You start out in a hole filled with spiders, snakes, and scorpions

You start out in a hole filled with spiders, snakes, and scorpions.

If un restrained Roll climb check

I laugh hard so other can wake up to the sound of my voice

You start to climb the side of the wall to escape the hole, but you fail. When you hit the ground hissing snake can be heard.

Cast illumination.

Rolling to 5 knuckle shuffle whatever is in the pit

You hold out your hands and say the magic words. Appleseed! the light gets the attention of a passing salesman. He throws down a rope to hoist you out of the hole.

Transfigure the rope used to save you into a horse dildo. Proceed to fuck the salesman with it whilst stealing his goods

You transfigure the rope into a horse dildo, but you are still in the hole and cannot get out. The salesman flees.

goods turns in to dildos with time bombs in them set to 5 posts

>punch the gm in the face

Use horse dildo as a weapon and attack what was previously in the pit. Roll for that damage

"I don't know how to play this game ! " said the level 1 knight sitting along the edge.

You can tell he's a level 1 by the floating "level 1" above his head.

1 post left till dildos explode

The salesman notices the transfiguration and leaves his cart of dildos next to the hole.

I roll to cry and defecate on myself.

"trimming armor 10k!" the knight hears
"follow into wildy 4 free phs!"
"buying gf 1k!"
The knight is immediately interested in all of this and goes to investigate

I cast magic missiles.

>Inb4 natural 20.

i wanna shove all the snakes up my ass and clip the scorpions on my nips.

The knight had no idea what the voice said, in fact he wasn't sure if it was in his language...

However desperate to escape the hole the knight heads towards the sound of the voice...

the dildos flop in to the hole and start exploding while falling in to the hole, the explosions trigger a cave-in, everyone dies but the salesman and the knight

The dildos explode and the side of the hole caves in. Debris from the top of the hole start to fall.

Why aren't we on /tg/ so that we can properly roll dice, or at least rolling for dubs? OP is a faggot

The knight felt as though this situation was oddly familiar, as when he was a young child his father and company would all thrust their hard dicks at him. Regardless, instincts took over, and he moved as fast as he could torward sunlight

"Fuck you, that's why ! " said the knight, extending his middle finger, only to find it half missing.

bootfuck all noises with my hobnailed leather boot +1

It's a good thing that I am, myself, playing a hole filled with spiders, snakes, and scorpions. Otherwise, this could be awkward.

because fuck you dubs overrides. no one like to play along when it takes so dang long

You kick the falling debris so hard it obliterates into tiny pebbles. Making a steep hill that you are able to climb

As my bardic heritage requires.

I roll to seduce all creatures near me.

I have 17 skill ranks in seduce: wildlife

You seduce all the wildlife

I stomp mightily to up the slope to freedom with my hobnailed leather boots +1

You know what you're right dubs would be better

You make it out of the hole. You win

I celebrate my victory with a hobnailed leather boot +1 dance

roll to intimidate hole

>Rolling for magic missile
Fucking poser

Well fuck all you guys, my adventure is done already. I am Bard, master of wildlife. Fear me. Or i will roll to seduce.