, that's a tough job, expecting to witness that kind of debauchery. more stories, whatever pops into your head! good on ya

I was doing a tier check (walk around the unit and look into every cell to make sure no ones hanging themselves, etc) and stumbled upon a dude jerking off. I encounter that all the time. But this fucking guy was in this position (see pic) and I walked by just as he was finishing. Him and I made fucking eye contact as he was blowing his load onto his own face. Makes me giggle every time I think about it. That offender won't even look at me anymore

I can tell you we've had some high profile serial killers here before

let me rephrase- offenders who have committed violent crimes and also have severe mental illnesses

I'll keep it general. Are they well behaved? Do they get targeted for retaliation by others?
>did jeffrey dahmer get killed on your watch?

One of the buildings at my facility is super old. I was working overtime on graveyard (alone, except for sleeping offenders) on one of the old units and the unit ice chest (which is fucking huge-- like at least 80 pounds) fell off the table and spilled like 5 gallons of ice everywhere. I went to review the video cameras and there was absolutely nothing there that could have moved it. The cooler was in the middle of a table, not near the edge or anything. Spooks me the fuck out to this day, even more than the murder i saw.

lol

I'm only 21 years old, way too young for Dahmer lol. But every high profile guy is kept in PC (protective custody) and has basically no interaction with other inmates. Other offenders will target high profile guys because they'll get more respect if everyone knows they're the one who killed the famous serial killer

and yes, generally they're well behaved

oh kek I figured you were some old fag

are the serial killers nice or creepy or anything? Do they really go nuts in PC? Do they get shitpiles of letters? If you write one, does your name go into a file or something?

I always wanted to write the unabomber but not wind up on a list, which i'm certain you do.

>tell us about the murder

How well you know Batman?

we're roommates

I hope you don't take this the wrong way but did you become a prison guard?

The pay stinks and your surrounded by people who would happily shove a rusty shank into your face. Why not just be a janitor or something?

serial killers are usually overly nice to staff. most of them are diagnosed sociopaths so it makes it even more creepy when you know they're faking all the emotion they're showing to you. some of them go crazy in PC, some handle it well. The really high profile guys get a decent amount of letters (like 10ish a day). I'm not sure if you get put on a watchlist or anything if you send one. There will be a record kept in the DOC mailroom that you sent this particular guy a letter though. Feel free to write the unibomber, nothing will probably come of it

This job has the best pay I could get with no degree (basically $20/hr). It also has great insurance and assault benefits, and great retirement. When something better comes along I'll cash out my retirement and get the fuck out, but until then I'm stuck there.

what does it take to get in?
i laugh a lot, is that ok?
i sometimes see these images and hear screams, am i ok?

I heard this woman I worked with in the 90's got life for shooting some guy. I always liked her, so I started writing. Think I'm nuts? I enjoy the correspondance and she's totally fucked, so I think it's a nice thing to do for her. She was cool to me.

What's something nice I can do for her I wouldn't think of? I'm getting her a subscription to a magazine and I put money on her books sometimes.

Do you have to watch them in the kitchen or anything? She has kitchen duty and it sounds boring/sucky.

Kitchen is one of the better jobs you can get in prison. Depending on what state she's in. Kitchen workers in my state get paid way more than offenders with regular jobs. I don't personally work in the kitchen ever, but the offenders there can choose what they eat and how much, as long as the kitchen officer isnt a cunt.

If you want to do something nice for her, get on her approved visitor list and pay her visits. People in prison live for visits. Bring money and buy her tons of food from the vending machines. Other than that, just keep putting money on her books. Having money to spend can make prison more bearable. The magazine was a good thought too.

What was the punishment for the big guy? Know why he did it?

thanks for the good advice, user. I never thought about visiting. She's in Texas, but next time I'm there I'll see if I can arrange it.

I figured kitchen was the worst, but I heard you can get more food.

Hey, speaking of which, she can get in trouble if I ask her something like " do you get extra food for working in the kitchen", right? I know their letters get read and everything.

Great idea about the snacks. I saw that on a Lockup episode once.

>does your prison have cats outside?

he got shipped out to a way shittier facility and got a murder charge. I dont think he got the death penalty, just another life sentence on top his current life sentence. He did it because he was a crazy mother fucker. No other reason. The little guy never did anything to him, or anyone for that matter. He was just an easy target

Fuck this sounds like american horror story

The letters get skimmed for criminal shit, but no one actually reads the whole thing. They basically skim and look for keywords or hidden messages. So she probably wouldnt catch any flack for the kitchen comment. If you do plan on visiting her, let her know in your next letter that you want to be put on her approved visitor list. The process takes a while, so it would be better to have it all done before you head down there.

yeah man. a few offenders saw it happen from their cells. They were scared shitless too

is prison anything like Orange is the new black?

can't say. I've never seen OITNB and I work in a mens prison lol

2 life sentences eh
Are there differences between tbe gaurds? Tough ones, nice ones stupid ons that get tricked. Or do you all recieve strikt instructions on how to handle every situation?
For example, How much you can legally beat a man
How to clean up brain matter
What signs to look for to know its about damn time to call the excorsist

Have you ever had anyone in there you didn't think belonged there? Like someone who might have been innocent? Have you ever been friends with any of the inmates?

All guards are different. I don't really give two fucks about what the offenders are doing as long as the unit stays safe (IE: gambling, passing, sharing food, etc.) But other C/O's will crack down on that shit hard. i've seen other C/O's get manipulated by offenders, even to the point of sneaking shit inside to give them.

Use of force is pretty murky. Way too much to go into. We can use force for tons of reasons, but we have to be able to justify why we did it.

I can beat the fuck out of someone if he is:

1. Attempting to harm me or another person. However, I have to stop wailing on him if he goes down and stops trying to get up.

2. Committing a felony

3. Attempting escape (In this case we would probably shoot him with an AR or shotgun, after several directives to stop)

4. Compromising the safety or security of the institution

Offender hazmat porters clean up brain matter, after the police are done with the crime scene.

I get to know all the offenders' baseline behavior. If they start acting different, I call the excorsist

Never had a guy i thought was innocent, never had an inmate I'd call friend. There are inmates im cool with, joke around with, talk to, etc. But none of them are my friends. When you cross that line you can get manipulated and compromised it can get you into serious trouble

the excorsist?

or the Lieutenant. whichever

How's the staff lunchroom?

lol

well executed

Do you ever feel bad for any of them?

Each unit has their own breakroom. Ours is alright. No common staff lunchroom though

Are there any female COs in your facility?

Have you ever made friends with an inmate? Or is that disallowed?

Yes. There are some guys there who committed non-violent crimes like theft or drugs. Guys who seem like perfectly decent dudes who made a mistake, and are now losing years of their lives for it. I did some stupid shit when I was younger, and if I had been caught I could've ended up there too. You cant help but feel for some of the guys stuck there.

This sounds pretty exciting honestly and somestimes intense, although i suppous it gets more mundane after a while. What about the depiction of prison gaurds in movies, are they any accurate or do they make you rage?
Has any inmates come in with the expectations of what they saw in film? Please say someone tried to tunnel out using a spoon and covering the hole with a poster

How long are shifts, typically? Which shifts are the easiest/require least effort?

Yeah. Some hot ones too. They gotta put up with alot of shit though, from inmates and staff alike. Theyre also way more likely to get manipulated and compromised, in my experience. I've seen several female C/O's get fired and charged with rape (because a C/O cant fuck an inmate under any circumstances due to the power difference) after getting caught having sex with an inmate

...

8 hours, no lunch or paid breaks. if things are slow we can go outside and have a smoke. I work alot of overtime though, and those are 16 hour shifts.

I work swing shift now, which i think is the hardest. Its when the offenders freak out the most. Easiest is graveyard, by far. Thats why I do my overtime on graveyard

Why would you want to have sex with a crazy inmate??? Like I might have issues with being too nice or something, but I don't think I could bring myself to let one of them actually touch me..

Imagine being an inmate and being able to say you banged a female CO. Would that get you respect or jealousy from other inmates? Would other inmates hurt you for it?

youd be surprised. some of these guys can be really manipulative. lots of them are sociopaths.

You'd get mad respect. But you'd also probably get moved to another facility.

Stupid women. What can you do?

was there ever one who stood out as different?
unlike the personality of any you have seen before? If so describe them and what the usual con.

Are the COs tall and muscular, or are there some fat ones?

all different shapes and sizes. I'm 6'0 and pretty skinny. Theres ALOT of fat fucks who work there too though, and some muscular dudes.

Do you like your job? Why do you do it?

Do you ever find yourself thinking of them as like a different species or something? Are they ever treated inhumanely?

too many to list. everyone on my unit is crazy in their own way. For example-

We have a guy who thinks everytime a radio call is made its president Obama talking about him

We have a guy who thinks he is literally Satan

We have a guy who thinks that hitmen are coming from the next state over to kill him. No matter what we tell him, he's always freaking out thinking today's his last day.

We have a guy who eats his own shit on a constant basis

We have a guy who is wheelchair bound, or so he thinks. He can actually walk just fine, I've seen him do it. But he really believes hes paralyzed.

So many more

Have you or any other CO ever been attacked by an inmate?

How often do you and your fellow guards do illegal shit? I only ask because my girlfriends' mom is a prison guard and she's a huge crackhead, to the point where she even smokes at work when she can.

Just seems like a weird job to have if you regularly break the law, so I'm curious.

Its alright. Definitely interesting. I only do it for the money though

Do newbie COs get put on the worst shifts at first? Do you ever mess with them just because?

I always think of them and treat them as human beings. My job is easier if I treat them with respect, because they'll usually treat me with respect. Some C/O's genuinely get off on treating them like shit though.

My partner and I were almost attacked. The guy was off his meds and coming at us. We sprayed the fuck out of him with OC (pepperspray) and never had to go hands on.

Elsewhere in the institution there has been several staff assaults though.

Sometimes I'll pop pills at work (percs, vicodin, etc) just to make the day go by easier. Other C/O's do it too, but its not really an epidemic or anything

Yes. New C/O's (or "ducks" as they're called.) get shitty spots, and get fucked with by staff. It happens to almost everyone when they're new.

We had a new C/O come onto our unit a few weeks back, and I convinced him he had to do "air checks". We told him he needed to collect air samples from 3 cells and bring them to the Lieutenant. This kid filled 3 trash bags with air from 3 cells, and brought them down to the LT. The LT. called me and was laughing his ass off. We pull harmless pranks and stuff like that, but nothing sinister

what are some of the typical crimes you see
people come in for besides murder? jewel thieves,
gang leaders, you know the crazy shit.

Ever hear talks of (or experienced) riots, or is that just in movies?

could you end up in this prison as an inmate somehow or would you end up in another facility as you worked here as a guard?

Mostly murder. Not regular vanilla murder, but like fucked up murder. Like ritualistic torture and shit. Other than that, theres alot of child molesters here too.

>This kid filled 3 trash bags with air from 3 cells, and brought them down to the LT.

Kek

There have been some riots at my facility, but none in the last like 30 years. The guys are too dumb to really organize something like that. If there was a riot though, we'd be royally fucked and probably get raped and tortured to death. Keeps me up some nights.

I would end up in a completely different state probably. And the staff there would know I'm an ex-C/O. It would only be a matter of time until one of them said it too loudly, or straight up told an inmate. Then I'd probably get murdered pretty quick, unless i got put in protective custody immediately

Do you guys have a contingency plan if that ever comes to be?

Is most of the inmate population niggers?

Yes. But if you're at the epicenter of a riot, there's really no options except get behind a locked door and wait for the National Guard. If you can't run you can try to fight, but you'll be outnumbered 30 to 1. You'll most likely die a horrible death if you get caught in a riot.

mostly white dudes actually

do you treat prisoners differently depending on their conviction? such as you give child rapist a harder time than say drug dealers?

Oh, and I forgot to mention that even if you get behind a locked door, offenders can still get in if they get a set of keys off another C/O

No. I treat them differently based on how they treat me and other staff. If theres a baby rapist who is a super easy keeper and never causes trouble, I'll let him be. But if theres a guy in for weed possession who is a total cunt, I'll make his life miserable

Sounds like a nightmare if it becane a reality. Thankfully they're not capable to organize such a thing. Do you thing it's because gangs hating each other? Are there even gangs there?

but couldn't you just keep the key in the door and hold it in the locked position

Sounds fair. My guess is other inmates aren't as nice.

do you have people who you believe genuinely did nothing or only did the crime to save themselves? like people who really shouldnt be there

Do the inmates ever talk to you about the fucked up things they did? Or do you ever hear them tell each other stories?

There aren't really any active gang members in the mental health facility where I work. In the surrounding facilities (all part of the same complex) we have lots of gang members. Those facilities are at higher risk for riots. The mental health facility is a low riot risk because they're mostly all low functioning and heavily medicated

Havent come across any yet, but im sure theres at least a few innocent guys here. we have roughly 3000 inmates in the complex

Most guys don't talk about their crime with anyone.

i suppose that could work

Are the cells electronically locked? If so, what do you think would happen if the power went out and backup generators didn't work. What would be your plan of action?

are there any inmates that you hate of deep down know they are pure evil? what did they do to make you feel this way?

or know*