In this thread I pretend to be a psychologist

In this thread I pretend to be a psychologist.

Tell me what's on your mind and I will pretend to give you some guidance in these troubled times.

Also I spam touhou pictures. Because that too is an important part of life.

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i constantly think about death, even when im really happy, being closeted trans is taking so much out of me and it just fucking hurts to be alive.

Have you talked to anyone about how you feel? There's a cost to having a part of yourself that you cannot express. Even when you're happy you're going to be happy only with that part of yourself you can let out into the world.

I'm psychotic schizofrenic and autistic

What do?

I cannot trust anyone or rather I give them physical trust while expecting the worst to come of it no matter what with any relationship
What do

I have nobody that I can talk to, im just a sad excuse of a person with no friends and transphobic family, if I try to reach out to anyone ill just get kicked to the ground again.

That's quite a lot of things to be at once. How do you feel about that?

You may have something like attachment issues, that's a difficult thing to overcome. That said trust is not something you should just give to everyone no matter the situation. Do you think you're being unreasonable in expecting the worst?

Well you can talk to me user. If you did have someone you could say anything to without judgement or risking your relationship, what would you want to say?

Id want to come out to them, have someone that wouldnt misgender me without knowing, id want to tell them about my suicidal thoughts, about have ive attempted suicide more than once, id want someone to just be able to talk to.

Yes because I have never once trusted anyone wholly and that is fundamental for my philosophy of life

Does your family know you've attempted suicide? It seems you feel they won't take your feelings or identity seriously. Do they know how much this all means to you?

Well I can't say much without asking you. What does trust mean to you? If you did have a relationship with another person where you trusted each other completely what do you imagine that relationship would be like?

They know about the first time, which was a fist full of sleeping pills, which I was hospitalized for. They dont know about the second time at all. Only my brother knows about me being trans and he misgenders me and calls me a guy every chance he can. Im always in constant fear that one day my dad or mom will come in my room and start yelling at me for wanting to be the opposite of what they have known me as their(?) whole life, the only person ive ever came out to stopped talking to me minutes after I did, its tearing my mental state apart.

heres a picture of a cat eating spaghetti if any of you need it.

Well as a bit of practical advice don't be too hard on your brother for misgendering you. I'd be very surprised if he was doing it out of malice or disrespect for your identity. He has known you as a guy for your whole lives it's not an easy thing to undo that history. I'm wondering though why you're so worried that your parents will be angry with you. Is that something they often do?

feels like i'm losing friends and family and i'm worried that's making me lose them even quicker because i'm having a hard time hiding being miserable

Im mostly worried about my dad, hes highly transphobic and gets angry when tv shows stuff about trans people, my mom has never said anything about it, and I came out to my brother over a year ago, he should know by now.

If your friends and family are real friends and real family then they will be able to stay with you even when you're miserable if that's what you want. If they aren't able to stay when you're miserable then you haven't lost friends, just the illusion of friends. I know that's not an easy thing when you're hurting and want whatever help you can find but that's how it goes.

Why are you miserable?

I cant get over a crush. She takes up every wakung moment in my head and wven when I had a cancer scare she was the first thing on my mind.

It kills meseeing her with her new favorite

Isn't it better to have a thread full of people being kind?
or do u just like the shitposting so much that you want to drive us nicefags out?

My actual therapist asked me to come back to her and tell her the answer to this question
' what are some positives to being autistic '
i have a very mild case but being on this site for years has left me in a state where i cannot even fathom it having a positive outside of having companies hiring you just to meet their retard quota
help me op

Have you asked your brother to call you 'she' or a female name directly? As a practical concern if you still both live with your family that might lead to him inadvertently outing you to your parents.

Have you considered some sort of mediated way of expressing your feelings to your parents? Through a therapist or family friend if you don't feel safe telling them directly?

I'm guessing the new favorite is another guy and not a kitten. If she's in a relationship spending your time pining after her may bring you a lot of grief and never be rewarded.

i have at least one existential crisis a day and greatly fear death to the point that the panic attacks keep me up at night
do i need medication or is this a natural part of life for someone my age that ill get over soon
i talked to my doctor and he seems to think its depression but im not depressed at all
>im 21

not op but, depression isn't just "wahh i'm sad"
those are some symptoms of depression too, i'd look into it if i were you at there very least.

Alright well here goes

>mom got murdered four years ago (feels look yesterday) due to asshole boyfriend that made drug dealer go wrong
>parents sitting in rooms for entire days is totally normal and fine
>moving from private school to private school barely with any time to acclimate to syllabus means me=stupid in schools eyes
>meeting dad a few years ago, he yells because I'm fake. Was really just trying to put shit behind me. I cry.
>finally breaks down in front of grandpa and he takes me to pastor. Tell pastor I hate myself and want to die, he tells me God. I don't buy it
>everything thinks I'm gay because never had a girlfriend, and am feminine. Doesn't make me mad but people freak out
>hate myself and want to die but can't cause he'll might be real
>in love with a married woman whose ten years older and has kids. Am embarrassed and pissed off because of its
>got drunk with friend from work, admitted I might as well be a women
> got drunk with life long friends. Break down talk about married girl, talk about tjonokg everyone that exists hates me. Talk about not killing myself (meaning I obviously think it) and break down sobbing.

>whatever you say I'm open to at this point

when you look at it like that(which is the right way) i've had one real friend for years, but i think he's about as happy as i am. i've been worried about that but don't it's hard to help somebody when you can't help yourself with similar issues. don't think i have "real" family when it comes to blood. they all just care about each other when it's convenient.

miserable because i've wasted a lot of my life and can't do much with what i have left. have no drive really to do much. everything i try turns out badly and worse if i'm genuinely excited. my life could be a lot worse but i'm human, i don't just want to be "ok" or "surviving" i want to be happy and i don't know how.

She actually is in a relationship, or so she told me. Theyve been together for years apparently. Shes always vague about him, though.

And she admitted to me that she has a crush on her new favorite.

OP, you got time for this?

Young Nigger Faggot needs your help.

I understand that, but I struggled with depression in my early teens and I don't feel like I did back then. I still have interest in my hobbies, I'm not as socially introverted, etc.

I am out of liquor, but kinda drunk, should I drive to get more?

He doesnt live with us, sometimes I go over to his apartment and he does, I asked him to call me "Jade" which will be the name I come out with. But even us being alone his still misgenders me.
I havent ever really had good luck with therapists so I dont really know about that, and im pretty sure most of my family is transphobic

could be a mild case?
or hell might be something else entirely, had a kid go to the mental hospital because of paranoia, no suicide, no depression, just straight up paranoia. and not the tinfoil wearing ones, just kinda freaked out a lot, stayed up all night.

Was this directed at me? I don't quite understand what you mean.

Well I think there's an issue in what she's asking you that may be why you're having so much trouble with the question. Autism is a set of symptoms not a personality, we as a society diagnose and catalog the symptoms that are not valued by or are harmful to society. Believe me there are mental syndromes with outcomes that are quite useful to society and no one ever asks those people to list the "positives". It's a stupid fucking question. "What are the upsides to this list of traits we as a society have decided are shit?" I don't mean to say that you're psychologist is dumb but if I was you I wouldn't try to answer that question.

How about what do you like about the way you live your life?

Sure I'll profess to be young! My only question; does it ever get better? Or does it just take more alcohol to numb the pain?

She's texting me again. Been friends for about eight years. We've always known that I have feelings for her. She has a boyfriend. It's not right. Infatuation since high school has turned into obsession.

I told her how I felt when I was diagnosed with MS in October 2015. This was when I decided to stop talking to her cold turkey.

I still think about her every day. I have plenty of things to do to occupy myself. I can't bring it to myself to block her number because I still care about her.

hmm...
my way of life is alright. decent job, great friends, i socialize, shower (apparently that's important to list on this site), have a gf, pay taxes, even attend college. i feel pretty normal tbqh.

Many things are natural, does not mean they're something you should ignore. Something is clearly up the question is how you want to try and address it.

What are your existential crises about?

That hurts to hear all that. That must have been really hard for you to try and get through all that with nobody even there you could share that weight with.

I don't think there's much I can say, I'd just like to ask what you're doing now?

Well one thing I will say. If your one real friend is feeling anything like the way you feel. He's probably hiding the misery and afraid it's going to lose him what he has left too. Wouldn't hurt if he knew someone else felt the same way don't you think?

It's up to you if you want to pursue this but man.... you're telling me this girl is in a relationship and after some new guy. Are you sure you want to be with this ho?

Sorry I'm slow, in the head.

What was your previous experience with therapists like?

What would you want to do with this girl if she wasn't in a relationship?

Sounds like you're pretty content with how you live your life. Do you feel any need to change or do things differently?

think he knows. have mentioned it but not in detail and it didn't seem to help any for either of us. scared of getting old with this life pattern.

should add that i've got a couple more friends, i'm just not as close to any of them as i used to be

If you don't mind me asking, what do you wish you'd done? It sounds like you have a lot of regret. Is there something you wish you could have done differently in your life?

What's the pattern you are afraid of continuing with?

Its... I dunno.

I dontreally know her. Ive talked with her a lot and learned so very little even though she knows so much about me. Shes a party girl and im not a party guy.

I just dont know. I want to get over her and sine days i kind of do. But then the next mor ing i see her all tje feels come right back.

Id call her the girl of my dreams but the few times she was in my dreams, they were bad ones.

get better at school? and move out of the place i'm currently at, it's nice, but not where i wanna be. other than that not really, is there another thing i could possibly ask?
i'm worried that i'm becoming asexual, like... i dont have any problems getting it up, but i'm having a hard time getting in the mood.
gf is a nympho and that's a big issue since she consistantly wants to have sex and my thoughts are that there are better things to do... like anything else

Right now I'm trying to move of this town I've been living in since the incident(s). I want to tell stories...that all I want. But now my forster parents and people at work are trying to blame into a relationship (we won't stop loving you until you get a girlfriend) shit like that. Not to mention I can't really love anyone anyway cause I'm broken! Now I make others suffer cause I'm a piece of shit! Yay! :D

i've been depressed for the last 9 years, severely depressed for the last 5, and my family doesn't even know. i have 2 brothers and they call me "the happy and smiley one". i'd never suicide, but i wish i would die almost every single day, many times throughout the day: hit by drunk driver while running, freak poisoning by something i eat, literally anything. it's been going on so long i was surprised to hear my friend tell me this isn't normal. oh yeah, this friend is the only real one i've got but she's dating my ass hole ex-best friend of 7 years and i try so hard not to but i can't help but love her. my life is utterly pathetic. i have the world at my fingertips but i'm terrified to leave my house. i went with her to a work party (she does makeup stuff, i went as model) and i spent the entire night screaming internally while following her around. of course, i had that beautiful smile plastered on my face everyone always compliments. most people who meet me like me, but i fucking hate myself. my brother recovered from being padded cell psycho and is nearly done with law school. he's going to be a fucking family lawyer. meanwhile, i've spent 3 years to achieve a freshman status at community college. I have a 3.8 but after failing out of school once before I feel nothing is good enough. fuck man i'm rambling i don't even know what to say

i wish i wasn't so weird when i was a kid, i wish i'd taken better care of myself when i was younger, i wish i'd spent more time with people that have died, i wish i'd been less closed up with people i've grown away from, i wish i wish i wish..lots of regrets but nothing i can do now.

the pattern is me becoming hopeful that things will get better then they turn out worse than i predicted after i get comfortable

699398727
I have been ignored! Guess sleep then.

i want to die

It sounds like the cure to this one way or another will be to learn more about her. As long as this girl exists as a mystery to you you can spend all day filling in those blank spaces with all sorts of fantasy, wonder and fear. Would it be feasible for you to ask or learn more about her as a person?

Man you're worried about a lot of things just not your autism like at all. I take it back your therapist is a dummy. So my first question here is do you like you girlfriend at all? Sex is pretty great but is it say, at all engaging to talk with her?

i don't want you to die

thank you

I love her to death
and i enjoy having it, just i feel like other things can be done instead, like anything at all
our communication is garbage

I like stories. First thing I did when I came here was tell little stories about monsters and made up gods. I wrote some down too and was a pretty decent DM for a while. Stories have power in them, read something like slaughterhouse 5 and you'll feel it.

I think you should start telling stories.

I dont think she trusts me enough to open up to me.

She turns down or outright ignores any personal question i ask and my dumb ass answers almost all of hers unwaveringly.

Truth be told, it feels like shes constantly lying or tryimg to hide something. Conversations tend to go her way. And i can see when she directs them where she wants.

She knows how to talk about herself without really talking about herself

Point is is that shes private and most likely doesnt trust me.

It's a lot harder these days than in the past. She now lives on the other side of the country.
I used to live with her and her boyfriend. It was her idea that I move in with them.

But ideally speaking I've mostly been obessed over the idea that she might come home some day. There was once a time when she wanted to come home to ME. I didn't take advantage of her in this regard because her grandfather was in the hospital and she was drunk when she called me that night. But fuck man. I'd give anything for her to have been serious about coming home that night.

Ran I want to kill all the jews but I'm really hesitant and don't know how to ;_; halp pls ;_;.

Sounds like you're trying very hard to keep up a mask that you've grown to hate. Do you think you'd be able to take it off?

There's everything you can do now. Relationships, openess, closeness, things left unsaid to people you care for, even taking care of your body. These are all things that are built over time. I know what you're feeling user. Every time you think about starting you're hit by how much you've failed and how different things could have been if you'd started years ago. The difference between what is and what could have been seems so big that the little things you could accomplish by working now seem insignificant.

And you know the fucked up thing? Maybe they are, maybe you've lost more than you'll ever be able to gain again. But it's gone now, it's done, lost to time. You can hate yourself for failing to be what you imagined you could be forever but I think you should forgive yourself user. You know a lot of things now you never did before, it wasn't so easy for you to learn them either. Be kind to yourself too.

And that's ok too. But do you mind if I ask why?

That could maybe use some work. What kinds of things don't work when you try to talk to her about them?

Might also be a manipulative ho. If she does not trust you, does not tell you anything about herself really I gotta ask what do you think she's getting out of this relationship with you?

typically when either of us has an issue, we bring it up but neither of us truly does anything to fix it
it's pretty both way

i'm trying to work on the things that i can change, but that pattern i mentioned. things repeatedly going bad whether they're big or small just gets old. and me knowing this just makes me an unpleasant person i think. trying to work on that too but seeing the world like this is.... weird

i honestly don't know. it hurts so much, but i've grown to like the pain because everything that ever made me happy gets taken from me and/or proven false.

It's maybe worth pointing out that 'take advantage of' is not the most accurate description. If she has some drinks, calls you and wants to come over and fuck you when her grandfather is in the hospital. That's her decision. Women are as capable of following their own impulses when they're drunk as men are.

That's a helluva thing to have to think back on when talking to her though. Here's the point where she could have been in my arms you're thinking while she talks about her new crush.

You just pull off those little hats they wear, and then spill their water, they shrivel up after like raisins.

Could you give me an example?

When their is a disparity between what you expect of yourself and what you see yourself as actually being. It's frustrating, it hurts and makes you bitter. Yes things have gone bad for you user but I think you see it as being so bad because you hold yourself to a very high standard of what you should be able to accomplish.

Do you mind if I ask what was taken from you user?

How about buying a jerry can full of gasoline and setting yourself on fire, Avatarfag?

Sure, it hurts a bit, but its over moderately quick and very easy to do. And its a strong statement that will attract lots of Attention for you!

Win/Win if you ask me.

Don't you mean petrol or have you not entirely decided which accent you're going to try and flame me in?

Actually, there was a guy before that sje treated similarly. She would always want to be with him, laugh with him and get super close and cutesy with him.

Then it stopped. Then I guess i was the next one. And now it stopped. Now sjes doing that with this new guy.

Sometimes i hope that shell do the same to him. That once he also lets his walls down and she knows fully that he likes her, shell move on from him as well.

Thing is, i think she might actually like this one. It hurts to think that I may have had a chance and I blew it again.

I cant even talk to other women because i feel like it might drive her further away.

"Petrol" redirects here. For other uses, see Petrol (disambiguation).

This is not my first language and I am not british.
I have no dialect, other then "vaguely foreigner-ish" if you ask most english speaking people I talk to.
But, if you insist: "Oy mate, why not get a can of petrol and light a fag, you fag".

Better?

what i expect of myself is to be a nearly normally functioning human being that has something to be secure in. what i actually am is somebody trying hard to not break what little is left while trying to build more. that's pretty dramatic but who cares this is Sup Forums and i need to talk

"i want you to stop talking to this person because i have a bad feeling about this person"
>okay
>continues to do hang out because reasons
or
>i actually don't like you doing this one thing, it actually makes me feel uncomfortable
"okay, but it's something i've been doing since i was like 3, so imma still do it"

both parties kinda just shrug and move on, but we still don't like that the other still does it

Same here tbqh

I feel like im maybe over thibking things and being overly dramatic, but damn it feels that way.

Sometimes i wonder if real world experiences would help put things into perspective

its hard to explain, there is no specific answer to that, and there is no way to generalize it without it sounding like existential whining. i'm going to seek professional help tomorrow i just kinda wanted to get some stuff out there cuz i had a really heartbreaking day today. maybe it was just another day, but i thought today would be different.

I felt that way about someone once and it turned out they were a guy, I wish I was kidding. Same kind of thing, I was the guy they were always real close and laughing with but at the same time conversations always went their way, they never really said anything about themselves and if I pressed I was being a dick for violating their privacy, so I learned never to press. Turns out I wasn't special either, there had been someone like me before and there was another one after. My situation was probably much stupider because it was actually an emotionally manipulative tranny instead of a pretty girl. But it makes a funny story.

Point is what you're describing as your relationship with this girl sounds like you're her safe emotional support that she keeps around by flirting while she hos around.

I'm going in to talk to my doctor about electroconvulsive therapy Wednesday. Should I do it?

that's the thing, my "real world" experiences are pointing me in this direction. that life is just going to stay this way. what makes you feel that way?

there may be coming cataclysms which destroy most of the surface earth life. the elites have prepared underground bases by stockpiling things like electronics and seeds. should i try to join them or accept my fate as a non-chosen one?

Well for future reference unless you're british we just call those cans you put gas in "gas cans". Now that you've asked me properly I will consider filling up a gas can, dousing myself in it and lighting up when the time comes.

There's no such thing as a normally functioning human being, we're all just desperately pretending to be one so everything does not fall apart. Nothing wrong with the drama. I'm just curious what it is you're so afraid of breaking?

Well in both those examples there's an attempt to control the other person. "Don't do this because I don't like it." Either of you should refuse that kind of control... a relationship does not mean the other person is your slave. There should be a degree of mutual respect and autonomy, that's good.

I think you're just clueless.

those were just things i could think of, there are other things typically minor i'll admit, but usually nothing gets done is the point

afraid of breaking the small social/family circle i have left. most of it is meaningless but it's still something.

Just seeing Ran is already enough to clear my sadness

Yes, sometimes your brain runs low on neurotransmitters. This is why antidepressants work, they add more available neurotransmitters to your brain. Neurotransmitters cause the release of electrical impulses. When drugs just aren't strong enough to get enough neurotransmitters in your brain you can just skip straight to the electrical impulses and put more electricity in your brain.

Do you have to go underground now or can you party until the day of and then head underground?

I can see that. I think she gets flirty to get the other guy jealous, too.

I just dontwantto comeoff as an asshole ignoring her when she comes up to me based on some assumptioms i have.

But damned if she doesnt make me feel good when she does her thing. I hate it.

Dont feel too bad about the tranny bit. Some would and have said tha this ome is just a used up hussie looking for the first dumbass willing to be her sugar daddy.

I have hopes that one day shell come to me and stay with me, but then, how many guys have wished for the same?

I know i need to let it go and move on, but it is much more difficult than i thought it would be

Thanks dude. One less Avatarfag will make me very happy.
Aside from that, a Jerry Can is a gas ca but not all gas cans are Jerry Cans.

Ah and webcam the whole thing, if you can. That would be awesome, dude!

Well I have a question here. Who was the one who wanted the other person to stop doing those things? You or your girlfriend? From what you've said so far it sounds like the issue isn't communication. It's control.

This is a very common fear. Not entirely ungrounded either, many peoples family or friends bolt at the first sign of something real. What do you think yours would do?

Dubs confirm ran is best fluffy-tailed touhou.

Still making threads like these? Been like a year since I've seen your around here, good to see a familiar poster. How've you been holding up this year so far?

dubs called it. going in for ECT

one her, the other me

seems like most of them already have a pretty low opinion of me. almost certain most would either hate or become totally indifferent(some would "bolt" as you put it) to me if i hid less

I feel that its me. Imstuck. Orkeep fallingback.

There are long periods of time where i feel like im worthless, to say the least, and then there are days wjere i feel so happy.

Those happy days can be from juat taljing to someone new. Sonething so simple. In those moments, i feel complete and confident and good.

They quickly go away though. I want to feel like that all the time but i usually feel broken.

Long story short, I had a shitty experience with someone I fell in love with who I had lead me on and treated me like trash. A friend had given some advice and told me I keep falling in love with people who treat me like shit because I hate myself and think I don't deserve better. And they were right I guess. I don't think very fondly of myself and don't really know how to or if I could.

I guess what I'm asking is, how do I begin to feel better about myself and love myself for who I am?

The tranny part isn't even what bothers me, it was how obvious it all was and how easily and eagerly I fell into it. Somebody treated me like I was special, like I was important to them and I would have given them the world. Hell I'd still give them at least the moon if we could tell stupid jokes together again.

What ended up happening for me was I drew a line and said that I cared a lot about them but I couldn't keep going with the doubt. There were a few things they needed to tell me or I couldn't do any sort of relationship with them anymore. In the end they didn't tell me shit but it cleared my doubts because I knew where I stood and what would have been possible.

yeah that sounds almost the same as me. nobody is happy all the time though(even if they seem like it... like OP said)

What does this mean pedophile fox?

I do what OP does on Craigslist. Makes for some interesting times. I even skype sometimes if I feel brave enough.

It feels kinda nice to help people.

Oh user, you always teach me new things.

Been a long year, I got a real job and haven't had so much time for these threads. I kind of miss doing them though. How've you been user?

You two need to stop trying to control eachother and actually talk. Neither of you owns the other, you can tell each other your feelings but that does not mean they have to do anything about them.

Is it worth it to you to test it? Would you like to see what happens if you crack the mask a bit or would you like to know how to keep masked but maybe with less pain and turmoil?

Well there are two questions there that are often confused. One is how you feel about yourself, the other is what you think you're worth to other people. I know some fat bastards who love themselves just fine and are in terrible relationships because they have a depressingly realistic view of how much they are attractive to others.

My question for you is, do you love yourself? and what do you think you're worth to others?

Jesus fuck,man. Exactly all that shit. I know and everyone knows that i am too eager tk please her. What i wouldnt give if we could just laugh and giggle together again. For her to come up to me just because for once.

Whatever chance i may have had with her was way past gone, i feel. I told her how i felt and she was surprised. She reminded me of her relarionship. Sje didnt seem to mind beinging up her new crush the day after, though.

How did it end with you two? How do you feel about it? Are you honestly over it?

What does make you happy? What are thw moments that make you feel elated and complete?

If you want me to apologize for what I am, I ain't gonna. The more important question here is why that measure is in 4/4 time and only has 3 notes in it. What the fuck.

You are always welcome to join the storied tradition of pretend therapists who shitpost on /b with touhou pictures. It's fun.